F16’s Don’t Kill People, 500 Lb. Bombs Kill People

…with a Canadian rock band.

Don’t give me no hand-me-down world…

This is almost as pathetic as the time I was in Erie, PA in the late 90’s and the whole town was excited because Jethro Tull was playing a concert there. Yeah, everyone was like, "Suck it, Buffalo-we’ve got Jethro Tull!"

I’m afraid The Guess Who, and Grand Funk feel a bit like that.  Maybe worse. Glad to see they’re still sporting long hair. Glad to see they still have hair.

Still some information here worth noting-I think I’ve posted this before. It certainly wouldn’t hurt to stock-up a bit extra if you are headed to the market this week.

The site is Australian, so don’t feel too bad if you can’t locate any Vegemite. I think it is safe to say you can survive a pandemic without it.

I have a pretty extensive food storage system at home anyway, but I’m still stocking up a bit extra on dog food and bottled water. I’m not a panic-driven sort of person, but hey, it is always a good idea to have supplies on hand. I live way out in the country, so I’ve grown used to long time spans between trips to town for supplies.

Don’t forget to re-stock your first aid kit as well.  

US Aircraft and Elite navy SEALS Defeat Three Somalis in a Lifeboat.

The article is pretty good too. 

I just had to explain what a cubby hole is to a 48 year old. How anyone could have gone through school and not heard of a "cubby", or "cubby hole", is beyond me.

What I wonder is where he kept his lunchbox and windbreaker?

Anyone else not familiar with cubby holes?  

Oh, THIS is funny.

The real tip off was that none of the birds were coated in tar.  

I’ve been waiting years to do a headline with that many exclamation marks.

Anyone remember the last swine flu panic? I could go Google it, but I think it was around 1976-and we were all going to catch it and die. Maybe this is serious, I don’t know. I’d be a hell of a lot more concerned about keeling over from breathing the polluted air in Mexico City, than catching swine flu.

I also wonder if it would be so upsetting if it were cocker spaniel flu, or hamster flu, or turtle flu. Swine just sounds bad. You filthy swine. See what I mean?

Aren’t the dirty birdies going to be so jealous the pigs infected the humans first?

Standing in line at the supermarket, the cashier is making small talk with Danny about "Why aren’t you at pre-school today?"  Danny explains he’s homeschooled, which was greeted with a snort-not even a comment.

There’s a bias here that only fundie nutcases homeschool, and that the children are all unable to read and count to ten. 

Without prompting, Danny points to the plastic stick for dividing grocery orders and asks:

"Mama? What’s American Express? It says, American Express."

No snort from the cashier that time. I waited until we were outside to double over in laughter.  

Danny:  Don’t worry mama, when you’re dead and we get your life insurance I’ll teach papa how to make cookies.

Pipe in music.

Well why not, they’ve already installed coffee kiosks-what’s a bit of music as well? I understand that books are not the primary draw at libraries these days, but for heaven’s sake-they ought to at least remain quiet.

I feel slightly ill just thinking about it. 

Guess what CD I’ll be waking the family up to?

I have the best friends. 

-But THIS site says I do.  I guess I should just be thankful it didn’t say I look like Iggy Pop. I mean, I know I’m not looking my best these days, but really.

Kind of a fun way to waste time.  

Not only does inhaling Smarties mimic smoking (oh no, the horrors!) the youngsters face an increased risk of nose maggots.

That ought to scare those Smarties huffing youngins straight.

When I was a kid, we used to blow the powdered sugar out of licorice snaps in a plume-probably looked like a roach. We also used to rub sour cherry jellys on our faces as lipstick and blush. Still, I think the risk of nose maggots would have been enough to put me off both those activities.

Anyone know if the nose maggot thing is really true? Not that I’m going to be snorting Smarties or anything, just seems a bit over-the-top. 

HERE.

Nothing to worry about folks, move along now. Just ignore the long tube hanging from the helicopter… 

Danny has a little boom box that plays CD’s and his father has supplied him with all manner of recordings with which to annoy the living shit out of me all day. I don’t care for Australian folk music, and I’m not really a fan of Half Japanese-but all day long I’m listening to either Waltzing Matilda or No More Beatlemania (Once Was Enough!). I’m ready to claw my goddamed eardrums out.

But I have twenty bucks and an Internet connection-and that’s enough for a Carpenter’s boxed set. I’ll have to impose a "weekends only" rule for playing it-starting bright and early Saturday morning.

Today was the monthly call-in radio show with our Governor. An elderly man called in, from my tiny town to scold Heineman for not legalising meth.

I think he probably didn’t know what it is. He was headed in the right direction talking about the failures of prohibition, etc. and at first it sounded like he was going to talk about tea-then he veered off into meth territory.

I had no idea I live in such a progressive town. 

You know those plastic dinosaurs that come fifty to a bag? Yeah, my four year old was staging Hamlet with them. Hamlet was played by a Stegasaurus. I had nothing to do with it, didn’t suggest it, or in any way prompt that little performance. Being Easter and all, I guess I should be thankful he wasn’t doing a Paleo Passion play.

We took Danny to see his first movie in a cinema today. He enjoyed the experience, even if Monsters Vs. Aliens was kind of lame. I think he was expecting it to be like Godzilla Vs. King Kong (which he’s seen) and this was kind of a letdown.

As we were watching 40 minutes worth of previews, I had a fraction of a second where I thought I might actually be losing my hearing and/or mind. Did you know they made a new children’s movie called "Up?" No really, they did. I can’t help but think that might lead to some really uncomfortable mix-ups down the road when people accidentially come home on movie night only to discover they rented the wrong movie.

Anyway, hope everyone had a nice Easter.