Wonkette

Here is the actual caption to this official White House photograph by Pete Souza: “President Barack Obama is interviewed by Chuck Todd, of NBC News, at Gerald R. Ford International Airport in Grand Rapids, Mich., July 15, 2010.” Mmhmm, but we only see one person in this picture and it sure isn’t MSNBC poli-nerd Chuck Todd. Oh wait, what’s that down there by the chair? MORE »

The blogs were ON FIRE a few weeks back when Sarah Palin was captured on video confronting a lady with a mean anti-Palin banner, and apparently hunting down the Palins with your camera phone is now the hottest sport in Alaska that is not shooting moose. Today’s edition features some weird guy approaching the Palins outside Valdez Airport in Alaska and following them in. Sarah and Todd seem to have come up with a plan to deal with these weird video encounters, a super witty way of getting back at these people: taking out their own camera phones and pretending to record the recorders. MORE »

You know what else can happen in two seconds? FALLING HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH YOUR NEW CRUSH RAY LAHOOD. *kawaii* (｡◕‿‿◕｡) Yes, Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood hates teens sexting when they’re driving cars, so he is doing things like sponsoring this viral video CHALLENGE and going to popular teen hangout the Illinois State Fair to step-dance at teens about this problemo. And now he has ghost-ridden over to the White House website and become a popular teen warblogger, just like your Wonkette. MORE »

Internet municipal-election registration-document compendium TMZ has obtained Levi Johnston’s Alaska Public Offices Commission letter of intent to run for office in Wasilla. Apparently Levi is running for “City of Wasilla 2011.” Is it possible to be elected a city rather than just elected to an office of that city? IT’S UP TO THE VOTERS. MORE »

Next time you go to a Comic Con, make sure you bring your wallet, as it will be $80 to take a photo with this former Illinois governor and $50 to get his autograph. MORE »

If you guys ever want to hang out with Alvin Greene, just call him up. He’ll do it. He’s no snooty Confucian. MORE »

“Republican Rand Paul’s latest money bomb appears to have, well, bombed.” HIGH FIVE! You did it, Politico! Yes, Rand Paul had one of these “money bomb” things, which are supposed to attract media attention and make supporters self-flagellate for just how much they love their favorite politicians. Rand Paul set out to top the $436,000 he raised in a money bomb last August, but this time he only raised $258,000! This is an important midterm bellwether, because it shows Republicans are no longer interested in their candidates. This whole mosque thing is going to blow up (LIKE A MONEY BOMB) in the party’s face, because Republican voters are going to write in “9/11 NOT mosks” for every office on their ballots. MORE »

Former New Jersey judge Andrew Napolitano, host of Fox Business News’s Freedom Watch teevee program and an expert himself on the civil rights of sheeple, invited the magnetic Minnesotan Michele Bachmann to appear on his show — just so he could say that she’s not only an “outstanding and outspoken member of Congress,” but also a “well-known expert on the Constitution.” Bachmann, looking chic in a ponytail and showing off her toned arms (take that, FLOTUS), agreed. MORE »

This is it — the penultimate edition of Ayn Rand’s graphic novel Chick Tract! Come and join Ayn in the objectivist climax of our story, there’s only one left after this one, baby! MORE »

Did you spend the weekend rocking out to the Mosquetard anthem “Keep Your Hands To Yourself”? Well then maybe you’ve already noticed this special part of the video, at 0:39, when the Doofus Forces of Justice raise this banner in support of “Groud Zero, the monument to terrorism!” MORE »

FLOTUS fans are rejoicing this week, because our First Lady’s portrait has just debuted at the National Portrait Gallery in an exhibit called “Americans Now.” This is exciting because sure, Michelle has been in a museum before, but never in a fabulous Mickalene Thomas screen print nor without that pesky Barry Obama sneaking into the shot. Finally, FLOTUS is on her own and sharing the exhibit only with worthy American heroes, like LL Cool J and Martha Stewart. But since it appears so far that no one has demanded FLOTUS’ portrait be relocated to Versailles, there are more important things to report in Michelle World — like what CNN discovered last week in its ongoing investigation of Michelle’s arms. MORE »

A heroic staffer for Massachusetts model-senator Scott Brown recently saved this nice little cat from a harsh, lonely existence on the wild streets of Washington and brought her to Brown’s office. The feline polled well with Team Brown and subsequently acquired a new name: the distinctive “Lucky, a.k.a. ‘Longshot’” — as well as a new job, it seems! MORE »

This week, Maureen Dowd’s Big Sexxxy Sunday Column contains exactly one interesting thought: “Obama is the victim of the elevated expectations he so skillfully created in 2008.” Well that is very fascinating, Maureen! That would even make a good Thesis for a Column. Too bad this cogent statement arrives 85 percent of the way into an otherwise muddled word salad. MORE »

Are you super scared about the Islams building a swimming pool so close to 9/11? Is there anything about lounging around in a burqini in Thomas Jefferson’s version of the Koran? Exactly. So what happens when a “union carpenter who works at Ground Zero” stops by the idiot demonstration to ask why these yokels are coming to New York and making a stink about something that has literally nothing to do with their lives of driving gas-guzzlers around some half-abandoned exurb somewhere while listening to AM radio and hissing through their dentures at the Taco Bell for letting all those Messicans into Real America? Watch the awful video and find out for yourself! MORE »

• Did you spend the weekend trying to sell off the rest of your meager possessions and avoiding news about the 20 million flood victims in Pakistan? Then you may be one of the 309 million Americans who aren’t dedicated enough to keeping America’s Deadly Muslims from building a “Muslim World” resort on the ashes of America’s 9/11. Several hundred real Americans took open-top tour buses to New York City for the first time over the weekend and were delighted to find something racist/idiotic to do once released near the Sacred Ground (Wall Street) of Lower Manhattan. MORE »

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