BlatherWatch

Michele bachmann takes porn pledge: big porno fights back

The titans of the porno industry are shaking in their glittery boots as pretend presidential candidate Michele Bachmann (R-Mars) takes the pledge to protect America from adult entertainment by working as president to ban it.

And that's not all she's sworn to.

The vow was written by an Iowa group and asks Republican candidates to agree that being gay is a choice, sex is inherently better after marriage, and makes them promise they’ll provide “humane protection of women and the innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy... from human trafficking, sexual slavery, seduction into promiscuity, and all forms of pornography and prostitution, infanticide, abortion, and other types of coercion or stolen innocence.”

So far, only Bachmann has signed.

Industry lobbyists reacted predictably, Friday. The Seduction Into Promiscuity Institute (SIPI) issued a terse statement, "We're not willing to debate such basic, precious rights and freedoms as those to beguile, inveigle and debauch."

                                       (photo: Rep. Michele Bachmann)

"Jobs would be killed," said "Choch" Mañana, spokesman for the Exploitation Guild of Louisiana, "Good jobs. Naked jobs."

The Anti-Conjugal Relations League and The Club for Infants withdrew previous endorsements of Bachmann. The White Slavers Council (SSC) stated, "Rep. Bachmann seems ignorant of the jobs that the adult mandatory volunteerism industry gives this country."

As always, the Bachmann campaign did not return BlatherWatch calls.

Al franken is a contender

Only weeks ago, former comedian and Air America radio talk host Al Franken looked as if he were bound to return to Air America, his comedic roots, and Saturday Night Live.

Today, the nemesis of Rush Limbaugh, and Billo Reilly is considered the frontrunner in his race against Minnesota neoconconservative slimeball Sen. Norm Coleman.

Tuesday oddems: walt crowley, j.p. patches, third ballsack hernia, ron reagan, phil the junkie, the styblehead, silver threads among the gold, and pass the ammunition!

~ News of HistoryLink's Walt Crowley still recouping in the hospital from his larynectomy last week from friend Pam: "Walt had a cup of coffee from the Tully’s downstairs, declining the one that came with his hospital lunch. He also now proudly sports a Patches Pal button, one of a bunch of gifts from JP Patches himself, who made a surprise visit yesterday. Marie & Walt continue to ask that you wait to visit until he gets home and more recovered, but for JP Patches an exception plainly had to be made."

Dry humping rears its ugly, er head... on The Commentators

After a near fatal Gig Harbor High School freaky dancing incident, The Tators (KVI, m-f, 9a-noon) brought in the school principal who had shut the dance down early.

A female caller described the dance thusly: "the girl is bent all the way over with everything hanging out behind, then the boy comes up and dry humps her- his eyeballs rolled all the way back in his head."

Sounds like clean teen fun to us, but Principal Greg Schellenberg, who sounded like he'd just put a fresh tree limb up his fundament, called freaky dancing "unsafe behavior."

Schram, the contrarian, libertarian said: "Let them dance. the more the adults make this an issue- the more the kids will rebel."  The perpetually pecksniffian Carlson answered: "What? dry humping at a high school dance?" 

(It was worth the price of admission hearing the stitched-up Carlson say, "dry humping").

After a fascinating discussion of school dances, proms, strip clubs, and safe sex, the boyz dealt with such cogent questions as:

• What if it becomes a new dance to fondle girls' breasts?
• Is dry humping a form of relaxation like swimming laps?
• Is swimming laps such a good idea for teens on the dance floor?
• Which is worse on the dance floor: hand to crotch, or crotch to crotch?
• is freaky dancing worse than the tango?
• What if you saw your own mother doing the freaky dance? your daughter?
• do you eat with that mouth?

Blatherwatch has long been an authority on this life vs. death issue. Our most popular post of all time (51,395 hits to date), "Freaky dancing, sex on talk radio, tiny tight teenage tushies, christian erotica, Kevlar underwear: a parent speaks out" addresses this subject. Read it here.