9/22/2008
The Bailout Con Game:
The Rude Pundit is not going to pretend he knows the ins and outs of the economics behind the Wall Street apocalypse. But he does know crooks, clowns, and con artists, and this fucked-up bailout is rank with all three. It's a fuckin' grift. It's a goddamn fixed poker game where the buy-in is $700 billion, but the mob guys runnin' the table think you're stupid enough to hock everything to keep playing.
Why is the Rude Pundit so sure? The easy answer is because the Bush administration is jonesing for it like a broke junkie trying to convince his dealer to let him have one more fix. But, shit, why just say that when five minutes of research proves the point. From a press conference, July 27, 2007, when Tony Snow, currently starring in Hell in the hit show, Hey, Demons With Spur-Tipped Dicks, Let's Rape Tony Snow, was being questioned about the United States teetering on an economic bubble blowing up like a fart in a bathtub:
"Tony, there are chain-reaction effects to what's happening on the sub-prime market. We've got some of the biggest companies, like Bear Stearns and others, that are really facing a potential blowout. And these are firms that are too big to fail, as they used to say. And if something happens in that -- now people are talking about a credit crunch, talking about blowout in the markets -- as a chain reaction of the inflation, the loans in the housing markets can affect the entire system. Now, the President didn't cause that problem, but it's going to be on his plate, and it's going to be on his plate soon. And I'm sure there's some discussions going on with regard to that. And the question is, what is he prepared to do -- there are some things he can do."
In other words, "Financial Institution Collapses Determined to Strike in U.S." It's shit that was out there. That many, many were predicting. And the administration preached sunshine and rainbows. They fucking knew, just like they knew that Saddam Hussein had no WMDs.
Answered Snow, "It is important to realize that the President does believe in fiscal responsibility. He also believes in trying to keep the economy growing, so that people will have options and will have income streams and will have strong futures, and furthermore, that you've got a Treasury team that continues to look at these and many more issues to try to maintain the strength of the American economy. And despite the sort of cataclysmic scenario you've just laid out, we've just gotten a report that indicates that there's, in fact, extraordinary strength in the American economy." You lie so grossly when you know you're lying.
Remember the way a con works: you have to convince people that there's something they not only need, but that they need right now, something that if they miss out on, it will wreck their lives. You can only get this deal now. If you don't do it, you'll regret it. The world will fucking fall apart unless you pony up. It's the same whether you're callin' Granny for her savings or the American people for their Treasury.
When you tell a con artist to slow down for a minute so you can think, the grifter will just up the intensity. You gotta be willing to walk away from the deal. If Democrats don't look Henry Paulson and George W. Bush in the eye and say, "Go fuck yourselves" to the deal in its current form, we will be fucked by this for a generation. As William Greider puts it in The Nation, "Government can apply killer leverage to the financial players: accept our objectives and follow our instructions or you are left on your own--cut off from government lending spigots and ineligible for any direct assistance. If they decline to cooperate, the money guys are stuck with their own mess." But that's not what the Bush administration wants.
No, right there in Section 8 of the proposed bailout legislation is the fiduciary nut kick of a power grab: "Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency." So the White House wants its Secretary to have total power over the funds, however much that ends up being. In other words, the White House wants to take the power of the purse away from Congress in this matter and center it in the executive branch.
How is this different from the other power grabs the administration has accomplished? At what point is this legislation, if passed in its current form, manipulated and legalesed into absurd over-reaches, like the Patriot Act or the authorization for the use of force against al-Qaeda?
No, bullshit. Fuck this. Something needs to be done, yes, but there needs to be hell to pay from the financial sector in the form of regulation. Wall Street should be littered with the corpses of financial "advisors" and executives leaping out of buildings to their deaths. But, alas, we no longer live in such honorable times.
The only good that can come from the whole situation is that this marks the gruesome death of economic Reaganism. Let's celebrate the end of that ideology by digging up his bones and tossing them into a volcano outside Paulson's office.
The Rude Pundit is not going to pretend he knows the ins and outs of the economics behind the Wall Street apocalypse. But he does know crooks, clowns, and con artists, and this fucked-up bailout is rank with all three. It's a fuckin' grift. It's a goddamn fixed poker game where the buy-in is $700 billion, but the mob guys runnin' the table think you're stupid enough to hock everything to keep playing.
Why is the Rude Pundit so sure? The easy answer is because the Bush administration is jonesing for it like a broke junkie trying to convince his dealer to let him have one more fix. But, shit, why just say that when five minutes of research proves the point. From a press conference, July 27, 2007, when Tony Snow, currently starring in Hell in the hit show, Hey, Demons With Spur-Tipped Dicks, Let's Rape Tony Snow, was being questioned about the United States teetering on an economic bubble blowing up like a fart in a bathtub:
"Tony, there are chain-reaction effects to what's happening on the sub-prime market. We've got some of the biggest companies, like Bear Stearns and others, that are really facing a potential blowout. And these are firms that are too big to fail, as they used to say. And if something happens in that -- now people are talking about a credit crunch, talking about blowout in the markets -- as a chain reaction of the inflation, the loans in the housing markets can affect the entire system. Now, the President didn't cause that problem, but it's going to be on his plate, and it's going to be on his plate soon. And I'm sure there's some discussions going on with regard to that. And the question is, what is he prepared to do -- there are some things he can do."
In other words, "Financial Institution Collapses Determined to Strike in U.S." It's shit that was out there. That many, many were predicting. And the administration preached sunshine and rainbows. They fucking knew, just like they knew that Saddam Hussein had no WMDs.
Answered Snow, "It is important to realize that the President does believe in fiscal responsibility. He also believes in trying to keep the economy growing, so that people will have options and will have income streams and will have strong futures, and furthermore, that you've got a Treasury team that continues to look at these and many more issues to try to maintain the strength of the American economy. And despite the sort of cataclysmic scenario you've just laid out, we've just gotten a report that indicates that there's, in fact, extraordinary strength in the American economy." You lie so grossly when you know you're lying.
Remember the way a con works: you have to convince people that there's something they not only need, but that they need right now, something that if they miss out on, it will wreck their lives. You can only get this deal now. If you don't do it, you'll regret it. The world will fucking fall apart unless you pony up. It's the same whether you're callin' Granny for her savings or the American people for their Treasury.
When you tell a con artist to slow down for a minute so you can think, the grifter will just up the intensity. You gotta be willing to walk away from the deal. If Democrats don't look Henry Paulson and George W. Bush in the eye and say, "Go fuck yourselves" to the deal in its current form, we will be fucked by this for a generation. As William Greider puts it in The Nation, "Government can apply killer leverage to the financial players: accept our objectives and follow our instructions or you are left on your own--cut off from government lending spigots and ineligible for any direct assistance. If they decline to cooperate, the money guys are stuck with their own mess." But that's not what the Bush administration wants.
No, right there in Section 8 of the proposed bailout legislation is the fiduciary nut kick of a power grab: "Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency." So the White House wants its Secretary to have total power over the funds, however much that ends up being. In other words, the White House wants to take the power of the purse away from Congress in this matter and center it in the executive branch.
How is this different from the other power grabs the administration has accomplished? At what point is this legislation, if passed in its current form, manipulated and legalesed into absurd over-reaches, like the Patriot Act or the authorization for the use of force against al-Qaeda?
No, bullshit. Fuck this. Something needs to be done, yes, but there needs to be hell to pay from the financial sector in the form of regulation. Wall Street should be littered with the corpses of financial "advisors" and executives leaping out of buildings to their deaths. But, alas, we no longer live in such honorable times.
The only good that can come from the whole situation is that this marks the gruesome death of economic Reaganism. Let's celebrate the end of that ideology by digging up his bones and tossing them into a volcano outside Paulson's office.
9/21/2008
Weekend Multimedia Fun, Part 2: Iraq-Enactors:
In another video from Shoot the Messenger, a stage show from Daily Show creator and former Air America host Lizz Winstead, we see how some choose to celebrate the Iraq war:
Wake Up World is the mock morning news show for the mock news network 24/7. For other videos, including some where the Rude Pundit contributed, check out the show's website.
And on September 29, the show will feature a live onstage interview with Bill Moyers. On October 6, Sarah Silverman.
In another video from Shoot the Messenger, a stage show from Daily Show creator and former Air America host Lizz Winstead, we see how some choose to celebrate the Iraq war:
Wake Up World is the mock morning news show for the mock news network 24/7. For other videos, including some where the Rude Pundit contributed, check out the show's website.
And on September 29, the show will feature a live onstage interview with Bill Moyers. On October 6, Sarah Silverman.
Weekend Multimedia Fun, Part 1: The Wall Street Journal's John Fund Is Not Gay:
Below is the long-promised video of the Yes Men's Mike Stark confronting WSJ stooge John Fund at the "Defending the American Dream" conference in Austin back in July. The Rude Pundit told Fund and Stark he'd post it unedited, thus it is below in all it's crappily-filmed glory.
All the Rude Pundit will say is that, yes, as the person filming, he should have realized that the camera's mike alone would suck for sound (hence the helpfully-provided transcript by Stark). Let's add that because of the sound, the Rude Pundit did not realize that Stark was trying to get Fund to admit that he had gay sex with Grover Norquist. Stark was on a mission, and the Rude Pundit was there to record it, even if it ended up fucking up the Rude Pundit's mission. (Oh, yeah, and he was distracted by this hot chick walking by. You'll see.)
And should you get upset at Stark's O'Reilly-like tactics, remember: Fund's a dick, and he could have just walked away and didn't:
Below is the long-promised video of the Yes Men's Mike Stark confronting WSJ stooge John Fund at the "Defending the American Dream" conference in Austin back in July. The Rude Pundit told Fund and Stark he'd post it unedited, thus it is below in all it's crappily-filmed glory.
All the Rude Pundit will say is that, yes, as the person filming, he should have realized that the camera's mike alone would suck for sound (hence the helpfully-provided transcript by Stark). Let's add that because of the sound, the Rude Pundit did not realize that Stark was trying to get Fund to admit that he had gay sex with Grover Norquist. Stark was on a mission, and the Rude Pundit was there to record it, even if it ended up fucking up the Rude Pundit's mission. (Oh, yeah, and he was distracted by this hot chick walking by. You'll see.)
And should you get upset at Stark's O'Reilly-like tactics, remember: Fund's a dick, and he could have just walked away and didn't:
9/19/2008
Why Does Conservative Spoogebucket Kevin McCullough Want His Father to Fuck Him? (With Two Unrelated Notes Below):
Here's a little touch of schadenfreude for the end of an unbelievably awful week. The Rude Pundit has had his, let's say, difficulties with conservative bag of douche Kevin McCullough. The columnist, radio host, and leader of the Musclehead Revolution writes more about latent gay male desire masked as belief in "God" and machismo than any other of the legion of latently gay males in the evangelical right. He viciously attacks women who support women's rights. He degrades liberal males with such smiting violence that you can tell: this is a guy who wants some cock. No, no. This is a guy who wants lots of cock. Wait, wait. No, this is a guy who wants to bathe himself in a cock shower of jizz.
In his latest book, The Kind of Man Every Man Should Be, McCullough addresses the dudes in the house, explaining how God wants men to act masculine and showing how. The problems? Why, feminism, gays, and liberals. And atheists. Castrating fuckers, all.
In an effort to reach out to his readers, McCullough shares a bit about his life, how his real father left his mother when he was two. How his mother remarried a man who he loved and who prayed with him when McCullough decided he was a sinner and needed him some Jesus. How his mother died of breast cancer when he was 15. None of this is terribly funny. And then...
Around about page 64, McCullough describes his adoptive father's decline into a morass of sin after the death of his mother. How he spent time with friends who were "actively engaged in homosexual behavior" (which must mean arguing over which live Judy Garland performance is best), how his father's "sensitivity" was exploited by these friends: "that tenderness became a weakness by which immoral behavior was seeded, planted, and watered."
(It should be noted here that the Rude Pundit is not making up any of these quotes or stories.)
Then his father called to inform McCullough that he was gay. McCullough, showing Christ-like compassion, tells us, "Nothing I could say would change his mind. Nothing God had already said counted. His mind had been deceived, and his heart was now hardened." You know what happened next: prayer, motherfuckers, lots of it. But apparently, even God can't overcome the desire for tight jeans, leather chaps, and a willing ass: "Dad's choice to live in immorality eventually led to an unholy sexual union with another man." Oh, Kevin, there were certainly some holes involved.
Being a man who believes in Jesus, forgiveness, and all that shit, do you think McCullough forgave his stepfather his sins? Nope. McCullough called up Dad and tried to convince him to give up the gay. When Dad said, "No" (or, the Rude Pundit would like to think, "Are you fucking insane? I just finally let myself be who I really am, and now I'm supposed to lie because you have a cross shoved so far up your ass that Christ's nailed feet are tickling your uvula?"), McCullough says he told his father he loved him, would be there for any reconciliation, but, and he actually admits he told his father this, "I reminded him that the apostle Paul instructs us to cut off fellowship with those who choose to live willfully immoral lives."
Then, protesting way, way too much, McCullough follows this tale of his father's descent into the well of the homosexual with this take on temptation: "I'm a red-blooded man who appreciates beautiful women and the joyous, near-rapturelike pleasure of sex as much as anyone else does."
And the Rude Pundit simply says about all his allegations regarding McCullough: "Case fuckin' closed."
A Couple of Unrelated Notes Regarding Markets and Palin:
Markets: Umm, can someone please tell us all again about the wonders of unregulated, free market capitalism? And how we're not a socialist nation? Somewhere, the owner of a restaurant who invested too much in the decor and not enough on the chef is wondering where the hell her bailout is. Somewhere, an uninsured man with diabetes is wondering how much that universal health care would cost.
Palin: Truly, the second half of Sarah Palin's interview with Sean Hannity is so gut-wrenchingly nauseating that you wonder if it's possible to vomit up organs and if that would be such a bad thing. The finest moment? No, not when she says she thought, when her son was about to leave for Iraq, "[Y]ou know, I'm like, man, thank God for this voluntary military that we have with America's finest." No, not when Hannity gives her another pass at the Bush Doctrine question and she still doesn't say what it is. Not any of the other lies perpetuated and mooseshit tossed. It was when she pointed to her belly and said she told her staff, "I said, you see this? You think this is just baby fat, right, from having Trig four months ago. No, it's some thick skin in there also."
Which led to the amazingly wonderful New York Daily News headline, "Sarah Palin shows off her thick hide in Fox News interview."
Here's a little touch of schadenfreude for the end of an unbelievably awful week. The Rude Pundit has had his, let's say, difficulties with conservative bag of douche Kevin McCullough. The columnist, radio host, and leader of the Musclehead Revolution writes more about latent gay male desire masked as belief in "God" and machismo than any other of the legion of latently gay males in the evangelical right. He viciously attacks women who support women's rights. He degrades liberal males with such smiting violence that you can tell: this is a guy who wants some cock. No, no. This is a guy who wants lots of cock. Wait, wait. No, this is a guy who wants to bathe himself in a cock shower of jizz.
In his latest book, The Kind of Man Every Man Should Be, McCullough addresses the dudes in the house, explaining how God wants men to act masculine and showing how. The problems? Why, feminism, gays, and liberals. And atheists. Castrating fuckers, all.
In an effort to reach out to his readers, McCullough shares a bit about his life, how his real father left his mother when he was two. How his mother remarried a man who he loved and who prayed with him when McCullough decided he was a sinner and needed him some Jesus. How his mother died of breast cancer when he was 15. None of this is terribly funny. And then...
Around about page 64, McCullough describes his adoptive father's decline into a morass of sin after the death of his mother. How he spent time with friends who were "actively engaged in homosexual behavior" (which must mean arguing over which live Judy Garland performance is best), how his father's "sensitivity" was exploited by these friends: "that tenderness became a weakness by which immoral behavior was seeded, planted, and watered."
(It should be noted here that the Rude Pundit is not making up any of these quotes or stories.)
Then his father called to inform McCullough that he was gay. McCullough, showing Christ-like compassion, tells us, "Nothing I could say would change his mind. Nothing God had already said counted. His mind had been deceived, and his heart was now hardened." You know what happened next: prayer, motherfuckers, lots of it. But apparently, even God can't overcome the desire for tight jeans, leather chaps, and a willing ass: "Dad's choice to live in immorality eventually led to an unholy sexual union with another man." Oh, Kevin, there were certainly some holes involved.
Being a man who believes in Jesus, forgiveness, and all that shit, do you think McCullough forgave his stepfather his sins? Nope. McCullough called up Dad and tried to convince him to give up the gay. When Dad said, "No" (or, the Rude Pundit would like to think, "Are you fucking insane? I just finally let myself be who I really am, and now I'm supposed to lie because you have a cross shoved so far up your ass that Christ's nailed feet are tickling your uvula?"), McCullough says he told his father he loved him, would be there for any reconciliation, but, and he actually admits he told his father this, "I reminded him that the apostle Paul instructs us to cut off fellowship with those who choose to live willfully immoral lives."
Then, protesting way, way too much, McCullough follows this tale of his father's descent into the well of the homosexual with this take on temptation: "I'm a red-blooded man who appreciates beautiful women and the joyous, near-rapturelike pleasure of sex as much as anyone else does."
And the Rude Pundit simply says about all his allegations regarding McCullough: "Case fuckin' closed."
A Couple of Unrelated Notes Regarding Markets and Palin:
Markets: Umm, can someone please tell us all again about the wonders of unregulated, free market capitalism? And how we're not a socialist nation? Somewhere, the owner of a restaurant who invested too much in the decor and not enough on the chef is wondering where the hell her bailout is. Somewhere, an uninsured man with diabetes is wondering how much that universal health care would cost.
Palin: Truly, the second half of Sarah Palin's interview with Sean Hannity is so gut-wrenchingly nauseating that you wonder if it's possible to vomit up organs and if that would be such a bad thing. The finest moment? No, not when she says she thought, when her son was about to leave for Iraq, "[Y]ou know, I'm like, man, thank God for this voluntary military that we have with America's finest." No, not when Hannity gives her another pass at the Bush Doctrine question and she still doesn't say what it is. Not any of the other lies perpetuated and mooseshit tossed. It was when she pointed to her belly and said she told her staff, "I said, you see this? You think this is just baby fat, right, from having Trig four months ago. No, it's some thick skin in there also."
Which led to the amazingly wonderful New York Daily News headline, "Sarah Palin shows off her thick hide in Fox News interview."
9/18/2008
Hannity Goes Down on Palin:
Fox "news" host Sean Hannity knew he had quite the task in front of him when he first gazed at Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin's snatch. Not that there was anything unusual about the actual genitalia itself - everything seemed to be in its right place - but it was the length of time he had challenged himself to give head to the Alaska governor. During the course of an interview that would last a pair of nights on his show, he would have to bring out all the tricks he had, walking that delicate line between keeping her satisfied and getting her to come too soon. But if any man was up to the task, why, Sean Hannity was that man.
Hannity had worked out his manly jaw and tiny tongue in the days leading up to the interview, gnawing on the bones of his co-host, doing smaller cunnilingual actions on Lynne Cheney and Karen Hughes, but those were mere warm-ups. He felt ready, even with his obvious disadvantage of lacking lips, even if he needed to be a bit more spitty for lubrication with Cheney.
Led into the room in Cleveland, he was offered a pillow, which he spurned. No, he needed nothing to keep him energized and comfortable. Palin seemed to leer as she lifted her skirt, she might have even winked, although it was hard to tell if that was just a twitch from her natural sneer of contempt. Hannity kneeled down in front of her. Palin said, "You better be good at this, or I'm bringing O'Reilly in here." The dark-haired personality-less personality assured her that he would be good. Then he told the producer to make sure the mikes were hot and start rolling.
Hannity parted the self-proclaimed hockey mom's legs a bit more and started ever so slowly, tenderly, even, using his tongue to get a feel for these labia, for this clit. He asked, in reference to her snap decision to accept John McCain's offer, "Was there time to huddle and have a hockey team meeting?"
Hannity sucked a little on her clit's hood so that he didn't even notice when she lied, "It was a time of asking the girls to vote on it, anyway. And they voted unanimously, yes. Didn't bother asking my son because, you know, he's going to be off doing his thing anyway, so he wouldn't be so impacted by, at least, the campaign period here." Yes, yes, Palin thought, this one knows how, this one has some skill, not like that Gibson who glanced at her cooter and gave it an unenthusiastic finger or two.
Pulling his tongue across her taint, ever so teasingly hitting the rim of her anus and moving back, Hannity began to get a feel for the ex-mayor's clit, a bit bigger than many, but not as monstrously huge as he had been told. Moving it up and down, asking about the meltdown on Wall Street, rotating it a bit, which made her get a bit defensive about John McCain saying "the fundamentals of the economy are sound," he got the moan he was looking for with an X-shaped motion, which was when he asked, "Is Senator Obama then using what happened on Wall Street this week? Is he using it for political gain? Is there a danger of a presidential candidate is saying to the world that America's situation of economic crisis is the worst that we've seen in decades — which was words that he was using yesterday — is there a danger in terms of the world hearing that?"
Palin, sucking her cheeks in, adjusting her ass ever so slightly, leaning in to Hannity's skilled tongue (although, truth be told, she did miss lips on her lips), her talking points flowed out of her like juice from a ripe plum: "Well, there is a danger in allowing some obsessive partisanship to get into the issue that we're talking about today. And that's something that John McCain too, his track record, proving that he can work both sides of the aisle, he can surpass the partisanship that must surpassed to deal with an issue like this."
God, god, empty, empty, such obviously empty rhetoric, and Hannity didn't care, didn't ask follow-ups, it was, in a word, amazing, Palin thought. This bastard just wants to give my pussy even more of ride than First Dude does.
Hannity, for his part, knew he had to be careful. He couldn't let her come early, however excited she seemed, however engorged she became. He nipped her clit to indicate a calming moment as he probed deeper and deeper into her, hands on her ass cheeks, just massaging now, not grabbing. "How do you make this happen? Look how partisan it is in Washington right now. How do you get that accomplished?" he asked, referring to government reform and the supposedly non-partisan way John McCain had in his career.
Sucking her pinkie and wanting Hannity to go back to working her clit, maybe using his nubby fingers on her, she said, "John McCain tapped me to be a team of mavericks, of independents coming in there without the allegiances to that cronyism, to that good ole' boy system." On the word "maverick," she bucked like riding a bull, and Hannity obligingly started to finger fuck her while kissing and biting at her thighs.
On and on it went. Hannity keeping his pace fast and then slow, asking her about giving money back to the citizens of Alaska (with which they could have, you know, paid for a bridge to anywhere in their state without bugging the federal government), through to what she supposedly accomplished in Alaska to what her duties as vice president might be. "Yes," Palin cried, again and again, letting Hannity know that each move he made was the one she needed, the one that kept her on script.
The closest she came to exploding in screaming orgasm was when Hannity started asking her about drilling in ANWR. Really, who wouldn't? All that talk about boring into just a small patch on an entire body as Hannity practically lifted her off the seat, nearly growling as his own animal desire was taking over, index finger in her asshole, tongue practically wrapped around her pulsating clit. But, no, no, not yet, there was still more to go, another whole night to fill.
Hannity brought it back to energy independence, and, hair tousled, chest heaving, Palin responded, "We sort of have a 'do nothing Senate' right now where nobody's wanting to really pick up the ball and run with it and take the steps that we have to take to become more energy independent. And it's going to take a whole change in leadership in order to really crush that gridlock and get going on this."
Sean Hannity didn't even see the irony in a Republican talking about "a whole change in leadership." There was Palin pussy to eat. Virginal to Fox "news." He just hoped that at the end, she'd let him jack off on her glasses. But even if she didn't, it'd be okay. He was a man with a job to do, and he knew how to do it well. Indeed, if ever a man was made for oral deference to a Republican, it was Hannity.
Fox "news" host Sean Hannity knew he had quite the task in front of him when he first gazed at Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin's snatch. Not that there was anything unusual about the actual genitalia itself - everything seemed to be in its right place - but it was the length of time he had challenged himself to give head to the Alaska governor. During the course of an interview that would last a pair of nights on his show, he would have to bring out all the tricks he had, walking that delicate line between keeping her satisfied and getting her to come too soon. But if any man was up to the task, why, Sean Hannity was that man.
Hannity had worked out his manly jaw and tiny tongue in the days leading up to the interview, gnawing on the bones of his co-host, doing smaller cunnilingual actions on Lynne Cheney and Karen Hughes, but those were mere warm-ups. He felt ready, even with his obvious disadvantage of lacking lips, even if he needed to be a bit more spitty for lubrication with Cheney.
Led into the room in Cleveland, he was offered a pillow, which he spurned. No, he needed nothing to keep him energized and comfortable. Palin seemed to leer as she lifted her skirt, she might have even winked, although it was hard to tell if that was just a twitch from her natural sneer of contempt. Hannity kneeled down in front of her. Palin said, "You better be good at this, or I'm bringing O'Reilly in here." The dark-haired personality-less personality assured her that he would be good. Then he told the producer to make sure the mikes were hot and start rolling.
Hannity parted the self-proclaimed hockey mom's legs a bit more and started ever so slowly, tenderly, even, using his tongue to get a feel for these labia, for this clit. He asked, in reference to her snap decision to accept John McCain's offer, "Was there time to huddle and have a hockey team meeting?"
Hannity sucked a little on her clit's hood so that he didn't even notice when she lied, "It was a time of asking the girls to vote on it, anyway. And they voted unanimously, yes. Didn't bother asking my son because, you know, he's going to be off doing his thing anyway, so he wouldn't be so impacted by, at least, the campaign period here." Yes, yes, Palin thought, this one knows how, this one has some skill, not like that Gibson who glanced at her cooter and gave it an unenthusiastic finger or two.
Pulling his tongue across her taint, ever so teasingly hitting the rim of her anus and moving back, Hannity began to get a feel for the ex-mayor's clit, a bit bigger than many, but not as monstrously huge as he had been told. Moving it up and down, asking about the meltdown on Wall Street, rotating it a bit, which made her get a bit defensive about John McCain saying "the fundamentals of the economy are sound," he got the moan he was looking for with an X-shaped motion, which was when he asked, "Is Senator Obama then using what happened on Wall Street this week? Is he using it for political gain? Is there a danger of a presidential candidate is saying to the world that America's situation of economic crisis is the worst that we've seen in decades — which was words that he was using yesterday — is there a danger in terms of the world hearing that?"
Palin, sucking her cheeks in, adjusting her ass ever so slightly, leaning in to Hannity's skilled tongue (although, truth be told, she did miss lips on her lips), her talking points flowed out of her like juice from a ripe plum: "Well, there is a danger in allowing some obsessive partisanship to get into the issue that we're talking about today. And that's something that John McCain too, his track record, proving that he can work both sides of the aisle, he can surpass the partisanship that must surpassed to deal with an issue like this."
God, god, empty, empty, such obviously empty rhetoric, and Hannity didn't care, didn't ask follow-ups, it was, in a word, amazing, Palin thought. This bastard just wants to give my pussy even more of ride than First Dude does.
Hannity, for his part, knew he had to be careful. He couldn't let her come early, however excited she seemed, however engorged she became. He nipped her clit to indicate a calming moment as he probed deeper and deeper into her, hands on her ass cheeks, just massaging now, not grabbing. "How do you make this happen? Look how partisan it is in Washington right now. How do you get that accomplished?" he asked, referring to government reform and the supposedly non-partisan way John McCain had in his career.
Sucking her pinkie and wanting Hannity to go back to working her clit, maybe using his nubby fingers on her, she said, "John McCain tapped me to be a team of mavericks, of independents coming in there without the allegiances to that cronyism, to that good ole' boy system." On the word "maverick," she bucked like riding a bull, and Hannity obligingly started to finger fuck her while kissing and biting at her thighs.
On and on it went. Hannity keeping his pace fast and then slow, asking her about giving money back to the citizens of Alaska (with which they could have, you know, paid for a bridge to anywhere in their state without bugging the federal government), through to what she supposedly accomplished in Alaska to what her duties as vice president might be. "Yes," Palin cried, again and again, letting Hannity know that each move he made was the one she needed, the one that kept her on script.
The closest she came to exploding in screaming orgasm was when Hannity started asking her about drilling in ANWR. Really, who wouldn't? All that talk about boring into just a small patch on an entire body as Hannity practically lifted her off the seat, nearly growling as his own animal desire was taking over, index finger in her asshole, tongue practically wrapped around her pulsating clit. But, no, no, not yet, there was still more to go, another whole night to fill.
Hannity brought it back to energy independence, and, hair tousled, chest heaving, Palin responded, "We sort of have a 'do nothing Senate' right now where nobody's wanting to really pick up the ball and run with it and take the steps that we have to take to become more energy independent. And it's going to take a whole change in leadership in order to really crush that gridlock and get going on this."
Sean Hannity didn't even see the irony in a Republican talking about "a whole change in leadership." There was Palin pussy to eat. Virginal to Fox "news." He just hoped that at the end, she'd let him jack off on her glasses. But even if she didn't, it'd be okay. He was a man with a job to do, and he knew how to do it well. Indeed, if ever a man was made for oral deference to a Republican, it was Hannity.
9/17/2008
John McCain: The Town Hall Stalker (Updated):
Let us say, and why not, that you're a guy, a gay one and single, living in DC, and you go to a party at a friend's place in Dupont Circle. It's a fun, low-key gathering, mixed crowd, but lots of people worth talking about. Someone points out to you the kind of creepy-looking dude who has a lot of people hanging around him. Says he's a good guy, nice to talk to, will treat you right, maybe you oughta talk to him. So you, being open-minded, head over to his corner, introduce yourself, and, while he seems harmless enough, there's no click and, well, truly, he's kind of creepy, a cross between a molesting priest and a partner-beater.
You want out of the conversation, and as you make excuses for heading to the bar, creepy-but-seemingly-harmless guy - hell, let's give him a name, like "Sean" - says you two should go out sometime. Wanting to get back to the others, and maybe, in a friendly sense, half-meaning it, you say, "Sure, let's do that." You see where this is going, no? You, dear, kind gay guy, have set off a chain of events that'll leave you curled up in a corner and wishing that the whole city would just disappear into the slime-covered swamp it's built on.
Creepy Sean starts calling you, asking you when you're gonna go out. After being nice about it, putting him off, hoping he'll get the idea, like most normal people would, you let voicemail get him. And then you just block his number, thinking that will be that. But then you hear that Creepy Sean has been bad mouthing you, telling others how you don't keep your promises. Then he takes it further, making shit up about you, saying you've got herpes, maybe even HIV, saying you like to fuck young teenage boys unprotected so you can infect them, saying how you stabbed in the back the last guy you had a relationship with and robbed his mom. Your friends, they know Creepy Sean's a fucking asshole. But people who don't know you? They start to eyeball you at clubs and restaurants, wondering if you are the monster Creepy Sean describes.
Finally, you see Creepy Sean on the street. You walk up to him and confront him. What the fuck? Creepy Sean just looks at you placidly, taking you in up and down, and says, "Hey, if you'd have gone out with me, none of this would have happened."
John McCain and his lackeys keep bringing up the idea that Barack Obama should tour with McCain on a series of town hall meetings, and that it is Obama's refusal to do so that has made the campaigns go negative. McCain brought it up Monday on Morning Joe on MSNBC, saying to Morning Mika while accusing her of being Obama's bitch, "I still say to you, and I know you're a supporter of Senator Obama, if you would urge him -- if you would urge him to come and do town hall meetings with me as I've asked him to do time after time, the whole tenor of the campaign would change." Rudy "My Relevance Is Back Where It Should Have Always Been" Giuliani said on Meet the Press regarding negative ads, "I think the main reason for that is that Senator Obama has refused to debate in these town hall meetings every week with Senator McCain."
At a speech Monday in Orlando, McCain was downright pathetic in begging Obama to town hall it with him: "I have urged Senator Obama on time after time after time, why don't you come down here with me, why don't you come with me and we'll both do town hall meetings together and we'll pick whatever audience that anybody can take. And let's do the town hall meetings. A lot of the people don't like the tenor of this campaign and a lot of the back and forth. I guarantee you, I know that if you stand on the same stage with your opponent and you hear from the American people and the American people hear from you, a lot of that negative stuff disappears. So the next time you run into one of your Democrat friends, would you say, look, why don't you urge Senator Obama. We've got a long time to go...So why don't we do that, Senator Obama? Why don't we stand together on the stage around this country. I'll even pay for the airplane. And I promise not to fly it, but I'll pay for it."
Christ, McCain sounds like a cheap coke whore wandering a bar looking for one more cock to suck so she can afford some rock.
So what the McCain campaign is saying is that they'd stop the negative ads if Obama would give in to McCain's demands. And that it's Obama's fault because he won't say yes. Well, that's very Republican, isn't it? Blaming the victim? Luckily, Obama's not playing. He gave in to the stalking that Bill O'Reilly did for an interview, and that got him nowhere.
Here's the thing: if you finally give in to Creepy Sean and go on that date, Creepy Sean won't want it to stop at that. Because Creepy Sean will have figured out how to get to you, and pretty soon he'll be demanding your ass on satin sheets. The solution? Well, you can talk smack about Creepy Sean, get his friends to abandon him, throw parties where he's not invited. But that takes time. Sometimes you gotta give in to that id, man, and kick Creepy Sean's ass so hard his buttocks become earmuffs.
Update: Nothing actually new. The Rude Pundit just noticed something else in that John McCain quote from his Orlando speech. How he promises not to fly the plane. Is that a tee-hee-I've-crashed-so-many-times-I-oughta-be-tortured-for-it joke?
Let us say, and why not, that you're a guy, a gay one and single, living in DC, and you go to a party at a friend's place in Dupont Circle. It's a fun, low-key gathering, mixed crowd, but lots of people worth talking about. Someone points out to you the kind of creepy-looking dude who has a lot of people hanging around him. Says he's a good guy, nice to talk to, will treat you right, maybe you oughta talk to him. So you, being open-minded, head over to his corner, introduce yourself, and, while he seems harmless enough, there's no click and, well, truly, he's kind of creepy, a cross between a molesting priest and a partner-beater.
You want out of the conversation, and as you make excuses for heading to the bar, creepy-but-seemingly-harmless guy - hell, let's give him a name, like "Sean" - says you two should go out sometime. Wanting to get back to the others, and maybe, in a friendly sense, half-meaning it, you say, "Sure, let's do that." You see where this is going, no? You, dear, kind gay guy, have set off a chain of events that'll leave you curled up in a corner and wishing that the whole city would just disappear into the slime-covered swamp it's built on.
Creepy Sean starts calling you, asking you when you're gonna go out. After being nice about it, putting him off, hoping he'll get the idea, like most normal people would, you let voicemail get him. And then you just block his number, thinking that will be that. But then you hear that Creepy Sean has been bad mouthing you, telling others how you don't keep your promises. Then he takes it further, making shit up about you, saying you've got herpes, maybe even HIV, saying you like to fuck young teenage boys unprotected so you can infect them, saying how you stabbed in the back the last guy you had a relationship with and robbed his mom. Your friends, they know Creepy Sean's a fucking asshole. But people who don't know you? They start to eyeball you at clubs and restaurants, wondering if you are the monster Creepy Sean describes.
Finally, you see Creepy Sean on the street. You walk up to him and confront him. What the fuck? Creepy Sean just looks at you placidly, taking you in up and down, and says, "Hey, if you'd have gone out with me, none of this would have happened."
John McCain and his lackeys keep bringing up the idea that Barack Obama should tour with McCain on a series of town hall meetings, and that it is Obama's refusal to do so that has made the campaigns go negative. McCain brought it up Monday on Morning Joe on MSNBC, saying to Morning Mika while accusing her of being Obama's bitch, "I still say to you, and I know you're a supporter of Senator Obama, if you would urge him -- if you would urge him to come and do town hall meetings with me as I've asked him to do time after time, the whole tenor of the campaign would change." Rudy "My Relevance Is Back Where It Should Have Always Been" Giuliani said on Meet the Press regarding negative ads, "I think the main reason for that is that Senator Obama has refused to debate in these town hall meetings every week with Senator McCain."
At a speech Monday in Orlando, McCain was downright pathetic in begging Obama to town hall it with him: "I have urged Senator Obama on time after time after time, why don't you come down here with me, why don't you come with me and we'll both do town hall meetings together and we'll pick whatever audience that anybody can take. And let's do the town hall meetings. A lot of the people don't like the tenor of this campaign and a lot of the back and forth. I guarantee you, I know that if you stand on the same stage with your opponent and you hear from the American people and the American people hear from you, a lot of that negative stuff disappears. So the next time you run into one of your Democrat friends, would you say, look, why don't you urge Senator Obama. We've got a long time to go...So why don't we do that, Senator Obama? Why don't we stand together on the stage around this country. I'll even pay for the airplane. And I promise not to fly it, but I'll pay for it."
Christ, McCain sounds like a cheap coke whore wandering a bar looking for one more cock to suck so she can afford some rock.
So what the McCain campaign is saying is that they'd stop the negative ads if Obama would give in to McCain's demands. And that it's Obama's fault because he won't say yes. Well, that's very Republican, isn't it? Blaming the victim? Luckily, Obama's not playing. He gave in to the stalking that Bill O'Reilly did for an interview, and that got him nowhere.
Here's the thing: if you finally give in to Creepy Sean and go on that date, Creepy Sean won't want it to stop at that. Because Creepy Sean will have figured out how to get to you, and pretty soon he'll be demanding your ass on satin sheets. The solution? Well, you can talk smack about Creepy Sean, get his friends to abandon him, throw parties where he's not invited. But that takes time. Sometimes you gotta give in to that id, man, and kick Creepy Sean's ass so hard his buttocks become earmuffs.
Update: Nothing actually new. The Rude Pundit just noticed something else in that John McCain quote from his Orlando speech. How he promises not to fly the plane. Is that a tee-hee-I've-crashed-so-many-times-I-oughta-be-tortured-for-it joke?
9/16/2008
Photos That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Down a Jug of Akpeteshie While Smoking Hash:
That's George W. Bush, the only president we've got, apparently in his role as Scar in a production of The Lion King that was done at the White House last night. The occasion? President John Kufuor of Ghana was visiting. And there's nothing a foreigner likes more than a bastardized and Westernized version of his own culture, complete with songs by Elton John. Look at that strained, patronizing smile on Kufuor's face.
One imagines that the state dinner featured white missionaries getting boiled in a giant pot while palm-frond-skirted, coal-darkened black people danced around, going "Booga-booga." Followed, of course, by Bush riding in to enslave the natives and sell them at an auction in the Rose Garden. Dick Cheney bought a half dozen and no one dared tell him it was supposed to be fake. They're picking his cotton today. Oh, a splendid time for all.
Banks collapsing? War still going? The Gulf coast once again ravaged and rotting in the sun? Circle of life, motherfuckers, circle of life.
That's George W. Bush, the only president we've got, apparently in his role as Scar in a production of The Lion King that was done at the White House last night. The occasion? President John Kufuor of Ghana was visiting. And there's nothing a foreigner likes more than a bastardized and Westernized version of his own culture, complete with songs by Elton John. Look at that strained, patronizing smile on Kufuor's face.
One imagines that the state dinner featured white missionaries getting boiled in a giant pot while palm-frond-skirted, coal-darkened black people danced around, going "Booga-booga." Followed, of course, by Bush riding in to enslave the natives and sell them at an auction in the Rose Garden. Dick Cheney bought a half dozen and no one dared tell him it was supposed to be fake. They're picking his cotton today. Oh, a splendid time for all.
Banks collapsing? War still going? The Gulf coast once again ravaged and rotting in the sun? Circle of life, motherfuckers, circle of life.
9/15/2008
A Brief Proposition: Attacking Sarah Palin Is Not a Sexist Act (Featuring Gratuitous Use of the Word "Bitch"):
Let's tread into some dangerous waters here, shall we?
On his HBO show last week, Bill Maher attacked Wall Street Journal spoogebag John Fund for defending Sarah Palin's idiotic answers during her interview with Charlie Gibson. Maher said that Fund and others like him were cynics because they believe they can put one over on the stupid people and take advantage of their stupidity. Fund, that goddamn smirk smeared across his face, kept telling Maher and the other guests criticizing Palin, "Keep it coming," because, in his world, criticizing Palin gets her (and, to a lesser extent, McCain) votes.
But let's take it just a bit further. Choosing Sarah Palin as a running mate was not just a cynical political move by the McCain campaign; no, it was a repugnantly sexist move. "What the fuck?" you may ask. "How can it be sexist? She's a chick and that means by definition it's not sexist." And the Rude Pundit would say: "Read on."
You can bet that somewhere, in some office in DC or elsewhere, while trying to figure out which non-Lieberman to pick for VP, some Republican operative said something like, "Hey, get a load of this crazy bitch. Seriously, this Alaska bitch is the looniest bitch we could find, the kind of bitch who'll fuck the whole football team and then say she's still got time for the lacrosse guys to run a train on her and then find Jesus a week later. Motherfuckers at Obama Central won't know what to do with this bitch. The awesome thing about our bitch is the way we can say we love all the bitches. And we'll trick bitches into actually voting for this bitch." That may not be verbatim, but it's probably pretty fuckin' close.
The sexist act is in believing that a large number of women in this country are so stupid and beaten down by the nation's innate sexism that they'll vote for a woman, no matter who she is or what she believes, as long as she seems "like them." It's sexist because if Sarah Palin had a penis (and, frankly, with all the lies coming from the McCain camp, even that's up for discussion) we'd only be talking about her if we lived in Alaska or were getting upset about her Mussolini-like way of leading her state.
(And don't bring up Hillary Clinton. The comparison fails in nearly every way.)
What's sexist is that Palin is being used because of her sex. There are plenty of men McCain could have chosen to shore up the base, most of whom would have sucked it up and voted for him anyways as long as he didn't go all Jewy and pro-choice. Palin is nothing more than the eye candy a con artist uses to distract the marks while he robs them blind. So it's not sexist to go after the woman who will set things back for women in horrific ways. The bottom line is that there's a responsibility to take her down, incumbent upon the media, to proclaim that she's not only a garden variety Republican hypocrite, but a barely educated ideologue who wants to reign with an idiot's understanding of the world.
Palin exists as a candidate to offer another narrative in order to take the focus off Obama as insurgent. As a cyncial political move, as the Rude Pundit's said, it's rather brilliant. And it shows a depth of powermongering in John McCain that'd make Attila the Hun go, "Whoa, there, old man, that's a bit too far." Because even barbarians know that you don't do shit that'll come back and bite you in the ass. Palin is Frankenstein's monster in a JC Penney executive skirt. Obama has to stop trying to reclaim the old narrative and create a new one.
We've begun to hear the refrain that Sarah Palin is someone women (and men) want to have a beer with, the kind of shit we heard with Bush. But you know what? At the end of the night, whoever the Rude Pundit has had a beer with, he'd rather the designated driver take him home.
Let's tread into some dangerous waters here, shall we?
On his HBO show last week, Bill Maher attacked Wall Street Journal spoogebag John Fund for defending Sarah Palin's idiotic answers during her interview with Charlie Gibson. Maher said that Fund and others like him were cynics because they believe they can put one over on the stupid people and take advantage of their stupidity. Fund, that goddamn smirk smeared across his face, kept telling Maher and the other guests criticizing Palin, "Keep it coming," because, in his world, criticizing Palin gets her (and, to a lesser extent, McCain) votes.
But let's take it just a bit further. Choosing Sarah Palin as a running mate was not just a cynical political move by the McCain campaign; no, it was a repugnantly sexist move. "What the fuck?" you may ask. "How can it be sexist? She's a chick and that means by definition it's not sexist." And the Rude Pundit would say: "Read on."
You can bet that somewhere, in some office in DC or elsewhere, while trying to figure out which non-Lieberman to pick for VP, some Republican operative said something like, "Hey, get a load of this crazy bitch. Seriously, this Alaska bitch is the looniest bitch we could find, the kind of bitch who'll fuck the whole football team and then say she's still got time for the lacrosse guys to run a train on her and then find Jesus a week later. Motherfuckers at Obama Central won't know what to do with this bitch. The awesome thing about our bitch is the way we can say we love all the bitches. And we'll trick bitches into actually voting for this bitch." That may not be verbatim, but it's probably pretty fuckin' close.
The sexist act is in believing that a large number of women in this country are so stupid and beaten down by the nation's innate sexism that they'll vote for a woman, no matter who she is or what she believes, as long as she seems "like them." It's sexist because if Sarah Palin had a penis (and, frankly, with all the lies coming from the McCain camp, even that's up for discussion) we'd only be talking about her if we lived in Alaska or were getting upset about her Mussolini-like way of leading her state.
(And don't bring up Hillary Clinton. The comparison fails in nearly every way.)
What's sexist is that Palin is being used because of her sex. There are plenty of men McCain could have chosen to shore up the base, most of whom would have sucked it up and voted for him anyways as long as he didn't go all Jewy and pro-choice. Palin is nothing more than the eye candy a con artist uses to distract the marks while he robs them blind. So it's not sexist to go after the woman who will set things back for women in horrific ways. The bottom line is that there's a responsibility to take her down, incumbent upon the media, to proclaim that she's not only a garden variety Republican hypocrite, but a barely educated ideologue who wants to reign with an idiot's understanding of the world.
Palin exists as a candidate to offer another narrative in order to take the focus off Obama as insurgent. As a cyncial political move, as the Rude Pundit's said, it's rather brilliant. And it shows a depth of powermongering in John McCain that'd make Attila the Hun go, "Whoa, there, old man, that's a bit too far." Because even barbarians know that you don't do shit that'll come back and bite you in the ass. Palin is Frankenstein's monster in a JC Penney executive skirt. Obama has to stop trying to reclaim the old narrative and create a new one.
We've begun to hear the refrain that Sarah Palin is someone women (and men) want to have a beer with, the kind of shit we heard with Bush. But you know what? At the end of the night, whoever the Rude Pundit has had a beer with, he'd rather the designated driver take him home.
