The Week That Was 5/18/07Another week. More preposterousness to report.
Yes my friends, once again that very same group of geriatric white men, looking an awful lot like a Helms family barbecue, assembled to offer various
false nuggets of wisdom gleaned from years spent cheating on their wives, flip-flopping on the issues, and possessing beliefs more retro than Barbara Bush's hoop skirt collection.
This time the GOP presidential wannabes were in South Carolina, so I thought maybe they'd all pay tribute to Strom Thurmond and the glory days when you could bed the help without, you know, asking their permission or acknowledging your children. Yet, alas, they seem to have learned more from Trent Lott giving voice to his inner Klansman circa 2002.
But there were many other highlights this past half-fortnight. We learned that:
1) Being a Republican means you want to double the size of Guantanamo (Romney) - which I agree with on some level, as we all know that soon our prison system will be at excess capacity just housing members or The Bush Administration, Republicans in Congress,
governors throughout the nation and various other GOPers seeking massages from hookers (not that there's anything wrong with it).
Now if you could only add Ted Nugent's music, Dennis Miller's jokes and Paul Wolfowitz' wet comb to the list of those to be added to solitary confinement, I might fully support this idea.
2) Being a Republican means you hate Ron Paul for raising questions about whether US foreign policy might have ticked off anyone anywhere in the world prior to 9/11,
yet you love and miss the late grating Jerry Falwell who explicitly said we brought 9/11 upon ourselves.
3) Being a Republican means that for you a hospital - you know, that place you cut funding for, especially the ones serving our troops, so Ken Lay's wife can stretch to afford that fifth mansion - is a place where you want to force those in a persistent vegetative state to stay "alive" and allow
those in a persistent criminal state to coerce signatures for laws that violate the Constitution.
4) Being a Republican means
you spent more time on your photo-op walk through Baghdad than you actually do showing up to vote for a war you embrace more firmly than a 29-year old's neck in Don Sherwood's love nest.
You also like to have your "Independent" front groups
do your dirty work in attacking Democrats' patriotism.
5) Finally, being a DEMOCRAT, means you probably shouldn't hire consultants who
work for Silvio Berlusconi and Big Pharma, and you don't
financially support Mitch McConnell and George W. Bush.
For more go to the usual spot,
cliffschecter.com
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