Paul-bearing

While I tended to find the fairy tales of my youth Morally objectionable on account of their deep anti-American bias and sinister homosexual implications, an image that has always stayed with me is the girl who had gold coins drop from her mouth whenever she spoke, probably because I think that would be helpful should we ever return to the gold standard.

I was reminded of this especially vividly this past week whenever Rand Paul addressed the lame-stream media. The mighty Teabags of Freedom finally have the telegenic spokesman who can attest to the importance of common-sense Conservative Values in restoring Our Nation to its former greatness almost as well as our great Earth Mother, Sarah Palin can. Future Senator Paul, if I may be so presumptuous to call him that, showed his deep compassion for minority populations by saying Senate Democrats have been denying our dusky-tinted citizens the Freedom not to be accomodated by private enterprise for decades now. Isn't it time our negroid friends began participating fully in this democratic experiment? Why are democrats such racists?

Naturally, The Left went into massive spin mode to try to contain the damage, and began trotting out their leading eggheads to discredit the message of Senator Paul before it gained too much traction:

"Rand Paul has this tendency to get in public or get on national cable shows and feel like he wants to give me a lecture on constitutional law," said Conway. "I'm the attorney general of Kentucky. He didn't go to law school. I did. I don't need a lecture on Constitutional law from Rand Paul or Sarah Palin."

How elitist! Sarah Palin's knowledge of the Constitution is exceeded only by her expertise in the energy field. I for one think Mr. Paul's career in opthalmology will give him special insight into constitutional law, much in the same way my career as a receptionist in a beauty parlor qualifies me for the Senate. If snooty libtards continue to denigrate Real Americans like us, they do so at their own peril. Remember November, Christians, and Prase Him!

Rekers of Havoc

Nothing is more tragic than when one of God's children, bestowed with the beautiful and natural characteristics and cravings with which He Blessed him, is forced to live a lie in order to comply with the hateful agenda of a group of intolerant bigots. And yet that is exactly what is happening to repressed heterosexual George Rekers, who is being mau-maued by radical homosexual activists for not actively embracing their perverted "gay" lifestyle:

The delight could hardly be concealed in the coverage of Christian-right leader George Alan Rekers's 10-day European vacation with a "rent boy."

According to the Miami New Times, Rekers, a prominent antigay activist who cofounded the Family Research Council, arrived at Miami International Airport with a young male escort, and later insisted he had hired the man to help him with his baggage. "I had surgery. And I can't lift luggage," he told the New Times. A statement on his Web site read: "Dr. Rekers found his recent travel assistant by interviewing different people who might be able to help, and did not even find out about his travel assistant's Internet advertisements offering prostitution activity until after the trip was in progress. There was nothing inappropriate with this relationship." But the escort, who goes by the name Lucien, told the New Times today that Rekers is gay and paid him to provide daily body rubs, giving details on specific caresses favored by the Baptist minister.

The liberal, gay, and mainstream blogosphere lit up in delight these past two days, especially with efforts by Rekers to control the damage. ...

The hypocrisy of our liberal friends is absolutely galling, though frankly, par for course. Mr. Rekers would be toasted far and wide by the lamestream media if he were to "come" "out" as a homosexual, start dating Clay Aiken, etc., but since he's bucking the gay system and not buying into their destructive agenda, he's nothing but a target for their vicious and hateful mockery. What sort of message does this send to our endangered heterosexual youths, whose straight/straight alliance clubs are already under attack in public schools? Why must they once again be told that it's not ok for them to grow up straight? One day, The Left will have to answer for the damage they've done to so many of us, and this particular grievance should be on the top of that lengthy list. In the meantime, I thank Mr. Rekers for exposing these traitors as the phonies they are. Praise Him!

Pretty Baby

During the halcyon days of the Bush years, I strongly advocated for using American power abroad to advance a Christian approach to Cosmetology. Doing so would vanquish the global menace of Islezbofascism, the combined threat of Glamour-averse militant Islam & the radical homosexual agenda. Rueful tears stream down my cheeks when I think of What Might Have Been, had we also invaded Iran, North Korea, and France when we had the opportunity: Not only would Our Nation be feared and respected the world over, but our fellow citizens would have a healthy Reverence for Life, Traditional Values, and the proper use of lip liner.

While The Left ridiculed Our President's bold vision as "flypaper strategy", if they had a shred of intellectual honesty, they would admit it was better to fight the terrorists over there rather than having to fight them here, as the recent surge in domestic terrorism shows. Well, libtards, thanks to your "president"'s dithering, his terrorist-coddling policies, and his fascism-loving regulation, we're now witnessing twin assaults on America's Right to Beauty and Right to Life, right here in the Homeland*:

Los Angeles County officials have placed two staff members at Olive View- UCLA Medical Center in Sylmar on paid leave after allegations that they had participated in a makeshift beauty salon atop medical equipment in the ward for high-risk newborns, according to county officials.

The county this week also opened an investigation into broader allegations that doctors, nurses and staff at the neonatal intensive care unit put babies at risk through substandard care.

The allegations were contained in two anonymous complaints received by the commission that accredits the facility.

"Nurses and doctors through the shift get their manicures, eye brows waxed and nails filed," according to a copy of one of the complaints obtained by The Times. "The smell of acetone permeates the back area of the NICU."

Some of the hospitals' infectious disease staff, who are supposed to prevent such activity, instead participated, according to the complaint, including one doctor who "had a French manicure right on the high frequency ventilator."

Death panels! This is exactly the sort of bureacratic overreach the Patriots in the Tea Party have been warning us about. Had these children been aborted late term, the state would probably insist that these butchers be treated to facials and seaweed body-wraps at Burke-Williams at taxpayers' expense (in fact, there's a little-known section in the Obamacare bill for exactly this provision that becomes effective in 2014). However, because these doctors actually saved children's lives, the heavy jackboot of Obama's police state is instead coming down heavily on their throats. You can never start teaching the children of Our Nation the importance of personal grooming informed by The Gospels early enough, even in a neonatal unit. Without that sort of Moral guidance, they're liable to turn into Bratz-informed tarts with too much make-up, or angry lesbians who favor that "natural" look. This latest attack once again exposes what a charade Barack Hussein Obama's professed love for America and her Values truly are. Praise Him!

*if you can consider California such

Miss Them Yet?

Don't be fooled by all The Left's eco-piety in wake of the recent Gulf oil spill. As usual, if something has libtards in high dudgeon, it's little more than a convenient opportunity to bash Christians for opposing their Radical Homosexual Agenda. So, millions of marine organisms are being coated in oil before dying an unconscionable death? Then don't tell them about Father Joe's Lenten Friday fish fries over at Our Lady of the Denunciation, lest Ayatollah Pelosi and her Code Pink mules be unfurling their elitist, grammatically-correct banners from the choir loft come Ash Wednesday. The wholesale slaughter of the creatures in His oceans has been a cherished institution of Christendom ever since Our Lord fed the masses with His loaves and fishes, and their shrill calls for banning off-shore drilling are thinly veiled attacks on us people of Faith.

What strikes me as most sad about this whole situation is that it presents yet another missed opportunity for reflection by The Left. Rather than engaging in the critical self-analysis it takes to understand why they hate Jesus so much and why they refuse to accept Him as their Lord and Savior, it will play into their cynical politics-as-usual, this time to retrospectively bash the Bush administration:

The oil well spewing crude into the Gulf of Mexico didn't have a remote-control shut-off switch used in two other major oil-producing nations as last-resort protection against underwater spills. ...

The U.S. considered requiring a remote-controlled shut-off mechanism several years ago, but drilling companies questioned its cost and effectiveness, according to the agency overseeing offshore drilling. The agency, the Interior Department's Minerals Management Service, says it decided the remote device wasn't needed because rigs had other back-up plans to cut off a well. ...

U.S. regulators have considered mandating the use of remote-control acoustic switches or other back-up equipment at least since 2000. After a drilling ship accidentally released oil, the Minerals Management Service issued a safety notice that said a back-up system is "an essential component of a deepwater drilling system."

The industry argued against the acoustic systems. A 2001 report from the International Association of Drilling Contractors said "significant doubts remain in regard to the ability of this type of system to provide a reliable emergency back-up control system during an actual well flowing incident."

By 2003, U.S. regulators decided remote-controlled safeguards needed more study. A report commissioned by the Minerals Management Service said "acoustic systems are not recommended because they tend to be very costly."

How cynical. If anyone's to blame for the unfurling disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, it's the Louisiana Democrats who were unable to mobilize their schoolbuses and get those animals out of harm's way in time. But then again, I'm used to the pathetic denial of The Left. So, Christians, prepare to endure more baseless lies about Conservatism, until they find their next hobby horse to ride. Praise Him!

Un-American Pie

If you're a Real American like me, you're probably sick of all this elitist hand-wringing over solving the so-called "problem" of epistemic closure (whatever, Frenchy!) among conservatives. The answer is quite simple, eggheads: put a spoon in their mouths so they don't swallow their tongues, and let them go back to watching Glenn Beck. Unfortunately, the weak sisters of the conservative movement who see "epistemic closure" as the shibboleth for gaining admittance to the Georgetown cocktail party circuit have no use for common-sense conservative solutions like this. Instead, The Left and their stooges on the right view it as the problematic circle jerk among the Fox News, the Republican Party, and the conservative blogosphere, which will ultimately render movement conservatism intellectually bankrupt... at least until Sarah Palin's next book. As far as I can tell, it is the only sexual act our pointy-headed intellectual superiors find objectionable, which speaks mountains about liberal hypocrisy in these matters.

What's truly unfortunate is that all this pointless chatter about intellectual honesty and standards and principles diverts attention away from the sort of blogging that really matters, like exposing the latest pastry-based Outrage the Obama thugocracy has unleashed on Our Nation:

Obama's senior adviser, David Axelrod, told Jay Leno Friday that the president was forced to "separate" from the White House pastry chef to break his bad eating habits.

"One of the things that happened when he came to the White House is they have a very great pastry chef. It became a big problem," Axelrod confided on "The Tonight Show."

The president, he said, "has a weakness for pie."

This is a bigger slap in the face than Curry-gate, Arugula-gate, Orange Juice-gate, and Waffle-gate combined. It is my understanding that where "President" Obama comes from, the native palate tends to favor things like grubworms and zebras over American dishes like pies and cakes, which begs the follow-up question, "What kind of pastries does Barack Hussein Obama like?"

The answer probably would have surpised us. Axelrod may have unconvincingly tried to weasel out of the trap he set for himself by referring to that most American of desserts, apple pie, but I suspect in the chummy world of lamestream media in which he travels, he would have shown his true colors and said that the "President" finishes each meal with a slice of Chairman Mao's red velvet cake before bowing five times toward Mecca, and sneaks down into the White House kitchen in the middle of the night for a slice of Black Power! forest cake. The ensuing clamour would see an investigation into the unsavory past of Obama's Chicago Machine-connected pastry chef and the many revolutionary cookbooks lining the walls of the pantry (e.g. Saul Alinsky's Recipes for Radicals: Fomenting Class-Based Revolution in Five Easy Courses). That Jay Leno would choose to ignore this obvious gaffe is neither surprising nor unusual. Once again, by their dereliction of duty, liberal media's talking heads have shown that it's up to the Fox News personalities to do the heavy lifting in journalism. Megyn, Bill O, take it away. Praise Him!

Melons of Mass Destruction

As the leading theologians of our day have noted, Baby Jesus weeps every time a poor person sees a doctor, and the recently passed "health care reform" bill conflicts directly with the Values of Our Christian Nation: "Gather ye premiums from the masses, and terminate yon policy upon the filing of the first claim," the King of Kings instructs us in His Sermon on the Mount. However bad this bill is for our Moral Character, though, it also presents a grave threat to National Security:

Female homicide bombers are being fitted with exploding breast implants which are almost impossible to detect, British spies have reportedly discovered.

The shocking new Al Qaeda tactic involves radical doctors inserting the explosives in women's breasts during plastic surgery — making them "virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines."

As you are well aware, not only does this bill provide unlimited federal funding so skanks can have abortions, it also provides ample subsidies for women to get their cans augmented. How many of these women, whose bitter hatred of America is already evident by their willingness to even use subsidized health care, will have their hooters pumped full of TNT so they can blow up a 747? It goes without saying that this bill needs to be repealed immediately, but that's only a start. From now on, breast enlargements should be limited to those women who embody Traditional Family Values. Praise Him!

Queens of the Circulating Library

Fourteen months into the despotic regime of Barack Hussein Obama, we have witnessed an unprecedented power grab by the imperious liberal oligarhy. The Left's New World Order is reminiscent of the tyranny that caused our Founding Fathers to take up arms and threaten to move to Costa Rica, and Real Americans are doing what they can to frustrate progressives' plans to snatch our firearms, criminalize fishing, and turn the public airwaves over to ACORN. Sadly, that may not be enough, as we have lost yet another of our most precious liberties: The Freedom not to return library books.

Handcuffed and in the back of a police cruiser, Aaron Henson wracked his brain trying to figure out how a simple speeding violation had led to his arrest.

Texas man is arrested for failing to pay a $27 late fee.The answer from the Colorado State Patrol stunned him. Henson never returned the DVD he'd checked out of the Littleton library, and there was a warrant out for his arrest. ...

Towns across the county, frustrated with trying to replace wayward materials on a shoestring budget, have turned to issuing citations, court appearances, even reporting the offending library patron to their credit bureaus.

City spokeswoman Kelli Narde said Littleton lost $7,800 in lost library materials in 2009, including Henson's DVD. They issued 81 summonses for failure to return library materials, she said. "And 80 of them were resolved without a problem."

The warrant Henson was brought in on in January was actually for failure to appear. The town claimed it sent numerous bills, notices, a summons and a notice of a court date, but they apparently were all sent to a previous address and Henson saw none of them. ...

Narde said they don't buy that Henson never knew they were looking for the DVD, noting that they left two cell phone messages and that their notices didn't get returned by the postal service meaning someone had to have picked them up at his old address.

THAT'S NOT IN THE CONSTITUTION, PEOPLE! This is a clear case of abuse of process by Big Bun & Bifocals directed at anyone who dares question their authority, and I pity anyone who gets in their way.

It comes as little surprise that public libraries would be the scene of the latest encroachment of our civil liberties, as the mullahs at the American Library Association have been coddling terrorists & sheltering perverts for years. Imprisoning Americans for exercising their God-given rights is the logical extension of their America-hating impulses. Fortunately for myself, I only protest my public library on rare occasions, and mostly limit my activities to complaining to the librarians that they don't have enough copies of Ann Coulter's books. However, those of you who actually read may in fact be adversely affected by this. So until our ship of state has been righted, watch your backs, Christians. Praise Him!