A horrific story.
18 year old Tyler Clementi, a freshman at Rutgers University in New Jersey, reportedly jumped off a bridge to his death after his roommate secretly set up spy cameras in his dorm room, filmed him making out with another guy, and then posted the videos on Twitter.
The roommate also invited his Twitter followers to come watch Tyler, live, via hidden camera during a second date. The day after, Tyler announced on Facebook that he was going to kill himself, and shortly thereafter jumped off a bridge to his death.
NorthJersey.com has a timeline:
Sept. 1: Fall semester begins at Rutgers. Dharun Ravi and Tyler Clementi are roommates in Davidson dormitory on Busch Campus.
Sept. 19: Twitter feed from Ravi: “Roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into molly’s room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with another dude. Yay.”
Sept. 21: Twitter feed from Ravi: “Anyone with iChat, I dare you to video chat me between the hours of 9:30 and 12. Yes, it’s happening again.”
Sept. 22, around 8 p.m.: Friends say Clementi sends a Facebook update: "Going to jump off the GW Bridge. Sorry."
Later that hour, Clementi commits suicide by jumping from the George Washington Bridge.
Not that it should matter, but Tyler was apparently a
good kid, and an accomplished violinist:
Clementi was a member of the Ridgewood Symphony Orchestra 2010-2011 season as a violinist. At the annual Ridgewood High School ceremony in June 2010, the senior won the Ridgewood Symphony Orchestra Scholarship, the Orchestra Parents Association Award, and the National School Orchestra Award. He has been recognized by the Friends of Music that supports music in the Ridgewood public schools for his community activities.
Diane Wade, a violinist with the Ridgewood Symphony Orchestra, sat next to Clementi and said he was one of the most gifted student players she had encountered in many years playing with the orchestra.
“He was so incredibly talented – I could not believe how good he was for such a young boy,” Wade said. “Such a nice kid all the way around…As a parent, he was the way you want your kids to be – polite, courteous, serious about the work he was doing and a hard worker.”
This is what it means to be gay in America in 2010. I think a lot of people who aren't gay, and even many who are, like to think that we're all rich and live in big welcoming cities where being gay is about as big a handicap as being left-handed. We say we want our civil rights, but I think a lot of people think we've got things pretty good, and behind closed doors, they probably call us whiners too.
And I'm sure our lives are pretty good, and just as good as straight people's, except for the part about not being able to get married, have children in many states, keep a job - oh yeah, and that nagging desire to kill ourselves because so many of us grew up thinking we were horrible people who would never be loved, or find love.
I think it's this kind of attitude that leads people to lecture us about "
keeping the long view in mind" with regards to getting our civil rights. I wrote in response, just yesterday, "to paraphrase Keynes, in the long view we're all dead."
Gay civil rights isn't a "social issue." It's our lives. A lot of us, myself included, grew up thinking we'd never see the age of 30 because we'd have to kill ourselves once people found out we were gay. A lot of people have no idea how hard it is to grow up being gay. To grow up thinking God made you wrong. Thinking you will never find love. Thinking your own family and friends will disown you once they know who you really are. And hearing the President of the United States - one of the "good" guys - say that you don't deserve the right to marry the person you love.
And when politicians make promises to us, break promises to us, then lecture us to "stop whining" because the other guy would hurt us even worse, it really hits a raw nerve. It suggests that they don't think our struggle is a struggle. They don't think it's as important as the "important" issues the country faces. It tells us that they think we're just another special interest, no different than the corporate lobbyist trying to get another tax break.
Until kids like Tyler Clementi stop killing themselves, we will continue to whine. We'll whine about bad politicians who try to pass legislation hurting us, and "good" politicians who say the right thing, but can't seem to find the time to fit our civil rights into their busy schedules.
We can't wait any longer. And we won't.
PS
See Dan Savage's new YouTube channel "It Gets Better." It's an effort to stop gay youth from killing themselves, and something Dan started last week, before this latest suicide even happened.
Finally, someone set up a
Facebook page in Tyler's memory. Please stop by.
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