Surprisingly, Family Man Charlie Sheen Files for Divorce

Actor Charlie Sheen and his wife, actress Brooke Mueller, filed separate petitions for divorce on Monday. Mueller is seeking primary physical custody of their two kids, while Sheen wants primary physical custody of any and all cocaine and porn stars.

Is This the Worst Opening of Newscast Ever?

Here's the first minute of San Diego ABC affiliate Channel 10's 11:00 AM newscast from September 12, video of which hit the web yesterday. Everything that could have gone wrong did. Everything. Yes, folks—worst newscast ever. Watch inside. [Gawker.TV]

Jon Stewart: Democrats May Be Delusional, but Fox Is Downright Dangerous

Tonight, Jon Stewart opened with a focus on tomorrow's midterm elections. Stewart first mocked Democrats for the "delusional" thought that they'd retain a Congressional majority, and then blasted Fox News for trying to make President Obama seem racist. Video inside. [Gawker.TV]

Oral Sex Is a Gateway Drug

How great is oral sex? So great that it increases the likelihood that teens who engage in it will have vaginal sex as well. This means oral sex is the marijuana of sex: A gateway to the good stuff. More »

Did Jon Stewart Finally Get Through to Keith Olbermann?

During tonight's Countdown, Keith Olbermann made a major announcement: effective immediately, he's suspending the show's "Worse/Worser/Worst Person in the World" segment, with an aim at eventually killing it altogether. What brought Olbermann to this decision? Jon Stewart, naturally! Watch inside. [Gawker.TV]

Not Asking, Not Telling Will Continue

A federal appeals court will allow the military to continue expelling gay and lesbian soldiers under "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," siding with the government over the judge who ruled against the policy. So, for now, don't ask, or tell.
#picoftheday

Cone of Silence

[A liberal tot tries to hide from Republican Senate candidate Carly Fiorina outside a GOP phone bank in California today. Image via Getty]

LIVE: Dancing with the Stars, Season 11, Week Seven

Tonight—at 8:00 PM on ABC—the remaining six celebrities from this season of Dancing with the Stars will sashay on the ballroom floor for the judges' scores and your votes. Also: the 200th episode celebration! Your open thread, inside. [Gawker.TV]

Don't Worry, Brits, You'll Be Happier Tomorrow

Though last year it was January 19th, this year Britain has declared that today, November 1st, is their most depressing day of the year. On account of the approaching cold and dark, consuming everyone. At least it's almost over, guys!

One Last Look at the Stewart-Colbert Rally Signs

Haven't gotten your fill of ironic political signs from this weekend's Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear? Below, one packed four-minute montage that should finally sate your appetite for cheeky takes on our terrible American political lexicon. More »

Comment of the Day: Welcome, Voters of Nevada

Today we provided you with a little midterm madness preview. How will it go down in certain states, including the war-torn Nevada? One commenter provided some photographic supposition. More »

Sarah Palin's Screed Against Reporters

2012 presidential gossip has already driven Sarah Palin into an awesome state of sarcastic fury, hours after Politico wrote — with help from anonymous operatives — that the GOP Establishment wants to destroy her. She really didn't like that article. More »

Awesome Criminal Somehow Nabbed

Police suspect Steven Spader, 18, in a gruesome New Hampshire machete murder. Partly because they found a wallet connected to the victims in a bag with a sweatshirt bearing the writing "This is Steve's sweatshirt. Steve who is awesome." [AP]

Boy, the Oprah Network Sure Is Going to Suck

Judging by a new lineup of shows, the OWN network is going to be unfortunate. Also today: The Walking Dead performed spectacularly, The Great Gatsby casting mystery continues, and Annette Bening plots her revenge. More »

Ryan Seacrest Will Interview Barack Obama with These Questions in Mind

American Idol host and sexually perplexing Ken doll Ryan Seacrest is interviewing President Obama tomorrow. He's crowdsourcing interview questions on his Facebook page. Let's see what his followers came up with. More »
#listicle

Five Foreign Cities to Move to When the Tea Party Takes Over America

For liberals, tomorrow's midterm elections could be a bloodbath. Rand Paul, Christine O'Donnell, Carl Paladino: These are people who could soon rule America! If they do get elected, where can you go? What foreign cities will be your refuge? More »

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#imagefile

Facebook CEO's Halloween Treat

If you set aside Facebook's privacy tricks for a night — not hard when you're a kid in a bumble bee costume — the company's founder Mark Zuckerberg has some nice treats for you. Full-sized Snickers bars, in fact. More »

We Are All Janitors Now

The Way We Live Now: writing so many checks we get carpal tunnel syndrome! Counting so much money our finger nerves are permanently damaged! And also working two jobs, one of which is "janitor." The other is also "janitor." More »

Does Fox News Have to Sue Some Republicans Now?

A group of right-wing conspiracists has produced a 25-minute phantasm of Obama-rage posing as a "documentary," and it's airing in battleground states. Will Fox News sue to keep them from using its clips, like it does against Democrats? Probably not! More »

America Loses a National Treasure: Shoot the Freak

Today's sad news is that nine of the businesses on the Coney Island boardwalk lost their licenses, including Shoot the Freak, the game where anyone could shoot paintballs at a living human for $5. Life will never be the same. More »

Your 2010 Election Preview

Tomorrow's election map looks much like 2006's, but with the parties reversed: the ruling party will probably lose the House, possibly lose the Senate, and probably win a California gubernatorial election for consolation. Here's a preview. More »
#opencaption

What Her Mama Gave Her

[Christina Hendricks strolls with her mother after a lunch in Hollywood. Image via Pacific Coast News.]

Two-mile-high mountains discovered in Saturn's rings

At the edge of Saturn's B ring, the Cassini spacecraft has spotted a huge mountain range of debris stretching up over two miles above the ring plane. In this picture you can see the mountains' long shadows. [io9]

Is This The Real Reason Why Zach Galifianakis Booted Mel Gibson?

The persistent chatter that Zach Galifianakis's objection got Mel Gibson booted off The Hangover, brought up again today on the Today Show, has so far ignored one aspect of the story: Galifianakis's work with his girlfriend's organization against domestic violence. [Jezebel]
#clipjob

Gawker.TV: The Five Best Videos Ever of the Day

Today at Gawker.TV, SNL takes on Back to the Future, Shaq goes in drag for Halloween, Taylor Swift writes songs about all of her exes, Ellen DeGeneres' writer freaks out inside a haunted house, and Andy Rooney actually likes something! More »

GM Execs Kill Sarah Palin, Tina Fey Car Commercial

Before settling for a more traditional launch of its Cruze small sedan, Chevrolet ad execs pitched a spot featuring Republican star Sarah Palin and comedy doppelganger Tina Fey. Why did it die? Too hot for Government Motors. [Jalopnik]

Where Is New York City's Secret Subway Art Gallery?

Somewhere underneath New York City, in an abandoned subway station that was never completed, there's a gallery featuring the work of over a hundred well-known street artists. It sounds amazing, but there's one problem: no one knows where it is. [Gizmodo]

The TV Shows You Like Reveal Everything About You

Do you watch various television shows? Then you'll be happy to know that thanks to "psychographics," marketing firms can determine your entire personality just by looking at your Tivo settings. For example: like Mad Men? You're a pinko Apple fanboy. More »

The Year In Bullying: A Horrific Timeline

Defense lawyers now say Tyler Clementi's bullying wasn't as bad as it seemed — but the invasion of his privacy was still a standout in a year that's been rife with bullying incidents. After the jump, a timeline. [Jezebel]
#contests

The Best Halloween Costumes of 2010

Do you people love Halloween or what? We put out the call last week for your best Halloween costumes and we sure received some spectacular entries. Here are the best of the best, and our spectacular winner. More »

Juror Screws Up Murder Trial by Asking Bailiff Out on a Date

The alternate juror in the death-penalty trial of the man convicting of slaughtering a family in Connecticut may have spoiled the proceedings by passing a note to the bailiff: "Sunday 5 p.m. Side Street Grille." She was asking him out. More »

Did Google Fire Its Servants?

Good luck retaining employees now: We hear Google has ended a perk that provided free "runners" to handle basic chores like cooking, cleaning and errands. More »

College Kids Go Demonstrate at Anti-Gay Preacher's Church

Let us now give praise to some college kids who did something clever and upstanding. Their school was plagued by a shouting, anti-gay preacher. The school couldn't legally kick him out. Solution? Students took their own message to his church. More »

Man Who Raped Daughter in Dungeon: 'My Favorite TV Show is Two and a Half Men'

Austria's "incest monster" Josef Fritzl—who used his daughter as a baby-bearing dungeon sex slave for 24 years—just gave his first jailhouse interview: "I hate hairdressers more than dentists." And: "My favorite show is Two and a Half Men." More »

Charlie Chaplin Movie's Cell Phone-Using Time Traveler Debunked?

Last week, the internet was captivated by a Charlie Chaplin movie outtake which appeared to show an extra chatting on a cell phone as she walked through the shot. Turns out it was probably just an old school hearing aid. [Gizmodo]

GOP Establishment Might as Well Start Destroying Sarah Palin Now

Sarah Palin has done wonders for Republican fundraising and enthusiasm in this low-turnout, base-determined midterm election. She's helpful, now, so the party won't dare criticize her. But that'll end! Because party leaders don't want her anywhere near their presidential nomination. More »

Bon Appetit's New Editor Is Appropriately Fancy

In your ascendant Monday media column: Bon Appetit finally names its new editor, the NYT public editor walks a fine line, Piers Morgan gets a producer, and Fox Business Network makes itself useful. More »

A Guide To The Global Spread Of Incredibly Creepy Cuddle Parties

The other day, a dubious-looking, bearded hippie bearing a "Free Hugs" sign leapt into my path. I recoiled. "Someone needs to learn how to cuddle!" he shouted after my retreating back. The Cuddle Club ethos has taken over the world. [Jezebel]

iPhone Bug Makes Europeans Late for Work

The iPhone's alarm failed to handle the switch from Daylight Saving Time in Europe, causing a wave of workplace tardiness this morning. This is the second continent to curse Apple's phone after Australia experienced the same bug last month. More »

Christine O'Donnell Can't Get Anyone to Air Her 30-Minute Commercial

Christine O'Donnell produced a fancy 30-minute campaign ad. Unfortunately, she forgot to buy air time in advance, and can't seem to get it on TV. Now she's tweeting angrily about how Delaware public access television is out to get her. More »

Gang Members More Well-Behaved Than Ever

Gang membership in the U.S. has reportedly increased 25% since 2005. But violent crime in the U.S. has sunk to its lowest levels since 1973. The more gang members, the less crime. Facts are facts. [USAT. Pic via]
#opencaption

The Road Trip Had Just Begun and Already They Were Sick of Each Other

[Universally reviled "Project Runway" winner Gretchen Jones and her "muse" model Milana Snow arrive at "Good Morning America" for the first of the ten thousand public appearances they are contractually obligated to make together. Image via INF]

Jon Stewart's Closing Rally Speech Gets Auto-Tuned

As with everything that the Gregory Brothers auto-tune, it was only a natural matter of time before this was done. Here, watch/listen as Jon Stewart's moving speech that closed the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear gets the T-Pain treatment. [Gawker.TV]

The Walking Dead: Yup, Zombies Are Still Pretty Scary

Last night's movie-length premiere of AMC's new comic-based series The Walking Dead came freighted with, at least for us, a lot of giddy expectation. Did it deliver? We say yes, in spades. More »

Cancer Faker to Plead Guilty to Fraud

Canadian cancer scam artist Ashley Kirilow has been charged with seven counts of fraud for raising $20,000 for her fake cancer charity, and nabbing free trips to Disneyland with her elaborate cancer lie. More »

The month-long McDonald's McRib Resurrection starts tomorrow. You slobbering beasts. Comment »

Halloween Horror: Carl Paladino Crashes Costume Party

Human Halloween costume Carl Paladino, New York's Republican gubernatorial candidate, will lose to Andrew Cuomo by a full 100 percentage points tomorrow. So why shouldn't he just go nuts at a Buffalo bar on Halloween weekend? More »

Charlie Sheen's Kids Have No Idea How Crazy He Is

A week after her ex-husband's highly-publicized freak out, Denise Richards appeared on The Wendy WIlliams Show today. Addressing the scandal frankly, Richards said that former couple's daughters are unaware of the incident, or his problems in general. [Jezebel]

Merry Christmas Advertising Time!

Bad comedians are always like, "What's up with Christmas advertising starting earlier every year?" Those bad comedians, as usual, are absolutely right. The start of Christmas advertising this year was way earlier than last year. You already missed it! More »
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