Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Getting out there!
Last Friday I attended the delicious Becky Yamamoto's 30th birthday at her abode in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. After picking-up a bikini top at American Apparel, I scooted on over with a bottle of white from Trader Joe's. Once inside, magic happened. I know this is totes hard to believe but once upon a pretty this one here (me pointing at me) was outta a job. During said time I hung out on Becky's couch while her fab roomie, Tom Witte took to the streets- helping me design my portfolio.
Now doll, I swear to jezzy and goddie that I will stop boring you with details but I thought a little back-story would only help set the scene.
Again the party was a smashing success where Becky got drunk and a male stripper showed-up (NOTE BENE BABE: He was a comedic male stripper that looked like Pee-wee Herman not the euro trash you see at Chip n Dales).
So blah, blah, blah. At around 2 AM I noticed that hardly any familiar faces were left and agreed to share a cab back with a Union Electrician named "Karl."
Now I'm no screenwriter but if Jeffrey Katzenberg came at me with a knife and was all "Lianne, I want your story" I'd hand him this:
SCENE OPENS IN A TAXI HEADED BACK TO NYC
Electrician: I'm going to have to get out at your house because I don't have any money.
Sweet Li: I have money.
Electrician: Do you want to see my dick?
SweetLi: Nope.
(Electrician whips out package which by the way was huge)
Sweetli: Wow, that's huge. Now put it away.
Electrician: I want to f*ck you so bad.
SweetLi: That's nice.
CAB STOPS IN FRONT OF EAST VILLAGE APT. SWEET LI SLAPS PERV WITH A TENNER.
Electrician: Are you sure?
SweetLi: Yes, you don't want to be doing this guys dishes do you?
SWEET LI SLAMS THE DOOR AND WALKS UP EACH STEP OF HER FOURTH FLOOR WALK-UP ALONE.
CUT TO TWO DAYS LATER. HER PHONE RINGS FROM AN UNKNOWN NUMBER IN THE "718." SHE WISELY LETS IT GO TO VOICEMAIL.
VM: Hi Lianne, it's "Karl" I'm sorry I was so forward with you the other night. I feel really bad about that.
--------------
I don't know about you boys, but I'd file this under "Romantic Comedy.
Now doll, I swear to jezzy and goddie that I will stop boring you with details but I thought a little back-story would only help set the scene.
Again the party was a smashing success where Becky got drunk and a male stripper showed-up (NOTE BENE BABE: He was a comedic male stripper that looked like Pee-wee Herman not the euro trash you see at Chip n Dales).
So blah, blah, blah. At around 2 AM I noticed that hardly any familiar faces were left and agreed to share a cab back with a Union Electrician named "Karl."
Now I'm no screenwriter but if Jeffrey Katzenberg came at me with a knife and was all "Lianne, I want your story" I'd hand him this:
SCENE OPENS IN A TAXI HEADED BACK TO NYC
Electrician: I'm going to have to get out at your house because I don't have any money.
Sweet Li: I have money.
Electrician: Do you want to see my dick?
SweetLi: Nope.
(Electrician whips out package which by the way was huge)
Sweetli: Wow, that's huge. Now put it away.
Electrician: I want to f*ck you so bad.
SweetLi: That's nice.
CAB STOPS IN FRONT OF EAST VILLAGE APT. SWEET LI SLAPS PERV WITH A TENNER.
Electrician: Are you sure?
SweetLi: Yes, you don't want to be doing this guys dishes do you?
SWEET LI SLAMS THE DOOR AND WALKS UP EACH STEP OF HER FOURTH FLOOR WALK-UP ALONE.
CUT TO TWO DAYS LATER. HER PHONE RINGS FROM AN UNKNOWN NUMBER IN THE "718." SHE WISELY LETS IT GO TO VOICEMAIL.
VM: Hi Lianne, it's "Karl" I'm sorry I was so forward with you the other night. I feel really bad about that.
--------------
I don't know about you boys, but I'd file this under "Romantic Comedy.
Handsome Hanson!
Hey guys and dolls! Sorry I've been so flagrant. I've been busy gaining weight and wandering around aimlessly and have not had a nano-second to blog. So without further adieu, I have some news of epic proportions. XYZ ad agency, my place of re-employ decided to give me my birthday, half-birthday and Christmas gift early! They invited Hanson to come and play in our conference room.
I first spotted the poster "advertising" (no pun intended babe..) Hanson's upcoming appearance and thought to myself, "This is fucking great. You can't make this shit up." I was all "Fucking Hanson? Fucking MMM-Bop? NOOOOOO! S-t-o-p it."
That Friday, I whipped out my new slim, black digital clicker and was off to the races. I swear to the god's god I was the first one in line. I was also the first one to grab a Stella and ask the receptionist if I could borrow her staple remover so I could open it.
Gurlfried! You know me, I'm such a bitch right? I'm the first one to giggle when you've got toilet paper stuck to your shoe. I roll my eyes at people that wear generic brand jeans. I'm a total witch. Which is why I was prepared to have a little fun at Hanson's expense. But as I saw these three tow-headed boys play real instruments and sing live, I found that I couldn't hurl a single insult. They were actually a pleasure to watch. I mean does Gwen Stafani* play the guitar? I don't think so. But one of these cats does. Now I'm not saying that I'm renting an RV and following them on tour... I'm just sayin' these boys may just have a little somethin' somethang!
*LOVE YA GWEN!
CHECK OUT HIS ORGASAM FACE! THIS IS THE SPLIT SECOND THEY WON ME OVER.
LOOK AT THESE CROWDS: IT'S THE BEATLES ALL OVER AGAIN.
FYI: I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THESE CHICKS ARE. BUT WE WERE BONDED BY HANSON.
I JUST WROTE HANSON'S TAGLINE.. "HANSON IS AGELESS" HOT RIGHT?
KIM DOESN'T EVEN WORK AT XYZ! AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN ''DO'' DUDES BUT SHE JUST HAD TO GET HER HANSON ON. P.S. KIM IS MY FAVORITE. TIMES I'VE MADE FUN OF HER? ZERO.
I first spotted the poster "advertising" (no pun intended babe..) Hanson's upcoming appearance and thought to myself, "This is fucking great. You can't make this shit up." I was all "Fucking Hanson? Fucking MMM-Bop? NOOOOOO! S-t-o-p it."
That Friday, I whipped out my new slim, black digital clicker and was off to the races. I swear to the god's god I was the first one in line. I was also the first one to grab a Stella and ask the receptionist if I could borrow her staple remover so I could open it.
Gurlfried! You know me, I'm such a bitch right? I'm the first one to giggle when you've got toilet paper stuck to your shoe. I roll my eyes at people that wear generic brand jeans. I'm a total witch. Which is why I was prepared to have a little fun at Hanson's expense. But as I saw these three tow-headed boys play real instruments and sing live, I found that I couldn't hurl a single insult. They were actually a pleasure to watch. I mean does Gwen Stafani* play the guitar? I don't think so. But one of these cats does. Now I'm not saying that I'm renting an RV and following them on tour... I'm just sayin' these boys may just have a little somethin' somethang!
*LOVE YA GWEN!
CHECK OUT HIS ORGASAM FACE! THIS IS THE SPLIT SECOND THEY WON ME OVER.
LOOK AT THESE CROWDS: IT'S THE BEATLES ALL OVER AGAIN.
FYI: I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THESE CHICKS ARE. BUT WE WERE BONDED BY HANSON.
I JUST WROTE HANSON'S TAGLINE.. "HANSON IS AGELESS" HOT RIGHT?
KIM DOESN'T EVEN WORK AT XYZ! AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN ''DO'' DUDES BUT SHE JUST HAD TO GET HER HANSON ON. P.S. KIM IS MY FAVORITE. TIMES I'VE MADE FUN OF HER? ZERO.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Question
When does a circle become too big to be considered a polka dot?
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Hey! It's been too long. Here's what I've been up to:
From: Lianne Stokes
Date: Tue, 01 May 2007 15:23:26 -0400
To: Lianne Stokes
Conversation: Hi
Subject: Hi
I think you're hot.
Date: Tue, 01 May 2007 15:23:26 -0400
To: Lianne Stokes
Conversation: Hi
Subject: Hi
I think you're hot.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
“Chrissy, didn’t Jack and Janet tell you to never go out before tucking your dick in?!”
When we think of the name Christine…. we think of that super scary car that killed people in Stephen King’s bone-chilling novel. Don’t we? What we don’t think of is: a bald middle-aged man with a protruding pot belly, a nose of mammoth proportions that wears a grey lycra skirt, opaque black knee-highs and orthopedic shoes.
Ooooh! Do. Not. Let. Me. Stop. There! (S)he also had a chestnut brown wig with bangs that hung haphazardly from his head.
I had the extreme pleasure of encountering Miss. Xtine at actress, Desiree Burch’s birthday/show party at Galapagos Art Space on Friday night. This all sounds soooo deliciously pretentious. Don’t it? Yummy.
I was in the bathroom lining my lids with some MAC shadow as I am want to do. (Ahhh… the things I put myself through not to end-up a cat lady) and I heard a voice.
(EXTREME BARATONE) “Hi, I’m Christine.” It said. Then he moved in causing us to engage in a Mexican standoff for the mirror. Christine elbowed me out of the way and was flicking his wig in my face. With one lid lined, I hung tight. I didn’t screech, “Get the FUCK out of the woman’s room!!!!!!!!” Because I thought that he was transgender and I didn’t want to be insensitive. After all I’m a gigantic fag hag and the boys never give me shit in the men’s room at Splash. But I should have. One thing I do know is that a true Mary would never go out in mismatching lycra and knee highs. And, they’d never ever go out without tucking their dicks in.
Yes. Christine had a boner. It was thin and to my estimation about 4.5 inches. Apparently Christine is a shower not a grower.
Back at the party Christine escaped my mind. My gurl Becky Yamamoto and I were dancing like two nerds on acid. As we twirled and whirled, Christine approached, dick fully erect, sticking straight out yearning for attention. Becky saw him coming at us. Her razor sharp reflexes kicked into hyper-drive. She let out a blood-curtailing scream and ran to the stage. I followed her yelling, “Get away!”
We landed safely and soon Becky forgot all about Xtine and started chatting it up with someone about temp agencies. I took this opportunity to circulate and ask the question that I’d thought would be on everyone’s minds. “Dude, did you see the chick with the dick?” To which each person said, “Ha. Yep.”
“HA. YEP?”
“HA FUCKING YEP?????”
Oh I’m sorry…I thought people in Williamsburg were supposed to be judgmental.
A-parentltly not.
I have a theory on Chris. I don’t think it was ‘fo reals. I’m convinced that (s)he was writing an article for Vice. It’s like when Tyra wore the fat suit.
If not… beware, Christine is out there. And, he wants to be your friend. So be kind… but stand your ground. Don’t let him poke you with her pecker.
Ooooh! Do. Not. Let. Me. Stop. There! (S)he also had a chestnut brown wig with bangs that hung haphazardly from his head.
I had the extreme pleasure of encountering Miss. Xtine at actress, Desiree Burch’s birthday/show party at Galapagos Art Space on Friday night. This all sounds soooo deliciously pretentious. Don’t it? Yummy.
I was in the bathroom lining my lids with some MAC shadow as I am want to do. (Ahhh… the things I put myself through not to end-up a cat lady) and I heard a voice.
(EXTREME BARATONE) “Hi, I’m Christine.” It said. Then he moved in causing us to engage in a Mexican standoff for the mirror. Christine elbowed me out of the way and was flicking his wig in my face. With one lid lined, I hung tight. I didn’t screech, “Get the FUCK out of the woman’s room!!!!!!!!” Because I thought that he was transgender and I didn’t want to be insensitive. After all I’m a gigantic fag hag and the boys never give me shit in the men’s room at Splash. But I should have. One thing I do know is that a true Mary would never go out in mismatching lycra and knee highs. And, they’d never ever go out without tucking their dicks in.
Yes. Christine had a boner. It was thin and to my estimation about 4.5 inches. Apparently Christine is a shower not a grower.
Back at the party Christine escaped my mind. My gurl Becky Yamamoto and I were dancing like two nerds on acid. As we twirled and whirled, Christine approached, dick fully erect, sticking straight out yearning for attention. Becky saw him coming at us. Her razor sharp reflexes kicked into hyper-drive. She let out a blood-curtailing scream and ran to the stage. I followed her yelling, “Get away!”
We landed safely and soon Becky forgot all about Xtine and started chatting it up with someone about temp agencies. I took this opportunity to circulate and ask the question that I’d thought would be on everyone’s minds. “Dude, did you see the chick with the dick?” To which each person said, “Ha. Yep.”
“HA. YEP?”
“HA FUCKING YEP?????”
Oh I’m sorry…I thought people in Williamsburg were supposed to be judgmental.
A-parentltly not.
I have a theory on Chris. I don’t think it was ‘fo reals. I’m convinced that (s)he was writing an article for Vice. It’s like when Tyra wore the fat suit.
If not… beware, Christine is out there. And, he wants to be your friend. So be kind… but stand your ground. Don’t let him poke you with her pecker.
Monday, January 29, 2007
What's my weakness? Men!
Dear Penis-havers,
Awhile back (oooohh let's say a month or so ago) I posted about my new booming business, an escort service. I listed some handsome mens, I did. This caused my boy Matt Sears Forever to ask me to branch out and add some ladies into the repertoire. So (ooohhh let's say a month or so later) I've decided to oblige my friend.
Ladies.. can you come on out here?
Meet Sherry!
Being raised in Alabama, Sherry knows that a fine Southern woman keeps her mouth shut. She opens it only for french kisses and the occasional empty, disguarded box of Swanson's frozen dinners. She's an aries, boys which means she's relationship oriented and could use someone to pay off her car. Sounds like heaven in a handbasket!
Meet Patricia:
Most recently I've diversified my client base. I'd had it with catering to Wall Street tycoons. Are you creative? Yes? Well, I searched far and wide and found Patty here lying upon the Gates of Hell (In front of what used to be CBGB's) Patty was yelling, "I ain't going out like that!" Apparently. Advertising Art Directors, listen up! I gave Patty a rorschach test and she said, "I see a man and a woman in the kitchen of a large English tutor located in Amagansett. He's fondeling his diploma from Brown as she's recycling the latest Talbots catalog." I mean.......... usually people just say things like, "I see a butterfly." Call me STAT. She's so going, going, gone.
Here's Abby!
She may of hit menopause in the early 60's but that doesn't mean she's not a fra-eek in bed. Yum! Afterwards she'll tell you about the time she took a job at Desilu productions and let Fred Mertz finger bang her in Lucy's dressing room. She's got more where that came from.. two words: Mick Jagger.
Hi! Her name is Heidi!
I'll keep this brief:
Heidi, Heidi, Heidi, Ho! (HINT, HINT)....invisalign and a waxy-poo and POOF, we've got a princess on our hands.
These ladies will go like hot cakes! Operative word: HOT.
Awhile back (oooohh let's say a month or so ago) I posted about my new booming business, an escort service. I listed some handsome mens, I did. This caused my boy Matt Sears Forever to ask me to branch out and add some ladies into the repertoire. So (ooohhh let's say a month or so later) I've decided to oblige my friend.
Ladies.. can you come on out here?
Meet Sherry!
Being raised in Alabama, Sherry knows that a fine Southern woman keeps her mouth shut. She opens it only for french kisses and the occasional empty, disguarded box of Swanson's frozen dinners. She's an aries, boys which means she's relationship oriented and could use someone to pay off her car. Sounds like heaven in a handbasket!
Meet Patricia:
Most recently I've diversified my client base. I'd had it with catering to Wall Street tycoons. Are you creative? Yes? Well, I searched far and wide and found Patty here lying upon the Gates of Hell (In front of what used to be CBGB's) Patty was yelling, "I ain't going out like that!" Apparently. Advertising Art Directors, listen up! I gave Patty a rorschach test and she said, "I see a man and a woman in the kitchen of a large English tutor located in Amagansett. He's fondeling his diploma from Brown as she's recycling the latest Talbots catalog." I mean.......... usually people just say things like, "I see a butterfly." Call me STAT. She's so going, going, gone.
Here's Abby!
She may of hit menopause in the early 60's but that doesn't mean she's not a fra-eek in bed. Yum! Afterwards she'll tell you about the time she took a job at Desilu productions and let Fred Mertz finger bang her in Lucy's dressing room. She's got more where that came from.. two words: Mick Jagger.
Hi! Her name is Heidi!
I'll keep this brief:
Heidi, Heidi, Heidi, Ho! (HINT, HINT)....
These ladies will go like hot cakes! Operative word: HOT.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Tap! Tap! Tap that keyboard, L STO.
Guess wha guys? Guess wha?
I'm going to be posting like a mad woman this year.
Even when I have nothing to say... I'll just write, "You know you want it"... hold you down on the mattress and read you my boring post.
It wouldn't be me per say that would posting everyday.... because my mood swings like a pendulum and I drink. But inside us all their lurks a Positive Polly that cooks, cleans and picks-up the kids from school. Polly doesn't admonish you for not being able to hold down a full time job. She's not a dream-crusher. She'll go to all your soccer games and cheer like Tom and Katie do at Tom's fake daughter's games. My Positive Polly is a little bland but she loves to blog! Oooohh does she! Her name is Sheila.
"Hey, Sheila! Why don't you come out here and give these guys an example of what my blog would be like if I posted each and every day."
OOOOOHHHH here she comes, clack, clack, clack! She's wearing heels!
"Why Sheila you look nice... you're the part of me that gets up, takes a shower gets dressed!"
e.g.
January 12th 2007:
Hi. It's raining outside but as I sit here waiting for a book deal and a byline I feel sunny inside! (Haha! Lianne told me to write that one!)
January 13th 2007:
Hi. So it's the 13th of January! Thank god it's not Friday LOL. Wow. I can't believe we're already two weeks into the new year!
January 14th 2007:
Hi. So today I saw one of those mini dogs in the Flatiron. It was head-to-paw in Burberry! I'm thinking of taking up karate!
January 15th 2007:
When I woke-up and heard that Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton were in a plane crash I could not believe it! It's too bad. And, all those crotch shots of them as they descended over a farm in Northern Idaho was really tacky. I don't know about you but I only like to see pussy if it's living!
"SHEILA!!!!!!!! SHE---- LA. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
I am so sorry. Looks like I'll be posting... well, sporadically or as much as I can... to quote Michelle Collins, "You can't burn a bitch out too young!"
I'm going to be posting like a mad woman this year.
Even when I have nothing to say... I'll just write, "You know you want it"... hold you down on the mattress and read you my boring post.
It wouldn't be me per say that would posting everyday.... because my mood swings like a pendulum and I drink. But inside us all their lurks a Positive Polly that cooks, cleans and picks-up the kids from school. Polly doesn't admonish you for not being able to hold down a full time job. She's not a dream-crusher. She'll go to all your soccer games and cheer like Tom and Katie do at Tom's fake daughter's games. My Positive Polly is a little bland but she loves to blog! Oooohh does she! Her name is Sheila.
"Hey, Sheila! Why don't you come out here and give these guys an example of what my blog would be like if I posted each and every day."
OOOOOHHHH here she comes, clack, clack, clack! She's wearing heels!
"Why Sheila you look nice... you're the part of me that gets up, takes a shower gets dressed!"
e.g.
January 12th 2007:
Hi. It's raining outside but as I sit here waiting for a book deal and a byline I feel sunny inside! (Haha! Lianne told me to write that one!)
January 13th 2007:
Hi. So it's the 13th of January! Thank god it's not Friday LOL. Wow. I can't believe we're already two weeks into the new year!
January 14th 2007:
Hi. So today I saw one of those mini dogs in the Flatiron. It was head-to-paw in Burberry! I'm thinking of taking up karate!
January 15th 2007:
When I woke-up and heard that Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton were in a plane crash I could not believe it! It's too bad. And, all those crotch shots of them as they descended over a farm in Northern Idaho was really tacky. I don't know about you but I only like to see pussy if it's living!
"SHEILA!!!!!!!! SHE---- LA. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
I am so sorry. Looks like I'll be posting... well, sporadically or as much as I can... to quote Michelle Collins, "You can't burn a bitch out too young!"
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
That's for the dogs!
My friend April lives in "Suburban Philadelphia" despite having a husband (big shout out Chris! You know you love me) and three of Britney and Kevin's kids (almost 4, 1.5 and 7 months.. ALL HOT!) she felt the need to get two labradoodles. Don't ask me what goes on when a lab boffs a poodle - but it must be socially awkward. Altho, the lab is hittin' it from the back so eye contact in minimal.
Meanwhile she had a lab named Charlie that everyone hated. Charlie looked like a pitbull! I was all like, "I don't know what snake oil salesman told you that was a lab but that is not your kid." Charlie was not a looker and was just a bumbling nuisance. Finally they gave him to a family that had a white picket fence, a huge yard and two teenage sons that had waited all their lives for a dog. Or they put him to sleep.. I can't remember. So why she'd want another dog is beyond my itty, bitty comprehension- but whateva! Right?
Yesterday I left April a message that spoke of my "employment history" which is like two half-written chapters in what's supposed to be The Great American Novel... and how I was miserable sitting in my parent's house in my not-so-new-old room. She ignored this and said, "I need names for two male dogs. I only trust you."
I am a S-U-C-K-E-R when it comes to fatterly. Twirling my hair in my hand muttered, "Oh so you think I'm pretty?"
"No, I think you're pretentious.. we don't want names like Rover and Max... help!"
I snapped my Razr shut and huffed and puffed. She is all about her.
Wait. (Twirling my hair with two fingers now) "Did she say that she thinks I'm pretentious?"
It's been awhile since someone has said something so nice to me. So I got to work.
Being the scribe that I am- I lit the candle, got the quill out and pulled out all the stops. Here are my top choices for our mutts:
NATALIE and TOOTIE (Just in case one is fat and one is brown) Oh snap. Oh no. you. did-int!
JANE FONDA (Bitch was smoking hot on Larry King! Such a legend. Plus, if they are both named Jane Fonda- they'll come at the same time when you call them!)
MORTY and TANTO (They'd be like the Brad and Angie of the dog world.. hitting the Jewish and native American demographic. Plus, these two names sound gnarley together).
Xanhiuhgjh and Malakalechaks. (Imagine some annoying chick is all "Oooooh how cute what are their names?" and you can fuck with her by saying "Xanhiuhgjh and Malakalechaks. Xanhiuhgjh means cure for cancer in Kabbalah and Malakalechaks means inner strength in Mandarin."
OK, I'm out but whatever you kids do don't pussy out with Hollywood names like Ava and Pilot Inspector. Be creative.
Meanwhile she had a lab named Charlie that everyone hated. Charlie looked like a pitbull! I was all like, "I don't know what snake oil salesman told you that was a lab but that is not your kid." Charlie was not a looker and was just a bumbling nuisance. Finally they gave him to a family that had a white picket fence, a huge yard and two teenage sons that had waited all their lives for a dog. Or they put him to sleep.. I can't remember. So why she'd want another dog is beyond my itty, bitty comprehension- but whateva! Right?
Yesterday I left April a message that spoke of my "employment history" which is like two half-written chapters in what's supposed to be The Great American Novel... and how I was miserable sitting in my parent's house in my not-so-new-old room. She ignored this and said, "I need names for two male dogs. I only trust you."
I am a S-U-C-K-E-R when it comes to fatterly. Twirling my hair in my hand muttered, "Oh so you think I'm pretty?"
"No, I think you're pretentious.. we don't want names like Rover and Max... help!"
I snapped my Razr shut and huffed and puffed. She is all about her.
Wait. (Twirling my hair with two fingers now) "Did she say that she thinks I'm pretentious?"
It's been awhile since someone has said something so nice to me. So I got to work.
Being the scribe that I am- I lit the candle, got the quill out and pulled out all the stops. Here are my top choices for our mutts:
NATALIE and TOOTIE (Just in case one is fat and one is brown) Oh snap. Oh no. you. did-int!
JANE FONDA (Bitch was smoking hot on Larry King! Such a legend. Plus, if they are both named Jane Fonda- they'll come at the same time when you call them!)
MORTY and TANTO (They'd be like the Brad and Angie of the dog world.. hitting the Jewish and native American demographic. Plus, these two names sound gnarley together).
Xanhiuhgjh and Malakalechaks. (Imagine some annoying chick is all "Oooooh how cute what are their names?" and you can fuck with her by saying "Xanhiuhgjh and Malakalechaks. Xanhiuhgjh means cure for cancer in Kabbalah and Malakalechaks means inner strength in Mandarin."
OK, I'm out but whatever you kids do don't pussy out with Hollywood names like Ava and Pilot Inspector. Be creative.
