Washington Post writer Ezra Klein says people can’t understand the Constitution because it was written more than 100 years ago. [YouTube Link]

(2010-09-10) — Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today repeated his frequent declaration that Iran’s nuclear program is for energy only, and promised the international community that he would reveal any future secret Iranian nuclear site plans as soon as he became aware of them.

“If the Islamic Republic were building a secret nuclear facility, I would tell you,” the Iranian leader said at a news conference. “If, instead of merely providing for our own electricity needs, we were actually secretly building nuclear missiles to wipe Israel from the face of the map, do you think I would not openly confess this before Allah and the world?”

Mr. Ahmadinejad also said he would give 60-days notice “before unleashing any surprise attacks on Israel using the missiles that we almost certainly do not have, to the best of my recollection.”

“We always tell the truth about our clandestine military activities to everyone,” the president said, adding that his government plans to launch a website next week to make public all of Iran’s nuclear secrets and covert military research projects.

(2010-09-06) — Buoyed by the success of his other stimulus programs in turning around the once-moribund U.S. economy, President Barack Obama announced today a $50 billion plan to fix up 150,000 miles of highway in order to save jobs and the environment.

The man destined to go down in history as the first ‘green’ president said today he would increase taxes on oil companies to pay for the road construction.

“This stimulus initiative,” the president said, “will put hundreds of collective-bargaining units back on the public payroll, while taking thousands of cars off of the road, due to construction road closings and the higher price of fuel. The end result: more jobs, less global warming. It’s a win-win.”

Due to the anticipated public reception of the Obama roads stimulus, the White House will reportedly announce next week a plan to increase taxes on airline tickets to fund a massive project to ‘re-fluff the clouds’, employing tens of thousands of unionized fluffers.

(2010-08-31) — Even though a new Gallup poll shows a generic Republican Congressional candidate up 10 points over a generic Democrat rival, the non-specific GOP hopeful today cautioned against overconfidence, and urged his ambiguous team of supporters to work hard all the way through election day.

“There are still a lot of voters out there who have not made up their minds,” the generic Republican said. “We need to reach them with my vague, yet hopeful, message that makes them feel good about themselves and their country for no particular reason. Most importantly, they need to know that electing me would be a smaller mistake than electing the other guy.”

The candidate, a former businessman, attorney or blue-collar worker, who overcame a hardscrabble childhood to graduate in the middle of his class from a state university, said his strategy of tying his opponent to Obama, Pelosi and Reid, has forced the generic Democrat to distance himself from his own party.

“He’s running away from their record,” the Republican said. “And we’re running on our record of pointing out the failed policies of Obama, Pelosi and Reid…and on our proven approach of repeating the names Obama, Pelosi and Reid every time we talk about my opponent, who is just like Obama, Pelosi and Reid.”

Explaining his plain-speaking, principled approach to campaigning, the generic Republican noted: “I just say what I mean, and mean what I say. People want to know what you stand for, because if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. And I stand for something. You know what I mean? That’s what I’m saying.”
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Find out why ‘Laughing At Obama: Volume I‘ has been selected by the Conservative Book Club. Buy it for a buck when you join the club.

(2010-08-19) — The White House today refused to comment on reports that President Barack Obama has considered seeking a fatwa — a kind of religious ruling — against the 24 percent of Americans who incorrectly think he’s a Muslim. However, the president did clarify that a fatwa, despite popular misconception, does not necessarily involve a death sentence.

The question dogged the chief executive during a rare vacation day, as he stepped off a schooner with his family, in the wake of a new Time magazine survey that shows an increasing number of Independent voters thinks he’s Islamic, despite that fact that he’s a Christian currently between churches.

“Let me be clear,” President Obama said, “Our Constitution, as of this moment, is still the supreme law of the land. So, as an American citizen, I’m free to seek spiritual counsel from whomever I please. Whether I’ve asked for a fatwa or not, is between me and my mufti.”

Simultaneously, in the White House press room, spokesman Robert Gibbs said one out of four Americans are wrong about Mr. Obama’s religious faith.

“The president of the United of States, who meets all of the Constitutional requirements of the presidency, is not a Muslim,” said Mr. Gibbs, adding, “Not that there’s anything wrong with being a Muslim. As he said at the Ramadan dinner, we don’t discriminate on the basis of religion, so every American has a right to build a mosque in Lower Manhattan as long you comply with local zoning laws. Not that he has an opinion on the Ground Zero mosque either.”
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ScrappleFace.com editor Scott Ott guest-hosted Stubborn Facts Radio on Monday (8/16/2010) discussing topics including the Ground Zero mosque, the REAL Gulf disaster, our nasty partisan Founding Fathers, and a celebration of VJ Day and more.

You can listen using the player below, or click the link to go to BlogTalkRadio.com/StubbornFacts.

(2010-08-16) — After very nearly swimming in the Gulf of Mexico this weekend to reassure Americans of its safety following four months of catastrophic government warnings and frightening media reports, President Barack Obama is reportedly considering a plunge in the economy, according to a White House source.

“The president knows that Americans won’t vacation on the Gulf Coast or eat the shrimp until they see him do it,” said the unnamed White House official. “Likewise, businesses and individuals skittish about the economy would gain confidence if they saw the president actually immersed in it along with them. They need to hear him say, ‘I told you this was a disaster, but now it’s okay. Look, I’m jumping in…canonball!’”

If he moves forward with the plan, President Obama would reduce his salary to the level of the average American worker, and begin paying his rent, groceries, fuel and other household expenses from that paycheck. The Obama daughters would be withdrawn from their pricey private school and enrolled in the D.C. public school system where fully 50 percent of students graduate — giving the Obamas a pretty good chance of seeing either Sasha or Malia in a cap and gown some day. Mr. Obama’s guaranteed-for-life pension would be replaced by a voluntary IRA or 401(k), invested in mutual funds.

“He wants to pump his own gas and see that meter thing whirling about,” the anonymous source said. “He and Michelle would also go shopping with the kids, and find out just how much arugula a family consumes when you know how much it costs, and you have to choose between that and gas for the mower.”

READ Scott Ott’s ScrappleFace Book Laughing at Obama: Volume I, or give it as a gift. Now in paperback from Amazon, Kindle and iPad editions. [Download Free Sample]