State of Delaware Names Apostle

Last week, the Delaware House of Representatives put aside such trivial matters as economic recovery and education funding to perform the more important work of passing this tribute:

Tribute. Be it known to all that the House of Representatives recognizes Dr. C. Peter Wagner As an Apostle For the Occasion of Commissioning Apostles in the State of Delaware.

On this special day of the Commissioning Service, we honor Dr. C. Peter Wagner for his many years of faithful service to the Lord of Heaven and Earth, and the advancement of His Kingdom.

'These things says He who is holy, He who is true, He who has the key of David, He who opens and no one shuts, and shuts and no one opens: I know your works. See I have set before you an open door, and no one can shut it." Rev. 3:7.'

The House of Representatives extends its sincere congratulations and directs this tribute to be presented on this 19th day of January 2012.

(Signed) Robert F. Gilligan, Speaker of the House
Richard L. Puffer, Chief Clerk of the House
Representative Daniel B., Short, Sponsor

Republican Jesus Joins Team Romney

Now for something completely different.

I'm not much for frilly pink organizations, but you got to give the godly not-men at the Susan G. Komen Foundation a lot of credit for their honesty.

Screenshot of the Komen.org website taken at about 11:00 PDT, Feb. 1, 2012:

Where No Dachshund Has Gone Before

Dr. Patrick L. Wooden, Sr.
Upper Room Church of God in Christ
National Organization for Marriage

Dear Pastor Wooden,

As a fellow warrior in the battle against homosexualism, I thought I knew everything there was to know about it. I mean, hey, like you, I think about homosexualist sex every waking and sleeping moment. But after listening to your interview on the Michael Signorile show, I realized that I still have a lot to learn.

Your statements alerted me to homosexualist problems and actions I never dreamed were possible. I was particularly shocked to learn (at about 4:45 in recording):

[Same sex spelunking in the cave of shame] is going to lead a grown man in his 50s or such to wear a diaper or a quote, butt plug, end of quote, just to contain their bowels.

and (at about 8:04):

I've talked about the practice of fisting, where one man takes his fist and puts it into the orifice of the man up to his forearm and in some case up to the armpit.

Although Mr. Signorile disputed your claims--I don't think he's fully committed to the heterosexual lifestyle--I'm convinced you were speaking the truth. I know for a fact that a man can shove a hell of a lot of things up his cave of shame.

Like you, I won't name names or provide other kinds of secular evidence, but there's a guy in my militia who fell on a dachshund, and the damned thing went all the way up his butt. All you could feel if you reached down there was the very tip of his tail.

A dachshund is a pretty damned big thing to have stuffed up your cave of shame. And it hurts like hell even if it's muzzled and has little lubed-up booties covering its claws...uh...or so my militia trooper tells me.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

p.s. Col. Cletis might send you a note if he hears that I wrote you. He's a compulsive liar. Don't believe a god damned word he says. uh, The, uh, guy fell on the dachshund, dammit. And besides, I was drunk, and Sheila, our militia morale ewe, was angry with me.

Elsewhere: Partial transcript of the interview.

Recording of full interview:

Ron Paul is Proudly White; He Just Doesn't Like to Talk About It

Talking Points Memislamunistofascists thinks it caught Ron Paul in a lie. Citing Paul's secretary, they say he wasn't being truthful when he claimed he wasn't responsible for his own newsletters:

It was his newsletter, and it was under his name, so he always got to see the final product. . . . He would proof it,” said Renae Hathway, a former secretary in Paul’s company and a supporter of the Texas congressman.

What TPM fails to consider is that both Paul and his secretary may be telling the truth. Perhaps Paul reviewed the newsletters and told the editor to replace the words "blacks" and "Jews" with "Nigras" and "Hebes." If the editor failed to make such changes, Paul is not responsible for the final product.

Still, some proudly white Americans are concerned that Paul isn't as proudly white as he could be. Teutonic heritage enthusiast Commander Bill White is one of them:

I have kept quiet about the Ron Paul campaign for a while, because I didn't see any need to say anything that would cause any trouble. However, reading the latest release from his campaign spokesman, I am compelled to tell the truth about Ron Paul's extensive involvement in white nationalism.

Both Congressman Paul and his aides regularly meet with members of the Stormfront set, American Renaissance, the Institute for Historic Review, and others at the Tara Thai restaurant in Arlington, Virginia, usually on Wednesdays. This is part of a dinner that was originally organized by Pat Buchanan, Sam Francis and Joe Sobran, and has since been mostly taken over by the Council of Conservative Citizens.

I have attended these dinners, seen Paul and his aides there, and been invited to his offices in Washington to discuss policy.

For his spokesman to call white racialism a "small ideology" and claim white activists are "wasting their money" trying to influence Paul is ridiculous. Paul is a white nationalist of the Stormfront type who has always kept his racial views and his views about world Judaism quiet because of his political position.

I don't know that it is necessarily good for Paul to "expose" this. However, he really is someone with extensive ties to white nationalism and for him to deny that in the belief he will be more respectable by denying it is outrageous -- and I hate seeing people in the press who denounce racialism merely because they think it is not fashionable.

Bill White, Commander
American National Socialist Workers Party

Godfearing Legislator Urges Lawmakers to Hang OB/GYNs

North Carolina Rep. Larry Pittman writes:

If murderers (and I would include abortionists, rapists, and kidnappers, as well) are actually executed, it will at least have the deterrent effect upon them. For my money, we should go back to public hangings, which would be more of a deterrent to others, as well.

Department of Book Reports: Border Songs

Border Songs, by Jim Lynch (Knopf paper $16) Six foot eight inch Brandon Vanderkool has always stuck out. His dyslexia and attention to the details of the landscape and birds give him a unique perspective as a new Border Patrol officer. Noticing details that others miss as soon gotten him the title of "Shit Magnet" among the rest of the patrol. He mother is slipping more and more into early onset alzheimer's, while his father worries over the condition of his diary cows health, and the boat he has been building in a back barn but may never finish and sail.

This story is set along the once casual border, near the Peace Arch, where lucrative smuggling has lured locals into helping both people and B.C. Bud into America. Brandon's life-long friends and townspeople all seem involved in the now lucrative transportation. Canadian mountains sprout McMansions overlooking what had been diaries, now turned to raspberry farms complete with immigrant workers.

 The job gives Brandon plenty of time to indulge in his daily Bird Counts and his art; patterns in leaves and stones which he compulsively builds. This natural art is compared to Andrews Goldsworthy by a neighbor who puts on an opening for the town on the day the new Casino opens up the road. After I finished reading this, we watched  "Rivers and Tides" which I very much recommend:


Jim Lynch is also the author of the Award-winning YA novel, Highest Tide and the forthcoming Truth Like The Sun, which looks at the 50th Anniversary of  the Seattle World's Fair(!) On April 29th, I'll be selling books at his Westport appearance, sponsored by the Timberland Library. Let me know if you'd like a signed copy then, or your can get unsigned copies from us now.

Random God-Damned Random Poultry Sons of Bitches

This week, my hometown paper is filled with tales of violence and death. It all began when Orson Poulson put on his mountain man outfit:

Orson has also been going to an elementary school in Kaysville to do demonstrations for a fourth grade class in the Mountain Man way of life...He shows the students his guns and black powder and some pelts and, of course, his Mountain Man clothing.

I blame the pelts. Animal hides tend to fire up a man's blood. The sight, the feel, the smell combine to fuel a an evil bloodlust, a need for violence that can only be satisfied by the obliteration of some random god-damned random poultry sons of bitches:

Orson had flocks of geese flying over his back yard and house so he shot two.

The madness quickly infected others. Jim and Starr Mitchell were the first to succumb. You see:

Starr has seen some golden eagles. The couple had some chickens ready to kill, so they took care of that...

Yes, eagles, the sorcerers of the thermal updraft, exploiting the power of the pelt to compel good people to do their feathered bidding against their natural enemies.

Of course, all that spilled blood lead to other kinds of licentious behavior:

Cleo Petit [and] Gary made it to J&D’s Restaurant for breakfast with their friends. Cleo also had her hair done while in town.

Yes, that's right. She ate a purchased breakfast and then had someone do up her hair, just like a common trollop.

And Kaye Draper, well:

She went to the Liberty Senior Center on Wednesday to play bingo.

Although Brother Brigham never mentioned bingo specifically in one of his dominoes and dancing sermons, you know he's surely turning over in his grave.