Daily Grumble

Unable to weasel out of it any longer, today I made the appointment for my first colonoscopy. Eep. It's not until August so I've got lots of time to plotz about it. Share your own stories and don't spare the grim details, we're all grownups here, sort of. Maybe I'll go all Katie Couric and live-blog the entire thing.....

Daily Grumble

- "Is it cold in here?"
- "How was your breakfast?"
- "Where did I put my glasses?"

She never answers. I'm turning into a crazy old cat lady.

Daily Grumble

I find it deceptive that Orbitz doesn't alert its customers that Spirit Air will demand an extra $35 for each carry-on bag. You only discover this charge when checking in online. At the airport, the carry-on fee is $40. When checking in online you'll also discover that Spirit wants up to $20 to select your own seat. Together those charges are a potential extra cost of $120 per trip. Which I might have been OK with, had I been told in advance and therefore made comparisons to the competition. Is the failure to disclose theses fees a common industry practice, or is it just Orbitz?

Daily Ungrumble

I had to stop on the sidewalk just now and really think because of the oddly familiar sound drifting down from an open apartment window. It took me a full fifteen seconds to realize that I was hearing a typewriter. Can't say that I've heard one in this century. Until today.

Daily Grumble

Last night Dr. Jeff and I saw Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. Two tickets, two medium drinks, one large popcorn, Twizzlers: $47. SRSLY. And we saw it at the decidedly downmarket Beekman, whose houses probably haven't been updated since the mid-80s. No 3-D, no stadium seating, regular sound.

Daily Grumble

You'd think that at a giant convention for thousands of blogger/journalists there'd be ample and easy internet access. If you thought that at last year's Netroots in Vegas, you were wrong then too.

Daily Grumble

Today's reading of the Constitution on the floor of the U.S. House is the most asinine bit of grandstanding faux patriotism since BeckStock. From Twitter: "Just need more USA flags and 'We're Number One' foam fingers during Constitution reading to make it complete." I think they should insert the word "totally" wherever it's hilarious.

Daily Grumble

Anytime a politician utters a sentence which begins "What the American people want..." - they should be delivered a sharp electrical jolt in the gut. Just enough to make them stop. And maybe pee a little.

Daily Grumble

OK, it's been more than 48 hours and still not one peep of protest from the Family Research Council or American Family Association about their new hate group designations from the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Come ON you guys, we are WAITING to gloat!

Daily Grumble

The CVS on my block has completely done away with humans and you must now use the miserable, annoying, never-works-right self check-out. Place your scanned item on the tray. Place your scanned item on the tray. My motherfucking scanned item IS on the motherfucking tray. I always scream at the attendant, who shrugs and wanders away. Seniors, of course, are completely flummoxed by the machines, so checkout times are much longer. Congratulations CVS, you make the eye-rolling cashiers at Duane Reade feel like the fucking Welcome Wagon.

Daily Grumble

Why do this weekend's NYC Bacon-Palooza and NYC Pickle Day have to be so far apart? They're both downtown, but logic demands they be on the same block. Bother.

Daily Grumble

This here website thingy is looking totally whack in Internet Explorer. No idea what's going on or what to do about it yet. Looking into it. Boo. PS: Why are you using Explorer?

Daily Grumble

On my way to lunch I saw a beautiful carpet lying against a light pole on Second Avenue. I thought, "Wow, somebody is throwing out a very expensive rug." And I almost walked over to look at it! Ack!

Daily Grumble

I know I've already told you at least three or four times, but Christwire is a freekin' parody site, people. A very fucking hilarious parody site. But thanks for your outraged emails. It just goes to prove how brilliant Stephenson Billings is.

Daily Grumble

I can say without hyperbole that TNT's new vehicle for wingnut actress Angie Harmon, Rizzoli & Isles, is one hundred million times worse than any cop show I've even seen. On last night's episode, the characters sniggered their way through a lesbian dating site, pondering whether Harmon's undercover profile should be listed as butch, sporty, or lipstick. (The gravel-voiced Harmon is rather naturally butch, but OH NOES, not that!) And of course, every woman at the lesbian bar was a slender beautiful straight-porn dream. The killer, natch, was the victim's legal wife, because hey, equal rights means gay-married women get to bludgeon their spouses and cheat with slender beautiful lesbian bartenders just like everybody else!

Daily Grumble

"You know, after reading your blog all these years, I expected you to be all aggressive and assholish. But after watching you all week I've decided you're really kind of sweet and polite. It's totally fucking disappointing, dude." - A drunken Netroots Nation attendee, speaking to me at the Stonewall Democrats' poolside closing party at the Mirage.

Daily Grumble

Well, I've only been here a few hours and I've already learned that it is definitely not appreciated if you hover near the craps table and chant "Consuela, Consuela, Bo-Buela, CON-SU-AY-LA!" Seriously, any gay man would have been on the floor.

Daily Grumble

The selling point for a new gay club night in DC is that they play "nostalgia" dance oldies. OOH! Oh, wait. To them, nostalgia means music from 1997-2003. Sigh.

Daily Grumble

Seven months later, Miss Ladyfingers USA still dominates the search terms that bring outsiders to JMG. And to think I once complained because the top item was "bacon explosion." Anyhow, it's a good list to look at anytime I get feeling all fancy pants.

Daily Grumble

All morning I've been smelling what I thought was baking bread, but it turns out it's just my neighbors burning their Passover chametz in a metal garbage can on their fire escape. Gothamist reports that the FDNY is getting buried with calls about "rubbish fires" all over Williamsburg and Borough Park. Welcome to NYC, noobs! In other Holy Week news, my super wished me a "Happy Pesach" down at the mailbox today and cheerfully noted that our building is now almost entirely Jewish "again." And he gave me such a look. I ruin everything! Anyway, now I'm jonesing for a KFC biscuit or something.