The Necessary Aloha Post

I'm back from Hawaii. I landed at 2 something this afternoon. That's 8 AM something in Hawaii. That's 11 AM something in San Francisco. That's one screwed up gal.

I was certain I was going to die on the plane before we left. I almost did. From starvation. That's a whole other story. More to come in the Super Fantastic Adventures of Phyllis and Gertrude. That's another story in and of itself. However, I was anxious about the plane and I don't know why, hence all the loose ends needing to be tied up.

Still, I'm alive. So is the guy who got half sucked out of a plane window. We are both happy to be home.

Stories, of course, will follow.

Balls

I don't care who agrees with what I did. I did it and I feel better about it. I called Wedding Guy and left him a message. I said: Hey Wedding Guy, it's Christina. I wanted to say a quick hello and goodbye because my semester is over and I'm leaving for Hawaii tomorrow. So while you're working in the heat, I'll be on a beach. Also, I thought it was weird how we were talking everyday and now that suddenly stopped. If you didn't want to hang out anymore, that's fine, but I would have appreciated your telling me. If that's not the case, you have my number. If it is, then I wish you all the best, have a great time in Italy, and take care.

I was shaking, sure, but I said what I had to say. Loose end tied up.

To tie up yet another loose end, I finally contacted The Cop and apologized for not getting back to him sooner. I thanked him for taking me out. I pointed out that we had very little in common so things obviously weren't working out, but he's a good guy and I wish him well. Loose end tied up.

My phone died.

I taught yoga.

I took a shower.

I turned on my phone. I had a voicemail and a text message. I convinced myself that the voicemail was from a friend. I listened and heard Wedding Guy on the message. He said that he wasn't avoiding me and he had left his phone on the boat and got it back Monday night. He completely forgot I was going to Hawaii. He said that I should call him even though he's at a business dinner--work has been beyond hectic because the huge case is still going on and it's getting huger-- and that if I don't, he will call me if it's not too late. If he doesn't get to me, he wishes me a great time and wants to get together when I get back.

The text was from Tarzan: Come c me.

I texted him back that I'm going to Hawaii tomorrow and that maybe we'll hook up when I get back in a week.

He texted back: K.

I texted: You're a man of many words.

He texted back: OK.

I'm not making this up.

As for Wedding Guy, part of me is still raging. Why did it take my phone call to have him call me? Or was he going to call anyway?

Part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. A second chance. Not to write him off so soon because I know that the case he's been working on has been keeping him so busy and I know he was on the boat for the weekend.

Maybe I can compromise with myself. Hang out when I get back, but insist on going out. Not going back to his house. Laying it all out on the table how even though I don't want a committed relationship, I do want a little courtesy.

Or maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I like him too much and nothing good can come out of anything further. I mean, we hung out and talked for only two weeks and look at how very bitter I became after not hearing from him for five days. Still, daily communication cut off suddenly is strange and gets you wondering.

Anyhow, I still feel that one loose end has been tied up. The bitterness, the rage, the flames, the breathless breaths--all that has subsided. I said what I needed to say. I gave him an opening. He took it. I can't ask for more right now. I'll probably see him if I can when I get back. However, I'm not taking down my previous posts of rage just yet.

Hang loose. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't fall into a volcano. And keep your toes crossed that I meet a hot surfer.

Maxin and Relaxin

After walking to CVS and back and then walking to the post office and bank and back, I began to feel calmer. Perhaps from exhaustion or from endorphins. Then I finished laundry and packed. While packing, I talked to my brother. Then I talked to BHNP. Yes, folks, I talked to The Lead Singer. We hadn't spoken since before the last payment he sent me to repay the loan. In figuring that part of my travel anxiety was that I had so many loose ends, I figured that he, too, was a loose end. Now that I'm no longer angry at him or the situation, I left him a message to call me back if he wanted. He did. We talked. He said he harbored no ill will towards me and knew that it was an unfortunate situation he got himself into. I also found out that he's lost a bunch of weight and has a gig the day after I get back. I'm not going to make it to that gig most likely but I told him to keep me posted. After all, the music is what started this whole thing. It's also, ironically, what ended it (the money he borrowed was for studio time). Still, I feel a lot better. Loose end has been tied.

Freaking. The Fuck. Out.

I have an older post entitled Freaking. Out. This situation is obviously more stressful than that one. This one involves me going to Hawaii tomorrow. I don't know why I'm so anxious. It's not the plane ride. It's not the travel time. It's not the distance. It's that I feel like I'm leaving in the middle of things that are not yet settled. I feel like I have so many things to do at home and there's no possible way I can do them if I'm away.

The reality, though, is that I'm done with work and I have no obligations until July 9th, three days after I get back. Technically, I have tickets to see Spelling Bee on the 8th, but I would eat the ticket if I couldn't go. That's not a big deal. I'm not worried about making it to adult ed on the 9th either--that's cake.

Never have I been so freaked to go on a trip. Why now? The first huge trip I took like this with Grotter was to a foreign country where we didn't know the language and a war had just begun. Was I nervous then? Nope. I up and went. When we landed, we got our stuff, got on a train, and hoped it would take us to our hotel. It did. Now that we're going to a state of the United States where the language is the same, we don't have to go through customs, and we have round trip airport transportation, I'm flipping.

Even though it shouldn't, I think some of it has to do with Wedding Guy. Arg! How it ended with vanishing. Some of it has to do with the fun I've been having, going out, partying and how I'm leaving that behind. Still, I plan to do some of that and a whole lot more on my trip. The rest of it I think has to do with the fact that the semester ended yesterday for me and I've had no downtime to think about the trip. I was grading and filing and packing up my cube. Now that the trip is here, it feels like it crept up on me.

I'm pretty sure I'll be all right once my ass is on the plane tomorrow morning. Until then, I'm all knotted up.

Quitcher Bitchin? Not Just Yet

The reason I'm harping on Wedding Guy so much is that he's the first guy in a very long time who I actually liked. Someone who I saw as real potential to stick around and hang out with and have a good time. A genuinely good time where I didn't have to take the reins. Obviously, I was wrong.

You've all made me start to feel better about the whole dating thing in general whether it's through empathy or sympathy or plain logic. In addition to the rare yet genius comment from Minnesota in the last post, which really made me feel better so thanks, I got an email from The Adverb. And I hope she doesn't mind my quoting her--this is what she said: I've so enjoyed reading about Wedding Guy. I imagine the looks of the guys you've dated and they all have a distinct look in my mind's eye, much like the flip-up tabs of Guess Who? the game. Speaks to your clever writing, for sure.

You know what? She's exactly right. My dating life is much like the game of Guess Who? Not only in the looks department, but in the whole trying-to-figure-someone-out kind of way as well.

I'm still gonna bitch about Wedding Guy a bit longer. However, I do have some news on the flip side. KarateHottie called me last night. Okay, I have to preface that with the fact that I texted him in the afternoon with, Stop studying and go outside. He texted me back about twenty minutes later with, Are you watching me or something? I'm getting back from a run outside. That was it but then he called at 11:30 and then felt badly that he woke me up but I didn't care. I didn't have to get up early today. I was exhausted and that's why I was in bed. But being woken up by my phone is one thing I truly enjoy. I've always enjoyed the late night phone call, drunk dialed or sober. So I talked to KarateHottie about nothing and everything and he wished me a good time on my trip. I told him I'd call him when I get back and he said that he looks forward to it. He told me to take a lot of pictures. That tells me that he wants to see the pictures. So he wants to hang out. That's my deduction anyway. I could be wrong. Usually with boys, I am.

It Flames FLAMES On The Sides Of My Face Breathing Heaving BREATHLESS Breaths

I do not like Wedding Guy. He is a little troll with a monk's tonsure bald spot and back hair. Can you tell I haven't heard from him since Thursday? I texted him over the weekend--something like hope you're having a good night or weekend or something to that effect. It didn't necessitate a response really. I mean, he COULD have responded but it didn't need one.

The thing with this is that I was perfectly fine with this being a wedding hookup and never speaking to him again. He said no. I told him that all he had to say was that he wanted to be just hookup pals afterwards. He said no. He said that he liked spending time with me. He said a lot of things actually. He wanted to take me out to dinner. He wanted me to go to his parents' house in Amagansett.

The other thing is that he was the one who was calling and/or texting me every single day since the wedding. Twice on the day after the wedding and then every day from then on. I didn't expect it. It was a pleasant surprise. I was skeptical. No one else was. I then started to like him a lot.

Now? Nothing. Yes there's a slight chance that he'll still call. However, he's the one who set the precedent of talking all the time. Now it's gone completely. Yeah, thanks a lot you short little man. Oh the rage the rage.

The last time I was going to write something like this, it was going to be about Tarzan. He wound up calling before I got around to writing. Then the whole Chinaman thing happened but that was after the fact. Right now I feel like there's no call on the way. There's no more hanging out. So I'm completely justified in my bitterness.

Public House Blur

I want to work for Newsday full time as a bar reviewer. Not a club reviewer, mind you, but a bar reviewer. Because the bars I've been to have been fun. Take Public House. So easy to get to in midtown. So empty when we arrived. So full of men when we left. Unfortunately, none of us hooked up with any of those men, but still there was potential. Also, there was open bar for an hour and me nor Grotter nor KDP had access to it. Meanwhile, Joe Mayo, Karate Hottie, and Evite Guy did. The drinks we bought were delish.

I had two Patron Cherry Margaritas which send me reeling into a storytelling fool, rehashing the bicycle bike tale for Karate Hottie (I think--it might have been for one of the other guys) and about Vibrator.com and the difference between anal beads and anal eze (completely different products mind you). I've gotta say that Evite Guy looked great. I couldn't get over the shirt he was wearing; I must have told him fifty times that I loved it. Joe Mayo brought a stupid backpack full of books which made me want to sing the Stroke 9 song, Little Black Backpack, which only Evite Guy had heard of. More points for Evite Guy.

Joe Mayo left first. We followed only a short while later because we were done drinking (I had a 30 dollar limit because that's my reimbursement and I think I still owe some people some money--you'll have to let me know, gals). Evite Guy got on a bus. I have an aversion to busses but he's a city boy and knows about busses so good for him. Then when I was saying goodbye to Karate Hottie he asked if I would walk to 23rd instead of to Penn. Really? He was inviting me back to his place? I didn't get that vibe all night. Really? So I decided why not? We said goodbye to Grotter and KDP and caught a cab to his place.

I met his roommate who is hella cool (yes, I used hella--get over it). We watched The Cosby Show. We talked about Freaks and Geeks and how I need to watch the entire season because I saw only two episodes. We talked about his studying for the bar and I made fun of his flashcards. Then we macked it. And when we were done mackin it, he asked me to stay over. Then he tried to find a spare toothbrush but couldn't so offered me the first swig from a brand new bottle of Listerine. He also gave me pants and a t-shirt to wear to bed because he thought my jeans would be too uncomfortable. And he's a cuddler. I guess he likes a lot of human touch. The view from his room of the city? Gorgeous. Waking up to it this morning? Still gorgeous. He walked me a few blocks to the subway and we said goodbye.

What really got me was when he asked when I was leaving for my Hawaii trip. That took me aback. I guess because I didn't realize he would want to make sure he spoke to me before then. Unlike Wedding Guy whom I haven't heard from and doesn't seem to care that I'm going away soon even though he insists he wants to hang out and keeps saying that he can't wait until his current case thingie is over with so he can have more social time. Which I believe kind of. Even now, I wonder, why am I thinking about Wedding Guy when I had a perfectly and semi-surprisingly good time with Karate Hottie. Then again, I know that Karate Hottie is not going to turn into anything more than maybe dating if that's what we're doing. As soon as he takes the bar, he's going to Taiwan or somewhere in that region. Then when he passes, he's taking a job in Jersey. So that's not in the cards for the future. Still, I'm enjoying the now. Last summer, I didn't know we had much in common. Now I know we do. That suits me fine for now.

Eliminate The Idiots, Save The World

I'm at the supermarket and I have two items. The cashier puts them in a plastic bag while I'm getting my money out. As I hand over the money, I politely ask, Can you put those in a paper bag instead please? She takes the plastic bag and puts the whole thing into a paper bag. Sigh.

Then There's That Good Kind Of Violation

Oh Wedding Guy. How I love it when we talk on the phone and stop talking because we're laughing so hard. How I love coming over and mackin it. How I love a good cup of coffee in the morning. How I love the laughs that keep coming over and over.

How I hated it when I arrived last night and then called and you didn't answer and I left a message saying I was outside and you didn't answer the door still and I left another message telling you off and then realized that the door was unlocked and then let myself in to find you asleep.

How I love that you finally woke up and we talked and laughed and macked it more.

Oh Wedding Guy. How I love spending time with someone who gets me without having the crippling feeling of commitment creeping in. How I love to date around but still have you as my number one and how I love to tell myself that it's the same for you (and I really think it is).

Oh Wedding Guy. How I'll be completely crushed if this goes downhill. How I'll miss you when I won't see you and oh how I hope that you'll still want to hang out when I get back. How I hope we'll eventually make it out to dinner or coffee or a drink.

How I hate taking a shower when I get home because then I can't smell you anymore. And dang you smell so good.

Oh Wedding Guy. How I hope you never find this and read this. Because even though I'm talking directly to you, I'm saying it all here so I don't have to say it to your face.

The Wrong Call

Haven't heard from Wedding Guy since our fun texting days ago. Sigh.

However.

Cop called this afternoon. I was too busy tanning and didn't pick up. He left a message saying that he wanted to see how I was feeling and that the pizza was really bad. What the? If you're so concerned about how I am, shouldn't you call the next day and not two days later? If I was still feeling sick from the pizza by now, I would think it's something more serious like food poisoning, and he would have it too. Also, he sounded incredibly gloomy. Lots of gloom. Like today is the saddest day of his life, all because of the pizza. Now when I talk to him to tell him that it's not going to work out, I betcha anything he thinks it's because of the pizza. I might let him think that. I don't think I could ever bring myself to tell him it's because of his odd behavior of "will you dance for me" and "do you want me to give you a foot massage?" and the uncle tapping on my thigh and the lack of kissing skills (shudderrrrrr) and overall oddness. Perhaps I'll go with my first plan and tell him that we have nothing in common and leave it at that. In which case, he'll still blame it all on the pizza.

Why hasn't Wedding Guy called?

Last night Karate Hottie called and mock-scolded me for not calling him. I was supposed to call some time this week. I pointed out that this week is not over yet. True, but I probably should have called Monday. We had a conversation. A good conversation. We have things in common. I never thought of him as anything other than a random hookup and someone in the city to hang out with. Should I think more of him now? I mean, he owns Freaks and Geeks on DVD. That's huge brownie points. He read my Impulse Reviews and said, Yup that's totally you, while laughing through them. More points in Karate's corner.

Maybe a live Karate Hottie IS better than a dead Mister Miagi.

Oh, and can someone please tell me why I haven't heard from Wedding Guy?

Pregnancy's Never Been So Funny

Knocked Up is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. I don't laugh out loud at many movies. This one? I did. A lot. Fred, on her second time seeing it, laughed out loud as well (AND she brought in some animal crackers that made me very happy). I've slowly started to become a writing snob and the writing here was phenomenal. That's the first thing I said about it. So well written. Coming from a snob, that means a lot. Plus, it didn't worsen my pregnancy paranoia as I thought it would have. I went into the movie thinking, Man now that I see this I'm gonna get pregnant. But I left the theater as unpregnant as can be.

One Reason I Like Wedding Guy

A text conversation at 2 PM yesterday:

Me: Wow, tanning is really hard work.

WG: Bitch.

Me: Enjoy the rest of your day =)

WG: Sure, thanks for rubbing it in ;)

Me: Interesting choice of words. Talk soon.

WG: I'm so glad you got that.

Me: Honey, it would be sad if I didn't.

WG: Agreed.

The humor thing, more than anything, is important. Very rarely can I find someone who gets it, and who can give it in the same way, and who can also make out with me real good. Sigh. When I start to have flashbacks to the Cop Catastrophe (which have been occuring every few minutes thanks a lot), I think of this text.