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I heard someone comment recently that there was no such thing as a cute overweight or chubby girl.I don't think it's true. What do you think about that statement? Do you think that's how the majority of straight men feel? There are chubby chasers and men who prefer BBW. I want to know why an overweight women ever can't be hot, cute, beautiful. Could she fit into the standard of what appeals to society as beauty. Will bigger women ever be thought of in that way? As an equal to thin women. Will the perceptions of the majority ever change? Do fat women feel like they have to settle for a man who is less attractive physically to what she might want due to her body mass and stature? I have gone up 8 pant sizes in the last year and a half. I feel totally hideous the weight gain has contorted the way my face looks. I look very different. Being fat just doesn't feel good. I am struggling with taking the pounds off. I am very hung up. Is that vain, superficial, shallow or is it appropriate to be concerned with it? I usually don't admit the preoccupation with my looks I seam to have now. I am usually thinking more of being comfortable, healthy and fit again for overall health and quality of life.
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10 Answers
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There are a couple issues here:
1. Are there women out there who feel beautiful and sexy even if they are overweight? Most definitely YES. I would encourage you to look at this blog -- http://fatshionable.com/ -- to see an example of someone who clearly believes that she is sexy and hot (and that there's a place for high fashion in her wardrobe, despite being a short size 16). There may be a cultural bias towards slender (white) women, but there are lots of plump women out there who are enviably beautiful.
As a size 14 myself, I definitely feel that pressure to be thin, though fundamentally I don't think my body is suited for it. I've never been thin, either; since I was in high school, I've been a 12/14/16. I'm active and healthy and completely within the target range for health indicators for my age. I can run a few miles, I hike on the weekends, I've got good core and upper body strength. Should I still lose some weight? Yes, if only to relieve the extra stress on my joints. Will I? Well, I'll keep with the active thing, and if I lose weight, great; if not, meh.
Do I appeal to hot men despite being a bit chubby? Yes, without question. I have had more than one hot, smart, good guy tell me that he thought I was sexy. Attitude, I think, has a lot to do with it. Do I also get shot down for being chubby? Well, I've gotten shot down lots of times, but it may/may not have been because of my weight. You just have to learn to let it slide off; I'm not a fit for every guy out there, and I've done my share of rejecting, too.
The key here is that I have the quality of life I want, and that, all things considered, I'm pretty happy with my body. Which brings me to the second point...
2. You are not comfortable in your body, and you don't feel healthy. This -- plus your statement that you've gone up 8 sizes in the last 18 months -- says to me that you've put your body through some serious stress. I don't know whether you mean the jump from a size 8 to a 16 or a size 8 to a size 24, but either way, we're talking about a weight gain that is likely more than 25% of your initial body weight, which is really substantial. Is there depression or anxiety at work here, too? I think you should sit down and have a chat with your doctor about the changes your body has undergone in the last year or so. It may be that he or she can point you towards someone to talk to, or help you figure out a way to lose that weight. Or, at least, put a halt to the weight gain.
As far as a strategy for losing weight -- especially when you're feeling particularly hideous -- I recommend finding some activity that is fun and social but that builds the physical part into it. (I am allergic to gyms, so this is the only way for me to reliably get exercise.) I do volunteer trail maintenance and have a regular hiking buddy, but you could do anything from signing up for a tennis or dance class to getting a few friends together for a weekly group bike ride.
Be gentle with yourself, and do something for yourself that makes you FEEL beautiful. Things, I'm sure, are not nearly as bleak as they feel right now.
Best of luck.
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What Myra said (it was brilliant and I won't attempt to echo) with one addition: no one is attractive to everyone. No one.
You don't need to be attractive to all straight men, just one you like. But if you don't feel good about what you look like it is very hard for someone else to like it.
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I think that Myra had a brilliant answer. And for what it's worth, I constantly hear all about how guys want curvy girls. I have been rejected for being too skinny, and I often envy girls with a little more padding. But when it boils down to it, confidence is sexy, and I wish you the best of luck in getting to a place physically and emotionally where you feel beautiful.
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In addition to what Myrna said, I would only like to add that when you go to a doctor, make sure it's someone who actually hears what you're saying. Maybe you gained the weight honestly by ingesting more calories than you burned and maybe you already know that already, but if you've put on a bunch of weight and didn't really change your eating habits, you deserve a doctor who actually hears that and doesn't dismiss it out of hand.
They will, of course, check your thyroid, but also be on the lookout for some kind of syndrome called polycystic ovarian syndrome, which is characterized by several symptoms, one of which is rapid weight gain.
Good luck. Please be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
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Oh, baby. I have been everything between a 4 and a 16 (currently about a 10, not big or small, and I'm average height) and I have previously been a straight-up lady-player in my life at all those sizes. I've had people turn me down, everyone does, but I've never gotten complaints about my body. If they didn't like it, they didn't go there. I actually think I got more attention when I was curvier.
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There is definitely such a thing as an attractive woman who is larger than the "ideal" of our society. This reminds me of "Synecdoche, New York" which I just watched last weekend - in that movie the sexiest woman of all of the love interests was BY FAR the larger than average woman. She had poise, and sex appeal, and knew how to use it. I found myself very attracted to her, to the point that the traditional blond love interest was not interesting to me at all.
Will the perceptions of the majority ever change?
Probably not in our lifetime. But it doesn't matter, there are plenty of nice, cool, and good men (or women) who look beyond some extra pounds.
Attraction has so little to do with physical looks in my opinion. That is just the easiest (and laziest) part of the whole equation.
What we are actually attracted to is personality, confidence, understanding, and poise. I think we as a society tend to read into the "beautiful" people these qualities because we are taught they go hand in hand, but the reality is they don't often.
If you think about it, we are constantly shown our ideal human being as a beautiful person. It is natural that we take all the non-physical qualities of an ideal person, and read those into the beautiful people we meet in our daily lives.
But you can, and should, divorce that connection because it is not true. Most of the factors that we find attractive and beautiful are actually separate from physical beauty.
Like presuming that a clean-cut, good looking guy must be a nice guy and have a good job. We just presume that because all our culture tells us is that nice guys are all clean-cut and good looking.
Anyway, long story short. The majority of factors that guys will find attractive about you have nothing to do with your physical appearance. Continue to try to find avenues to make yourself healthier (since you don't sound happy with your body at the moment), and at the same time work on those non-physical factors that make you a interesting, attractive, and poised woman.
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Beauty standards change all the time, which demonstrates how subjective it all is. Fat used to be the ideal, skinny was not. You can still see this in countries where food scarcity is still a real problem.
And whoever said that (man or woman) is a major douche.
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Why is everyone saying Myra when it should be Myrna?
I guess its all in the mind. Sometimes having a high self esteem helps and will help you feel and look sexier. Besides whats sexy to guy A isn't Sexy to guy B.
Relax and Chill out.
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Clearly there's such a thing as a cute chubby girl. There are thoudans of them. Eye of the beholder and all, but girls with curves are what many MANY guys and gay gals want.
Overweight girls and thin girls both are reality in our world. Just as MANY men, of many sizes, can be attractive without looking like perfume/jeans models from magazines (huge pecs, washboard abs, weathered tan but no skin damage, non-receding hairline, sparkle in green-blue eyes, chiseled chin, not too much body hair... - - how often does reality grant you this fantasy-world harlequin-novel-cover man??)
Some people don't even use LOOKS as a guide in love, you know.women who show ribs (megan fox, for one, comes to mind) look like they are ill, like a fake tan on someone with Consumption. She shows a lot of cleavage to hide/distract from the fact she's got a little boys body with boobs on it.
men with no weight problem but no muscle tone likewise look, to some of us, like their health is really suffering.You are working on your weight that you're unhappy with? Great - there's not much more to do than please yourself, Clem . . . that song lyric comes to mind, don't it? "can't please everybody, so you gotta please yourself" Fat women don't "settle". People (of all sizes) with little WILL are the ones who 'settle' for things they don't want.
But working in only ideals? You'd become a hermit pretty quickly if you couldn't stand the non-perfect parts of the world.Besides, if anti-overweight doucheguy really wants to solve his problem, he should live in a country with a bad hunger problem. Perhaps all his dream women are waiting for him there. Though they'll...probably think he's ...a little fat...?
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Being sexy can't only be seen on your physical appearance or stature, you have to feel it within yourself even if your fat, it's how you project. I must consider Tyra as a chubby woman way back but still men sees her as hot and attractive because that's the way she want us to see her. Maybe it's time for you to take health products that will help you feel good about yourself.
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