So I met Charlene Strong

On Wednesday, I met Charlene Strong. She was in DC to attend the White House LGBT reception. I knew the story about the tragic death of her wife, Kate Fleming. And, I was aware of the terrible complications Charlene faced in the aftermath of the tragedy because she and Kate were a same-sex couple. I've seen the t.v. ad she did for the Approve R-71 campaign. I'd read Joe Mirabella's post about Charlene's visit to the White House. And, our blog has a family connection. Tim Beauchamp's cousin, Jana, is the partner of Charlene's niece, Lydia.

Charlene and Kate's mother were guests at the White House reception on Tuesday afternoon. Both were called into the anteroom to meet with the President before the event. Charlene said Kate's mom ruled the meeting and would have made us all proud.

At the event, a White House aide told her someone wanted to meet her. It was Rahm Emanuel who told Charlene he knew her story and wanted to work with her. I was a little stunned. It was one of the first signs of humanity we've seen from Emanuel. But, he was also the staffer who told Obama about Janice Langbehn's story. Maybe that's the way to pierce the armor that's been preventing real progress at the White House. Real stories. Tragic stories. Real people.

Charlene doesn't want this to be about her tragedy. But, she also realizes that her story tells the story of our lives. A lot of our close friends, family members and allies don't understand all the hurdles we face. Often, we don't realize it until we're in a crisis situation.

I have to admit: She wowed me. Her activism is so pure. It's not about access or power. And, her intensity is so real.

Currently, Charlene is a Human Rights Commissioner in Washington, named to that post by Governor Christine Gregoire. She's been meeting with the Washington Hospital Association to discuss ways to insure there's uniformity to policies for LGBT people -- and unmarried straight people. In Washington, there's a statewide registry of domestic partners. But, that's not true for straight couples. She wants consistency among the hospitals. And, she knows that to work, the policies have to be nation-wide. She spent time with HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius and her staff this week, too. Charlene has a goal: She wants to make sure that every single patient is treated exactly the same. The rules are different for same-sex couples and she asked, "are we going to have to be card-carrying gay people."

Charlene grew up in a military family. Her dad was in the Coast Guard so she gets the military mindset. She was reverential when speaking of "Lieutenant Choi" and his powerful activism. Charlene and Dan speak with moral authority.

Right now, she's "building bridges of empathy and understanding." If she can do that with Rahm Emanuel, we might actually make some progress.

At the end of the day, Charlene realizes we need to end DOMA. She'll be a great voice for the effort to end that onerous law.

She also told me that she doesn't want to be defined by her tragedies. She wants to be defined by her victories.

Last night, Charlene did a screening of her documentary, For My Wife, here in DC. She just learned that she's got a distribution deal for the video, which will be available on August 30, 2010. The video will include an added feature: Sam Harris singing the equality anthem "My Reclamation."

I really enjoyed talking to Charlene. We talked gay politics and activism. We talked about our dogs. We talked a lot about our dogs. We talked about her triathlons and my marathons. We talked about growing up on the ocean.

Charlene thinks personal experience is the best story to tell. She's going to tell her story, but thinks all gay people need to stand up and tell theirs. I'm glad I met Charlene, although I so wish the circumstances could have been different. I'll tell you this: She is a force majeure.