Did you make any New Year's resolutions? If so, what were they and how are you doing so far?
I never make New Year's resolutions, because when I decide to do something, I just do it, and if I'm putting something off, no arbitrary day is going to end my stubborn procrastination. If there's anything I hope to accomplish this year, though, it's to get my chronic laundry disorganization under control.
Spoiler Alert: This will never happen!
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I asked this same question on Jan. 3, 2007, at which time I was hoping to spend the entire year smoke-free after having recently quit a 14-year smoking habit. I am pleased to report I have yet to smoke a cigarette in the intervening five years!
I have had a drag off a friend's once or twice, but that's it, even during Iain's multiple relapses. No one is more amazed by this than I am, lol.
Question of the Day
Today in Totally Not Terrorism
[Content Note: Anti-choice terrorism.]
There are a lot of things that don't get called terrorism in this country, but chief among them is the anti-choice movement, which is the most brazen, unapologetic terrorist campaign in the US, its co-ordination and orchestration done right out in the open, where no one in the media or politics will call it what it is. It is an inherently violent ideology, backed by a decades-long campaign of intimidation, harassment and violence directed at abortion providers and abortion seekers, that is ignored by one party and mainstreamed as a central plank of its party platform by the other.
And still, every goddamn episode of blatant terrorism against women's clinics is treated like an isolated incident.
Today, another story about a fire at a women's clinic in Pensacola, Florida—a clinic which has already been bombed twice and was the site of the fatal shootings of Dr. John Britton and clinic escort James Barrett—and CNN manages to report it without ever using the word "terrorism" in its piece.
Again, this despite the fact that it has already been the site of two terrorist attacks, and in spite of Pensacola Police Chief Chip Simmons having told the Pensacola News-Journal that to call the fire suspicious "would be an understatement."
"Obviously somebody doesn't like abortion," resident Danielle Moulden told WEAR. "I'm against it myself, but I'd never go that far."Well, at least we got to hear from someone who's against abortion. That's the important thing.
[H/T to @OnTheIssues.]
Rick Perry: The Movie
Via Richard Adams, who's valiantly live-blogging the Iowa Caucus today, comes a nifty last-minute campaign advert for Rick Perry, titled "America Is Calling," which has, as of this writing, a total of 306 views on Rick Perry's official YouTube channel. That's what they call Money Well Spent, right there.
US flag. White picket fence. A church steeple with a gold cross, standing high above verdant farmland. String music. Rick Perry, in voiceover, sounding terrifyingly George W. Bush-like: "America's future is what we're talking about. Our country's calling us." Perry standing in front of giant US flag. "This election's not about me." Little white boy putting his arm around his white mother's neck. "This election's about our children." Little white girl in close-up, with bright blue sky behind. "It's about our grandchildren."
Montagery of Real Americans, i.e. lots of straight white people. "And they're waiting. They're waiting for us to answer if we're going to participate." Still image of Rick Perry giving a thumbs-up in a church. "If we're going to call." More Rick Perry in front of a flag. "This is your country." WHEAT FIELDS! FLAG! RICK PERRY LOOKING PRESIDENTIAL! SWELLING STRING MUSIC. "And your country's calling."
What the fuck this does not make any sense. I think Rick Perry is endorsing his grandchildren for president.
Now the campaign ad becomes a movie trailer: Text onscreen reads "Governor Rick Perry." Stirring strings. Applause. More Rick Perry in front of a flag. White people montagery. Rick Perry is a celebrity and a superhero! STRIIIIIIIING MUSIIIIIIIIIC!!! More voiceover: "You go Tuesday, and you caucus for me, and you have my back no matter what the weather is or how far you gotta go. You have my back on the third of January, and I will have your back in Washington, DC for the next four years!"
Text onscreen reads "When America is on its knees—" (that's what she said) Rick Perry montagery "—he will bring us to our feet." This is one campaign promise that may be true. I am about to get to my feet and run to the bathroom to barf my guts out RIGHT NOW.
"God bless you!" says Rick Perry in voiceover, over video of his rockstar-like departure onto a campaign bus with a jaunty wave. Applauding. Hugging. Rick Perry knows SO many white people!
"This election is about the future of this country." (Yes, you epic dipfuck, EVERY election is about the future of this country. You are not being profound. You are stating a very banal fact in accordance with our admittedly incomplete understanding of the space-time continuum. Of course, upon consideration, most/all of the current Republican contenders don't believe in evolution, so maybe this is a radical statement after all. HEY, EVANGELICALS: RICK PERRY BELIEVES IN SCIENCE!)
Statue of Liberty. Farm. Handshake. Flag. Perry smirk. Flag. Applause. Flag. "One of the most important elections, if not THE most important election, and we gotta get it right." By which he means, throw him and everyone else running for president in the garbage, along with the entirety of the US Congress and the Supreme Court, and start over. I'm sure that's definitely what he means.
Text onscreen, because this goddamn trailer (worst movie ever!) still isn't over yet: "Today is your calling, Iowa. Perry. President. Vote today. RickPerry.org."
The end. Now blow up the world, Jebus!
Photo of the Day
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Photographer Michael Chrisman used a pinhole camera fitted with photosensitive paper to make a 365-day exposure of the Toronto skyline from Jan. 1, 2011, to Dec. 31, 2011. [Michael Chrisman photo.]Read the whole story here.
Today in Rape Culture
[Content Note: Media coverage of sexual violence against children; gun violence.]
I've seen this story from late December in a couple places now, because its facts are so unusual: It's an article from Utah's Deseret News about a child sex predator whose offenses were discovered in a very peculiar way—police found his 13-year-old victim hiding in a closet when they searched his house after one of his roommates accidentally shot another roommate in the chest while drunkenly attempting to shoot a mouse.
The 34-year-old abuser, Paul Daniel Kunzler, was "booked into the Salt Lake County Jail for investigation of two counts of rape of a child, three counts of sodomy of a child, and three counts of sexual abuse of a child."
There is no state in the union in which a 13-year-old is considered old enough to consent to sexual activity. And Kunzler is clearly not her peer. He is 21 years her senior.
Nonetheless, the Deseret News repeatedly describes Kunzler and the 13-year-old girl as being in "a relationship."
The four-month relationship was discovered after a bizarre incident at the man's house...That "relationship" is considered an appropriate and uncontroversial way to describe a sexually abusive situation between a child and an adult 21 years her senior is just another reminder of how pervasive and profound the rape culture really is.
During an ensuing search of the house, officers found a 13-year-old girl hiding in a basement closet, Wyant said. The girl told police she had sneaked out of her house without her father's knowledge to see Kunzler, according to a jail report.
After further questioning, investigators learned Kunzler and the 13-year-old had been having a relationship for four months. The two had met through a common friend, Wyant said.
It was not known Wednesday whether any of Kunzler's three housemates were aware of the relationship.
The irrelevant note about the girl sneaking out "without her father's knowledge" is interesting, too. Not only is it implicitly victim-blaming, framing her as a naughty girl who was looking for trouble, and suggestive of the possibility that 13-year-olds can give authentic, informed, enthusiastic consent to sexual activities with people old enough to be their parents, but it reinforces the narrative that fathers are protectors and defenders of their daughters' sexuality, and that female sexuality is a commodity to be exchanged between two men.
She sneaked out without her father's knowledge. Presumably, given the opportunity, he would have selected someone more suitable to whom to grant access to his daughter's cunt.
Is what we are meant to infer. In less blunt and more palatable terms, of course.
Parallel to that is the implication that parents can protect their children from sex predators (if only those naughty children don't sneak out of the house). Which: No. An alleged (or real) lack of parental vigilance is not a justification for the exploitation of a child. The exclusive responsibility for rape is always, always, the rapist's.
US Politics Rulezzz
Headline of the Day: "Gingrich: Mitt Romney is a liar." LOL! Perfect. But wait—it gets even better!
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, whose support in Iowa has withered after riding on top of the polls, on Tuesday called former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney a liar who would mislead the American people if elected to the White House - but added that he would still vote for him if Romney won the GOP nomination.LOL FOREVERRRRRRR!!!
On CBS' "The Early Show" this morning, CBS News chief White House correspondent Norah O'Donnell asked Gingrich about comments he had previously made about his chief rival and the Super PAC whose negative campaign ads have hurt his campaign: "You scolded Mitt Romney, his friends who are running this Super PAC that has funded that, and you said of Mitt Romney, 'Someone who will lie to you to get to be president will lie to you when they are president. I have to ask you, are you calling Mitt Romney a liar?"
"Yes," Gingrich replied.
"You're calling Mitt Romney a liar?"
"Well, you seem shocked by it!" said Gingrich. "This is a man whose staff created the PAC, his millionaire friends fund the PAC, he pretends he has nothing to do with the PAC - it's baloney. He's not telling the American people the truth.
"It's just like this pretense that he's a conservative. Here's a Massachusetts moderate who has tax-paid abortions in 'Romneycare,' puts Planned Parenthood in 'Romneycare,' raises hundreds of millions of dollars of taxes on businesses, appoints liberal judges to appease Democrats, and wants the rest of us to believe somehow he's magically a conservative.
"I just think he ought to be honest with the American people and try to win as the real Mitt Romney, not try to invent a poll-driven, consultant-guided version that goes around with talking points, and I think he ought to be candid. I don't think he's being candid and that will be a major issue. From here on out from the rest of this campaign, the country has to decide: Do you really want a Massachusetts moderate who won't level with you to run against Barack Obama who, frankly, will just tear him apart? He will not survive against the Obama machine."
Yet, when pressed by CBS News' chief Washington correspondent Bob Schieffer on whether he could support Romney if the "Massachusetts moderate" became the Republican nominee, Gingrich replied, "Sure."
"Mitt Romney is a snake-oil salesman. I mean, dude's a shady operator, a deceitful double-crosser, a villainous hoodwinker, a master of chicanery, and a flimflam aficionado of the highest order. I wouldn't trust that prevaricating fabulist any further than my butler could throw him! What I'm saying is that the guy is real lying sack of shit. GOD I HATE HIM. I am also endorsing him for President of the United States of America. I am Newt Gingrich and I approve this message."
Gingrich explained that he would support any Republican candidate "because I think Barack Obama is tearing the country apart."
It's a fair point. If there's one criticism I have of Obama, it's that he should really try reaching across the aisle a little bit more and stop alienating the Republicans with his rigid adherence to leftist principles.
By the way, I love the breathless coverage of Newt Gingrich stating the demonstrable fact that Mitt Romney is a liar. Congratulations on your continued dominance in the field of manufactured controversy, US Media.
Daily Dose of Cute
Happy 2012! Before the world comes to an end, which is for sure definitely going to happen this year, please enjoy some pictures of doggehs running around the backyard during our unseasonably warm winter holiday! [Content Note: Some images show dogs play-fighting.]
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"Why hello there."
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"Why hello to you, too, my old nemesis."
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"I will keel you now!"
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"You will have to catch me first!"
Dudley can totally catch Zelly in like two seconds, but he lets her run around the yard a zillion times first, because otherwise THERE IS LESS CHASEY-CHASEY FUN TO BE HAD!
Below the fold (on most browsers) are some more images of elaborate play-bowing, dramatic play-fighting, and zoomacious chasing.
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Quote of the Day
"Ron Paul is disgusting."—Rick Santorum, who's got a pants full of poop over "robocalls that claim Santorum is both pro-choice and against the second amendment," for which Santorum believes Paul is responsible.
This probably marks the first occasion on which Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and I are all in agreement on something!
Primarily Horrendo
Here's the latest from Mission Inconceivable: Fart Protocol aka the Republican Primary...
Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh token lady oh boy oh boy! The Iowa Caucuses are today and you know what that means! People will win! People will lose! And people will drop out! Which will, if nothing else, make these posts shorter! In the meantime...
Rick Santorum is surging! (Ew.) A senior Santorum adviser (What a great job! "I advise you to keep being a cavernous void of charisma and decency! Ten thousand dollars, please!") tells CNN "the campaign raised more money in the last week than they raised on-line the past six months, adding that fundraising is between 300% and 400% higher on a daily basis than it was just ten days ago." That sounds very impressive until you find out that fundraising averaged one dollar and three Wendy's vouchers monthly until ten days ago.
Anyway! I bet all this surging (ew) has to do with Rick Santorum's sweater vests. (Great reporting, New York Times! Keep it up!)
Rick Perry, who is still definitely in the race and has not dropped out yet, is making a keen strategic play to lose by attacking not-frontrunner Rick Santorum. "This guy has proven that he can't win races when it matters against a liberal Democrat." Ha ha OH SNAP! Pointing out the glaringly obvious fact that Rick Santorum is unelectable! DAYUM! Who is Rick Perry's chief strategist—Machiavelli?!
P.S. Santorum did not run against and lose to a liberal Democrat. He ran against and lost to Bob Casey, who is an anti-choice Democrat.
P.P.S. If Santorum won the Republican Primary (ha ha I KNOW!), he would still not be running against a liberal Democrat.
P.P.P.S. If only!
Ron Paul, who apparently has a secret plan to actually win, is borrowing from the Perry Playbook (great idea!) and going after Rick Santorum by saying he is "very liberal." Yep. Good call, Ron Paul. You continue to impress me with your astute observations like "women are filthy whores," "black people are gross," and "Rick Santorum is very liberal." Go to hell, Ron Paul.
Jon Huntsman said this week zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Michele Bachmann has promised to "surprise a lot of people tonight." By winning, I think she means? Ha ha whatever. Who cares. Bachmann also bragged about having "more than 200 pastors endorsing her campaign." Two hundred pastors agree! Sure. But what do 30 Helens think?
Speaking of people who think they're going to win today (but actually have a chance), Mitt Romney says he's going to win! I think Mitt Romney has been reading The Secret, ya'll. Be the win, Willard!
Newt Gingrich, on the other hand, does not think he's going to win. Awwwwwww. Someone give Newt a copy of The Little Rightwing Extremist Ideologue Who Could. In other news, Newt Gingrich thinks Ron Paul is a stupid fuck. (I'm paraphrasing.) Well, at least we agree on SOMETHING, Newt Gingrich!
Good luck, Iowa! I hope you vote to throw all these candidates in the garbage.
Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.
It Ended Not with a Bang, But Indefinite Detention
[Content Note: Government-sanctioned injustice.]
On Dec. 31, Obama's final piece of presidenting for 2011 was a truly heinous stroke of his pen: He signed into law the National Defense Authorization Act, thus codifying into law the asserted authority to indefinitely detain any person, anywhere in the world, whom the US government deems to be a threat to US security.
Originally, Obama threatened to veto any bill that contained such a measure, but then signed the legislation anyway, justifying the reversal with the usual weakspeak: "Ultimately, I decided to sign this bill not only because of the critically important services it provides for our forces and their families and the national security programs it authorizes, but also because the Congress revised provisions that otherwise would have jeopardized the safety, security, and liberty of the American people."
It's some rich irony to rationalize indefinite detention with the rhetoric of liberty, especially considering that the provision gives the US government the right to indefinitely detain without trial or recourse "the American people" deemed to be enemies of the state, too.
The ACLU, who have vigorously objected to this assault on civil liberties and grave violation of international law, note: "While President Obama issued a signing statement saying he had 'serious reservations' about the provisions, the statement only applies to how his administration would use the authorities granted by the NDAA, and would not affect how the law is interpreted by subsequent administrations."
That is to say, President Obama recognizes the evident potential for abuse, but went ahead and signed it all the same. It's a power he wants—and he totes promises to use it in the GOOD way!—so who cares that a future president might use it to indefinitely imprison vocal ideological critics. Ha ha that could never happen!
ACLU Executive Director Anthony Romero calls Obama's signing of the National Defense Authorization Act into law "a blight on his legacy because he will forever be known as the president who signed indefinite detention without charge or trial into law. ... Any hope that the Obama administration would roll back the constitutional excesses of George Bush in the war on terror was extinguished."
Well. I can't add anything to that.
Open Thread
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Hosted by Rosie the Riveter.
Happy 2012, Shakers! The Radical Gay Secular Feminazi Cooter Agenda ain't gonna promulgate itself, people. Let's get to work!
Blog Note
It's not just the look of the blog that's new for the New Year: We've also got an updated Commenting Policy, so please make sure to check it out! Otherwise, the Shakesville Commenticorn will get a case of the sads.
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Slà inte mhor a h-uile là a chi 's nach fhaic!
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Thank you for another great year, Shakers.
Many of the contributors and mods are already on their journeys and/or are going to be traveling next week, so we're all taking the week off. We'll be back Tuesday, January 3, at which time we will resume your regularly scheduled abundance of incisive feminist commentary, political snark, pop culture deconstruction, cute things, and farts.
See you sooooooooooooooooon!
Great News!
If we remember the year 2011 for nothing else, let us remember that it was the year we first heard about the MTV casting call for a show that's "like Jersey Shore, but with nerds." Because: A) That is obviously going to be a very good show; and B) We're all going to be on it!
(No it isn't. No we're not.)
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The Deezen Shore
Heard
Last night, some douchestew who hosts a show on MTV featuring internet clips of people falling on their faces and nutsacks: "This show has lots of good old-fashioned laughter."
Sold!
Remember when laughter when out of fashion? That was sad!
I'm so glad it's back.
Daily Dose of Cute
When I got home from work yesterday, I noticed something interesting in the mailbox. It was a USPS priority flat rate envelope that was holding something a bit larger than documents. And, it was addressed to Alfie.
I asked Alfie if it was ok that I open it on his behalf, to which he responded with a fart (I took that as a "yes"). Upon opening, I saw that Alfie got a lovely new toy from his Aunt Liss and Uncle Iain!! It's not just any old dog toy... It's a Chanukah bear with his own yarmulke (aka kippah aka skullcap):
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I was very pleased to see his Lordship take to the toy with reckless abandon, working on it much longer than his favorite hedgehog. Eventually, he decided it was break time, and Space Cowgirl thought that a picture was necessary with his new treasure. Looking regal as usual, Lord Alfred managed to pose magnificently for posterity:
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And with that, everyone at Chez Cowboy would like to wish all Shakers a marvelous holiday season. :)
It's Delightful, It's Delicious, It's De-Lovely...
...it's De-lurk Day! It's a slow news day, and we haven't had one of these since March (!), so all you Shaker lurkers who rarely or never pipe up, don't be shy; say hi!
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Cheeky devils!