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...And the First Time Is Always the Best!
Guy: Ohmygod, you od'd?
Girl: That was the first time...
--Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: Amy B
I Can't Even Tell When You're Being Ironic Anymore
Hipster #1: Wait, I forgot. What's your favorite Depeche Mode album?
Hipster #2: All of them.
--St. Marks
Overheard by: Chris G
Isn't That a Band?
Girl: Danny may have my vagina, but you have my heart.
Guy: Aww... I love boning hearts.
--Bleecker St
Overheard by: renee
Young Men Really Don't Know Much About Women
Eager hipster guy: So if we are friends with benefits we can have sex with no strings attached?
Jaded hipster girl: Yeah, I guess...
Eager hipster guy: Yesssssss!
--Ditmars Blvd & 36th St
And Because I Despised You Right Away
Neighbor: Do you know how I knew you were from England?
Husband and wife, together: Because we were speaking English?
--Williamsburg
Overheard by: Nikita
...No One Else Has Problems Like I Do!
Adolescent prep school boy #1: Winter's Bone was definitely the biggest upset of the Oscars.
Adolescent prep school boy #2: Wouldn't know. It wouldn't load it onto my iPad.
--79th St
Overheard by: crosstowner
At Least It's Not One Of Those Cheese Lines.
Tourist: What's everyone sitting around for?
New Yorker: We're waiting for the aliens to land.
Tourist, walking away: New Yorkers are weird.
--Times Square
Overheard by: snickering into my magazine
...But His Parents Will Shame Him
Asian teen #1: He failed it.
Asian teen #2: Wait, did he fail fail, or Asian fail?
Asian teen #1: He fail failed--he got like a sixty five.
Asian teen #3: No, that's an Asian fail.
Asian teen #2: Yeah, he still passed.
--R Train
Google Will Tell Me How I Feel
Tourist mom to worried-looking daughter: Are you pleased or unpleased?
Tourist daughter: I'm not sure, mom. I'll have to google it.
--White Stret, Chinatown
Overheard by: BillySometimes
Raise Your Hand If This Girl Is Your Fantasy
Girl on line for a fantasy author's book signing: I could get him to sign my arm and then get a tattoo.
Boyfriend, taking her seriously: Today?
--7th Ave & 6th St, Brooklyn
Something About That Offer Does Not Compute.
Creepy old guy: Hey hun, do you know you can get Windows 7.0 for less than $25.
Cute girl: Okay...
Creepy old guy: Alright! Gimme your phone number and I'll help you out.
--25th St & 3rd Ave
I'll Certainly Always Cherish This Moment
Woman to friend she hasn't seen in weeks: Oh, let's get together and...
Friend, cutting her off: I don't roll like that. Either you see or you don't. I don't do that whole, you know, let's plan on seeing each other, let's meet up, let's like, decide that we're going to, like, see each other, you know, stuff. Naw, that ain't me. You see me when you see me.
--Hunter College
