Wonkette
Sometimes, even superfans get angry at their favorite auteurs. For example, every time I think about those Star Wars abortionfilms with Hayden Christensen, I get PPSD (post prequel stress disorder) and have rage fits involving visions of Jar Jar eating George Lucas. Last Friday, I was rather incensed at my own favorite director, Official White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary, because he did not post his latest installment of West Wing Week at the usual time of 12:00 a.m. ET. Like all good boyfriends, Arun attempted to make amends via Twitter.
Because I have forgiven him, and because he did eventually put up last week’s West Wing Week, I have deigned to examine this week’s West Wing Week with an unbiased eye and an open heart. This week’s edition is called “Turkey Turkey and a Jammer,” which sounds absolutely filthy, much like Absent Ken Layne.
Okay, first of all, why the fuck does Sasha get to go everywhere while Malia has to stay home and read Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry or whatever is on the Sidwell Friends summer reading list? As a fellow oldest daughter, I would like to protest the lack of fun vacation action on Malia’s behalf. Barry and Michelle Ma Belle and Sasha went to Panama City, Florida to play mini-golf and probably stay at a La Quinta Inn so the press for once wouldn’t be all bitchy about Michelle having a nice freaking vacation.
On Monday, Barack went to Milwaukee to confer with the Bronze Fonz on economic policy. He also visited Shotz Brewery, where he put a rubber glove on a beer bottle and waved bye-bye to it, adorably.
On Tuesday, Bammerz went to Seattle with Secretary of Commerce Gary Locke. Everyone was confused to see a black person, but Locke soothed them all with some wrenchingly emotional guitar riffs. They toured the Sub Pop factory, and enjoyed an impromptu performance of that “Yes I Can” video song by Mother Love Bone. Then everyone went to Pike Place Fish Market, where the ghost of Kurt Cobain threw a fish at Obama and was promptly escorted away by Starbucks secret police. They concluded the day with some espresso-flavored homecooked meth from a lovely trailer just outside Seattle city limits.
On Wednesday, Our National Hotness-in-Chief went to hang out with some totally RANDO family in their rando house in Columbus, Ohio. The family was very attractive and their house was really pretty and Obama hung out with the whole neighborhood in their backyard. And now, on to Thursday!
Wait…where the…what the…WHY IS THERE NO THURSDAY? Why does West Wing Week stop at frigging Wednesday in frigging Columbus, OH? This is bullshit, Arun! Are you too good for Thursday?! Is Thursday beneath you? Or do you and Obama hate Thursday because it is named after Thor, Norse God of Thunder, and you are both racist against Scandinavia? Is that it? Is that fucking it? We’re never going to get anywhere with a nation run by Hate, Arun!
Have a great weekend, you bastard children of the damned! I’ll be at your DC Arts Center at 7:30 Saturday night. $10 for interactive comedy death. Fuck you. [West Wing Week]
Name dropping with Blingee: I like this character very much.
Paragraf #5 is really funny! I am leaving this tab open so that I can come back and reread it all day long.
I think you should have received a personal apology from Obama himself, Sara, but that’s just my opinion.
I hear Thor’s not a Muslim, so that’s probably it. Fortunately our dear Freya converted when Muslim atheist evolutionist Adolf Hitler invaded Trondheim in one of his little adventures — the one that didn’t end with the Sixth Army being encircled and starved and frozen to death.
Also, I think Malia’s at camp or something — enjoying a normal life of just being followed by half a dozen Secret Service agents like most kids.
Oh, Sara J., you had me at “espresso-flavored homecooked meth.” That’s what SkoalRebel and I enjoyed at the Gathering of Jugalos, recently, also too.
Finally, a blingee without bieber-seizure.
Wow. As someone who knows Seattle with the intimacy of an ardent young lover, I must say your word-pictures really brought it to life for me here, Sara. I must now go pick up a copy of The Stranger, down a six pack of Pike Place Kilt Lifter and feed french fries to the seagulls at Ivars whilst I wait in line for the Picasso exhibit to open at SAM.
Wow, Sarah save something for the weekend.
Did the bag carrying aide take lessons from McCain on proper tongue sticking out etiquette while in the presence of Obama?
Sara, if I wasn’t on this weekends in prison schedule, I would so totally be there but alas, I’ll be stuck making boloney and cheese sandwiches for my fellow innocents in the Kings County lockup. I only have to serve another three weekends and I’ll be free as a bird. Where’s your traveling minstrel show going to be in three weeks?
Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry, my ass. Malia is totally reading Das Kapital, excerpts from the Qu’ran, and Mein Kampf.
queeraselvis v 2.0: And meanwhile, somebody needs to re-read HTML for Dumbshits.
I love Wonkette, and Sara, you are surely funny and a good writer. But does anyone get the feeling that Wonkette editors have recently shifted from making fun of politics to… talking about themselves? While navel gazing is an enjoyable passtime that I engage in myself, Wonkette’s new shift toward autobiography blog has admittedly reduced my interest in reading it. Still, I have nowhere else to go at present for poignant, humorous takes on the news so, Wonkette, you’re still my one and only. Especially when you talk about Alvin Greene and Buddhism. That’s about the funniest series of posts I can recall since… your Pulitzer-worthy coverage of Mark Sanford.
Schlemiel, schlimazel.
Joanie: No, not really.
queeraselvis v 2.0:
First Annual Summer Reading Quiz:
Match the Quote:
Mein Kampf
Catcher in the Rye
Marx’s Last Words
Qu’ran
Roll of Thunder
Oh, how sweet was well-maneuvered revenge!
He deserves paradise who makes his companions laugh.
If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that…kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.
Was there any form of filth or profligacy, particularly in cultural life, without at least one Jew involved in it? If you cut even cautiously into such an abscess, you found, like a maggot in a rotting body, often dazzled by the sudden light - a kike!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.
Anyone notice how the West Wing update neglected to mention the Boyfriend in Chief’s fundraiser in Hancock Park that snarled Westside traffic on a Monday during rush hour. The comments on the LA Times story about it were predictably sad and hilarious - fewer Westsiders breaking up with Bamms than wingnuts just wishing they would.
I, personally, was honored that my usual 30 minute stint in traffic had a higher purpose - drafting even those Los Angelenos who didn’t vote Dem into “servicing” him anyway.
nappyduggs: Hassenpheffer incorporated….
Yeah, Malia’s at camp. I’m fairly certain it’s not prison camp, but she was only allowed one phone call and she saved it for Barack’s birthday. Awwwwwww.
One correction: unlike the rest of Washington State, Seattle does have a few black guys.
Seattle even had a black mayor! (Once.) Amazing but true!
MLM: Mayor Norm Nice!
The Nice guy finished first? Roll over, Durocher!
Joanie: Wonkette has changed, but I don’t think it has gotten too personal … BUT in SB’s case getting personal is her SHTICK (and she carries a big one).
I do like me some NEW WONKETTE.
Joanie:
No.
Hit the road then Joanie.
What is a passtime, also?