High Stakes

The students are desperate to know if they can pass the course and how much work it will or will not take.

The instructors are desperate to teach in as expedient a way as they can. This is so they can avoid considering research in second language acquisition, teach the maximum number of courses, make the maximum amount of money, and have the maximum amount of time to themselves.

The tenured faculty are desperate to conserve time for other courses, research, and administrative work. They feel a professional responsibility to teach this course “right,” but at the same know that this cannot be done one hundred percent.

The assistant professors know they will be observed and judged as to whether they are teaching modern, well run language courses. They are desperate to get the students functioning in such courses so that when observation day comes, their courses will be running well.

Four groups are participating and each group has its own requirements and goals. These do not necessarily coincide, yet all are high stakes. That is why there is so much conflict and stress, and that is why the foreign language program is so riddled with strife.

Axé.

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On Rest

It was for a while the case that rest did not rest me but now it does because I am in serious resistance against Dat Whiteman, the result of which is that rest really is rest. Ergo: resistance enables rest and does not disturb it.

Axé.

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Still More on Why I So Dislike Teaching Foreign Languages

Remember as you read this: all of my stories are mixed in terms of place and time, and my characters are distorted composites created as types; you do not know for sure how many universities I work for or have worked for, or from whose traits my composite characters have been built; I am a sculpted skull on a stela at Copán.

…it’s the abusive atmosphere. If you do not teach the language classes, then you do not have to interface with the instructors who are engaged in all the intrigue and backbiting they are, or with the resentful language requirement students who are intent upon shouting everyone else down. If you do teach them, then you must interact within this atmosphere for a certain, and sometimes even a large part of every day.

And as I keep saying, it is really painful for an assistant professor to realize that they are being judged for tenure primarily by people who have a fly by night M.A. from long ago and are involved with (a) the upper administrators and (b) the incoming majors, products of the local Christian school, whom these instructors coach on how to write critical evaluations that will land.

It is painful because it means they must teach their classes in such a way as to satisfy, primarily, not the expectations research faculty have been trained to have but those of this type of instructor and this type of student. It was painful for me to go through this. It is costly defending others from it. In the years in which we do not have enough favors to call in to defend them it is painful to watch this happen to the next assistant professor, and painful to bid farewell to another good hire after seeing them put through this wringer.

All of this is, in addition to it simply not being a priority for me any more than becoming a banker or a biologist would be – but all of this cruelty is the reason I would prefer not to be involved in the teaching of foreign languages. And I am from Comparative Literature, and for freshman courses English composition is what feels closest to field for me.

Then there are my own interests, about which I feel terribly guilty but which are there. My secret, the secret I am ashamed of but which is with me every day, is that I am just a lot more interested in the courses on literature, culture, and theory. I can and do teach these in several languages. I feel guilty about having the preferences and priorities I do, and I feel more guilty about holding the opinion that these preference and priorities are in fact enough. I know my attitude is considered “elitist” … sinful … unpatriotic …, but my opinion is that it is not an actual sin but only a question of preferences.

Being interested in literary theory, not second language acquisition; liking poetry, not narrative; being research oriented; not liking gossip – these are my alleged flaws but I do not believe they are flaws, only characteristics, so I am arrogant.

Axé.

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Down on the Corner

Too tired to sleep, I am musing on the blog but what the random kids at the corner store said was: “Wow! You have cool shoes. Your whole atmosphere — you don’t seem like someone from here!” Why not I asked, and they said, “Because you have so much energy, and such a calm energy!”

They don’t realize what a compliment it is because really I have a splitting headache. Yet I am still reaching my politically incorrect goal, to radiate positive energy and move with ease.

Another vignette from another corner: at Angola Sunday a random prisoner started querying me about the state of my soul, ready to convert me to Christianity. He had told me that he was there for murder but should not be, since he had committed the crime after someone slipped him a mickey and he did not become lucid again until it was done; now God had set him free.

He was glad to have come to prison so that could happen, yet also resentful that he had done so much time for a crime he did not feel he should have to own. Listening to that I had already figured that if he got out, he’d be back soon; according to him, God had saved him.

I: I do not need God to keep me from committing crimes.
He: You come from privilege, so you can believe the world is good.

I thought his arguments thin.  But I am guilt ridden about not being able to take care of all aspects of my job well enough, because there are too many of them; and the reason I rail about academic advice is that this cannot simply be managed through the delegation of tasks, a good use of time and an awareness of when your brightest hours in the day are; the advice given presupposes a situation we do not have. If the advice were truly good it would have worked for at least one of us by now, and that person would be swimming beyond the breakers.

The problem with the advice is that it makes everything a question of the advisee’s wily competence; this, I discern, along with the wolf at the door and the cognitive dissonance, is why the sufferers suffer.

Axé.

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Another Question and Comment

Question: There are all these blogs about writing, and how hard it is, and how to get it done anyway, and all these blogs about teaching techniques and enthusiasms. Am I the only one who talks about how just plain hard teaching is? It seems that the level of difficulty I have with it – and by ‘it’ I mean teaching freshmen, teaching foreign languages; the rest of teaching seems more like research to me – but it seems to me that the level of difficulty I have with it rivals the level of difficulty the majority appear to have with writing. If that is the case then I really feel for them and shouldn’t suspect them of quejarse por quejar as I do.

Comment: All of my rebellious posts started as a strong reaction to two things: a blog comment and a post – and according to the post in question, one should appear to be making sweaty effort, and not do things with ease. I would like to do more things with yet more ease; I would like to look yet effortless; I appreciate people who manage that and I enjoy them. I do not even care if they manage it because they come from “privilege.”

Axé.

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The Two Hardest Things About Grading

…that, incidentally, almost never appeared when I was a TA:

1- Papers with unexpected problems, having to do with lacking K-12 skills that I hadn’t planned on confronting and also don’t know how to teach. Trying to figure out how to address these papers is much harder than grading papers written, well or poorly, but at something like the expected skill level. I still get shocked and amazed and do not know how to assess these papers, but they are not as confusing as those in the second category.

2- Exams that are faked. Not plagiarized but faked. Does this paper have actual misconceptions, or non-conceptions? I used to assume that if something looked like a misconception, it was, but often once I talk to the student it turns out they had no actual knowledge or comprehension of the material, but just slung together some words that might ring as the class had.

What shocks me about case #2 is that when I catch it, students are surprised that I have done so. They seem to have long experience getting under radar like that.

Axé.

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More on Why I So Dislike Teaching Foreign Languages

Well, second language acquisition isn’t my field, so doing it means preparing something out of field. Any time management expert can tell you that that is a huge distraction from the real work. Then there are the politics around it; the personalities one has to deal with are often very unpleasant.

Next, I’m not the teaching type, I’m the research type. I have excellent presentation and discussion leading skills and I am a brilliant teacher for all kinds of students in other kinds of courses. But even in these courses I do not create “exercises” and “activities” for students; there are no quizzes and no games. I am so bored with the kinds of things foreign language programs have one do, I cannot even begin to say.

My student who was having trouble, and whom I told to go ahead, dump the book, and just start listening to the radio and watching tv, now speaks and writes at arguably the highest level of fluency in the class, and it has only been a couple of weeks.

*

Mostly, though, there are four reasons I so dislike teaching foreign languages, and they all have to do with serving the resentful and the unwilling.

1- Students who hate it. They are forced to be there and feel that it is torture; no amount of pleasantness and fun can convince them otherwise because they are committed to the idea that it is torture. I do not like to be placed in the torturer role, trying to elicit responses from people, I really do not.

2- Students who are really rough characters / are mean. In foreign language classes, these students haven’t flunked or dropped out yet, so they are in the class and as you try to make things nicer for those who feel they are being tortured, the mean ones see a chink in the armor and stream in to pound on you.

3- Having to be such a fortress of authoritarianism. If you have people willing to play the language learning game then that is one thing but if what you have is people pulling for a D semester by semester, knowing or believing they will get these Ds by appealing to higher authorities than you, then you are carrying dead weight.

4- The informality and intimacy of this struggle to carry people, to show them that what you are telling them about the nature of the language they are studying is true, to insist that there is no way to pass except by knowing material, to show them they can do the work. Some people feel that being in the gym with their students, or at lunch, is too much personal contact but for me it is foreign language study which is too intimate an activity.

It is like being expected to fuck just anyone, and having to deal with it if they also want to hit you.

a- I have more comments and theories but notice how I associate foreign language teaching with torture, and assume that to survive academia you must become a compliant enough abuse victim.

b- Another idea I have had lately is about the non usefulness of the image I acquired early on of the proper academic: someone who was barely making it; others were ignoble somehow. This is such a cliché and it so goes against my beliefs that I can hardly believe I absorbed the image. Yet I did.

Axé.

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Rainbow Sign

I am overworked and I know it is a crime, but that has not been the point of the last two months of posts. My small point is, do not overdramatize because I can show you overwork and this person can show you still more. My larger and real point, and this is an individual’s point, not a political point is that I’ve been told a few times that even normal workloads should be unmanageable, at least for me, and it is against that that I am in open rebellion.

I am not at all trying to glorify overwork, only trying to get through it; every ostensibly sensible and authoritative piece of advice there is says to renounce all but what is absolutely required and I, having tried that, notice that it also means renouncing everything that is inspiring. And I am not willing to do that any more and much less am I willing to pass such ideas on. Why not be the one who stood up and laughed back? Why not be the one to see that rainbow sign?

In any case, for this evening’s song let us have some rollicking American folk. There are certain texts almost every quotation comes from – certain pieces of the Bible, I suspect; from Shakespeare, Hamlet, I think; in T.S. Eliot, Prufrock. In this version of Rock of Ages there are three key phrases I can recognize that are in folk discourse: rainbow sign, the fire next time, and sweet honey in the rock. Do we know the sources? Can you find others?

Axé.

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Advertencia al lector

Remember, you may find a cathartic post here at any time. I realize how Gothic these sound but I have absorbed many decades of dire warnings and discouraging words. Every post in which I repel those who say you cannot do it makes me stronger and I am going for that, full on. Y’all don’t pay it no mind.

This is my own process but it is incidentally taking place in the context of teaching five courses, including but not limited to three sections of beginning foreign language totaling 95 students in those courses alone; doing one administrative job; writing one large external grant proposal; and LSAT preparation and research, in a university system where tenure has been redefined to mean a year’s notice once your program is terminated.

The production of student credit hours and the amount of external funding generated are paramount. Normally I would be compassionate with the sufferings of others, like the Prince in Bambi, but in the current situation I only have interest in those I have known a long time.

My question of the day would be: do you think the insistence upon suffering while working is another epiphenomenon of American Puritanism? In my department it is sometimes said that showing interest in work is a Calibanesque Anglo-American thing, and that to show true Latin authenticity we ought to cultivate the dolce far niente. I do wonder, though, whether suffering while working is not the truer Puritanism.

Axé.

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Biutiful

This is my new favorite movie. I have not had a new favorite movie, apart from some brief flirtations, since 1987 when Burden of Dreams came out. From the beginning Biutiful reminded me of what Tree of Life could have been, had that film been actually good.

Here is the last scene, dubbed into Italian, but still. By Alejandro González Iñárritu, with Javier Bardem in whom I had not been interested before. I am impressed. Is it too sentimental and simple and vague, do you think? I don’t, really, but I am curious as to your views.

Axé.

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