HO HO HO, HEE HEE HEE, what is ZEES?! Zey are still rioting, in la FRANCE?! Sacre bleu and mon dieu, whatever is ze guillotineingest nation in all ze world to do? Shall zey take away ze baguettes? Shall zey deport all ze Jews? This nation of fucking pussies, which once slaughtered its finest bewigged elite and called this murderous rampage a victory for democracy, cannot handle that its unwashed masses are on strike. The best part, of course, is the reason they are rioting: proposed changes to retirement plans fueled by milk suckled from the government teat. These lazy fucks are incensed over a proposal to change the minimum retirement age from 60 to 62. Sixty nique-ta-mereing two! President Nicholas Sarkozy took a break from banging the shit out of a fabulous aging supermodel/chanteuse in order to say big-boy words to his seething country of sloths. READ MORE »
Sharron Angle’s not the only one who looks Asian. According to the DSCC, Pennsylvania Sleestak character’s opponent Pat Toomey is a no-good red Chinaman because he supports free trade practices. Was a country of 1.3 billion people just reduced to a gong sound effect, the color red, and a picture of a fortune cookie? Yes, it was. This is an ad from the “progressive” political party, by the way. READ MORE »
A very kind, smart, attractive young woman I know took grave exception with my denunciation of those medallion shoes all the District’s WASPy women seem to fancy. While willing to admit that perhaps they were, indeed, crap shoes, she was angry that I’d not leveled a similar attack on the preferred footwear of DC men. I’d never particularly noticed the footwear of DC men, but she was right! READ MORE »
Wait a second, does Juan Williams really believe we should be afraid of “Muslim garb” when we see it on a plane? Greg Sargent seems to think so, based on Williams’ new statement on what happened. Well forget it. Maybe he is a bigot. If you want further, equally implicit evidence that Williams is a bigot, Fox News just handed him a $2 million contract for an “expanded role” on the network. “Juan has been a staunch defender of liberal viewpoints since his tenure began at Fox News in 1997,” Roger Ailes said. “He’s an honest man whose freedom of speech is protected by Fox News on a daily basis.” Jesus Christ. Fox News is Juan Williams’ personal ACLU. READ MORE »
Pie: Recognizing that serving food out of an actual building gets you nowhere in D.C., Dangerously Delicious Pies will soon be serving their pies from the back of a moving vehicle. But should you be okay with eating pie under a roof, Monday-Thursday from 4PM-close, from their physical location on H Street NE, they offer two slices of savory pie, two slices of sweet pie and two drinks for 20 dollars. [Dangerously Delicious Pies] READ MORE »
Important news! According to Politico, Obama has a relative named “Bo Obama” who — no, wait, they’re talking about that fucking dog. Never mind. This publication put two whole reporters to work tracking down that dog’s trainer, because they are a newspaper that concerns itself with governmental affairs. And they called this article “THE REAL BO OBAMA,” as it’s important for journalists to look into the backgrounds of those who serve in our government as animals who shit on the White House lawn. How big is this story? Politico‘s featured poll on their website asks, “Do you think Bo Obama is a good dog?” That is the question we are all asking ourselves less than two weeks before the midterm elections. READ MORE »
Juan Williams is a hero! Conservatives love their Fox News more than anything, and when you mess with a member of that family, you will pay, even if that member is black and liberal. To be fair, what Juan Williams admitted is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about Muslims on Fox News, and he actually said he was against people hating Muslims based on their fear of terrorists, so commentators have a point when they say he was wrongfully terminated! And if NPR had simply fired Juan Williams because he appears on Fox News, and not for a single comment he said on there, this wouldn’t have been such a big issue. But the right has found its Muslim-hate martyr or whatever, and they are tripping over each other to say the most extreme thing about his firing. So who wins? How about Mike Huckabee, who says NPR should stop receiving public funding? Or how about Michelle Malkin, who says we should shoot mean glances at people who wear “Muslim garb” on planes and feel uncomfortable around them? READ MORE »
Delaware masturbation witch and constitutional scholar Christine O’Donnell finally did another teevee interview! It is super boring, but we’ll post it just in case you (like most Americans) have a lot of time on your hands. Better to watch a dull ABC News interview with jobless sex activist Christine O’Donnell rather than let your idle hands be led by the devil to your genitals! Because that is certainly not one of the “Five Guys’ Freedoms” in the amendment thingy O’Donnell learned about at Hogwarts. But does she regret the ridiculous “I’m not a witch” commercial that provided America with so much comedy during these long last weeks of the midterm campaign? Yes she does! More importantly, she has been thinking a lot about her Halloween costume. READ MORE »
Fox News is a place where you get promoted and given more air time for saying hateful stuff, so it’s not surprising that NPR would fire Juan Williams for doing this on that channel or, say, a black employee would sue the company for people doing this around him. That latter thing has also happened, it turns out. Harmeen Jones is an erstwhile Fox News technician and a continuing black man who says he faced “a daily barrage of offensive remarks about blacks, Arabs, Muslims, Hispanics, women, and Jews.” His specific accusations against his fellow employees are rather interesting. READ MORE »
Remember Ralph Reed, shameless leader of ’90s boy band “the Christian Coalition” and smooth-faced huckster for Casino Jesus? Your book reviewer doesn’t spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about Ralph Reed, but he occasionally wonders, “How does Ralph Reed spend his time when he’s not manufacturing rube hysteria and gobbling up Jack Abramoff lobbying fees to fund his large tacky house in the Atlanta suburbs? Really, what are his hobbies?” Book scientists can now confirm he “writes” novels. Who knew?! READ MORE »
We are tired of Election News and Racism, so how about a fun Arts & Culture story? Someone discovered a secret, previously unreleased Gilbert and Sullivan sequel to The Pirates of Penzance, and then made a music video for it. Is this another opera about goofy pirates, in two acts? No, this is a romantic Aria song about Barack Obama, and how he smokes like a chimney and has to clean up doggy doo doo. Stop pretending to be busy. Put on your opera monocle and watch this crazy shit. READ MORE »
NPR contributor and only-black-person-on-Fox-News Juan Williams was fired for saying racist things about Muslims during a friendly “teevee bull session” with Bill O’Reilly. Geezus, what did Juan say? He said that when he is on an airplane and sees a Muslim he gets nervous. (There’s nothing wrong with being a bit startled when you look up at the clouds and see Muslims flying around.) Anyway, Rick Sanchez proved to America that the liberal media is controlled by scheming Jews, but NPR is the exception: National Public Radio is run by flying Muslims. You’re fired Juan Williams, goodbye! READ MORE »
- A majority of voters in “key battleground states” (continental United States, Hawaii, Alaska, Puerto Rico and Afghanistan) say Barack Obama hasn’t changed a single thing in Washington, and if Obama did change something he probably changed it into horrible Socialism. Good gravy, basically everything Obama touches turns into poo/taxes. Is this what America really believes? Yes, according to some poll! This so-called poll also shows that a majority of “battleground voters” think they are voting to impeach Obama/elect Skoalrebel president in November. They are going to be so confused when they see Barack Obama and a whole bunch of crazy Aqua Racist Masturbation Nazi Witch Buddhists hanging out together, in Washington. [The Hill] READ MORE »
Slate will be contrarian about anything, including, from time to time when they want to rinse out their mouths, contrarianism, so it comes as no surprise that one among them decided to warn us all that the upcoming Jon Stewart / Stephen Colbert political-rally parody event is a bad idea. Writer Timothy Noah is an old who will be having a bunch of youngs staying over at his house to go to this thing, and he is not happy about this! Don’t these children understand that parodying the teevee newscast or parodying the teevee news opinion show is funny, but parodying the political rally as a vehicle for your satire can never be done? Obviously not. But Dr. Comedy Timothy Noah does, and he also knows that you are not allowed to make fun of Teabaggers for being dumb. That sort of thing is mean! READ MORE »
Oh, the Democrat in the U.S. Senate Christine O’Donnell would work well with would be Hillary Clinton! That’s very interesting. You see, Christine O’Donnell somehow knows she will be allowed on the Committee on Foreign Relations. This would certainly be a smart move by the Republican leadership, putting all their insular Teabagging troglodytes on that committee. Those people will at the very least be praised in the news media for their, umm, novel insights into how to deal with other countries. But wait! A minute and a half after the question is asked, Christine O’Donnell has miraculously remembered the surname of an actual current senator, Lieberman, which she then blurts out in the middle of Chris Coons’ statement! Democracy lives! READ MORE »
Salon has a big scoop today in the room where they make war: While Sarah Palin was chatting with a reporter or someone after her speech in Reno this past weekend, she totally autographed an American flag that was handed to her with a Sharpie! The Boy Scouts at Salon take their flags very seriously, so they know that this is a “desecration” that breaks the Flag Code. Oh good! That surely disqualifies her from the presidency, so we can stop talking about her. (Just kidding, your Wonkette will still blog about her, every day, for the pageviewz.) Meanwhile, at Team Sarah, where they don’t read such “opposition media,” somebody posted photos of Sarah Palin making out with a female dog at this same event, which everyone at Team Sarah thinks is sooooo cute / sexy. Same-sex bestiality is much more important than the flag thing anyway. And more illegal. READ MORE »
If American Freedom came to Cuba in the form of expensive restaurants for the New Cuban Yuppies, could they finally dine like the wealthy D.C. citizens of Socialist Obamaland? Yes they could! The Cubanos would all gather at fancy new places like Cuba Libre, a fine-dining establishment in Penn Quarter offering Nuevo Cubano food such as black-bean hummus, green plantains and organic popcorn. READ MORE »
