Keith Olbermann is just the sort of guy who would break a network rule against making campaign contributions, and he’s also the sort of guy who would refuse to go on air to apologize to his viewers for such a thing, and apparently this is why his primetime MSNBC show is now an hour-long presentation of Al Roker bloopers hosted by the “dun-dun” sound effect from Law and Order. There still hasn’t been word from the network when or if Olbermann’s suspension will expire, but there is a serious lesson here people like Olbermann have to learn: Only giant corporations like General Electric are allowed to influence elections with campaign contributions, not their employees. READ MORE »
- Your Wonkette dutifully and diligently documented the great teabagging of America, which will forever be remembered in the annals of history.
- The newly dethroned Queen of the House will remain the reptilian princess of the Democrats, forever.
- Sulky teen Barack Obama sent America a real sad break-up text.
- Fortuna’s wheel spun against the dirty, sexy, political genius of Meghan McCain.
- A disgustingly cross-dressed black-faced minstrel photo-bombed a Tennessee Republican’s Facebook profile.
- Andrew Breitbart’s first amendment right to public buffoonery was savagely crushed by ABC News.
- Famous baby-neglecter Bristol Palin was too busy shaking that ass to vote for Joe Miller or anybody else.
The revelations from George W. Bush’s blockbuster graphic novel, Stuff I Did, continue to slam America when it is most vulnerable and butt-hurt. For example, the longest serving president of the 21st Century (really, so far!) says he would’ve never been our beloved national leader had he kept his fun drinking habit. Imagine that! Just try to remember the first decade of this century without George W. Bush steady at the helm. READ MORE »
Jim Clyburn wants to keep his job as Democratic whip, and Nancy Pelosi wants to keep her job as the top Democratic leader in Congress. That’s fine, but perhaps you guys could have thought for a second about poor Steny Hoyer, who would also maybe like to stay in one of the high leadership positions? One option for Hoyer is to step away from all this “leadership” stuff and become part of Obama’s emo clique, cutting himself with them under the White House bleachers. The other option is to try to rip a slab of wood from his desk on the House floor and try to impale Jim Clyburn with it. Which shall he choose? We really have no idea. Hoyer’s public duty has always been simply to stand behind Nancy Pelosi at press conferences, looking like a sad-faced Joe Biden; we have no idea what he’s got in him. READ MORE »
Barack Obama had a Very Tough Week, in that he was still the president and the first black chief executive of these United States and a hero to millions around the world and brilliant and handsome and also, fuck you, he gave you health insurance and saved your stupid auto industry. But whatevs, people in Congress lost or won things, so I guess that means he is finished. It is with a heavy heart and a throbbing girlboner that I turn your attention to Barry’s recent scamperings with this week’s West Wing Week! Huzzah. READ MORE »
Earlier this morning, Washington Post tribute site Politico reported that teevee’s Keith Olbermann, who works for news channel MSNBC, donated money to three Democratic candidates just four days before the elections on Tuesday. This is something many Americans do, but it is not something MSNBC Americans can do, because it appeared to be a violation of NBC’s news ethics policies. And it seems it is a violation, because the network has suspended Olbermann without pay today. Olbermann will now curse out MSNBC for being evil, mug exasperatedly for a non-existent camera, leave his office, and call up Joe Buck for some therapeutic World Series broadcast criticism. Meanwhile, Fox News and its personalities probably didn’t donate enough to Republicans. READ MORE »
The engrossing drama of Sarah Palin’s Twitter servant “favoriting” an Ann Coulter “retweet” of a “yfrog” photo of a church sign complaining that Jesus’ blood no-likey Obama is now over, as Palin has removed this thing from her account. Americans can now rest easy and get back to their daily lives. We will use Palin’s quote as it appears on the Telegraph‘s website, because it makes her spell things like a posh British aristocrat: “I’ve never purposefully ‘favourited’ any Tweet,” she wrote in an e-mail. “I had to go back to my BlackBerry to even see if such a function was possible. I was travelling to Alaska that day … it was an obvious accidental ‘favouriting’.” WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA WITH YOUR MOSK CRUMPETS, SARAH? READ MORE »
One graphics intern or another at CBS’ news website decided it would be a good idea to create an image, for a story about upcoming law-making gridlock, of Obama’s face split in two, featuring a weird scar and a new, whiter half-face. This white face, however, happens to be on the “Republican” half of the image. (Though they did forget to give John Boehner’s face an orange shine. We had to add that.) CBS must have been making some kind of “Star Trek” reference, of course, which is what the KKK always used to say. Newsbusters and other conservative sites picked this up and said it was VERY RACIST. Not against black people, for lightening Obama’s skin, mind you. It was racist because CBS had the gall to imply that Republicans are more white than Democrats. READ MORE »
Oh, did the Democratic Party lose some sort of little voting game on Tuesday? Nancy Pelosi didn’t notice, because she was too busy being more powerful than ever. Sure, some people would expect her to step aside after losing the House Speaker job to an orange alien humanoid. But that’s not her style. Her style is, “This election loss just means that half of those annoying Blue Dogs are gone now, so I’ll be an even better leader now.” And according to ABC News, most House Democrats are going to go along with this because she raises a lot of money for them, and because what exactly is their other option? Steny Hoyer? That guy looks like the crusty old bachelor who idles for hours at your local gas station every night for no apparent reason, except now the man is wearing a suit for the first time in seven years. NO. READ MORE »
- Barack Obama is fleeing the country for a ten-day “please stop taking our jobs?” tour of India, Indonesia, South Korea and Japan. And there have been many accurate news reports suggesting that Obama is spending two hundred million dollars a day on this Gluttonous Asian Vacation: Our president does not pack lightly! According to Matt Drudge, the White House has been lifted from its foundation and placed on a flatbed truck made entirely out of diamonds, and this diamond-encrusted flatbed truck was placed on the most expensive aircraft carrier — and then this aircraft carrier was put in the cargo hold of a different and way more expensive aircraft carrier. And this aircraft carrier is just one of the thirty-four warships that Obama is taking with him. (The rest of these ships are carrying delicious snacks, like popcorn shrimp.) Talk about splurging! READ MORE »
Oh God, why did They have to do all the news yesterday and Tuesday? There’s nothing going on today. Okay, fine, we will post this thing that Sarah Palin’s Twitter account “favorited” last week. Everyone else who it was sent to is writing about this, right? And this way we won’t have to address all the inane speculation today about her presidential run? Good. Here. Enjoy this dumb sign. READ MORE »
The most important thing you can do for your country at this moment is buy a “WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?” billboard, but you probably don’t know where to start. “How do I make a sign that big?” you’re asking yourself, “And how do I get the money? Small businesses are hurting everywhere, including my own meth lab.” WorldNetDaily has made it easy for you. WorldNetDaily has always made it easy for you. And they are proud to announce a charitable fund to which you can donate to save this nation from having a black man as its leader. “What I need Americans to understand is that this billboard campaign is working,” said head WND intellectual Joseph Farah, according to this press release thing. “There is no shortage of billboards available to us. The only thing there’s a shortage of is the money to erect them. We need to raise tens of thousands of dollars a month just to keep them in place.” READ MORE »
Our favorite American Family Association blogger, Bryan Fischer, took to the organization’s blog on Election Day to write about the issue that was on every voter’s mind: “tax-payer funded contraception.” For too long America has had a method to have sex without having babies, and we have to work quickly to end this right now because, as Fischer says, the “utter disaster I call MussoliniCare may soon make contraception free (which means everybody else pays for it) to women in the U.S.” This country is barely making enough babies as it is. But even worse, it’s making the wrong kind of babies, ones that aren’t born into white two-parent opposite-sex households who buy the AFA’s $50 porn filter. And Fischer has a solution: The government needs to make married couples have three kids AT LEAST. READ MORE »
