Wonkette

• Glenn Beck and friends are getting sweet-tats all over Washington DC right now, but not on the green or yellow lines, because that’s where the black people congregate to play craps on the Kill Whitey Express.
• The gays finally converted the innocent virginal maiden Ken Mehlman into their cult of appletinis and progressive dance music.
• Bristol Palin booty-clapped her way back onto network television.
• Michelle Bachmann shared a song and some Kozy Shack before pooping out the political advertising equivalent of Baby Mozart, for adults.
• The ivory tower concept of “tyranny of the majority” is invalid since Charles Krauthammer proved that white people cannot possible be wrong about anything, ever.
• Another religious lunatic was made sexy by your 24-hour media machinery, resulting in a sloppy on-air blowjob by MSNBC.
• Famous salted slug and Senator John McCain won the most difficult primary of his never-ending life by throwing money at the electorate like a common liberal.

Oh, ye Armies of the Night! Rise up … or, hell, just remain seated. Remain seated, ye lardbottoms, and also stick to daylight hours, so you don’t run into each other, on those ridiculous scooters paid for by Socialist Medicare. Wonkette’s photographic war correspondent Dana Ryan is already just cold shooting pictures of the most historical/miraculous event ever, which starts tomorrow we think? MORE »

The quill and ink should be replaced with a BlackBerry, but otherwise, yes. GET IT DONE, CONGRESS. Team Sarah: America’s Idea Factory. [Team Sarah]

Remember when RedState put up a Drudge Siren about how the NRA was going to endorse Harry Reid? Yeah, not happening. They say they won’t support him because he voted for Justices Sotomayor and Kagan. So why did taxpayers fund a $61 million earmark for a gun range in the middle of the Nevada desert? MORE »

Multiple tipsters have sent us this fun Internet adventure: type “mosk” into Openbook, which shows you status updates of people who are too dumb to put any privacy setting on their Facebook account. EVIL LIBRULS have caught on to this, because quite a few of the results of this are now people saying, “Hey, go on this site and put in ‘mosk’,” but in between, predictably, there are quite a few gems. As Krauthammer knows, the American public is very smart and even-handed when it comes to things like the “mosk.” MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Your cartoon correspondent has been looking at cartoons for Wonkette since roughly the Revolutionary War, during which time political cartoons haven’t changed much. You’d think that a man would burn out seeing endless weeping Statues of Liberty and fat generic Congressmen and “funny” Bush/Obama drawings with big ears. And you’d be right! But every once in a while there is a little grace note in a cartoon that needs to be shared with the world, and that serves as a reminder of the rewards of this comics-mocking gig (other than the chicks, and the money, and the political influence). MORE »

GOP Congressional candidate Allen West won his primary this week against … well, who cares what the guy’s name was, he wasn’t even human. “My primary opponent is nothing more than a minor speed bump, which we will defeat, en route towards our goal of firing Pelosi-puppet, Ron Klein, on November 2,” the retired army lieutenant colonel posted on his blog before the voting began. This sort of “dehumanize the enemy” thinking must have made it easier for West to threaten that Iraqi guy with Death that one time! MORE »

It is difficult, sometimes, to remember what your beliefs are when you have shifted many of them in a ploy to grab up some of the middle ground of the electorate. And thus in the same day we have Charlie Crist saying he would have voted for health care reform, we have Charlie Crist saying he would have voted against health care reform. “This debate must not be about political posturing; it must be about protecting the people of Florida and America, and I intend to do that hard work when I get to the United States Senate,” he said. That’s funny, because political posturing is exactly what he was doing. Except now Charlie Crist is against political posturing, so please forget that he was previously for it. MORE »

Not that you’d notice from the 40 million unemployed “workers” in this country, or the way all the houses in your neighborhood are being abandoned by night, or the miles of empty strip malls on the edge of every doomed American town, but experts in New York and Washington (the only two thriving cities in America, hah!) now say we may be “returning” to the Great Recession because the “recovery” has stalled. Oh noes. We have another theory that’s not very controversial, when you consider the almost daily “downgrades” of previously reported economic figures from the past several quarters: We never got out of recession, and we never will. Also, record numbers of cute puppies are being euthanized at American animal shelters! MORE »

How did we miss this? Earlier in the week it was reported that Sharron Angle agreed in a 2009 interview that there are “domestic enemies” within the “walls of the Senate and the Congress.” Wow, Americans are really dumb! You want to kill the terrorists, you guys, not elect them to high office. Unsurprisingly, because she hates terrorism and is MOST DEF not one of those terrorists herself, Sharron Angle has stood by this claim. MORE »

Oh those libruls! They are losing power very quickly, yet they continue to take positions against majority opinion when that opinion is bigoted. How dare they say support of the Arizona immigration law is bigoted?! How dare they say support of Proposition 8 is bigoted?! How dare they say opposition to the Burlington Coat Factory Islamic community center is bigoted?! Oh, right, because those things are the very definition of bigotry. But according to Charles Krauthammer, views held by a majority cannot be considered bigotry. Sounds like somebody forgot to take his history-remembering pills this morning. MORE »

HE DOESN’T WANT TO HAVE SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE … IF ONLY HE HADN’T PERSONALLY BANNED SAME-SEX MARRIAGE EVERYWHERE: Bush 2004 re-election architect and newly out gay person Ken Mehlman, aged 43, is a virgin! So Marc Ambinder says in a comment on his Atlantic blog. Ambinder is holding some kind of Q&A session about Ken Mehlman’s gayness, in the comments of his own blog? We don’t really understand how the Internet works anymore. Here is what Wonkette proprietor Ken Layne had to say about this news, in Wonkette’s secret chat room: “so if rove doesn’t cum in your mouth, yr technically a virgin?” Then he said “SORRY EVERYBODY,” as if that makes it better. [Atlantic, via The Awl]

Oh, hey, did Levi Johnston do something to get his handsome but incipiently doughy face on TV again? Apparently! Or, at least, he said something noteworthy once he conned his way onto the CBS Early Show (though how hard could that have been, those people are desperate for stuff to put on the air and you can’t have a bear with its head stuck in a jar every day of the week, can you?). We suppose he got on CBS by being, as the chyron in the picture indicates, a “reality star,” which is better than being a movie star because movies are only movies whereas reality is real life, man. Anyway, Levi does not have a jar stuck on his head, but does have some less-than-complimentary things to say about his ex-future-mother-in-law, again. MORE »

SEND US SEXY PICTURES OF *YOU* IN YOUR WONKETTE T-SHIRTS: We learned from the Comics Curmudgeon (who is also your morning editor Josh Fruhlinger) that readers love to see fellow readers wearing funny shirts from the site they’re all reading. Why? Probably something about psychology or pornography. MORE »

Your morning editor has an aversion to watching TV news of any political stripe, because it becomes impossible to block out the talking and the voices, they just keep coming at you, saying horrible, horrible things. But it seemed like it might be fun to watch a video in which Sarah Palin twitched and cooed her way through a condemnation of Scott Brown, right? Yes, let’s just say yes, it was funny, you should click through on the jump and watch it, OK? You won’t regret it, at all! MORE »