Election Day

This is the day to vote (in the United States) and, because of what voting is supposed to mean for democracy, I've posted a gallery of photos I took at a John Kerry 2004 campaign rally in Minneapolis. Participating by voting is how our country gets its government of the people, by the people and for the people.

kherr @ 13:00 CST | link | politics

Garr! ’Tis International Talk Like A Pirate Day! Garr!

September 19th is here again, which is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. So get to be talkin' like a pirate ya dogs, elsewise you're nothing but a worthless lubber.

kherr @ 00:03 CDT | link | general

Punk Rock Comedy

When asked why the Sex Pistols 1978 US tour was through the Deep South, Johnny Rotten replied that you should always go where you are not wanted first—there is so much more to be accomplished. Stephen Colbert did exactly that by skewering the Bush government and the cocktail weenie D.C. press crowd. It was so punk rock.

Much has been made—and ignored—about Stephen Colbert's performance at the White House Correspondent's Dinner a few weeks ago. He stood up and ruthlessly mocked Bush (who was sitting a mere few feet from Colbert), but also excoriated the Washington cocktail weenie press crowd. Colbert's performance was of the caliber of Lenny Bruce or Richard Pryor, where the comedy becomes the vehicle for biting the invisible hand of societal norms. It was, without a doubt, a punk rock moment.

Colbert gave a virtuoso performance. The audience was intensely hostile to the man as he mocked everything they've built their egos on. He used the language of Bush government propaganda, twisting it until it meant the opposite. Colbert had to know he'd be facing an audience that sucked the life out of his routine, but he didn't let that throw off his timing or reduce the commitment with which he delivered the jokes.

Like a scorned one-night stand, the media chose to focus on the safe and lame Bush impersonator comedy routine from the evening. Colbert's perfomance was completely ignored by all of the media, until a week later when the story was covered simply as something the blogs were talking about. Meanwhile his performance remains near the top of iTunes Music Store's top albums.

Audio of Colbert's remarks on iTunes.

Video of Colbert at the Dinner.

Transcript of Colbert's remarks.

kherr @ 00:01 CDT | link | politics

American 419 Scam

Anyone with email has seen a Nigerian 419 scam like this. It's hard to believe anyone is dumb enough to go along with this guy.

IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED :

HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH
202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111
FAX: 202.456.2461

DEAR SIR / MADAM,

I AM GEORGE WALKER BUSH, SON OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH, AND CURRENTLY SERVING AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT MET NEITHER IN PERSON NOR BY CORRESPONDENCE. I CAME TO KNOW OF YOU IN MY SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE A VERY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION, WHICH INVOLVES THE TRANSFER OF A HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO AN ACCOUNT REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE.

I AM WRITING YOU IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE PRIMARILY TO SEEK YOUR ASSISTANCE IN ACQUIRING OIL FUNDS THAT ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ. MY PARTNERS AND I SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE IN COMPLETING A TRANSACTION BEGUN BY MY FATHER, WHO HAS LONG BEEN ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN THE EXTRACTION OF PETROLEUM IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND BRAVELY SERVED HIS COUNTRY AS DIRECTOR OF THE UNITED STATES CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY.

IN THE DECADE OF THE NINETEEN-EIGHTIES, MY FATHER, THEN VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, SOUGHT TO WORK WITH THE GOOD OFFICES OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ TO REGAIN LOST OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF IRAN. THIS UNSUCCESSFUL VENTURE WAS SOON FOLLOWED BY A FALLING OUT WITH HIS IRAQI PARTNER, WHO SOUGHT TO ACQUIRE ADDITIONAL OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING EMIRATE OF KUWAIT, A WHOLLY-OWNED U.S.-BRITISH SUBSIDIARY.

MY FATHER RE-SECURED THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF KUWAIT IN 1991 AT A COST OF SIXTY-ONE BILLION U.S. DOLLARS ($61,000,000,000). OUT OF THAT COST, THIRTY-SIX BILLION DOLLARS ($36,000,000,000) WERE SUPPLIED BY HIS PARTNERS IN THE KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA AND OTHER PERSIAN GULF MONARCHIES, AND SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS ($16,000,000,000) BY GERMAN AND JAPANESE PARTNERS. BUT MY FATHER'S FORMER IRAQI BUSINESS PARTNER REMAINED IN CONTROL OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ITS PETROLEUM RESERVES.

MY FAMILY IS CALLING FOR YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN FUNDING THE REMOVAL OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ACQUIRING THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF HIS COUNTRY, AS COMPENSATION FOR THE COSTS OF REMOVING HIM FROM POWER. UNFORTUNATELY, OUR PARTNERS FROM 1991 ARE NOT WILLING TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN OF THIS NEW VENTURE, WHICH IN ITS UPCOMING PHASE MAY COST THE SUM OF 100 BILLION TO 200 BILLION DOLLARS ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), BOTH IN THE INITIAL ACQUISITION AND IN LONG-TERM MANAGEMENT.

WITHOUT THE FUNDS FROM OUR 1991 PARTNERS, WE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ACQUIRE THE OIL REVENUE TRAPPED WITHIN IRAQ. THAT IS WHY MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES ARE URGENTLY SEEKING YOUR GRACIOUS ASSISTANCE. OUR DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES IN THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION INCLUDE THE SITTING VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, RICHARD CHENEY, WHO IS AN ORIGINAL PARTNER IN THE IRAQ VENTURE AND FORMER HEAD OF THE HALLIBURTON OIL COMPANY, AND CONDOLEEZA RICE, WHOSE PROFESSIONAL DEDICATION TO THE VENTURE WAS DEMONSTRATED IN THE NAMING OF A CHEVRON OIL TANKER AFTER HER.

I WOULD BESEECH YOU TO TRANSFER A SUM EQUALING TEN TO TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT (10-25 %) OF YOUR YEARLY INCOME TO OUR ACCOUNT TO AID IN THIS IMPORTANT VENTURE. THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL FUNCTION AS OUR TRUSTED INTERMEDIARY. I PROPOSE THAT YOU MAKE THIS TRANSFER BEFORE THE FIFTEENTH (15TH) OF THE MONTH OF APRIL.

I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE WOULD MAKE ANYONE APPREHENSIVE AND WORRIED. BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT ALL WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY. A BOLD STEP TAKEN SHALL NOT BE REGRETTED, I ASSURE YOU. PLEASE DO BE INFORMED THAT THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO CO-OPERATE IN THIS TRANSACTION, PLEASE CONTACT OUR INTERMEDIARY REPRESENTATIVES TO FURTHER DISCUSS THE MATTER.

I PRAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OUR PLIGHT. MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES WILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL. PLEASE REPLY IN STRICT CONFIDENCE TO THE CONTACT NUMBERS BELOW.

SINCERELY WITH WARM REGARDS,

GEORGE WALKER BUSH

Switchboard: 202.456.1414
Comments: 202.456.1111
Fax: 202.456.2461
Email: president (at) whitehouse.gov

The Register provides details on the author of this.

kherr @ 22:42 CST | link | politics

Thanksgiving Day

Most of us will spend today expressing Thanksgiving Day by spending time with our families. Few of us truly ponder the purpose of the holiday, or what it really means to be American in the world today. Go ahead and enjoy Thanksgiving with your family, or by yourself. But if you are one with more of a cynical mind these days, what follows is William S. Burroughs' take on the holiday.

There are plenty of people who aren't in a fortunate-enough position to have a day of feasting, and our government is engaged in creating world-wide instability. Frankly, this is an historic low point for the experiment that is America. There is hope this country is waking up to what we've done to ourselves and maybe the rest of the world.

William S. Burroughs' 1986 Thanksgiving Day Prayer (QuickTime video) resonates today as exposing what has gone horribly wrong in this country, or maybe what has always been wrong:

Thanksgiving Day, Nov. 28, 1986
William S. Burroughs
For John Dillinger
In hope he is still alive

Thanks for the wild turkey and the Passenger Pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts --

thanks for a Continent to despoil and poison --

thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger --

thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin, leaving the carcass to rot --

thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes --

thanks for the AMERICAN DREAM to vulgarize and falsify until the bare lies shine through --

thanks for the KKK, for nigger-killing lawmen feeling their notches, for decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces --

thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers --

thanks for laboratory AIDS --

thanks for Prohibition and the War Against Drugs --

thanks for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business --

thanks for a nation of finks -- yes,

thanks for all the memories... all right, let's see your arms... you always were a headache and you always were a bore --

thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.

Hat tip to Boing Boing.

kherr @ 10:23 CST | link | general

Talk likes ye mean it

Ahoy! Another Talk Like a Pirate Day has heaved into view! I be a worthless cur for not mentioning it sooner.

kherr @ 10:50 CDT | link | general

Who's in charge?

Calling yourself an adult and knowing how to act like one are different things. George W. Bush seems to need to ask permission to go potty. Sure, it's polite to write a note. But who has ever written a note to anyone asking to go to the bathroom during a business meeting? Certainly an engaged adult brain would figure out how to get to the bathroom on their own. Or, you know, maybe tell Condi he was going so she could cover for him. But to ask for permission?

Reuters caption: U.S. President George W. Bush writes a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York September 14, 2005. World leaders are exploring ways to revitalize the United Nations at a summit on Wednesday but their blueprint falls short of Secretary-General Kofi Annan's vision of freedom from want, persecution and war. REUTERS/Rick Wilking

The legible text of the note from George to his handler, Condi:

I think I may need a bathroom break?

Is this possible?

This should make a lovely addition to Bush's presidential library.

Update: here's a wider shot of our Dear Leader asking to pee.

kherr @ 16:58 CDT | link | politics