F16’s Don’t Kill People, 500 Lb. Bombs Kill People

You’ve probably noticed it has been slow around here, and yes, I’ve been sick again. Not a big deal, just disruptive to the way I like to run my life. After years without television viewing, I gave up, got into bed and turned on the set. Danny is oblivious as long as Curious George isn’t on. Sure, I could take advantage of the bed rest to read a book, but I’ve been sitting in bed finishing a quilt and it is damn near impossible to read and sew.

In the years I was without television, quite a bit has changed, or maybe the signal just brings in more stations since the digital conversion, but we never had this many broadcast stations. I’ve never heard of half these stations? Did you know there is a Retro Television Network? I do now, and I’m afraid it may be my downfall.

The other night I was propped up in bed (on like ten pillows because there’s an unwritten rule about being laid up and having an absurd number of pillows) with the quilt spread over my lap like an eighty year old lady (seriously, all I need is a quilted satin bed jacket and I’m Grandma). My husband walks into the room, glances at the television for a moment and asks:

"What time did you take the painkillers?

Painkillers? What painkillers? I had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

"Why do you think I took painkillers?" I asked, still confused.

"Because you’ve been sitting here for half an hour watching Airwolf."

I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was more like an hour because they ran two episodes. It was surprisingly engaging. No really, it was. You see the show is about a guy who’s brother gets left back in Vietnam as a POW and he’s pissed off about this, so he steals a super-advanced helicopter and then hides it from the government telling them they can have it when he gets his brother back. Now what’s implausible about that?

So yeah, that’s what I’ve been doing in the absence of blogging-quilting and watching Airwolf . Oh yeah, and I saw a talkshow with a lady who impaled herself on a knitting needle through the heart and lived. They said if this ever happens to you, don’t pull the needle out.

I’ve been complaining about making celebrities of politicians for quite some time now, but gee whiz people THIS is kind of a stretch.

It is going to be difficult, but I’ll just have to try and keep my mind off of Mike Flood. Those full lips, that double chin! Wouldn’t you just love to run your fingers through his hair (I mean, if it weren’t quite so gelled)? God, what I’d give to pry those granny glasses off his big, corn-fed, Nebraskan head and…make him get Lasik!

I’m not going to pick on Amanda because hell, look at her hair. She’s obviously colourblind and it isn’t nice to pick on the disabled.

Stinking stuffed sheep’s innards

On the stove all afternoon

But What good are stinking sheep’s innards

If you haven’t got a spoon?

What? That wasn’t Burns? Well, no matter-here’s a step-by-step slide show for whipping up a haggis for Burns Night. The author forgot the very important step of opening all the windows, but he still managed to put together an attractive (well, as attractive as it can be) haggis.  

Picasso.

-But at least there’s a label to help you determine broccoli is better for you than Captain Crunch.

I’m actually kind of relieved this wasn’t put out by the USDA.  

Legislators in Nebraska are trying to pass a law that women seeking an abortion must watch an ultrasound of the fetus an hour before the procedure. It won’t pass, but it really does offer a glimpse into the sick minds that dream this kind of legislation up. It certainly doesn’t help the anti-abortion movement to have nutcases like this dreaming up ways to punish women for having what is, like it or not, a legal procedure. Now I know it would be too much to think we might be able to prevent abortions by oh, I don’t know…raising the standard of living? Offering free prenatal care? Insurance? Better access to food stamps? Hey I know, how about sex education classes that aren’t based on abstinence?  I mean, I could go on and on. Sure, some people do not want to be parents, but even the process of carrying a child to term and placing the child for adoption can be demeaning and humiliating-I love these people who glibly suggest a woman should "just give the child up for adoption." They make it sound as simple as returning a pair of tennis shoes. Before we start pointing fingers and shaming women for getting pregnant (because lord knows, they didn’t get that way alone), and insisting that they view the fetus they are about to terminate, it would do a world of good to get an honest assessment of what drives a large number women to have abortions.

Yeah, I know-that ain’t happening, not in Nebraska anyway. We’re gonna make bloodthirsty harlots take a good long look at their fetus. Nice.

I really like the commenter at the bottom of the article that suggests a law be passed forcing people to look at a picture of the State senator sponsoring the bill before having sex.

I was watching the pre-inaugural coverage with Danny when they showed Mrs. Obama and Mrs. Biden leaving the White House breakfast.

"Mama? Who’s the lady in the boots?"

"That’s Mrs. Biden, the Vice President’s wife."

"What’s that on top of her boots?"

"Those are her knees, silly."

"Oh. Why are her knees sticking out?"

"Because she’s wearing a short dress." 

Danny continued watching the television image. After a few moments of consideration, he turned to me and reasoned:

"I LIKE boots, and I LIKE short dresses, so I guess I like Mrs. Biden." 

…I am gonna cry like a baby watching Obama take the oath of office. I know I’ll be complaining about him a month from now, but today, I’m going to listen to the radio with my little boy and just take in the history of the day.

Birdie birdie in the sky, why’d you…oh hey, guess what? It’s time to count birds again. Fifteen minutes a day over four days is all it takes to participate. Get the details HERE.

Homemade Granola-I’ve used this recipe quite a bit and adapted it it a million ways. I’ll warn you that for the first few minutes, if you use coconut it will smell like Play-Doh. The smell goes away, but it is strange so I thought it was worth a warning.

Homemade Granola Bars-These were very easy to make.  

Good tips for selecting and cooking beets. I started roasting beets according to the instructions here, and never looked back. I can’t believe I used to spend all that time peeling and boiling them.  

Valentine’s Day and Easter are coming up-how about some cute lollipop moulds?

The best tofu recipe I have ever used (and I’ve been cooking tofu for a good 25 years). This is now my son’s favourite dinner and I can’t really say I blame him. What’s more, it is ever so fast to make. Fast, healthy and your kid will eat it? That’s a winner at our house.  

If you’re not from Boston, scallion pancakes are a bit tricky to describe, but trust me, they are worth the effort. They can also be made and frozen between sheets of waxed paper, ready to fry on a whim. I had great luck with this recipe and now that I think of it, still have some in the freezer. Hmm, I wonder if it is worth frying at midnight… 

 Making seitan is a pain in the ass (not to mention murder on your hands) but THIS recipe uses vital wheat gluten. I have not tried it yet, but I have it on my list and I trust the author.

Well, THIS sort of puts beef jerky to shame, eh? 

I know it is the wrong holiday, but some Chinese moon cakes would be nice for the New Year. As a side note, mashed Adzuki beans are great mixed with applesauce and a bit of sugar. Danny used to eat that cold when he was first eating solids and it was a favourite for a long time. It might be a bit bland for an older child, but as first foods go, it was a healthy sweet.

Finally, a homemade veggie burger that really tastes good. Obviously, it costs much less than the frozen ones, but it really is satisfying.  

I stumbled on THIS site when I was planning my "Baking Through The Bullfinch Mythology" series (Yes, I’m going to do it in decorated cookies, sort of like the Baking With Counterpunch). I’ll bet you never imagined how difficult it would be to show someone chained to a rock having his liver eaten by an eagle- in frosted cookies. I know I never did. Well, that task just got simpler thanks to all the helpful images on the web.

I did consider doing Naked Lunch in frosted sugar cookies but then thought better of it.  

So, we’re back to THAT again. Swell. Here’s the update on the man’s challenge in court-he’s still being forced to undergo "treatment" for his own good.

Most of the time I find the Amazon book suggestions kind of lame, but every once in a while I get something so completely off-the-wall funny that it makes it worth the annoyance of all the others. Jewish Sci-Fi for kids, eh? Sounds interesting, let’s see…

"In "Lip Service," readers are told that fetuses learn the Torah in utero and then forget it at birth as an angel touches the upper lip, creating the standard indentation. The angel confides that one of them got away, a troublemaker who reinterpreted established beliefs and was ultimately responsible for a new religion that caused trouble for the Jews."

Oh, that naughty Jesus! Wait, they get better:

"In another, a young genius creates a clone of himself to take his bar mitzvah lessons."

I suppose Jesus gets the blame for that too. But wait, order now and you get a free set of steak knives and a troublemaking golem!

"Meet an interplanetary rabbi whom must destroy a leavened monster by Passover."

Yeah, I hate that. You know how it is, one day you’re raising the dead and something goes really awfully wrong and the next thing you know the thing is on the loose ready to ruin Pesach. I hate that.

This collection sounds like a hoot. I don’t think I’d order it for Danny, but it is the sort of thing I’d send to my sister-in-law for laughs. Baruch Rogers, Space Rabbi is probably worth the cost of the book.

Department store cosmetics manufacturers that all agreed to sell twenty dollar tubes of lipstick are being forced to give away makeup as part of the settlement. The details HERE are for Chicago, so call your local retailers to find out when they will be giving out their freebies (though not really a freebie if you overpaid all those years).

You’ve probably noticed the sudden interest the media has taken in basic home economics. I really enjoy the articles that tell you how to save money by canning at home and then suggest you buy expensive jars like THESE.

Well yes, they are very attractive-and impractical if you’re canning on a large scale. Maybe you could fit four of these odd shaped jars in your canner at a time? I can see once in a while needing an odd shaped jar for something like spears of asparagus, but otherwise, these are silly. What’s more, I have never had rust be a problem with jars that are prepared correctly and stored without the screw bands.

In the frenzy to publish "how to save money" articles to guide people through "tough economic times" (they still won’t use the term recession) newspapers are filling up with advice that isn’t terribly helpful for people facing serious economic hardship and in some cases, suggesting unsound food handling practices. Unless you are growing your own food, canning and preserving probably isn’t going to save you a large sum of money-in most cases it will cost you more whether you invest in fancy jars or not. For most people, a really good deal on fresh green beans can be dealt with just as easily by blanching them in boiling water for a minute, cooling and drying the beans and then sealing them up in freezer bags. There’s less up-front investment and the learning curve won’t get you botulism. *

The pieces I’ve been reading seem to be coming from la-la land where one need only curtail their high end spending without experiencing any sort of deprivation. This might work for a while, but if things are headed in the direction most reputable economists seem to think it is, you’re going to need to reassess more than how much you can save by infusing your own truffle oil, even if you go with the cheap canning jars.

I suppose what I really resent is the tone of these pieces that suggest it is somehow chic to shop resale and keep track of where your money goes-sort of like the mocking trend people had a few years back for wearing trucker baseball caps and drinking Pabst. Gosh, that’s awfully funny, particularly to people who can’t even afford resale clothes at Goodwill and have to hit the St. Vincent DePaul only to find some bourgeois scumbag got there first to buy up all the clothes for an "ugly sweater party."

For a great number of people this isn’t some sort of competitive cheapskate game-it is daily life.

*If you are really interested in learning to preserve food in a way that won’t result in food poisoning, check with your local extension office as they often have printed guides to send out. The USDA also has guides free for the asking. The Ball Blue Book is a good place for beginners, and if all else fails, drop me an email and I’ll try to answer your questions. Keep in mind that there will be some investment in materials to get started and that the time to purchase these items is not once you lose your job. Plan ahead-you can save money by eating dried beans, but you need a pot to cook them in first.

Available for downloads. I had so many of these-still have the Danny Kaye storytime record. I remember being terrified of the Snow White one. Thanks Becky.

THIS really made me smile.

Bathrooms "in a box" being sent to schools for use during lock-downs.

I was explaining to Danny that some kids have two mothers and others two fathers when he interrupted me:

"I want two papas because then I’ll get to stay in my pajamas ALL DAY and I’ll NEVER have to clean up my things."

 So there.