When all the Racist Stasi Animal Pornographers put America on a meat hook and then butt-paddle us to death in November, smart teevee pundits like Juan Williams will ask rhetorically, “Why didn’t David Duke run for Senate, again? He totally would have won this time, and also America would feel a lot safer if it was on a plane with David Duke’s white heritage.” Well, there’s always Palin/Duke 2012! In the meantime, David Duke made a YouTube video for America, because he wants you to know that the Tea Party is white, but … Ha ha, there is no “but.” The Tea Party is white, hooray! Obviously it could be a bit more white — everything could be more white, in an ideal world — and also: “Jews, the Jewish media, Blacks, Mexicans, Thomas Jefferson, apes, Pakistani freaks, Jewish media freaks, Jews, Jews and Jews.” Visit DavidDuke.edu and check his sources! READ MORE »
So we don’t know if you heard but it sounds like the midterm elections might not go so well, for the Democrats! Naturally this is of some concern to Barack Obama, who barely was able to pass any good laws despite controlling an overwhelming congressional majority, so who knows how he’s going to deal with a Republican congress. He could try helping his party win by the traditional methods — “campaigning,” “being popular,” etc. — but remember, Barack Obama came to Washington to change the tone there, to really shake things up, so obviously he’s going to blaze a new path. What will the Democrats’ “October Surprise” be? Will Barack Obama extract a promise from Steve Jobs that every American voter will receive a free iPad? Maybe! READ MORE »
Oh, hello there, filthy Wonkette freaklings. I didn’t know today was the Skank Parade! Aren’t you cute, with your sallow whorefaces and your characteristic odor of rot? I suppose you’ve come to this space in search of your weekly dose of breathless celebrity reportage about a man who is greater in body, mind and spirit than you can even contemplate. Well, ye shall have it, though ye deserveth it not. It’s time for another edition of “Barry, Can You Hear Me?” As usual, we’ll rely on White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary’s Frederick Wiseman-esque groundbreaking documentary series, “West Wing Week,” to guide our journey. READ MORE »
Because all Republican rhetoric is about how the ELITE represses the PEOPLE and we should always side with the PEOPLE against the ELITE and their SINISTER GOVERNMENT, you might think that America’s actual economic elite would be opposed to Republican policies. You would be wrong, though! For instance, over the course of this cycle rich dude Bob Perry has spread a cool $11 million around among Karl Rove’s American Crossroads election cabal and the Republican Governors Association. Also, radical outsider Tea Party candidates are getting campaign money from rich Wall Street fat cats, via John Boehner! READ MORE »
HO HO HO, HEE HEE HEE, what is ZEES?! Zey are still rioting, in la FRANCE?! Sacre bleu and mon dieu, whatever is ze guillotineingest nation in all ze world to do? Shall zey take away ze baguettes? Shall zey deport all ze Jews? This nation of fucking pussies, which once slaughtered its finest bewigged elite and called this murderous rampage a victory for democracy, cannot handle that its unwashed masses are on strike. The best part, of course, is the reason they are rioting: proposed changes to retirement plans fueled by milk suckled from the government teat. These lazy fucks are incensed over a proposal to change the minimum retirement age from 60 to 62. Sixty nique-ta-mereing two! President Nicholas Sarkozy took a break from banging the shit out of a fabulous aging supermodel/chanteuse in order to say big-boy words to his seething country of sloths. READ MORE »
Sharron Angle’s not the only one who looks Asian. According to the DSCC, Pennsylvania Sleestak character’s opponent Pat Toomey is a no-good red Chinaman because he supports free trade practices. Was a country of 1.3 billion people just reduced to a gong sound effect, the color red, and a picture of a fortune cookie? Yes, it was. This is an ad from the “progressive” political party, by the way. READ MORE »
A very kind, smart, attractive young woman I know took grave exception with my denunciation of those medallion shoes all the District’s WASPy women seem to fancy. While willing to admit that perhaps they were, indeed, crap shoes, she was angry that I’d not leveled a similar attack on the preferred footwear of DC men. I’d never particularly noticed the footwear of DC men, but she was right! READ MORE »
Wait a second, does Juan Williams really believe we should be afraid of “Muslim garb” when we see it on a plane? Greg Sargent seems to think so, based on Williams’ new statement on what happened. Well forget it. Maybe he is a bigot. If you want further, equally implicit evidence that Williams is a bigot, Fox News just handed him a $2 million contract for an “expanded role” on the network. “Juan has been a staunch defender of liberal viewpoints since his tenure began at Fox News in 1997,” Roger Ailes said. “He’s an honest man whose freedom of speech is protected by Fox News on a daily basis.” Jesus Christ. Fox News is Juan Williams’ personal ACLU. READ MORE »
Pie: Recognizing that serving food out of an actual building gets you nowhere in D.C., Dangerously Delicious Pies will soon be serving their pies from the back of a moving vehicle. But should you be okay with eating pie under a roof, Monday-Thursday from 4PM-close, from their physical location on H Street NE, they offer two slices of savory pie, two slices of sweet pie and two drinks for 20 dollars. [Dangerously Delicious Pies] READ MORE »
Important news! According to Politico, Obama has a relative named “Bo Obama” who — no, wait, they’re talking about that fucking dog. Never mind. This publication put two whole reporters to work tracking down that dog’s trainer, because they are a newspaper that concerns itself with governmental affairs. And they called this article “THE REAL BO OBAMA,” as it’s important for journalists to look into the backgrounds of those who serve in our government as animals who shit on the White House lawn. How big is this story? Politico‘s featured poll on their website asks, “Do you think Bo Obama is a good dog?” That is the question we are all asking ourselves less than two weeks before the midterm elections. READ MORE »
Juan Williams is a hero! Conservatives love their Fox News more than anything, and when you mess with a member of that family, you will pay, even if that member is black and liberal. To be fair, what Juan Williams admitted is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about Muslims on Fox News, and he actually said he was against people hating Muslims based on their fear of terrorists, so commentators have a point when they say he was wrongfully terminated! And if NPR had simply fired Juan Williams because he appears on Fox News, and not for a single comment he said on there, this wouldn’t have been such a big issue. But the right has found its Muslim-hate martyr or whatever, and they are tripping over each other to say the most extreme thing about his firing. So who wins? How about Mike Huckabee, who says NPR should stop receiving public funding? Or how about Michelle Malkin, who says we should shoot mean glances at people who wear “Muslim garb” on planes and feel uncomfortable around them? READ MORE »
Delaware masturbation witch and constitutional scholar Christine O’Donnell finally did another teevee interview! It is super boring, but we’ll post it just in case you (like most Americans) have a lot of time on your hands. Better to watch a dull ABC News interview with jobless sex activist Christine O’Donnell rather than let your idle hands be led by the devil to your genitals! Because that is certainly not one of the “Five Guys’ Freedoms” in the amendment thingy O’Donnell learned about at Hogwarts. But does she regret the ridiculous “I’m not a witch” commercial that provided America with so much comedy during these long last weeks of the midterm campaign? Yes she does! More importantly, she has been thinking a lot about her Halloween costume. READ MORE »
Fox News is a place where you get promoted and given more air time for saying hateful stuff, so it’s not surprising that NPR would fire Juan Williams for doing this on that channel or, say, a black employee would sue the company for people doing this around him. That latter thing has also happened, it turns out. Harmeen Jones is an erstwhile Fox News technician and a continuing black man who says he faced “a daily barrage of offensive remarks about blacks, Arabs, Muslims, Hispanics, women, and Jews.” His specific accusations against his fellow employees are rather interesting. READ MORE »
Remember Ralph Reed, shameless leader of ’90s boy band “the Christian Coalition” and smooth-faced huckster for Casino Jesus? Your book reviewer doesn’t spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about Ralph Reed, but he occasionally wonders, “How does Ralph Reed spend his time when he’s not manufacturing rube hysteria and gobbling up Jack Abramoff lobbying fees to fund his large tacky house in the Atlanta suburbs? Really, what are his hobbies?” Book scientists can now confirm he “writes” novels. Who knew?! READ MORE »
We are tired of Election News and Racism, so how about a fun Arts & Culture story? Someone discovered a secret, previously unreleased Gilbert and Sullivan sequel to The Pirates of Penzance, and then made a music video for it. Is this another opera about goofy pirates, in two acts? No, this is a romantic Aria song about Barack Obama, and how he smokes like a chimney and has to clean up doggy doo doo. Stop pretending to be busy. Put on your opera monocle and watch this crazy shit. READ MORE »
NPR contributor and only-black-person-on-Fox-News Juan Williams was fired for saying racist things about Muslims during a friendly “teevee bull session” with Bill O’Reilly. Geezus, what did Juan say? He said that when he is on an airplane and sees a Muslim he gets nervous. (There’s nothing wrong with being a bit startled when you look up at the clouds and see Muslims flying around.) Anyway, Rick Sanchez proved to America that the liberal media is controlled by scheming Jews, but NPR is the exception: National Public Radio is run by flying Muslims. You’re fired Juan Williams, goodbye! READ MORE »
- A majority of voters in “key battleground states” (continental United States, Hawaii, Alaska, Puerto Rico and Afghanistan) say Barack Obama hasn’t changed a single thing in Washington, and if Obama did change something he probably changed it into horrible Socialism. Good gravy, basically everything Obama touches turns into poo/taxes. Is this what America really believes? Yes, according to some poll! This so-called poll also shows that a majority of “battleground voters” think they are voting to impeach Obama/elect Skoalrebel president in November. They are going to be so confused when they see Barack Obama and a whole bunch of crazy Aqua Racist Masturbation Nazi Witch Buddhists hanging out together, in Washington. [The Hill] READ MORE »
