Will you be spending quality religious time this weekend with your family for either Easter or, what’s the other one… Jewish Easter? It was only a few millennia ago — seems like yesterday — that Jesus Christ was crucified and reincarnated as a anthropomorphic bunny in a bow tie who delivered chocolate eggs to the enslaved Jews of Egypt. As that famous bunny rabbit, George W. Bush, said at the time, “never forget, go shopping, and don’t be afraid to have a lil’ fun baby.” And no American family will be having more fun this weekend than the Romneys: the human one, Ann, and her six boys, Tagg, Dack, Quizno, Tumnus, Gurt, and Mittens. So let’s watch a special family video the Romney campaign has released in which Ann shares all of her most treasured stories about managing a household of six unhinged males. READ MORE »
Let this delightful tale to see you through your cold and lonely Passover. In Alaska, some senator (not Murkowski) wanted a proclamation from the state of a ‘year of the girl,’ that would also honor the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts. The senator asked her student intern to present the measure.
Then came Rep. Wes Keller, the conservative Wasilla Republican filling in as chair of the committee. He had seen something on the Internet about the Girl Scouts, he said, and suddenly [student intern Katya] Wassillie found herself in the crossfire of the culture wars. READ MORE »
It is War on Catholics Day here at your Wonkette HQ, because there is nothing Barack Obama won’t do to Ruin Easter. He hates Catholics so much that he worked for a super-anti-Catholic Catholic Cardinal, at whose Catholic-hating knee he learned to make war on Catholics in the first place. And now Ghost of Breitbart’s The Vetting Two: Moar Vettening reveals even more of his dastardly plan to make war on Catholics by working to enact the Catholics’ anti-Catholic plan for universal healthcare. (Oh yeah, even Pope Nazi, the least favorite pope of “liberal Catholics” as if there could ever even be such a thing, says nations must provide healthcare for their citizenry because it is a moral imperative and one of the “inalienable rights” of man, because he is anti-Catholic too.) Anyhoo, here is how the newest Vettening begins. (Please remove all children and pregnant ladies from the room. Viewer precaution is advised.) READ MORE »
Maddow/Scalia/Alien art contest entries are in an effective tie for the lead and we can only give out two autographed Rachel Maddow books. We will stop voting at 3 p.m. ET on the dot so hurry up and vote/cheat/revolt/kill if you’ve got a stake in this thing. UPDATE: POLL CLOSED, ENEMIES FELLED. Meet your wieners! READ MORE »
On Thursday, in the revolutionary desert of this nation, an Arizona lawmaker by the name of David Stevens, a Republican representing Sierra Vista, refused to support a highway bill that would fund the creation of a new highway from Phoenix to Las Vegas (nay, may all roads lead there!) — not because of the gambling and the free watered-down drinks and the boobies, but because of CANADA! The beautiful country with the population the size of California gets blamed for everything. Stevens, who clearly knows what he wants and proclaims it on his neckties, says that this bill is just a gateway to Canada. It’s true, there is basically a “Canamex highway” that leads from Nogales, on the Mexican border, to wherever on the Canadian border, and this proposed I-11 is the missing link. But according to Stevens, it is also the last piece of a puzzle called, let’s say, the New North American Order, in which the United States and Canada join as one, under one god and currency! “You may have heard the term ‘Amero’…” Stevens recently told his colleagues. WE HAVE NOT. WHAT IT IS? READ MORE »
Fun Connecticut lady Lee Whitnum appears to be a fixture in pretty much every “Nutmeg State” Democratic primary for any national office. She gets up there and starts hollering about a valid concern — how every Connecticut Democrat, as well as every other politician, just does whatever Israel wants 100% of the time — with absolutely no tact. For example: the Senate debate last night when she called Rep. Chris Murphy a “whore.” Look, Lee, that was a long time ago and Murphy had to pay for law school somehow, okay? READ MORE »
You guys, we did not know this was a thing?
Observers are asking why a Catholic university in Spokane would invite Archbishop Desmond Tutu to address its graduating class considering his decades-long record of supporting abortion, homosexuality, female ordination, theological liberalism, and collectivist economic theories condemned by the Roman Catholic Church.
So in addition to being the moral force behind the ending of Apartheid in South Africa, Archbishop Desmond Tutu is awesome in every other possible way as well! Here, read some more! READ MORE »
Coming off a very sparkly appearance at Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards last weekend (that’s the one where they commemorate all their teevee stars who are now teen mothers and/or using heroin, and then Justin Bieber dumps lime green human waste on everyone, we think!) our FLOTUS is working it for the spotlight this month. Her Easter plans are shaping up to provide quite the elitist celebration, but while she waits for the big day to arrive, our Michelle is making sure to bring her Easter tidings to those who need it the most: The Troops! Michelle and Bo Obama visited Walter Reed National Military Medical Center on Wednesday for some Easter fun, and although Michelle debuted a new hair style (it’s flippy!), the major fashion statement of the day was made when Bo was forced to wear bunny ears. Hello, animal cross-dressing, next phase in the crazy Obama librul agenda! READ MORE »
What is this, unfolding before our delighted eyes? It is a SNAP. First Current TV totes fired Keith Olbermann for (ALLEGEDLY) being a glass-chucking work-shirking screamy freakout monster. Then Olbermann went on Letterman, called himself a “$10 million chandelier” (?) and sued Current and its execs for being “dilettantes” and playing make-believe, which are not really actionable offenses? (Your Editrix did not take contract law, so maybe they are! You will now please write three pages, single-spaced, in the comments, on when an individual has standing to sue someone for dilettantism and play-acting.) And now Al Gore has unleashed the BITCHY! Rrrowr! READ MORE »
GOP Senator Lisa Murkowski, why do you insist on undermining the War on the War on Women? RNC Chair Reince Priebus has said it’s fictional. Kathryn-Jean Lopez twits 17 times a day with links to her one or two columns saying the same thing. Even Ol’ Whatserface, Drinky Nooner — who you know has seen the inside of an Ortho Novum packet or two — snoots in her patrician manner that this is not a War on Women but a Defense of Liberty against religious terrorist President Disappointment. Lisa Murkowski, stop fuckin’ it up! “If you don’t feel this is an attack, you need to go home and talk to your wife and your daughters,” she told the Chamber of Commerce in Homer, Alaska. But K-Lo does not have a wife and daughters, Murkowski! Why are you racist against K-Lo’s gay marriage? READ MORE »
Exciting anonymously-sourced rumors have it that lunatic prince Rick Santorum’s staffers are beginning to wander out from the confines of his inmate-ruled insane asylum! Consider this your safety advisory: “One top Republican strategist said he’d seen a surge of postings on Republican job boards from Santorum staffers, and two mid-level staffers told The Hill that top aides had gone radio silent.” Oh dear. But the poor, unhappy nuts do not like running around on the loose! Just listen to this one sad staffer who, uh, complained to a reporter that he feels very confused about what to do with his penis right now without Rick Santorum to give him an instruction: READ MORE »
Hello, Fullerton, California! What are you up to lately? Oh, you are having a “Mr. Fullerton” contest at Fullerton Union High School, and one of your students got DQed for being too rad? Typical. (Actually, sort of not that typical; Fullerton is where Orange County punks move when they get married and have babies, and isn’t as grossly reactionary as its neighbors. Also: great farmers market, with beer!)
So what was the Opposite Day question and answer of that Miss South Carolina question and answer a few years ago? This: The unnamed student was asked where he saw himself in 10 years, and he replied thusly:
The student said he hoped to find the love of his life, marry him and hoped gay marriage would be legal.
After the answer, an assistant principal took the student from the Plummer Auditorium stage and disqualified him from the competition.
Well just look what beloved old giggling walrus Marcus Bachmann has sent to our inbox marked with subject line: “Shhh… Don’t tell Michelle.” GO ON? READ MORE »
NEW: Romney just said that Augusta National should admit women as members, our @peterhambycnn reports. #GenderWars #tcot #tlot
— Lisa Desjardins (@LisaDCNN) April 5, 2012
Romney says “of course” women should be admitted to Augusta National, per @GarrettNBCNews.
— Mike O’Brien (@mpoindc) April 5, 2012
Romney just told reporters on the ropeline that women should be admitted to Augusta National
— Peter Hamby (@PeterHambyCNN) April 5, 2012
Women at Augusta? Romney says “yes” – full report here:abcn.ws/HjiLGp
— Emily Friedman (@EmilyABC) April 5, 2012
Well, here’s the big breaking news today: Mitt Romney answered the easiest question in history about the dumb issue of whether plutocratic female CEOs should be allowed to apply for membership at a golf course in Georgia. READ MORE »
So, the Citadel, the military college in South Carolina? Has a class on “Conservative Intellectual Tradition in America”? (We have not gotten to the joke yet, you guys.) And the professor brings in such luminous worthies/worthy luminaries as … Donald Rumsfeld and Ed Meese? (We still haven’t gotten to the funny part!) Well, this week’s was Phyllis Schlafly, the happy warrior chiefly known for defeating the Equal Rights Amendment and hating gays except her gay son, and she had plenty of good sensible (and extremely timely) warnings for our future military leaders, like: “Feminists are having a hard time being elected because they essentially are unlikable,” and “Find out if your girlfriend is a feminist before you get too far into it,” she said. “Some of them are pretty. They don’t all look like Bella Abzug.” Haw haw haw, said the cadets, or they would have if they had any idea who Abzug was, since she died in 1998 when they four years old. (She was awesome, cadets! But she was ugly so you probably wouldn’t want to fuck her, so she should have probably shut her hole.) READ MORE »
