StephenAtHome
-
I'm getting the iPad II because I'm an early adopter - in that I couldn't have one naturally.
1:13 PM Mar 4th
via SocialOomph
-
Charlie Sheen just set record for "fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers." Not his only speed record.
8:59 PM Mar 3rd
via SocialOomph
-
In my last brain-freeze induced hallucination, I learned the hard way that there are a lot of things I won't do for a Klondike Bar.
8:47 PM Mar 3rd
via SocialOomph
-
Now Jimmy Fallon is entering the ice cream market?! It was bad enough when I had to fight to keep my flavor from becoming AmeriConan Dream
8:44 PM Mar 3rd
via SocialOomph
-
If Gingrich and Huckabee are off Fox News, how will they offer the full spectrum of opinion from far right to center right?
8:37 PM Mar 3rd
via SocialOomph
-
Watch my show tonight if you want to see "Slightly Earlier Night with Jimmy Fallon!" I can say no more.
6:34 PM Mar 3rd
via SocialOomph
-
Scientists say nuclear war could stop global warming. I don't know about that, but things will definitely cool off without all that skin.
10:02 AM Mar 3rd
via SocialOomph
-
The iPad 2 will be released on March 11th. Of course, as a celebrity, I'm already using my complimentary iPad 7. The screen touches ME!
7:47 AM Mar 3rd
via SocialOomph
-
I've always thought the obituaries could use more product placement. They can be "in loving memory foam."
8:47 PM Mar 2nd
via SocialOomph
-
Step one for economic recovery is probably negotiating with the raccoons who've taken over our abandoned factories.
8:39 PM Mar 2nd
via SocialOomph
-
@ This is a courtesy tweet checking on the status of your refrigerator. I hope it is functioning properly.
8:35 PM Mar 2nd
via Futuretweets V2
-
Sometimes a picture can say it all. Especially if it's a picture of the words you're trying to say.
12:12 PM Mar 2nd
via SocialOomph
-
That guy from the New Yorker has been sitting on my coffee table for weeks, I kept meaning to get around to interviewing him.
8:56 PM Mar 1st
via SocialOomph
-
"I've Fallen and I Can't Get Off" is your typical geriatric porn. The action starts with the arrival of the pudding delivery boy.
8:46 PM Mar 1st
via SocialOomph
-
If more seniors get into porn, it may get more difficult to slow down sexual excitement by thinking of grandma.
8:42 PM Mar 1st
via SocialOomph
-
If poor people want more money, why didn't they have their parents work harder?
8:36 PM Mar 1st
via SocialOomph
-
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
7:07 AM Mar 1st
via SocialOomph
-
Remember, art collectors: when you buy my portrait, I throw in the breast autograph for free.
8:51 PM Feb 28th
via SocialOomph
-
I’m sorry if you can’t make it to NYC to bid on my portrait. I hope in the future technology will allow us to hold auctions online.
8:46 PM Feb 28th
via SocialOomph
-
The Koch brothers don't want to be dragged into the light of day. That's why they work so hard to blot out the sun.
8:42 PM Feb 28th
via SocialOomph
|
|