Wonkette

New developments indeed. When did this happen? [Weigel]

Rick Santorum has been in Iowa a lot lately, so obviously he is running for president. But he doesn’t really want to. The people of the United States are FORCING him to, because they just need a President Rick Santorum so badly. “I sort of feel in some respects I’m being pulled along in this,” Santorum said, in what was not, it turns out, an off-color abortion joke. Leave him alone, America! Stop pushing him to be your leader. God will put him in the White House when the time is right. MORE »

FINALLY YOUR WONKETTE HAS A STOCK PHOTO OF ANTHONY WEINER: Some people on Twitter like to use photos of them as children as their avatars. Now famed guy-who-sometimes-yells-on-the-House-floor-about-how-Congress-is-a-sham Anthony Weiner has joined the club. Somehow Weiner survived his childhood looking like this and being named “Anthony Weiner,” which is quite commendable. We assume this Anthony Weiner photo hung out with this Norm Coleman photo all the time. [@RepWeiner via Daily Intel]

In 2008, the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform decided it would grandstand on the use of steroids in baseball, because what else were they going to do? Their jobs? (NO.) So this was a little circus for a while, and they subpoenaed famous baseball players to these hearings so that said members of Congress could attract teevee attention and look important. But, funnily enough, some asshole, former pitcher Roger Clemens, has actually gotten indicted for lying in this pointless exercise. Whoops. MORE »

If you find yourself wandering down U Street NW — because your power’s been shut off, say, or because there’s a gas leak, or your office is on fire, or because you’re avoiding the metro, seeing as how taking it is no different than plotting your own death — what should you do? Eat food from the international country of France. Why should you do this? MORE »

Minneapolis police are investigating CRUDE VIOLENCE after Al Franken’s wife reported that their condo there has been shot. The condo seems to be in stable condition, although a window was cracked. Interestingly, Al Franken just came out very strongly against the opponents of the proposed New York Muslim community center. Are Minnesotans trying to KILL Al Franken’s condo because it’s associated with this Muslin senator? MORE »

• RedState is spanking itself gleefully with a cinnamon-scented paddle because George Bush has been vindicated, and also everyone wants to know what he thinks about the atrocious Ground Zero Mosque. [RedState]
• Oh look: George Bush has commented on the 9/11 Mosque. His take: “Cordoba whaa?” And then he choked on a pretzel stick. Kaboom, vindicated! [The Daily Dish]
• Meanwhile, more hilariously absurd arguments are being barfed up as to why Park 51 must be stopped. This particular gem was penned by “NR Intern.” (NRO interns don’t even get their own bylines! Weak sauce, K-Lo.) Did you know that Park 51 is going to have a swimming pool? Never forget. [The Corner]
• Famous lamestream media pundit Fareed Zakaria is leaving Newsweek! Now he will write a Brangelina gossip column for Time. [Daily Intel]
• A GOP person from Iowa is fairly certain that the Bibles teaches us that AIDS happens when gay people make out with vampires. [Think Progress]

The Tea Party Exchange of Dayton, Ohio — a customer-loyalty program that was supposed to reward Teabaggers with discounts, TeabaggerMarts with new customers, and take a little off the top for the Tea Party itself — has shut down operations after a remarkably short time on this earth, reports the Talking Points Memo muckrakers. Aren’t such discount programs kind of “pro-poor,” anyway? MORE »

“Today, I am writing to request your help. John’s birthday is on August 29th, and I very much want you and many of his other loyal friends and supporters to be part of the celebration.” YOU MEAN WE GET TO COME OVER AND LISTEN TO HIM COMPLAIN ABOUT STUFF, CINDY? Awesome! Yes, the great campaign e-mail tradition of the candidate’s spouse asking you to “sign” the ol’ birfday card has come up for the McCain camp. Except because it’s John McCain, it’s just depressing. MORE »

Everyone agrees that Barack Obama is not personally doing enough to fix the American economy. It’s well known that he could sort this whole mess out if he really wanted to, but instead he’s too busy trying to figure how to get health care to illegal immigrants and worshipping Islam. But now there’s something he could do very easily that would stimulate the economy: namely, just stand there and smile politely while some lucky American — maybe you? — runs past him with his or her genitals exposed, all for the amusement of some evil British billionaire. Green shoots! MORE »

Missouri Republican Senate candidate put up this Web ad yesterday, featuring audio from his opponent, Robin Carnahan, and a single Ken Burns-effected photo of the smoldering ruins of the World Trade Center. Wow, this is such a cute ad! How did he accomplish this cuteness without the use of kittens? So this is a gaffe, apparently, and it was taken down. But the Blunt campaign has since put out the exact same ad with a different image, that of Obama and Carnahan. Our head of state, you see, is a Muslim who wants to take over America with his terrorism, and that, that is not a gaffe in today’s America, but rather good politics. MORE »

When last we saw Alvin Greene he was bellowing incoherently at local reporters, which might lead you to believe that he has lost his mind and/or rejects all media attention now, but that is not the case! In fact, he seems to have had a friendly chat (or maybe an email exchange, or maybe he just shouted his answers through the windows of his house) with the Charleston City Paper, in which he offered some advice for South Carolinian kids heading for college. Alvin draws on his own experience as a University of South Carolina grad and, of course, on the Daoist philosophy that underlies his political worldview. MORE »

We already know that the Australian election coming up this weekend is just a way to kill time until the death of Elizabeth II unleashes anarchy on the country that can only end in “Thunderdome Law.” But now the civilized world has learned exactly how the Aussies intend to determine the winner of this election: not by casting “votes” in a dignified fashion like the good people of Florida or Iraq, but in accordance with the outcome of an act of brutal slaughter. MORE »

Bedbugs! They’re destroying Freedom & Liberty even faster than Debbie Riddle and terror babies combined. In Ohio and several other states, the critters have become so unruly that local governments are calling on the feds — including the Department of Defense — to help find a solution. MORE »

Free citizens of America! Is globalism grinding you down and burying you in Ameros? Are Obama’s secret police camped out in your driveway, waiting to haul you off to a FEMA camp? Does the NAFTA Superhighway run straight through your teabag sculpture garden? Got a case of the swine flu and aren’t sure which pig is responsible? The Trillion-Dollar Conspiracy: How the New World Order, Man-Made Diseases, and Zombie Banks Are Destroying America by widely-feted conspiracy journalist Jim Marrs will explain how and why! MORE »