Here is Sean Hannity interviewing Rick Perry in a moodily lit room full of farming implements, and boy is there ever a lot of sexual tension. Just make out already, you two! But okay okay, if we had to choose our favorite Rick Perry pick-up line from this “gay hillbilly courtship rituals” documentary short, it’s this one (starting at 3:38) where he says, “The corporate tax lawyers in Washington D.C., they hate me the way, you know, the devil hates holy water,” only because it is a little bit unusual even for one of the egomaniacal brand of human who runs for U.S. President to basically equate himself to the evil-repelling tears of Jesus. READ MORE »
Cocktober, you left us too quickly! So what is this now, “Nov-member?” Hm. We will have to work on the name. Meanwhile, here is the month’s inaugural illicit political sex story: Ben Clifford Dawson, smiling here like a wicked little minx, is an 83-year-old Centerville, Iowa city council candidate who was arrested for prostitution after allegedly offering up his wobbly ol’ haunches to a lady in lieu of a payment she owed him for a loan. In other words, about a “6″ on the political sex scandal meter, with points deducted for “dude on lady” but special extra credit added back in for “senior citizen gigolo.” READ MORE »
Here is the cell phone video of some vicious asshole driving self-importantly in his Mercedes through the protester crowd in Oakland last night until one male protester stops in front of the car and then pounds on the hood a few times. HEY HEY. Do not molest the rich man’s expensive penis car!!! So, insanely, the driver decides to hit the fucking gas, the protester, and another lady in the march. And yet! Want to know the actual worst part? READ MORE »
Further proof Rick Scott is a demon robot from outer space: he has not yet not learned where one of the major urban areas in the state he governs is, because he arrived in Florida from his desolate home asteroid-space landfill too recently. When reporters from the St. Petersburg Times mentioned to him that the newspaper will soon change its name to the Tampa Bay Times to reflect the larger area that the paper now covers, Rick droned back in his hollow nasal way, “Does the region call itself the Tampa Bay region? Is that what it calls itself? The region does?” Uhhh. READ MORE »
Here is a political campaign ad that perfectly illustrates why it is sometimes hard to tell the difference between high-concept video art and complete crap, and why they are sometimes (usually) the same thing. WHUT, dear Vishnu, is any of this? Whatever it is, we like it. It’s equal parts D+ horror movie trailer, Taiwanese animation and History Channel stock footage slash edited over some Hans Zimmer muzak and set on repeat for an eternal minute until like magick the mists dissolve and we are transported back to space only to learn the EPA has eaten our brains. Who is the Wizard of our brave new Oz? READ MORE »
Kentucky GOP candidate for governor David Williams is behind Democratic incumbent Steve Beshear by several million points in the polls, which means the only thing sad dingus David Williams can do all day long at this point is stare glumly at his Steve Beshear Google Alert list trying to find banal news items he can nitpick. Oh let’s see, here’s one: Gov. Beshear, known as a devout Baptist, attended the Hindu-themed groundbreaking ceremony at a new manufacturing plant operated by an Indian company. Good enough! New Williams campaign platform: STEVE BESHEAR SECRETLY WORSHIPPED PAGANS FOR AN HOUR, HE IS A WHORE FOR VISHNU. READ MORE »
The first call for a General Strike in the Occupy Everything movement has apparently resulted in … a General Strike, in Oakland. The Port of Oakland is reportedly closed off (by road, anyway), a bunch of big stores have shut down in solidarity/fear, schools are closed and the teachers have joined the strike, thousands are marching around with the requisite banners, Berkeley students are headed down, cops are behaving for the time being, even little children are stomping around demanding fairness & cookies, and people are holding up signs that say “Oakland Commune” … which is interesting. READ MORE »
The Year of Rage is moving along nicely: The four elderly Georgia men arrested for their alleged plot to kill a bunch of federal employees and simultaneously attack a half-dozen cities with poison and some other Rage Batman stuff were all inspired by a Fox News personality’s insanely inspirational novel about killing all the evil gubmint peoples. One interesting thing about mass worldwide insurrections is that all points on the ideological spectrum are eventually represented, which is exactly what we’re seeing in the three-year era (so far) that future alien historians will refer to as “The End of These Goddamned People.” READ MORE »
This is a screen capture from the exciting beggar’s epistle that arrived in our inbox today from Michele Bachmann! See it there at the bottom, that last sentence? Right, so here’s our question: does this mean Michele Bachmann would actually, personally write “Thank you, Jism! Love, Michele” in one of her vulgar vampire fiction books if we sent her $125? READ MORE »
Oh, sad face again: Millions are still without power in the U.S. Northeast, for about the fifth time this year. Whether caused by hurricanes, October blizzards, tornadoes, earthquakes or mysteriously unknown reasons, the East Coast has been slammed by one catastrophic blackout after another. And experts say it’s just going to get worse, everywhere, as the “new abnormal” of constant horrific superstorms and other natural/unnatural disasters wreak havoc on the nation’s worn-out old power grid. Once the declining reserves of foreign oil stop flowing to America — and that can happen immediately with a simple organized shutdown of the major U.S. ports — we might as well walk away from our worthless over-mortgaged houses and just set up a tent in the woods. Not like we’ve got jobs to go to, or money to spend on more worthless plastic bullshit. God, capitalist civilization has turned out to be a massive fraud. READ MORE »
So what sorts of hobbies are America’s agitated olds taking up these days when they are not busy surfing the apocalypse survival kit and Bible sale ads on Newsmax? Plotting mass murder, it turns out. Yeesh. When did soothing naps go out of style? The FBI arrested four seniors in Georgia Tuesday for allegedly using their occasional Bridge meetings to concoct a large-scale bioterrorism attack (rounded out with some semi-automatic weapons) on U.S. citizens, corporations, the media and government officials, i.e. everybody. So what was it this time, did the Medicare co-pay for Hoverounds climb a few bucks? READ MORE »
The lamestream media has bedeviled Herman Cain with another one of its merciless “gotcha” questions: how does the Herman Cain view China’s military? Aww, shit…. hm. They’re bad? They’re just really bad, super seriously awful and peace, Herman wants peace, so more money for more American bombs, for peace, America is awesome, we rule, God, is this question over yet? OH WAIT, and, uh, this: we must prevent them from getting nukes! They want nukes, like all filthy unsmiling communists, according to “indications.” There, is that enough of a platform? Sure, sort of, if he were talking about North Korea. China has had nuclear weapons since 1964. READ MORE »
