ABOVE: Jason Mattera’s Most Productive Moment of the Day
Shorter Jason Mattera, Human Events:
Angry, Stoned, Clueless Leftist Mobs ‘Occupy Wall Street’
Shorter Jeremy Egerer, The American Genius:
How the Dual Income Destroys the Lower Classes
ABOVE: Hunk of Burning Love Scott “Hubba Hubba” Whitlock (right)
Shorter Scott Whitlock, Imam Muomar Al-Bozell’s News Blusters:
The Boobs at Nightline Investigate Breast Enlargement Epidemic in Venezuela
Shorter Rich Noyes, Imam Muomar Al-Bozell’s Newsblusters
No Obama Softballs: MRC Study Finds Morning TV Hits GOP Candidates With Hostile Liberal Agenda
ABOVE: Dennis Prager
Shorter Dennis Prager, America’s Shittiest Website™
Why Young Americans Can’t Think Morally
Shorter Jeannie DeAngelis, Ruhnoomurka:
Can the bagpipes and catch the terrorists?
Shorter David Brooks, New York Times:
The Planning Fallacy
*Cf.
ABOVE: Clay Waters
Shorter Clay Waters, Imam Muomar al-Bozell’s Newsblusters:
NYT’s Nagourney Disappointed in Lack of Reagan Criticism at Reagan Library
ABOVE: Ken Shepherd, Managing Editor, Newsbusters (left)
You would think that if your entire raison d’être is to criticize newspapers and other news media, even if (or especially if) that criticism was to demonstrate that every newspaper other than Rupert Murdoch’s White Street Journal was a nest of gay-loving, terrorist supporting, baby killing, gun-banning liberal feminazis, then you would want to have some grasp of elemental journalistic techniques such as how to write a headline. A working knowledge of grammar and syntax might also be helpful to stave off sarcastic and caustic retorts from elitist liberal nitpickers. Sadly, no!
Ken Shepherd, the Managing Editor no less, of Newsblusterers, came up with this headline, which doesn’t quite mean what he thinks it means:
Now while we might all agree that many conservatives, particular those of the persuasion that rapists have the right to father babies by the women of their choice, are woman-hating, we are not so sure Tina Brown is a conservative or hates women.
Managing Editor Shepherd fell asleep during Hyphenation 101 and meant to say “conservative-woman hating” Tina Brown, a large difference which is as unsupported as the idea that she is conservative or hates women. Apparently she hates conservative women because she has launched a foundation call Women in the World which apparently seeks to force conservative women to bear unwanted children — oh wait, it’s the conservative women who want to force that on other women. Shepherd also says Brown “hates” conservative women because she tied a conservative woman to that back of her car and dragged her for three miles said that the election of certain conservative women was a blow to feminism. Over at Newsbusters, disagreeing with a conservative is hate; suggesting that gays shouldn’t even appear on TV unless they are portrayed as dismal, dispirited, suicidal homos who can only save themselves by finding religion and the opposite sex is, of course, an act of love.
ABOVE: Selwyn Duke
Shorter Selwyn Duke, Ruhnoomerka:
When love was a warm toy gun
*Selywyn’s bout of la nostalgie de la boue is prompted by a video of a 1960s toy commercial showing boys playing with toy guns, toy mess kits and the like. Selwyn says:
Every toy gun in the commercial looks (gasp!) realistic; there are no sissified colors, no orange plastic piece at the end of the barrel.
The reason for this, however, has nothing to do with the actual toy guns but probably with the fact that the commercial is in black and white.
ABOVE: A speculative rendering of Robin of Berkeley based on a forensic analysis
of her blog posts.
Shorter Robin of Bezerkley, A Licensed Psychotherapist, The American Genius
What the World Needs Now
ABOVE: State Rep. Sally Kern (R – OK)
Shorter Sally Kern, Americans for Troof Against Fagosexuality:
Interview with Peter “I Was Just Researching Leather Daddies When I Found A Dick In My Mouth” LaBarbera*
*Cf.
ABOVE: James Tarantoad waiting for a date
Shorter James Tarantoad, The White Street Journal
Why They Cheered
ABOVE: M. Edward Whelan III. (If you think this Photoshop of Whelan
is an exaggeration, click here.)
Shorter M. Edward Whelan III, J.D., Esq., America’s Shittiest Website™
Re: Obama DOJ Picks a Fight Against Religious Freedom
ABOVE: Tevi Troy
Shorter Tevi Troy, America’s Shittiest Website™:
Reading into Cheney’s Reading
Shorter ASW™ Commenters, America’s Shittiest Website™:
Reading into Cheney’s Reading
For some hard to fathom reason Michelle Malkin is, tragically, still alive and, to prove beyond doubt the injustice of her own continued existence, takes the opportunity to mock the death of some poor guy who died because he didn’t have health insurance. As you might recall, the usual response of this vile dwarf to people who have no health insurance has been to drive to their homes and peer in their kitchens to see if they have squandered their premiums on granite countertops. So this latest ploy by Malkin is a step downward — even for her.
The news story that started all of Malkin’s squawking and fussing concerns a guy who died from a toothache because he couldn’t afford an antibiotic prescribed for him when he went to the emergency room. According to Malkin, he died not from the infected tooth but, rather, because he was a dumb fuck. To prove this she finds a Wal-Mart that offers a bottle of amoxcicillin for $4, not that she cites any proof (nor could I find any) that this was what was actually prescribed. Apparently Malkin thinks you can march into a pharmacy and ask them to hand over their cheapest generic antibiotic without a prescription and that this antibiotic would, naturally, be effective against any and all infections.
Then again, of course, there is the problem that even $4 might be too much.
Some socialized health care zealots will argue that $4 … is too high a price for antibiotics. But co-pays serve a rational economic and public health purpose. They encourage consumers to be judicious and discourage patients from demanding that doctors dispense every last drug recklessly like Pez candy.
If a few poor people have to bite the dust so that only rich people can fill up their Pez dispensers with Cipro, well that’s just God letting us know who counts and who doesn’t.
WARNING: If you venture into Michelle’s comments section, we will not be liable for any self-inflicted injuries, including, without limitation, those caused by icepicks jabbed into eyeballs or subcranial injections of concentrated bleach solutions.
ABOVE: Matthew Vadum
Shorter Matthew Vadum, The American Genius:
Registering the Poor to Vote is Un-American
I think it may be impossible to top the headline of this post by Lloyd Marcus at Medievalize America: “Liberal Media Forces Homosexuality Agenda Down America’s Throat.” I suppose maybe “Liberal Media Shoves Homosexuality Agenda Up America’s Butt While Wearing Two Wetsuits” would be even better, and I suppose it won’t be long until the “down your throat” metaphor morphs into the “up your bum” metaphor, but in the meantime we’ll have to be content with shoving things like health care, homosexual agendas, flood relief payments and highways down people’s throat.
Lloyd’s musings about forced fellation of visits to the gym, swanky happy hours, Lady Gaga concerts and other items on the homosexual agenda, however, actually surpass the headline.
Please, please, please understand, as we said in the 60s, where I’m coming from.” This article is NOT about bashing homosexuals.
Nor is it about proper use of quotation marks apparently. And, if you suspect that the overemphatic NOT is a bit of overcompensation before a sound bashing of homosexuals, you would, of course, be right. But first, Lloyd takes a a little detour to Someofmybestfriendsville.
I have homosexual family members and friends whom I love very much.
If you are wondering who that homosexual family member might be or how exactly Lloyd might “love very much” his homosexual friends, then you’ve obviously never heard Lloyd speak.
I never thought I’d ever say this, but this guy makes Marcus Bachmann sound like Dirty Harry. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Now let’s get down to the business of bashing homosexuals, which is what Lloyd is all about, notwithstanding his protestations and his own obvious self-interest. To spare you having to read the whole thing, here’s the shorter:
Because the Bible says that homosexuals are an abomination, it was bigoted for David Gregory to ask Michelle Bachman her views on those abominations. In fact, by asking the question, the media proves that it wants to make your children gay.
But it’s not just NBC, by the way, that wants to make your children gay:
Even home improvement and cooking TV programs feature a high number of homosexual couples disproportionate to the population. Clearly, many TV producers have an agenda to normalize the homosexual lifestyle.
Apparently the ultimate goal of the media is to make everyone big fat gay inhabitants of big fat over-decorated gay homes. So, folks, please understand that the only thing between you, sodomy, minimalist furniture and three helpings of lavender and tilleul infused crème brulée is Michelle Bachman and Lloyd Marcus.
Shorter Jeannie DeAngelis, Ruhnoomurka:
All The Wrong Things
