Right Now...

Right Now...
-I am feeling super lazy!  My BFF took Molly for the afternoon, Eric is off helping a friend refinish a bathroom and Elwood is sleeping.  I have a list a mile long of things I could/should/need to do, however, I am content with sitting on the computer browsing around.
-I am thinking of all things "Lucy" that still need to be done, and I bought these cute letters to paint for her room and I can't find them anywhere!  I mean nowhere!  I have looked, looked, and looked, and nothing!
-I am thinking of the baby we lost in January and remembering that today I was due with our angel.  I am wondering if the baby would have been a boy or a girl, and what they would look like.  I feel happy and sad all at the same time.  I feel so blessed to be carrying another baby, especially knowing that I am due 3 months from today!  Some day I will meet my angel, but for now I picture Jesus and brother taking turns holding our baby until we get to Heaven.
-I am thinking about eating my 90th cookie bar that I made this week, seriously I think baking is my spiritual gift!  I can't stop baking or eating!
-I am thinking I should put a grocery list together for the week, and use my child free time wisely to go buy said groceries, but I probably won't.
-I am feeling so thankful for wonderful friends that God has surrounded us with here in Milwaukee.
-I am wishing you all a great weekend!

Girls, Girls, Girls

So it's getting all girly over at my house!  Here are some of the latest girl things we have added...

I got these cute shirts on sale today...couldn't resist the opportunity to match!

My friend, Jenn, made this banner for Lucy...

don't mind the floors that need mopped in a bad way!

She also made Molly a cute "big sister" shirt, but it's

in the washer right now!

I could not resist this for $1.49 at Goodwill...brand new from Gymboree!

My MIL sent me these today...it was her first try at making bows, 

and I think she did a great job!

All things girly makes me very happy!   

Wednesday's Walk- My girls, My miracles

Today for my memory I am going to share more of what is on my heart, in hopes that I remember this overwhelming grateful feeling that I have right now.

Today when I was walking at the gym I was watching this one exercise class working out...which led me to think about so many different things, which led me to randomly think about Molly and what a miracle she is in our lives.  I was about 13 or so when I was diagnosed with endometriosis.  Which 13 years ago no one really talked about it, nor was a lot known about it.  I remember having to go the "lady doctor" because my doctor whom I had since birth, and was a guy had no clue what was going on.  I also have a lot of issues with cysts, them growing, bursting, it's an awful cycle.  When I was 15 I had my first laperoscopy done to help laser away scar tissue, the endometriosis, and check out my "womanly area."  I remember laying in the recovery room, and my doctor talking to me and saying I was probably never going to have kids and I would struggle with all of this for the rest of my life.  Then I nodded back to sleep.

Eric and I were dating at the time, and I remember he came to visit me in the hospital and I told him I was never going to be able to have kids, and I am sure I was emotional, more than likely knowing myself, and I remember him telling him in his wonderful, 16 year old guy way..."I don't love you because you can have kids, I love you because I just do."  Awww...

Fast forward to December 2005...Eric and I had just gotten married in May, I was being wheeled into the recovery room from another laperoscopy and my doctor telling me pretty much the same thing all the other doctors told me through out the years.  11 months later our Molly Ann was conceived and she was born in August 2007.

I knew not having kids was a huge reality for us, and I am not in any way saying that God likes us better, or decided to bless us and not some other couple...but I am saying how grateful I am that I have a curly, blond hair, blue eyed girl calling me mom everyday.

I am now 3 months from my due date with another little miracle inside me.  After our miscarriage and emergency D&C in January, we again were told we may not have another child because the doctor's could not be sure how badly my uterus was scarred from the procedure.  I spent a lot of time praying, crying, crying and praying that God would just make me content, content with the idea that it was going to be the 3 of us for the rest of my life.

I can say honestly, 100% I was content with the idea of being a family of 3, and I truly felt fine with it.  Then I found out I was pregnant.  One month after everything went down, two pink lines showed up on that test, that test I didn't want to take because I know of the heartbreak it brings when there is only one line.

Lucy May is my second miracle.  She has brought me great joy, helped me in my grief over the baby we lost, and restored hope and faith in me.  All of that and I have yet to meet this chick!

So as I finished my walk around the track I felt so grateful to the Lord, grateful that he chose me to carry and raise these girls, my girls, Eric's girls, His girls, our girls, our miracles.

26 Weeks and counting...

How far along- 26 weeks today!

Weight Gain- Lets just say I tried to step on the scale last night and then talked myself out of it!

Emotions- I have been really emotional lately, more than usual!  I think with everyone talking about school starting and sending their little ones off, it makes me think about my own and I start to cry!  But little things effect me more now than they used to...I am sure Eric will be glad when this stage is over with!  But I am also super EXCITED!  I know I shouldn't wish my pregnancy away, but I am sooo ready for Lucy to be here.

Movement- Oh my word, yes!  This child is so active, which I honestly don't mind, but some nights I lose a little bit of sleep while Lucy is swirling and curling around in there.  

What you miss- Bending over!  I actually forget a lot of times to bend at the knees, not straight over, and I usually pay for it when I try to stand up!  Plus, Lucy hates being squished, so she usually gives me a good kick or punch in protest of bending over. 

Pretty much everything is going great!  I go a week from Thursday for my fabulous glucose test and 28 week appointment.  My belly button is getting bigger due to the hernia, which grosses me out a little, but there is nothing they can do about it now, maybe surgery after Lucy is born.  It's just annoying!  I am trying to enjoy every moment, but I am also ready for her to be here.  Which when she does come, I will probably freak out and not feel ready!  We have nothing set up yet, which is funny because with Molly I think everything was set and ready to go by 6 months!  Poor second child! 

    

Picture Overload

As promised...here are our zoo pictures!

All of her expressions crack me up!  She loves riding the train, so we made sure we did that before we left.  I don't think there has yet to be a time we didn't ride the train at the zoo! 

The zoo totally wore me out yesterday!  And I feel worse today!  I think it's a combo of not sleeping well the past couple days and just walking around the zoo with a 3 year old by myself.  I have that tired feeling where everything hurts and you feel icky.  I hate that!  So I am going to take a nap today when Molly does.  I have a ton of work to do, well it feels that way at least, before a training meeting I am doing on Saturday for our volunteers, but it will have to wait.  My brain feels like it can't function! 

And last but not least...Elwood!  About 2 weeks ago I came into the playroom to clean up, and all of Molly's tutu's were out on the floor and I could hear snoring, it was the cat!  He was asleep in the middle of them!  I thought it was hilarious, and then decided I couldn't put them away, he was too cute.  So he has been napping on the tutu's lately and it just plain cracks me up! 

The sad thing is I have like 25 pics of him sleeping on them!  I am that crazy cat lady!  Have a great day!

Wednesday's Walk- The Future Vet

Molly loves animals...she truly does.  I think she could have a career as a vet.  There is no animal we have come across yet that she is scared of.  Especially that one time when she ran up to a pit bull and liked its face!  Talk about scary and gross at the same time!  Today was no exception.  I took Miss Molly to the zoo for a mommy/daughter date.  We had a blast!  She kept asking to see more animals, and it's fun going now that she recognizes all of the animals there.  Before, she would be oblivious to the fact that we were even looking at animals.  So you would think that I am going to show you pictures from this morning...I will, eventually.  Let me just be brutally honest, I am way too lazy and tired right now to find the camera cord and download the pictures.  But don't worry, I will, and I also have some fun pictures of Elwood and his new sleeping spot.

So for today, enjoy some pics of Molly and Billy from 2 years ago...

We had just got back from a trip to Ohio for her first birthday, and she was so excited to see her "Bubba."

"Lead Me"

God has really been doing a number on my heart about what does a Godly family really look like?  Are we one?  Some days we are, and other days, we fail miserably.  I feel challenged daily to show Molly and eventually Lucy, too, what a Godly woman looks like, and more importantly what God commands of our hearts, souls, and minds.  My friend, Courtney, blogged about this topic the other day too, so I know I am not the only one feeling this way.

I absolutely love, love, love this song from Sanctus Real.  They are one of my favorite all time bands...and it doesn't hurt that they are from Ohio!  In their song "Lead Me" they talk about a wife's prayer to her husband to lead her, a child's prayer to their father to lead them, and then a husband/daddy's prayer to God to lead him.  You can see the story behind the song on their website.

Right Now...

Right Now...
-I am super happy because we have Internet, like official, 100% legit Internet.  I could have kissed the AT&T guy, for real.
-I am a little tired from swimming all morning with Molly and Eric, but too excited to have Internet that I checked blogs instead of napping.
-Am super excited to eat pizza tonight.  It doesn't seem like a Friday night to me without pizza.
-Trying to figure out short or long?  I get antsy with my hair...and some days I want to grow it out, and other days I want it short and sassy.  I am not "good at doing" my hair.  So when it's long- I pull it back, when it's short I leave it down, all the time.  I want wigs...then I could be short one day and long the next.  I used to have long hair in college, mainly because I was too cheap to get it cut, and looking back at pics, I loved my long hair.  But now almost 2 kids later, hormones, no time in the morning, and realizing, God created me with short hair follicles, I swear He did, I am not sure what to do!
-I am wondering if it's bad, sad, or okay that I made an 8x8 pan of brownies 24 hours ago and there is only one left.  I am not the only guilty party of eating them, but still...
-A certain 3 year old just woke up from her nap, and I am going to go get her...despite my excited attitude about Internet connection, I still love seeing Molly wake up from her naps and hear her say, "hi mom."

Have a great weekend!

24 Weeks Update

How far along...24 weeks and 5 days, except I am measuring 2 1/2 weeks bigger!  With Molly, I know, I know, you are not supposed to compare, but hey...I was always on track, like by the book, and now I am HUGE!

Changes...I am definitely not as flexible as I once was.  Getting up from the couch seems like a task some nights.  I have an umbilical hernia, but nothing they can do about it now, just hurts a little and is annoying!

Cravings...I don't really crave anything...but I am really snacky right now.  Big meals fill me up, so I just want to munch all day, and not like on carrot sticks or anything, more on cookies, chips, crackers, you get the point. 

That's about it from the update department!  Not a whole lot going on.  I am trying to enjoy everyday, every kick, punch, and hiccup!  I haven't gotten swollen yet, which is nice!  At my next appointment I am taking the gestational diabetes test, yumm...orange soda!

Wednesday's Walk- The zoo and Put'n'Bay

For today's walk down memory lane I am going to share a little bit of our vacation from last week with you all.  On Sunday we (Eric, his parents, Molly, and me) drove to Toledo, which is about 45 minutes from where we grew up, and went to the zoo.  I hadn't been to that zoo in a long time, and a lot had changed!  It was packed full of people and really hot!  But we managed, some how!

 
Then we left the zoo and headed for a hotel.  Our main objective was to find a place for Molly to swim!  She loves to swim, so we wanted to do something fun for her.  So we stayed at a super nice place and swam!  Then the next morning we got up and drove out to Port Clinton, where we took the ferry across Lake Erie to an island called Put'n'Bay.  Again, a place I went when I was younger, but have not been there in a long time.  We rented a golf cart and cruised around the island.  We did whatever, whenever we pleased.  It was so nice.  We went on a Monday and it was also packed, I could not imagine a weekend there!  We toured a crystal cave and winery, and had an awesome lunch of fish, yumm!  And of course got salt water taffy, my favorite!  They also have a merry-go-round there that Molly loved to ride!  She rode it twice, and both times she was the only one on it!

All in all it was a really fun day!

A New Schedule

If you all knew me in real life, some of you have that fabulous privilege, ha...well then you would know that I HATE change, any kind of change- good or bad.  I love having a schedule, being 100% predictable, knowing what is going to happen, you get the point.  Having a baby totally changed my predictability factor and actually helped me chill out a bit.  I still love having a schedule, but a flexible one at that. 

This week starts my "new schedule" with being a mommy, wife, children's minister, counselor, and human being.  A lot has been happening behind the scenes at The Ridge (our church) and so let me fill you in a little.  In February we hired a student minister, Tyler, one of the best things ever.  Up until then Eric was "running" the student ministry.  Let me just say student ministry is not my passion.  I love kids, I love students, I love being predicatble and serious.  I know BORING!  But I just am.  So small groups I totally rock at with kids, but large, fun, get hit in the face with a football tends to stress me out.  Sorry for the train derailment there...so Tyler comes on board and Eric now is back to Neighborhood Groups and teaching once a month, sometimes more. 

As the next few months progress, I realize...I am not a good children's minister.  Please don't fill the comment section up with "oh yes you are"  "I am sure you do a great job."  As much as I want to hear that, please don't feed the animal known as my ego.  I can do some things well, but I can't do a whole lot with excellence.  So begins the humbling experience known as "a little trip to the desert on your spiritual journey." 

I am not going to lie, the past few months have been something I have never struggled with before, I can't begin to explain or describe my thoughts and feelings, my realtionships, my time with God.  Plus, that would be more like a book, not a quick blog post.  So needless to say after some wandering, questioning, wanting to quit everything, doing whatever I could to just get through Sundays...Tyler is now taking over the Elementary Ministry.  Hallelujah!  Trust me, this is a good thing.  I know 100% with my whole heart it could be better, and I also know I am not the one who is going to make it better.  Maybe Tyler isn't either, but right now, he is going to try. 

I hate feeling like a failure, or a quitter, and I know deep down, I am not quitting this, I am handing it off to make it better for the kids who come to The Ridge on Sunday mornings.  They deserve something better, something more exciting, something that I just can't give them.  And that's okay.  Well, I am learning, that's okay.

I am still overseeing the Nursery and Pre-school area, which are my true passions, and I have so many creative ideas for those areas that I can't wait to get all hammered out for this Fall.  Plus, my counseling clients have picked up, and right now I have enough on my plate.

So now our new schedule looks like this...Mondays- I work all day, and I mean all day!  My last client is at 6:30, which means I leave the office after 7:30pm and hopefully make it home by 8pm.  I usually roll into the office at 8:30am, so it's a long one.  Tuesdays- I work all day, and then Wednesday-Saturday- I get to be a wife and mom first, then children's minister second, and Sundays- well those days are just crazy anyways!

Eric is staying home with Molly one day a week, and she is still going to to babysitter's, but only one day a week now.  Handing some responsibility over means handing some money back.  So my salary decreased, but it's worth not having extra stress and not beating myself up every Sunday after church.  Plus, I get to spend more time at home and being with Molly, and everntually Lucy.  I am sure our schedule will change again once Lucy is born, but for now, I have some boring predicability going in my life, and that's a good thing. 

Happy Birthday to Molly!

Yesterday we celebrated Molly's 3rd birthday!  Time sure flies!  I hate that cliche, but it is so true!  When I think back 3 years ago, I am amazed at how my life has changed since this tiny, little 8 pound baby made her way into my heart.  Molly brightens up a room when she walks in, and she also has this very gentle spirit about her.  She comforts anyone she sees hurt or upset, but she can also be as tough as they come.  Molly does something funny everyday, usually more than one thing, and she can also make a mommy feel like I am the most important person in the entire world.  Blessed does not even begin to describe how I feel about my Molly girl.  Here's to many, many more happy years of birthdays!!

A Little Prayer from Vacation

We made it to one of our vacation destinations...and sadly we were met with some awful news.  My dad's best friend of 30 plus years passed away on Thursday afternoon.  He was diagnosed with stage 4 esophagus cancer about a month ago and was doing well with chemo, but went downhill, fast, really fast.  In a matter of days his family was planning his funeral.  It all is just so sad.

Dave, my dad's friend, was the most caring, sincere, and wonderful man you would have ever met.  He made you feel like you knew him for 45 years after just 5 minutes.  Dave was there more for my family than I can count and or remember.  When my brother was in his car accident and died 8 days later, Dave and his wife, Carol, were at the hospital from the moment they got the call at 2am, and didn't leave until we did, 8 days later.  Any time we needed them, they were there.  I would like to think our family has done the same for them.

My dad is going to break one of these days...and it's going to be ugly.  But grief is ugly at times, mixed in with some good memories.  Then it's sad, happy, you get the point.  My dad has been taking care of all the details, and Dave's family.  But he is going to break.  Please pray for my dad, Mark.

So if you could say a prayer for Dave's family, and for my dad, that would be greatly appreciated.  We are going to the visitation today, and it's going to be hard. 

Other than that vacation has been good, relaxing, and fun so far.  After the visitation today we are leaving for another vacation destination...can't wait to show you all pictures!!