Pondering those Mormon ads…

Last night this bitch did something I rarely do…I watched commercials.
What?

Since my beloved TiVo entered my life I haven’t had to sit through a series of commercials in prime time for years.  But last night I watched Shark Week programming live and thus caught a series of ads about Mormons.

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

Yes, Mormons.

The first ad featured a 30 something woman who looked as nice as nice can be and who chatted about her volunteer work in…I think it was Central America…and about how helping others humbled her chil’ren and that she’s a mom and a Mormon.

The second ad featured a 30 something man who also looked as nice as nice can be and who chatted about his love of surfing and his belief that people are cool or something like that and then he said he was a husband and a Mormon.

Blink.

Now you’re wondering what the fuck this is all about.

I have no idea.

Let’s speculate, shall we?

Maybe Mormons are feeling misunderstood.  When I think back to the 2008 election season I recall some anti-Mormon rhetoric being tossed around.

But the timing is off.

Why now?

And these ads aren’t just tardy on the response to a 2008 hate-fest tip…they come across as a re-positioning of all things Mormon.

Mmmmhmm, this bitch thinks these ads are the Mormon version of those BP we’re in it for the long haul and we care so fuck you for not noticing ads that are polluting the television.

‘Cause while these ads show nice as nice can be people who anyone would like to share a cup of coffee with, they completely ignore the other Mormons up in the temple…you know, those Mormons that tossed enough money to feed a developing country for years into anti gay marriage campaigns a couple of years ago and are proud to have done it.

This bitch has the same reaction to these ads as I do to the BP we’re in it for the long haul and we care so don’t call us soulless environment destroying beasts cause that hurts and is bad for bitness and you’re lucky we didn’t just let you rot ads.

Smells like bullshit to me.

But I’m willing to bet they’re a HUGE hit in the House of Romney!

That’ll show ‘em…

Missouri morphed from being the Show-Me state to being the You Can’t Make Me state last night by voting to approve a proposition allowing the state to diss the benefits of federal health care reform on behalf of we the residents.

Way to fucking go, Missouri.

Even though no one believes this proposition is enforceable…with the exception of those freaky state sovereignty folks who are hoping this kicks off a revival of the Civil War…it does send a sorta-message.

By sorta-message a bitch means that this isn’t exactly the hands down Tea Raver victory the press will make it out to be.

Sorry…it just isn’t.

Voter turn out was beyond low…it was 110 degrees in the shade and many Democratic races weren’t seen to be facing a serious primary challenge.  GOP races, however, had some spice.  Add to that the fact that many Democrats didn’t start talking about Prop C until this weekend, while Republicans have been railing against government “mandates” for months.

Sigh.

But by calling this a sorta-message I also acknowledge the reality that lots of Missourians, regardless of their political affiliation, don’t like health care reform and plenty of them don’t like President Obama and the majority of those folks really don’t like the current state of things so fuck it, they voted AGAINST the federal government and that’ll show ‘em.

And it doesn’t matter that they’ve just declared their opposition to protecting women against gender discrimination by private insurers, ending the practice of dropping coverage because of pre-existing conditions (such as breast cancer and pregnancy)…that they have now gone on record as being against significantly increasing private insurance and Medicaid coverage of reproductive health care, including family planning…and to women having guaranteed direct access to ob/gyn services and no longer needing a referral or prior authorization from their health insurance company.

Hell, this vote was a vote against allowing parents to cover their chil’ren as a dependent up to the age of 26 and protecting chil’ren from falling through the cracks as thousands do now.

Now that’s cold.



Fuck it - don't tread on them or their right to not be able to insure their chil'ren or get insurance for their own ass!

Pause…consider…continue.

Confession - this bitch wishes this vote did mean something.

I wish Missouri could opt out.

I do!

I really wish that Missourians could fuck themselves and their neighbors twice on Sunday and then have to watch as folks next-door in Illinois or upstairs in Iowa enjoy not getting dissed for insurance because they’ve had to use health insurance or for one of the other dumb ass greed-based justifications tossed out by insurance companies.

The tragedy is that Missourians won’t suffer for this trifling ass electoral toddler tantrum bullshit.

Mayhap they would have learned something from the ramifications of their actions - but then again, this is Missouri where folks will double down on a fuck up in a heartbeat just to be contrary.

Blink.

This bitch no longer frets over my state hemorrhaging jobs and people...

...and has moved on to wonder why the fuck I'm still here.

Hooray, it’s Election Day!

A bitch is preparing for Election Day today!

I’m going to kick the day off by volunteering outside the polls…and then I get to drive a bunch of voters so they can get their vote on (‘tis too hot to walk serious distances)…and then I’m going to bring my happy ass home and watch the returns.

Gawd, I love Election Day!

I heard a news report that claims that only 1 out of 4 Missouri voters are expected to head to the polls today.

Pathetic.

After all the talk about patriots and not treading on me and taking government back for the people, a bitch thinks it is a damn shame that more folks don’t intend to use their vote.

Pause…consider…continue.

Then again, low turn out amplifies the power of those of us who do vote and 1 out of 4 voter turn-out makes this bitch one powerful super voter.

Blink.

Happy Election Day...vote NO on Prop. C 'cause it's trifling...and I hope to see some of y’all at the polls!

A shark is born...

A bitch is beyond excited about Shark Week…and I’m not just talking about the series of shark-based shows that will air on The Discovery Channel!

Let’s see, we’ve got Great White sharks swimming off the East Coast...a couple of ethics scandals for Democrats in the House, the where-the-fuck-did-the-oil-go BP spill mystery in the Gulf and a primary election tomorrow in Missouri (vote, vote, VOTE!!) and other states.

Let the feeding frenzy begin!

Shall we?

Let's begin with how this bitch became Shark-Fu.

I love sharks.

Not in a let’s jump in the H2O and get up close and personal kind of way, but in an appreciation of their beauty, strength and fierce-i-tude way.

Folks are always asking about my nickname and if it has something to do with my shark fascination…but one came before the other.

When this bitch was a wee bitch I was often bullied at school.  One specific bully fixated on my teeth…specifically on the fact that some teeth were coming in behind other teeth on the bottom row.  He taunted and teased and called me a shark and a freak.

Gawd, he was an ass.

For some reason, being called a shark bothered me more than the pushes and shoves on the bus.

I ran home one day…in a full hiccup cough crying fit…and vented to my mother who told me to hush and followed that up with some advice that if some asshole kid is gonna call me a shark then I need to just go on and be a shark.

That shit confused the hell out of me and I ended up in my bedroom curled into a ball of absolute misery.  My sister C-Money came in and backed up my mother’s advice…she said that if I claimed my sharkdom then it would take the air out of the asshole's taunt.

Thus, Sharkie...or The Shark, Shark-Fu, Sharkella and so forth…was born!

Over the years I’ve made a study of sharks and they truly are amazing creatures.

Pause...consider...continue.

Not in a let’s jump in and have a party with them kind of way...sharks can be vicious, but the same can be said of this bitch.

Wink.

Anyhoo, via la shark week and happy Monday to all y'all!

Happy Now - Bon Jovi at Soldier Field

Hey y’all, this is C-Money rocking the Bitchitude today with a review of the totally epic Bon Jovi show last night. Shark-Fu and I went to see my favorite band for my birthday. It was totally awesome. They opened with Happy Now, my favorite song off the new album The Circle. And I’m still happy, filled with afterglow, optimism and bitchitude.

C-Money and Shark-Fu at VIP Party

Yes, Jon, I’m gonna live before I die. I’m gonna stand my ground. I’m gonna work for the working man. I’m gonna love, love, love and fight, fight, fight. I’m livin' on a prayer, but I know I can always go home. I’m gonna be happy now. Cuz someday I’ll be Saturday night. Oh, yeah.

We made the pilgrimage to Chicago to worship with the faithful in a 50,000 strong tribal love fest at Soldier Field. During our weekend sojourn we met fellow fans. This is a band for the people and Bon Jovi fans are great folks. At the pre-party we met two women from Chicago and talked hockey and reminisced about our first Bon Jovi shows while sipping vodka crans and munching deep-fried mac and cheese, cute little chicken pastries and sliced meats.

Memories. Our first show was the New Jersey tour in St. Louis. Shark-Fu had 80’s bangs and I had black plastic bangles and purple lipstick. I was a senior in high school and Shark-Fu was a sophomore. Skid Row opened up. We were in prime spot on the way to our seats to be the Youth Gone Wild and jump the rail to the floor, but The Shark grabbed the back of my t-shirt, emblazoned with “We’re Back, Kickin' Ass!” and cooler heads prevailed. We nestled into our seats waaaaaaay up in the rafters but when Bon Jovi hit the stage Jon was still larger than life. Bras were flying, girls were crying, Richie Sambora was laughing under that iconic hat. Two, Three, Four. Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah. Pyrotechnics from the stage. Lighters in the stands. Jon going for it on Livin' on a Prayer. We left the definition of an arena rock concert with our ears ringing.

Remember back when pants were tight, hair was long and MTV played music? Everyone we met this weekend did.

Flash forward about 20 years to last night. We sat next to a couple from Rolla, Missouri, who saw the band during the Slippery When Wet tour. And on the other side sat folks from Texas who cut their teeth on New Jersey. I stood in line for the bathroom with women who were on their fourth show this year, in town from Kansas. We stood behind women holding signs begging Jon to sing Damned; after I saw him work the maracas I was glad he obliged. I got a note through to my friend Tammy’s buddy who tours with the band and asked for Someday I’ll Be Saturday Night, Who Says You Can’t Go Home and Happy Now. They played them all. (I like to think the note got through and Jon was all, “For Crystal, I’ll do anything.” A girl can dream.) We walked back to our hotel with folks who flew in from Iowa. And we rode to the airport with guys who came from Arkansas and Tennessee; they last saw Bon Jovi open up for the Scorpions right after Runaway hit. This is a long-term relationship we’re in with this band. It was great to meet so many who sing along to the anthems I like to sing along to. Even the TSA agent at O’Hare was in the tribe. She went Friday night and loved it. So if you read a bitchy review of a Bon Jovi show from some snobby rock critic, know that they just don’t get it. Bon Jovi delivers songs about love, survival, home, fighting, living and dying with rock star flair. They’ve seen a million faces. And they’ve rocked them all.

The boys from New Jersey didn’t hit the stage cold. The sold out crowd was suitably warmed up. First up was a band I’d never heard of but thoroughly enjoyed called The Worsties. Their lead singer reminded me of Debbie Harry and Gwen Stefani with her punk-pop energy and confidence. I don’t think their song Let’s Go is out yet, but it rocks. “Let’s go, let’s go, L-E-T-S-G-O” is an earworm hook. The Worsties bassist has a really pretty blue guitar and he knows what to do with it.

Cue Don’t Stop Believin' and prepare for the happening that is Kid Rock live. That man is crazy good in concert. At one point he had the whole place singing his name in a cool call and response: Kid. Rock. Rock. Kid. Rock. Rock. He was all over the stage, playing every instrument, including scratching on turntables, while pouring a shot of Jim Beam. My favorite part of his set was when he did So Hott and sold that line “I wanna fuck you like I’m never gonna see you again” over a funk-nasty guitar riff. It was sexy as hell, an achievement for a man who needs to eat more to fill out his jeans. I’ll forgive him for inviting the Blackhawks onstage to hoist the Stanley Cup and be adored. But only because I got to see the Cup itself up close. Yo, St. Louis Blues, y’all need to go get that trophy!

Then the sun went down. The air was thick with anticipation. And the mother of all opening montage light shows began with video of Bon Jovi walking through The Circle tunnel in moody blue. The music builds. Then Jon appeared: “What would you say to me. If I told you I had a dream …” I grabbed Shark-Fu and was all “OMG! They’re playing Happy Now! I love that song! Whooaaaa!!!” She laughed and it was on. Jon worked a white mic stand and seems to be mostly over his leg injury. He told us to get up out of our seats like we weren’t already standing and dancing and singing. It was a party y’all.

I went to the pisser during Bad Medicine and was on my way back, walking by the circular ramp area, when Richie took the spotlight for a terrific gospel rendition of Lay Your Hands on Me. I noticed bitches crowding the ramp. Trusting the wisdom of crowds, I found a patch near a security dude and stood my ground, iPhone in hand to catch whatever was gonna happen next. Then Jon emerged on the ramp in a new outfit with a black guitar and did a cover of Turn The Page with Kid Rock. Then a mini-acoustic set broke out with the band on the circle ramp. I hung out, semi-blinded by the spotlight on Jon. (We were behind the band when they were on the ramp.) Richie turned around and smiled at me. I’m serious. It was a moment.

They did Have a Nice Day, Who Says You Can't Go Home and Someday I'll Be Saturday Night. Happy happy, joy joy. Then Jon said, "G'Night!" But we all knew that was bullshit. They went away, Jon changed into a blue tank that matched his eyes, and they came back for an encore.

The encore was epic, yet for some fans, I’m sure it was controversial because it wasn't a hit parade. They did Dry County, a long moody song with a terrific chorus. This song is best live. Jon was feeling it. I was feeling it. He pushed the crowd to join him in the tale of a boom town gone bust. They followed that up with Wanted Dead or Alive, I Love This Town and the epic closer, Livin' on a Prayer. I would have put Keep the Faith in instead of I Love This Town, but Jon was masterful all night – in good voice, dramatic, beautiful – so I’ll just say thank you for a wonderful night.

If you can’t tell, I’m in a terrific mood. I’m off to sing Livin' on a Prayer in the shower at the top of my lungs. I’m turning 39 this week. And to quote a Bon Jovi lyric, I’m not old. I’m just older.

Peace-out,

C-Money

Oh hell yes, it’s Friday and bitch is heading to Chicago!

A bitch is taking a weekend trip to Chicago with my sister C-Money!

Mmmmhmm, we’re heading to the windy city ‘cause C-Money is obsessed a huge fan of Bon Jovi.

Blink

What?

Wink.

C-Money loves her some Bon Jovi and they aren’t coming to St. Louis so we’re traveling to Chi-Town to see them and celebrate her birthday a wee bit early.

The dawgs get a weekend at dawg camp and this bitch gets a fun weekend in Chicago away from dawgs.

Happy, happy, happy and joys times three!

C-Money has promised a guest post…we’ll see if she produces one.

Toodles for now!

An update on Arizona…

Yesterday a federal judge put the brakes on the meat of Arizona’s new immigration law.

Specifically, the federal judge issued an injunction that blocks the provision that requires police to "make a reasonable attempt to determine the immigration status of a person stopped, detained or arrested" if the officer determines that she/he has reasonable suspicion that the person is in the United States illegally.

CNN’s Jeffrey Toobin points out that the federal judge’s ruling was based on the likelihood of the federal government to win their argument that the provision violates federal sovereignty and control of immigration laws.  He also believes that this case will ultimately end up in front of the Supreme Court.

Pause...sip coffee…continue.

It’s important to understand that this ruling did not speak to whether the provision would violate a person’s civil rights.  The judge did point out that the law could lead to the detention of citizens who are in the country legally...but she blocked the provision ‘cause it violates federal law.

My take?

I don’t want to live in a country where each state has it’s own immigration law.  We already have a nation where a person’s reproductive freedom varies state to state and that’s a damn shame...that a woman in one state has reproductive rights that a woman in another state doesn’t is fucked up from the floor up and un-American as hell.  So, I’m glad the federal judge blocked that provision and sent a message that the federal government makes immigration policy and enforces that policy for the nation. 

By the gods, I hope support for uniformity becomes a fucking judicial trend.

But that leaves us with a federal government that still needs to revise our immigration policy…and a bunch of polls that seem to say that Americans support the spirit of the now blocked profiling provision from Arizona. 

So we still face the real possibility that the same forces that were at play in Arizona will take their "cause" to the Hill and add that kind of provision to a reform of federal immigration law…and then opponents would challenge it…and our best bet would be for the Supreme Court to take up the case.

Blink.

The struggle continues…

Much better now...

Lawd, have mercy!

My bitchitude has stabilized…but it took a day away from the news to get back to normal.

And decent night of sleep.

And some one-on-one time with my sorta-beagle.

Sigh.

Hold please!

A bitch went to bed feeling like the world has gone to shit and I woke up feeling like I did when I went to bed.

Shit, I think I’ve caught a malaise!

Well, fuck a duck.

I don’t have time for a malaise!

Am I feeling uneasy and out of sorts?

Sort of…maybe…but not really.

Pause…consider…continue.

Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve caught a malaise after all.

Truth is, a bitch’s current state of mind is a wee bit  Fannie Lou Hamer with some Howard Beale thrown in for flavor.

Translation – this bitch is sick and tired of being sick and tired with some tired as hell and not gonna take it anymore on the side!

Mmmhmm, this isn’t a malaise…this is unstable bitchitude!

And unstable bitchitude coupled with this extreme heat is dangerous as a motherfucker.

Shit!

Time to cool it down and soothe my soul a bit.

Toodles until this evening!