So the National Enquirer has some professional masseuse who gave Al Gore a 3 1/2 hour massage  in 2006 and is claiming the former VP sexually assaulted her. And she has the stained panties to prove it. Um ugh. Oh btw, he paid her $540 for the massage.

Anyway, the police department in Portland Oregon where the alleged professional massage took place issued a statement which my local radio guys John & Ken read on the the air. The basic timeline:

Late 2006: Masseuse’s lawyer calls PD and says client was sexually assaulted by Al Gore and has the DNA evidence to prove it. On her panties. Client declines to come in and be interviewed. Matter round filed.

2007: When recontacted by the police, lawyer says they are pursuing this as a civil matter.

Jan 2009: Professional masseuse decided to follow up with criminal case, and is interviewed by police.

We can only assume she still has her dirty laundry. However, the Portland Police and DA decided that there isn’t a case. So the masseuse asks the police for her statements and goes to the tabloid. Guess that civil case didn’t work out like she planned…

Oh and the name Gore used while in the hotel getting a professional 3 1/2 hour massage for $540? Mr. Stone.

(photo: Cobalt 123, creative commons)

Warren Beatty and Annette Benning’s eldest child has state his move to transition from female to male, per the National Enquirer. Eighteen year-old Kathryn, who now goes by Stephen, has expressed a desire to pursue gender assignment through hormones and surgery.

Hopefully the Enquirer will learn the correct pronoun usage when writing about transpeople. Even more hopefully, the Beatty/Benning household is more accepting of the matter than tabloid’s story would lead people to believe.

photo: Alan Light

There’s a lot to yammer about, from tasty food and eating bugs to whatever is bugging whoever.

I had an unexpected run in with chapulina empanadas at one of Los Angeles’ most popular Oaxacan  restaurants which has super hot waiters. That night ours had a spider tattoo on his neck. Anyway my Spanish is pretty marginal, and for some reason I thought chapulinas might be cheese curds. Then the empanadas came and after a couple bites, I went

Oh maybe seeds…?

Then I found a leg, at which point I mentioned to the one dude in our group that these might be crickets. He called over the cute tattooed waiter and asked

Hey, are these crickets?

And the guy replied,

Nah, grasshoppers.

So our hero said

Oh cool, grasshoppers!

slapped some guacamole on the empanada and munched it down, smiling all the while and saving us from the label of sissy gringos. Though I’ll still never order the goat spine in mole.

There’s a really interesting theory about why foods are kosher or not: When things possess the qualities of two things, when they are “neither fish nor fowl” they are unclean or treyf. Take oysters, which look like rocks, but contain a living thing. Or lobsters, crab and shrimp–giant bugs that live in the ocean. Ostriches are birds which run and do not fly, and so on.

Los Angeles has some really awesome rolling food vendors: Korean BBQ tacos, Canters Deli, Indian food, crepes, cupcakes, gourmet coffee and of course the basic burger and burrito trucks show up where ever there’s a crowd. Today’s lake victory parade in downtown had a newcomer to the mobile munchie force: Weed World Candies.com, a van featuring bikini clad babes sorting buds.

Fans along the victory parade route who had their medical marijuana cards with them were able to buy prescription pot and received a get-high gift with purchase–a cannabis candy lollipop.

Weed World Candies’ van owner Bilal Muhammad told the Los Angeles Times that he was recently forced to shut down his store in West Hollywood, and had taken his business on the road.

Weed World Candies apparently has outlets across the country, but their website is not up yet.

(photo of Weed World Candies Atlanta truck: P. Pressar, creative commons)

It’s about time! Finally there’s large scale national benefit for the Gulf region. The spill may not have injured orphans and displaced families like earlier telethons, but the BP spill’s impact  affects hundreds of thousands of people–oil workers, fishermen, shrimpers, support workers, the tourism industry–in at least four states, as well as millions of non-human life forms: Coral, crabs, fish, dolphins, manatees,  sea birds, plants. And all our oceans are connected…this could flow across the globe. Buh bye, world.

So Larry King is devoting two hours tonight, beginning at 8pm Eastern time for a telethon/concert/fundraiser for humans and the environment devastated by the BP Deepwater Horizon spill. Sting has signed on, along with teen sensation Justin Beiber, Cameron Diaz, Ryan Seacrest, and Robert Redford, Deepak Chopra, Philippe Cousteau, Ted Danson, Kathy Griffin, Chelsea Handler, Randy Jackson, Kerry Kennedy, Lenny Kravitz, Jenny McCarthy, Tim McGraw, Alyssa Milano, Aaron Neville, Edward James Olmos, Victoria Principal, Gloria Reuben, Tyson Ritter, Richard Simmons, Ian Somerhalder, Sam Trammell, Melania and Ivanka Trump, Pete Wentz, Herbie Hancock and India.Arie.

CNN states that the event will benefit

United Way, The National Wildlife Federation and The Nature Conservancy, organizations working directly with the families, individuals and wildlife affected by the Gulf oil spill.

The Nature Conservancy lists BP as a member of its International Leadership Council.

(shoop: commentary/fair use/creative commons by K.Baird)

Two ago weeks Senator Joe “Turncoat” Lieberman, along with Maine’s Sen. Susan Collins and Sen. Tom Carper of Delaware proposed the Protecting Cyberspace as a National Asset Act, an internet kill switch which any POTUS, any time could flick to shut off the Intertoobs. And keep them shut off indefinitely. Much outrage and uproar ensued.

Sunday on CNN Loserman tried to explain that what he had in mind was not a total “All Your Base Are Belong to Us” move, but rather a partial Internet shut down. And why? Because other countries already have that in place and we have to keep up with the Hu Jintaos?

Right now China, the government, can disconnect parts of its Internet in case of war and we need to have that here too.

Wait, wut? Haven’t we been busy decrying actions like that as being all mean and stuff, and talking about how awful it that China can’t have Google or goatse, like real a democracy? And how it sucked that Pakistan shut down Facebook and Google on “Everybody Draw Mohammad Day”?

Lieberman goes on to explain that people are just over reacting and that the bill not censorship. Oh rilly? Protecting Cyberspace as a National Asset would force private websites to comply with broad cybersecurity measures and allow the President to disconnect Internet networks. The president’s power to shut down parts of the Web could be renewed indefinitely under the bill.

But it’s not a big deal, says Lieberman:

We need this capacity in a time of war. We need the capacity for the president to say, ‘Internet service provider, we’ve got to disconnect the American Internet from all traffic coming in from another foreign country, or we have to put a patch on this part of it’.

So I say to my friends on the Internet, relax. Take a look at the bill. And this is something that we need to protect our country.

Lieberman seems like he’s trying to sell this piece of legislation as (thought process/spin):

Oh noes, nasty people could mess with the internets and use them to cause and spread misinformation.

Well, yeah, and how is that different from our not-so upheavally present day?

Please email your senators on both side of the aisle with your opinions on the matter.

[HT: Raw Story]

Thank you for saying this more eloquently thank I ever could.

So rumors abound that Al Gore did some extra-marital global warming. Gore and the most-likely lady–Laurie David, who produced An Inconvenient Truth (can you hear the jokes now?)–both deny having an incandescent liaison.

Way to jump on the extra-marital bandwagon, Al. Actually if the affair story is true, Gore handled it with far more discretion than Edwards, Ensign, Sanford…But still, extra-marital affairs just seem so de riguer nowadays.

Rush Limbaugh made some snarky comment about how he couldnt see Gore having an affair because

an affair requires a willing participant.

The same could be said about Limbaugh and marriage.  Or Limbaugh and his Dominican Viagra vacations. But I guess where’s there’s a wallet, there’s a way. BTW, I am still waiting to hear if and where Elton John–who Limbaugh claims wants to build bridges, not walls, which must be why he played Tel Aviv ::eye roll:::–is gonna donate some of that million he was paid for the 80 minute concert at Rush’s wedding. Gods know Sir Elton is not gonna give any to marriage equality, since he thinks civil unions are just as good. Obviously he hasn’t looked at the laws…Which brings up the California ruling on Prop 8 tomorrow.

Levi Johnson is reportedly spending some nights in the Anchorage apartment of his ex, Bristol Palin and their son Tripp.

Bristol, one the world’s most famous unwed mothers and a spokesperson for abstinence, is living on her own, away from her mother Sarah Palin which might explain why Levi is coming around more often.

Levi was orderde to pay $18,500 is back child support. Maybe they should just get married…

During New Orleans monthly art walk, the newly formed Krewe of Dead Pelicans staged their first parade through Julia Street, New Orleans’ gallery district, to mourn and protest the BP oil spill. Traditionally krewes parade for Mardi Gras, itself a final celebration before the sorrow of the Lenten season.  The KoDP was organized by real estate agent and carnival costume designer Ro Meyer in late May who told the Times-Picayune

The thing is out there in the Gulf circulating and we don’t have any power. We’re not even able to go anywhere to get out of the way. Nobody appears to be doing anything about it, and I don’t have the power to do anything about it, and I don’t know anyone who’s stepping up, saying they have the power to do anything about it…

I just needed a place to channel my frustration and I felt like, ‘If I feel that way, other people must feel that way.’

Ro set up  Facebook pages for the krewe and march which now has over 6000 friends from around the country. Several hundred–some in costumes, others dressed in black and blue to represent the ocean and oil and wearing shrimp boots–participated in the march which included a coffin, banners recycled from Katrina tarps, signs, flags featuring pelican (the state bird) and of course jazz bands. The parade permit was paid for by  country music singer Sammy Kershaw a conservative candidate for Louisiana Lt. Governor (seems there are some Republicans who are putting “conservation” into the conservative platform…).

The krewe will be marching again, and a wing has formed in Tennessee. Expect to see other wings and supporters in Halloween parades across the country as well.