Anybody who says I’m gay can let me suck their cock, er, I mean can suck my cock.
Over at Brent Bozell’s band of misfit boys, aka Newsblusterers, the winsomely handsome sex-bucket and man of my dreams Clay Waters was assigned the New York Times this weekend and asked to ferret out some examples of verboten thought to wave about on Monday for the benefit of Newsblusterer’s excitable readership. So you can imagine Clay’s delight when he found something in the OpEd section on teh gays. Woohoo! Job done!! Game over!!! Throw up a quick post on how the Times is sucking up to the perverts and then off to the Cheesecake Factory for double helpings. (And maybe a little action in the Men’s Room at the restaurant if he’s lucky — because who else but somebody sufficiently desperate to troll a toilet would even think about touching Clay? But I digress. . . )
And a Sunday Review opinion piece by psychology professors Richard Ryan and William Ryan used a single study (employing "semantic association") to elevate a common liberal taunt redolent of cheap psychology: "Homophobic? Maybe You’re Gay,which asked: "Why are political and religious figures who campaign against gay rights so often implicated in sexual encounters with same-sex partners?"
Naturally the most effective way to challenge a scientific study is to put its methodology in scare quotes, as in “they used ‘telescopes’ and ‘planetary observation’ to prove that the earth revolved about the sun.”
The Ryans then strung together a few incidents involving conservatives who opposed gay marriage (hardly a fringe stance)(Ed. note: apparently as opposed to a "wide" stance) over the course of the last several years to insinuate some broad pattern.
Translation: because Ted Haggard, Larry Craig and George Murphy, Jr. are the only anti-gay people ever caught with dicks in their mouth, you are not entitled to draw any conclusions at all from my continuously obsessing over how disgusting buttsex is. Just the thought of two dudes together makes me want to throw up, which means that I am constantly thinking of throwing up. You can’t get any straighter than that.
Corporations are too people. If you cut them, do they not bleed? Oh… right, um… SMOKESCREEN! Clever escape!
Today’s outing is a particularly special treat. A National Review article that no one wanted to put their name to. Think about that for a second. The National Review regularly pushes out articles proudly claimed by their authors on the topics of how one’s word processing software kicked their ass in an argument. Not to mention the unending stream of J-Load posts that are just asking the readers to write his next post for him.
But this outing? Nope, no one wanted to touch it with a ten-foot pole.
And honestly, it’s not hard to see why. It’s pretty obviously just a mandate sent on down from the Koch Brothers worrying that the century and a half gravy train that has been “corporate personhood” may slowly be being stopped by Denzel Washington and Chris Pine acting in a terrible movie.
And despite trying its darndest, it still can’t escape the basic problem that whenever you try and claim that amorphous megacorporations are people, it just comes off sounding dumb as fuck. In fact so much that I’m surprised more comedies and satires haven’t run with it as a concept (I mean, imagine Taco Bell walking down the altar, the jokes write themselves).
But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s let them start the train wreck of fail themselves: Read the rest of this entry »
It’s Obama’s fault that a white guy in Mobile was beaten up by some blacks. This statement is not racially divisive because only the black racism of Obama, Eric Holder, and the blacks that beat the white guy up is racially divisive.
Good fucking grief. Some white guy in Mobile flings around the n-word and threatens some black kids with kitchen knives and when he is regrettably attacked over this, the right wing grasps its collective butts in pain, rolls around on the ground like a guy who just chewed and swallowed an Indian ghost pepper, and whines about an imaginary race war fomented by the Negro race and their chief instigator in the White House.
Naturally, ole Buttrocket, never one to pass up a good opportunity for public butthurt, trots this story out as if a gang of crazed Negroes, all besotted on crack and malt liquor and following the secretly transmitted telepathic instructions of the Negro-in-Chief to avenge Trayvon Martin, went roaming the streets of Mobile looking for the first white guy that they could find and then beat him up.
Is that what actually happened? Sadly, no. The victim and the chief attacker had been engaged in racially charged feuds for several years.
Hinderaker starts off quoting Fucker Carlson lackey and chick magnet extraordinaire Jim Treacher, who blames the Mobile assault on Spike Lee (a favorite white-wing bogeyman) and, for good measure, ABC and NBC. (The only real surprise here is that Jim didn’t add Oprah to the list of honky-taunting race baiters, but he probably simply forgot how to spell her name.)
Hinderaker is quick to add Obama to the list
Obama has been an extraordinarily divisive president; neither he nor others in his administration, like Eric Holder, have ever hesitated to foment race hatred when they thought it would serve the Democrats’ political interests.
(If you are wondering about where Holder fits in here, you have obviously forgotten about when he hired the Black Panther Party (all two of them) to ride their Hoverounds to a polling precinct in Philadelphia and threaten white people with their canes.)
For those of you who are thinking about gathering mangoes in the comments to Hinderaker’s post, don’t say I didn’t warn you. A sample:
I’m sure Trayvon did look like Obama’s son. After all, he was pounding a half Jewish, half Hispanic guy’s head into the concrete, wasn’t he?
Because I’m a Stay at Home Mom who totally has no ill feelings or resentments about being stuck at home, Ann Romney having the maid raise her kids is the epitome of hard work. Also working mothers spend their days eating bon bons like the lucky bastards they are. I don’t count in this population, because I don’t drive a car to work.
Hey, just because the right-wing is our most faithful mango producers, doesn’t mean we should neglect the supposedly liberal sources of complete and utter fail. And so today, we turn to the Huffington Post which has been ever tacking away from any pretense at moderate liberalism back into the swamp it was destined to drown in.
And as a bonus treat, this particular mango is a reigniting of the Mommy Wars. Don’t know what the Mommy Wars were? Well, then, you were a lucky sonuvabitch. I say were, because it’s time for backstory.
See, back in the 80s when white middle class feminists were trying to do things about the glass ceiling and being treated as equals in the workplace, the right-wing realized that the best way to get women to sabotage themselves and thus fail to pass things like the ERA was to pit stay-at-home moms against working moms.
And so they began preying on the natural loneliness, despair, and feelings of disregard and neglect SAHM were feeling from their husbands and society in general and claiming those originated entirely from a narrow subset of rich white women working dream jobs who presumably left their kids to be raised by wolves in the wild so they could be paid 6 figures just by having expensive spa treatments all day.
Now, this might seem stupid, but it proved wildly successful. A lot of housewives feeling the effects of the Feminine Mystique and regretting missed dreams were all too willing to find a point of blame for their situation which wasn’t their own partners or societal sexism. Something easy that would also let them air their envy of women they saw as having it better than them in courage, opportunity, or fortune.
This is not to say that all SAHM fell for this bullshit or that feminists at the time didn’t screw things up as well by focusing so much of their attention on the problems facing middle class white women.
But still, it sunk the ERA and has helped keep the word feminist a dirty word to this day. And now thanks to Hillary Rosen pointing out the obvious, we get to experience it in real time.
Left: The 2012 Republican Nominee. Right: A villain from the comic Transmetropolitan
Even though we here at Sadly, No! Industries make our living* mocking and skewering the train wreck of crazy that is our esteemed colleagues on the right, let no one say we are too petty to extend congratulations when they are due.
So we say, to Mitt Romney, congratulations on securing the Republican nomination**!
Sure, it was his to lose. And lose it he nearly did. Despite the fact that Republicans have always been good authoritarians religiously handing the nomination to whoever’s turn it is, and despite the fact that this year’s pool of nominees was so weak, Crazy Eyes Bachmann thought she had a chance, Mitt Romney still nearly managed to give it away.
Indeed, the Republican base has been desperate from the beginning to find a Not-Romney, any Not-Romney, to be their Non-Mormon Great White Hope. Their desperation was punctuated by the revolving door of losers and nutcases that briefly flirted with front-runner status. Secessionist Rick Perry, Serial Adulterer Newt Gingrich, Failed Pizza Business Owner Herman Cain, even perennial joke candidate Ron Paul got his brief time in the sun. But not even the frothy mixture of Santorum could withstand inevitability as Romney limped forward, bloodied and battered.
And really, truly, we must say, that this great man, certainly has deserved better from his base. They have been concerned that the Smiler isn’t enough of a sociopath for them, that he won’t hate the same people, hold the same grudges, or cackle and clap at the same misfortunes as them.
And that’s unfair, because the Smiler is a glorious sociopath. Truly, our political system has never before seen someone so nakedly and universally concerned for power for its own sake, so completely unable to think of others as people, or been so completely lost when it comes to human interactions.
Sure, this prevents him hating with the proper fervor that the right-wing demands in their Generalisimos, but really, as long as his paymasters are directing his callous boot in the right direction, does it truly matter?
I say, no, no it shouldn’t. After all, Mitt Romney is so very talented at stumbling into cruelty that no other candidate can manage to top, a true sleeper candidate for the sadist voter.
I mean, should we worry that the Smiler will forget to continue to neglect and add suffering to our nation’s African American population, when he was perfectly willing and eager to add unnecessary suffering to his family’s vacations? It would be relief enough to know that the Smiler enjoys making single-digit aged children strain their bladders and bodies on long car trips entirely to artificially save a couple of minutes here and there, but no, he went the extra mile.
By strapping his terrified Irish Setter, Seamus, to the roof of the car, he showed his true qualifications. After all, a person who was willing to risk the life of a family pet and terrify it into shitting itself shows what it truly means to be a compassionate conservative in Bush’s mold. And by dealing with its terrified howls and messy aftermath simply by hosing it down to clean off the car, the Smiler proved his conservative credentials by valuing property over squishy organics even in the heat of the moment amidst sobbing appeals from his kids to stop. That’s true moral clarity.
Oh sure, you might stop and wonder, but isn’t that animal abuse?
Sigh, and that’s why you silly libs will never understand conservative values. It’s only animal abuse when a black football player mistreats a dog. When a rich white person does it, it hardly even rises to the level of amusing banquet conversation.
And truly, it is the Smiler’s more recent responses that best encapsulate this. Novice rookies unworthy of a Vice Presidency might show remorse or even acknowledgement of why people might have been upset. But not the Smiler! He knows that the only problem was the attention it received. And his Stepford Wife model knew the real crime of the story, which is how the liberal media won’t acknowledge how the dog loved that traumatizing life experience and truly not abusing their dog would have been the more bastardly option. Why Mitt Romney, has even gone so far as to note the scandalous attention his torture of dogs has received when no one is looking into how 6 year old Obama personally killed a dog to use as a side-meat for the boy he beheaded in Indonesia.
Truly, a complete failure to comprehend basic reality or human response shows his mettle better than any stump speech or baby-eating ceremony could.
But really, why should the Smiler be dinged on any of that? After all, on the all important “who would you have a beer with” criterion, the Smiler still proves himself admirably.
After all, let us not forget his strong sense of humor. When a trooper decided to engage the Smiler in a prank war by short-sheeting his bed, the Smiler knew the proper response. After all, any war, even a prank war, is a call to manly sweaty action and using every tactic to win. As such, the Smiler knew his bunker-buster was pretending to be the hotel manager and writing a note in official stationary telling the trooper that the maid responsible was fired after a complaint from the esteemed rich dickweed. Said trooper was shocked and awed by the Smiler’s comic timing and knew better than to cross that line again, I’ll tell you.
Or what about his many timeless quips about his hardships growing up. Like the time his dad was getting flak on his campaign because he fired a huge amount of workers in the state and was hoping none of them would remember his face come election time? But the band he hired kept playing the theme song of the state he sent all the jobs to. Even today, the very thought cracks the Smiler up. No wonder his face is so often locked in a grim rictus approximating upward facial movements.
But it’s all good and proper being connected to the common folk, but a true Republican candidate also remembers who are the true job-creators. After all, the Teabaggers have been loud and clear over who the real Americans needing relief have been this last 4 years. That’s right, obnoxious racists unable to handle a black president the poor beleagured 1%.
It’s been rough for the ultra-wealthy. People have been making vague comments about returning tax levels on them to the historic low levels it was in the 1990s and mean old hippies roamed the streets yelling at them simply because they broke the world’s economy and expected a bonus for it. Luckily they were able to buy off the police forces to “take care” of that problem for them.
But still, if one wants the respect of the right-wing, one must be hyper-aware of the hyper-importance of our Feudal Lords and Masters.
And on that score, no one has been more on the ball than the Smiler.
Oh sure, candidates like Ron Paul talk a good game, but only the Smiler has lived that life, breathed that life, and continues to fail to imagine any other life.
Sure, other candidates may have riches, but only the Smiler can boast making more money than people will ever make in their lives as an unemployed slob. And only the Smiler remembers to rub the salt in the wounds (warning, pops up video, so if that’s a problem, do not click) of the human refuge that are our nation’s lazy shiftless unemployed.
The Smiler knows that any man worth his solid gold cadillac has 10 grand in pocket for throwaway bets. The Smiler knows that the only thing better than enjoying a NASCAR race is owning a NASCAR race. The Smiler knows that working hard is demonstrated by using your daddy’s money to buy companies and fire the workers to artificially raise the stock price before dumping them. And the Smiler knows that the only true joy in life is knowing you have someone’s financial security in your hands and crushing it like a grape. After all, if you can’t enjoy simple pleasures like firing people, how will you enjoy bigger pleasures like running a former super-power into the ground or killing millions of foreigners to sate the bloodlust of shirtless 40 somethings still living in their parents’ basements?
And yet the right-wing still hems and haws and isn’t sure that the Smiler can be enough of a bastard to be their one and only.
Though to be fair, to our rich and merry band of material generators, there is a lot to process and not much brainpower to process it. There’s the fact that he’s Mormon, the suspicion that he only seems to disregard women rather than out and out loathe them for posessing vaginas that make right-wing men wish they could force themselves to be attracted to, the fact that he’s Mormon, the willingness to support a vaguely liberal idea to win elections in a liberal state, the fact that he’s Mormon, only resignedly supporting death sattelites to patrol the Mexican border instead of gleefully supporting them, the Mormon Mormon Mormoness of Mormon Proportions, and finally, the fact that he’s Mormon.
But the Smiler will out in the end. After all, he is the natural candidate to the right wing’s campaign against democracy. Sure, more and more candidates agree that America was so much nicer when only rich white men were allowed to vote on anything, but only the Smiler shows the utter disdain for the election process. The Smiler is perfectly willing to say anything, do anything, support anything, denounce anything if it will get him a step closer to power for its own sake.
And he doesn’t care if it insults the intelligence of the American people. He knows that with the unlimited funds made possible by Citizen’s United, it no longer really even matters what he says. Cause who really cares if even the dim bulbs of the right-wing are starting to notice that they are unwanted excess to the equation? Will the low-information voters remember that when they’re worrying about how Obamacare is gonna force government into their Medicare?
Sure, Romney may not believe in shit other than the power (acquiring it, exploiting it, keeping it), but come election day, the conservative base will fall in line, rationalizing their choice over the coming months to realize the many ways in which the Smiler truly is their chosen sociopath. Their dark id to unleash on our nation. Because above all else, and above all fears of Mormoness, he possesses the most important qualification:
Not being black.
And really at the end of this long and tiring Primary, that really always was the most important thing.***
So congratulations, Smiler, may you keep our Mango hunts ever financied.
*For a given value of living. Luckily we are snark-based lifeforms who can survive entirely on the rotten mangos of right-wing blogs.
** Oh sure, technically, he’s still not the official nominee, but frankly, I’ve been sitting on this exact post way too fucking long and if the entire news media and Mitt Romney himself want to pretend the primaries are over, I’m more than willing to play along.
*** And now that I’ve gotten this out of my system, overlong mango-shreddings will continue unabated.****
**** No seriously, you have no idea how long this has been sitting on my back burner, in one form or another, just waiting for the inevitable.
Even if there is still a gender gap after adjusting for the fact that women voluntarily chose less worthwhile jobs, pay equity will result in more discrimination against women.
Liberals have to stop mentioning Romney’s money because FDR was rich too!*
*Part of the hilarity of Dan’s post is that he thinks that the answer to his question — Has class warfare rhetoric ever won an (American) election? — is no. Is Dan right? As we are forced to say from time to time here: Sadly, No!
Because I am absolutely certain that the unknown person who stole my bike must have been a blackity-black black Negro colored person, I no longer feel the need to worry about whether any black person has ever been subject to racism.
You may well imagine that I simply must be exaggerating when I post a shorter in which I assert that anybody, even a wingnut like Mark Judge who collects a salary from the loathsome Fucker Carlson, has written a diatribe against the entire black population of the United States based on the simple assumption, without proof, that the person who stole his bicycle was black. But I am not exaggerating. The bicycle thief that sent Judge into his fantasyland of white supremacist longings was not seen or caught. There was no evidence that the bicycle thief was black. No traces of blackity-blackness or scraps of allegedly iconic African-American cuisine were left on the sidewalk at the scene of the crime.
No, Judge simply assumed that the person was black because he knew that some Negroes lived nearby and because he was certain that white people never have stolen anything, much less bikes, anytime during the course of human history.
Worse, Judge is not content simply to fantasize about the skin color of the bicycle thief but instead uses this imaginary Negro to justify anything and everything that has ever been done to any Negro anywhere and at any time. After all, if one Negro, even a completely imaginary one, can boldly and blatantly steal his bicycle in broad daylight, well, then, they are all sneaky thieves who deserved enslavement.
The fun started when Judge went home to rant about the imaginary Negro bike thief to his friends
When I got home I vented to my friends. I told them I was going to scour those neighborhoods until I found the bike. In reply, a liberal friend gave me a lecture about profiling and told me to just forget about the bike. “That person needs our prayers and help,” she said. “They haven’t had the advantages we have.”
That’s when I lost it. I had been carefully educated by liberal parents that we are all, black and white, the same. My favorite movie growing up was “In the Heat of the Night.”
I have to say that this is the first time I’ve seen anyone use the “Some of my best films are Negro” defense to charges of racism. In the same vein, I suppose somebody could claim he’s not a misogynist because he loved watching “Golden Girls” when he was a kid.
In that moment, I had a change of consciousness. Why was I assuming that the kid who stole my bike was acting out of some terrible pain, as if he had been directly under the lash of Bull Connor? What if he has a car, a nice apartment, a hot girlfriend and good health? What if he is just a selfish asshole?
Now we’re not only pretending that the thief is a Negro, but he’s a rich Negro with health insurance in a big house who amuses himself in the spare time he’s not writing appellate briefs by stealing bicycles from people he imagines are white. This is, of course, much more likely than a white crack addict looking for money for a drug fix.
I decided that I’m just going to let go of my white guilt. We’re all human, we all experience pain in our lives. And black pain is no different from white pain.
I suppose it does hurt a white person just as much as a black person to be strung up from a tree limb, to be dragged to death behind a pick up truck, or to be baselessly accused of being criminal because of his skin color. And I suppose in the world of the Daily Caller where just as many white people were lynched by angry black mobs as vice-versa this argument makes sense. But what Judge is saying is even worse: getting his bicycle stolen is just as painful as getting lynched or beaten up or denied a job or falsely accused of a crime.
And that, kids, is likely the best example of false equivalence that we shall ever see in our lifetime.
Hey, remember Jack Cashill? Well, it seems ol’ Jack has realized that he can’t just rant about Time-Traveling Bill Ayers every single week at his new gig at Our Favorite Material Generator.
Luckily for him, generating racist conspiracy theories that explain why inconvenient reality should be ignored is a skillset that can be applied to a number of events.
And Bob help us all, he’s decided to apply said skills to the Trayvon Martin case… I think I need to ready a cyanide capsule for this one.
Roll the shorter:
It’s really mean of liberal racists to beat up on poor Mr. Zimmerman simply because of a word he may or may not have said on his 911 call. It’s not like anything else happened. Oh also, Waco.
This was the real illustration that accompanied the original post. It was labeled “Liberal grad”. I don’t feel anything I add to that could be funnier than those two facts.
Like a perfect gas, wingnut’s usage of the phrase “liberal media” has been so successful in cowing the media that it has naturally expanded to encompass everything but the novelty press of a crazed Korean cultists.
Really, it was the natural conclusion of the phrase, being at its heart a meaningless intimidation routine that could only work if the entire media apparatus forgot what it was supposed to have pride in.
Nonetheless, I’m sure, Washington Times’ exception is based on its strong journalistic integrity and value of the truth rather than it faithfully emulating the most deranged assumptions and half-truths of Wing Nut Daily comment sections… Read the rest of this entry »
The individual mandates in the Affordable Care Act are communism, pure and simple, and will turn the U.S. into Cuba, complete with dirty buildings and crappy cars.
I don’t know where the geniuses at White Power Whine dug up Joe Malchow (other than apparently from the pile of right-wing yahoos that wash up in the detritus from Dartmouth every year), but he is certainly a doozy. In the post shorterized above, Malchow (“Bad Food”?) tries to draw a link between the individual insurance mandates, an idea originally cooked up over in the neo-Stalinist gulags of the Heritage Foundation, and Castro’s brand of communism. I won’t dignify this as even grasping at straws because when you are doing that, well, at least there are straws.
Since the Communist revolution in 1959, Cuba has been officially atheist. It’s just one example, in a place full of them, of an individual mandate that is at odds with reality.
Yes, Joe is suggesting that the requiring people to buy health insurance is just like requiring them to be atheists. It’s also just like putting puppies in a burlap sack filled with stones and throwing them into a river.
Like when the government mandates food. It doesn’t actually create food, just hunger.
Eating food bought by the government is like the mythical Chinese dinner that you eat and are hungry again in less than an hour. No, worse, food paid for the government makes you hungrier than you would have been if you had eaten nothing at all! I somehow have a feeling that Mr. Dartmouth has never really been acquainted with food shortage or hunger other than the time that the Domino’s pizza showed up 10 minutes late.
Or buildings. When the government takes away property, nationalizes it, and tells your family to go and live over in that Spanish colonial masonry pile, you go and do it. But it isn’t really a home.
The irony of Master Malchow, who is now all of about 25, spouting this hoohah about not owning what you haven’t paid for is that his own resume shows him as the prototypical wingnut welfare recipient, complete with a fat check from the Hoohah Institute itself. The best part of Malchow’s participation in the Hoover Institution Rising Fellows program is that he lists it under “Charitable Activities.” Honestly. To Malchow getting paid by Hoover to hang out with a bunch of other wingnuts is a charitable activity, like working in a soup kitchen or finding shelter for the homeless.
Malchow also lists “The Federalist Society” as a charitable activity. I suppose it is a “charitable activity” too if you compare it to, oh, I don’t know, say, mugging homeless people for pocket change or cow-tipping. Otherwise, not so much.
I’m gonna be fully honest with you. I’ve been veering away from the full out wingnut explosion with regards to the brutal and unforgivable slaying of Trayvon Martin and the criminal actions by the Sanford Police Department.
Not because there isn’t fail to mine. Oh, believe me, there’s enough Fail to power a major city into the next millennium, even after the zombie hordes are created.
But, because despite my verbosity, I’m not nearly as powerful a humor-smith as Tintin and some subjects just elicit such raw blood-curdingly hate within me that I find it difficult to find the humor in the subject.
Similarly, I’ve shied away from tackling Our Favorite White Supremacist, because there’s just so much raw hate one can take before one needs to scour their skin with a wire brush just to feel clean again.
So why am I tackling both subjects at once? I’ll explain after the shorter.
Damnitt people! Can’t you see that boy was obviously a nigger and thus deserved to die?!?
I hope its clear now.
That’s right. I’ve apparently done something wrong and feel the need to publicly atone by causing myself pain. But no need to get into details… That family in Chicago… so much blood… Little Timmy’s screams all through the night… why were they so loud?
1) So far there has been very little new light shed on exactly what happened on the night of the shooting.
Yes, there has only been the evidence of the cold-blooded shooting, multiple witnesses, multiple 911 calls from victim, shooter, and witnesses, the admission of the killer before claiming self-defense by the “Stand Your Ground” rule, the video camera tape…
Yeah, if there was ever this much evidence of a black man shooting a white kid, he’d already be dancing on the electric chair.
It is likely that Mr. Zimmerman will be arrested on some sort of charge, local, state, or federal, and more likely that most will believe that such an arrest is as much a necessary price to soothe racial passions as it is likely to be based on careful review of existing evidence.
Well, of course, why would you bothering arresting someone after a minor peccadillo like stalking and shooting an unarmed teenage boy in the middle of the street in broad daylight?
Fuck, if you let those racial agitators get their way, that might even become illegal or something and then what man will feel safe hunting and shooting a kid in cold blood? Is that the type of America we want to live in, people? IS IT?!?
2) Identity in this ill society is everything — something to be put on and taken off as one sees advantage.
…
I quit.
It’s been fun, but… the little girl was so still… her little doll… fine, I’ll continue.
Civil-rights supporters prefer to wear hoodies in rallies and demonstrations in solidarity with the hooded Mr. Martin, but prefer the media to continue to show pictures of a young-looking victim in football attire that better offers a sympathetic portrait to the general public.
But also… so…? If someone decided to kill you and people marched in your support, they’d probably show a picture of you poured drunkingly into a suit rather than the one of you naked and weeping upon the commode. Also, are hoodies against the law, do they possess some magnetic force I was unaware of that pulls the bullets from guns no matter how hard people try and pull them away?
Cause otherwise, you are saying that if someone at all looks anything less than a scrubbed-up person going to Church, you’re allowed to gun them down in cold blood in enforcement to the Dress Code that… America apparently has now.
Hey, idiots of the world, want to know why he was probably wearing a hoodie?
Because it was cold enough to wear one.
Hispanic and Democratic George Zimmerman, had he Hispanicized his name (something like a Jorge Zimmerman, or had he used his mother’s Latino maiden name), would have either found a supportive chorus from Latino activists, or the entire case of Latino-black crime would not have had commensurate resonance. If Mr. Zimmerman were applying for a civil-service job, no one would have created the new rubric “white Hispanic.”
You know, in the last couple of years, I’ve had occasion to fill out a metric shit-ton of applications, for government jobs as well as private sector, and each one that asked for racial information (for survey purposes) listed the category for whitey as: “White Non-Hispanic”.
This suggests that there is quite a well-known category of person as a “white identifying Hispanic” or “White Hispanic”. Now, you, having lived your life in the lifetime “tenure” of wingnut welfare, has never needed to devote any time, how they say, looking for real employment. But if you ever had to participate in the “All-Sainted Free Market, glory be its name” you might have known that and looked slightly less like an idiot here.
Just saying.
Even at this late date, if he were to use his mother’s maiden name as part of a hyphenated last name, he would earn more empathy.
… Is that how you think hyphenated names work? That people are just willfully adding or subtracting them just to confuse racists like you?
How paranoid would you have to be to think-
Ah, suddenly it makes perfect sense why the Zimmerman case would have such personal resonances for you.
Unfortunately, he found himself pigeonholed as a white conservative vigilante, not a Hispanic Democrat, and that has made all the difference in his media profile.
I think people are more upset at the you know, black kid gunned down in cold blood while the police let his obvious deranged killer walk free. Or possibly the bullying witnesses and inventing false evidence to defend the killer because of racial reasons thing.
Also, I think no one really was identifying him with white conservatives until white conservatives adopted Zimmerman as their Mumia Abu-Jamal.
3) The hysteria is not just over the death of a young African-American male, because hundreds are tragically killed to near silence every year, 94 percent of them by other African-American males.
This is the problem with having a disastrously different view of the purpose of institutions than most people and indeed your own arguments. See, for wingnuts, the purpose of law enforcement is to enforce hierarchies. Rich over poor, white over black, male over female, religious over non-religious. But they still need to do lip service that they are there to serve and protect.
But it leads to things like that statement, where they seem utterly baffled that people could be upset at a miscarriage of justice.
Why would people be mad? A nigger is dead at the hands of a social better and no one in power cares. That’s how it’s supposed to work. Fuck, this law was written entirely to make events like this legal thanks to selective enforcement. That people would find that unfair, unjust, and a travesty is just… unthinkable. Right?
Sadly, No, fuckwad.
Nor is the outrage over a supposed white war against black men
Why would that even be a considered reason, much less the only alternative reason? I mean, I know IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION, but damnitt boy, you’re supposed to hide it a little.
, given that in incidents of interracial crime, the latter kill the former far more frequently.
BULLSHIT.
Epic level reversal of reality in service to paranoid racist ideology. Ah, wingnuts are nothing if not predictable.
Nor is it just over the decision, so far, of the police not to arrest and indict George Zimmerman, because hundreds of black assailants of other blacks each year find themselves not charged for capital crimes, because of the proven difficulties of obtaining critical affidavits, and the reluctance of eye-witnesses to come forward in the inner-city. In general, there are no marches or demonstrations over what has become a case of sheer carnage of one particular racial and gender group in our cities, or the frequent inability to bring murder suspects to trial. Finally, if the deceased had been white, and there are numerous whites killed each year in self-defense cases, with the facts as we know them so far unchanged, there would be zero national interest.
Translation: I’m sorry, but I’ve already done 2 paragraphs without devolving into my usual shtick of ranting about them niggers getting all the getting and the upcoming race war and all the other paranoid KKK racist delusions that infest my every waking moment in disquietingly similar ways to Zimmerman. As such, allow me to go apeshit for a long paragraph before going back to pretend-reserved “reasons” for why dat dere nigger deserved to die.
4) There are no such things any more as overtly recognized racial smears
…
Is this the KKK version of the “I Have a Dream” speech?
I have a dream that mankind won’t recognize overt racism anymore and we can go back to ranting about the niggers.
at least not in the absolute sense. They now depend on perceptions of who says what and why, a relative condition. The country is obsessed with decoding a scratchy tape to ascertain whether Mr. Zimmerman said “cold, coons, goons, or punks,” with the idea that if the garbled word proves a racial slur then we have the magical key that will supposedly unlock the case
The scratchy tape being the 911 call in a long series of 911 calls wherein Mr. Zimmerman worked himself in to a feverish froth at the perfidy and innate criminality of every single black man he ever saw.
I also like that he thinks this is some debatable argument about Mr. Zimmerman’s racism. As if the matter wasn’t brutally settled and made obsolete by his cold-blooded murder of an unarmed black child because “black people are scary”, much less the obscene miscarriage of justice being perpetrated by the local cops.
Yes, Hanson, you’ll prove to your Klan buddies that Zimmerman wasn’t racist because of the kerning of the audio recording or James O’Keefe wearing a dress or some such shit.
And that will totally matter against the overt painful racism of the case. Ayup.
— even as the late Travyon Martin self-identified himself with the N-word on his Twitter account and used it of his friends. No one can explain why Mr. Martin felt a need to so self-identify; no one seems to care; and no one can provide rules of the conditions under which (who says it, and when, why, how) society must deplore the use of such an epithet.
Um, because it’s part of a long tradition of reclaiming hateful epithets so as to remind a minority group of the legacy of bigotry against them and a reclamation of their identity to resist? The same way that gay people will refer to themselves as gays, dykes, fags, or queers but that doesn’t mean that bigots wanting them to die are any less hated or hateful? Because you avoiding the word nigger in this post doesn’t any less remove the overwhelming stench of your aching desire to scream it out in its original context coming from every sentence of this acrid mess?
Nope, that’s silly. Obviously, if he ever called himself a nigger or sung along with a rap song, then he’s obviously a worthless mud person and we can stop worrying about who shot him in cold blood or who’s been rushing to trivialize the matter in gross and insensitive ways.
5) The country is unhinged and pays no attention to simple logic.
I know. I mean, logically, no matter one’s viewpoints on the races, one’s views of the roles of police, or one’s views of gun laws or specifically the “Stand Your Ground” law, this should be universally upsetting and painful in its injustice.
In fact, for bitter gun-nut racists, who think the police need to keep the black man down, they should be even more upset as such an obvious miscarriage and abuse of their favored tools just makes them personally look bad and thus anger them on an even deeper level.
But sadly, a distinct 27% of people are unhinged and so we have a surging tide of support not for a kid gunned down in the street, but rather his killer.
It’s enough to make you sick. And I’m proud that we can both agree about tha-
The mother of Trayvon Martin deplores society’s supposed media obsession over her son, even as she seeks to trademark her son’s name for traditional marketing purposes, after avowing her legal efforts are only to protect his legacy. We are to deplore the use of past information about Mr. Martin that might lend background information to the case (past suspensions, possible drug use, alleged possession of possible stolen items, etc.) that seems at odds with the narratives provided by the media, but simultaneously must be told that in the past Mr. Zimmerman was a vigilante, racist, had brushes with the law, was a bad credit risk, etc. In short, we are to accept that background information is a relative issue, and a necessary means only if it leads to proper ends.
Oh. You just mean that when you try and smear a kid who was just gunned down in cold blood as if a past parking ticket would deserve murder, that it’s a travesty that people note that you are hideous ghouls.
And when you force a mother to trademark her son to keep vultures from exploiting the dead, then that means that she’s a greedy Welfare Queen driving a Cadillac past Zimmerman’s house while she staples made up pasts to his door.
…
No, you fucking piece of trash, it doesn’t matter what Trayvon Martin did (not that you can even manage to find anything, though lord knows, you’ve been trying), because there is no, zero, nada, zip, zilch, NOT ONE DAMN justification for gunning down an innocent child in the middle of the fucking street as if laws ceased to fucking matter, you vile excuse for a human being!
I mean, yes, makes perfect sense. I now see that black people can do no right and “white” people can do no wrong and anyone who says otherwise are the real racists.
6) There really is no law. The Martins have legitimate questions about the absence of an indictment
Oh, do they now? Cause it seems you wrote a ten-point post claiming quite the opposite.
, as do many in this country who are unhappy with the use of self-defense pleas. That said, no one believes the Black Panthers will be charged with a felony for posting an open-season bounty on Mr. Zimmerman; no one believes that Spike Lee’s deliberate attempt to incite a mob reaction at the Zimmerman residence will even be considered a misdemeanor; and no one believes that a crowd of protestors detouring into a pharmacy to loot it will face arrests for theft.
…
Go fuck yourself.
Hey, notice anything about those “evil” actions that seems a little off, besides the fact that police regularly do use things like “claimed lootings” to round up all legal protesters and arrest them overnight?
Yeah, none of them shot a kid in cold blood and then personally received a “yeah, just walk on home, you’re good” from the cops.
If someone decided to shoot a young child relative of Zimmerman’s, do you really think that person would even spend one minute outside the confines of a jail cell for the rest of their natural born lives?
Everyone believes that if he were to emulate any of the above behavior in a non-racially-charged case, he would most surely risk some sort of legal repercussions.
Except he wouldn’t. As demonstrated. Seeing as how it took a backlash at the naked and open racism to even get any attention for the gross miscarriage of justice.
I shouldn’t make fun. I mean, it’s a standard problem for wingnuts. Being time travelers from the late 1800s, they have difficulty with smaller increments of time and thus have difficulty sorting through the order of events with regards to anything that takes longer than 150 years. It’s really is a serious and tragic disability.
Snrk.
7) There can be no more presidential editorializing. In this case, the Gates matter, the Fluke incident, and the Giffords tragedy, the president weighed in only to find his commentary either unsupported by facts, premature, prejudicial, or abjectly partisan. Nor will the attorney general weigh in, given that he has lost credibility after nonsensically calling the nation “cowards” for not wishing for a dialogue on race on his terms, referring to African-Americans as “my people,” and alleging racism as the cause of congressional questioning of his handling of the Fast and Furious debacle.
How dare there be a black President!
Yeah, he knows it has no connection to Trayvon Martin either, but since as a dedicated white supremacist, he has been in physical pain since the Inauguration, things like this have to erupt at least once a post for dear old Vickie Boy.
8) Mr. Zimmerman indeed may be guilty of second-degree murder, some sort of manslaughter, criminal negligence, or innocent by reason of self-defense.
Skittles are a dangerously underlooked method of beheading a man in his sleep.
If Zimmerman hadn’t stalked the kid repeatedly and extensively, to the point that the kid had to call 911 on him, directly ignoring direct police orders to stop following the kid and gunned that voodoo man down, then Martin would have been able to slip bedroom to bedroom ending lives with casual abandon.
He really tried to stop, but truly carefully planned deliberate execution of an innocent was the the truest form of unplanned self-defense.
But we are at a point now where such considerations have become secondary to the larger agendas of activists. Mr. Sharpton, Mr. Jackson, the Black Panther Party, the Black Caucus, Spike Lee, and others may feel their invective and shoot-from-the-hip allegations are necessary to ensure an indictment, given the history of racial bias in this country; but fairly or not that aim seems secondary to their larger interests in racial scapegoating and acrimony for careerist reasons. Of course, they are not worried about such criticism, but it nonetheless is widely shared, as the opportunism and lack of ethics of the current self-identified civil-rights establishment is becoming a national consensus.
Huh, I scanned that entire word salad of racial resentment and not once spotted the words “evidence of self-defense”, “proof that Trayvon Martin was the actual aggressor”, or “all of the appeared evidence is wrong because of this highly detailed list of highly documented and strongly supported evidence showing that Trayvon Martin used his voodoo body-switching powers to take over Zimmerman’s body and stalk and shoot his scared victim.”
Cause, otherwise, that first sentence would be some BS wishful thinking on the part of an obscene racist exploiting a grave miscarriage of justice to rant about how the niggers need to die and how mean it is that liberals refuse to stop calling racists racists.
9) Most who editorialize so passionately on this case, black and white, live in cities, but most likely as far away from those neighborhoods and inner-city schools where murder is an epidemic as they can.
So, they live in cities, but not inside of cities. And living in cities means you don’t understand how obvious miscarriages of justice really work… and we should listen instead to the viewpoints of rural and suburban whites like you, whose notion of what “inner-city” schools are like come from watching Fox News and reading Stormfront?
Uh huh. Are you sure “damn niggers are animals anyways, did a favor to gun em down before another one did em in” wouldn’t have been shorter and less obvious?
Also, do I still get counted if I note that not only do I live in a city and neighborhood filled with the “them” as it were, but a good 85% of my students are exactly the “inner-city” schools you’re selling poisonous lies about?
Cause, I rather like the Trayvon Martins in my classes. They got a good sense of humor and really react well to finally being treated with respect for once in their lives.
They are engaging in de facto profiling in every aspect of their and their childrens’ lives, based on general perceptions, personal experience, and statistical data. Profiling and stereotyping are for others; a “good” or “safe” area is for the more sensitive and educated.
… Wait.
Because whites living in cities aren’t profiling all black people as inherent criminals and all inner cities as crime-ridden hell holes filled with tyke monsters and all white suburban neighborhoods as glorious wonderlands filled with angel children who would never do anything wrong…
We’re the real profiling racists?
That doesn’t even begin to approximate sense.
Have you even forgotten how the “you’re the real racists” card is supposed to work in your desperate last ditch effort for white supremacy?
That’s just more sad than anything. Like when she looked at me with those tear filled eyes… and asked why, why was I doing this… I couldn’t even answer her… why couldn’t I answer her?
10) If an outsider were dispassionately to collate the public statements of the Black Caucus, the number of widely publicized racial controversies, and the charges of racism and counter-racism in the last three years, then one would conclude that racial relations, at least at the media and sensationalized level, from 2009–2012 were both far more emphasized and far worse, and the country far more polarized, than at any time in recent memory.
But…
Oh sure, you know and I know that this has been rather dispassionately collated and monitored in actual actions and on multiple levels looking at the comments and actions of blacks, whites, and culture in general, but you know and I know that you’re not going to just let it stand.
So, let’s hear it. What’s your big BS counter to the rather glaring obvious reality of racism in America 2009-2012? A problem so grave that the Right literally can’t help itself, diving to the defense of a modern lyncher in their hatred of everything black-identified.
In short, we are entering a dangerous phase in which millions of Americans have resigned themselves to allowing elites to construct one sort of reality, while they disengage from it and privately live quite another.
…
There is no but.
Okay, sure there is an implied but. Like, hey, “millions of America” are obviously delusional about reality, must be those crazy black people who think that having their kids gunned down in the street while the police literally shrug their shoulders is a problem.
But see, you left it open to the obvious accurate reading without changing a word.
And as such, I must say I completely agree with this point. Millions of America have indeed completely detached themselves from reality, allowing their racial resentments to divorce them from even the most basic moralities.
Certainly that will be my excuse when the cops arrive. Well, that and I was just defending myself. I mean, that little girl’s teddy was clearly a threat to my life that I’d have to be a psycho to have ignored.
Mitt Romney would make a better President than Obama because Romney, unlike Obama, did not have a transvestite nanny
Sadly No! fave Robin of Bezerkely has been unusually quiet lately, leading me to wonder if she had perhaps finally succumbed to a paranoia-induced tragedy of some kind such as a desperate suicide attempt with a can of gasoline, a ball of yarn and a package of Pop Tarts. Happily, however, Robin is alive and well and back to posting in true form.
Her latest post starts with the a “what if?” hypothetical, a thought experiment beloved of right-winger bloggers which runs along the lines of “Can you imagine how [the press would squall/liberals would clamor/Democrat Congress members would wallow in outrage] if [George Bush/John Boehner/Mitt Romney/Rush Limbaugh] had [masturbated/picked nose boogers/killed a Muslim/cried during a speech/put a dog on a roof/traveled to a sex tourism spot with a bottle of Viagra]? So, Robin, writes a hypothetical in which Mitt Romney had a cross dressing nanny in Indonesia, which she follows up with this:
Oh, man, I was cracking up writing this.
People who are allegedly “licensed” psychotherapists should probably think long and hard before admitting that they sit in an empty room with a computer laughing at their own jokes, particularly when the jokes in question aren’t even mildly snort-worthy.
Yahoo and the New York Times have both run stories about Obama’s Transgendered Ex-Nanny (I love the “ex” part; how great they clarified that Turdi is a “former” nanny.)
Actually, the New York Times did not have the “ex” part but it’s hard to criticize Robin for this delusion when she has so many others deserving of more immediate attention.
The MSM reports all this with a straight face.
Apparently Robin is puzzled that reporters might not sit at their laptops cracking up at their own jokes as she does.
And the programmed public don’t blink an eye.
If the liberal media had not turned the public into a legion of Obamabots oblivious to the dangers of inappropriate wardrobe choices on early childhood development, we would be having mass demonstrations in the street demanding Obama’s impeachment because he once had a dodgy nanny.
Of course, if Mitt or Newt or Rick Santorium had a cross-dressing nanny, this likely would have elicited more of a reaction.
Romney’s parents told him that if he wore magic underwear he would inherit his own planet and Santorum waved a dead fetus in front of his children, but all this, of course, for Robin pales in front of having a cross-dressing nanny at age nine. Where exactly did Robin get that license in psychotherapy? From the Alabama Department of Motor Vehicles?
It’s apparently National Review week here at Sadly, No. Today’s easy meat for the mincer is good ol’ Loadpants Goldberg himself.
You see, something terrible happened to him. Something unforgivably malevolent, something that brought home in uncertain terms who the real victims are in this world of ours.
That is, he was… lightly mocked… DUH DUH DUH.
And to our nation’s wingnuts, having your ignorant codswallop of ideas lightly deflected by good-natured people willing to find the bright-side in your ignorance is ten times worse than any actual oppression that whiny liberal whiners whine about.
But remember, it is liberals who make mountains out of molehills and are just looking for something to complain about. What? IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION? Never heard of it.
Being lightly mocked for being an ignorant racist ass casually dismissing basic observable reality is proof that liberals are the real fascists… racists too.
We will not stop until whining drunken parents have the right of life and death over teachers.
Mona Charen, National How Do These Fucks Earn Their Paychecks, Oh Right, Jonah Goldberg is Executive Editor: Democrats and Teacher Tenure
When last we left Mona Charen she was losing a fight against her own spell-check software.
So obviously, she is more than qualified to weigh in on matters of education. Because obviously an education system that could produce a mind like hers has rather glaring flaws needing addressing.
And while you or I may suspect it has to do with massive underfunding of schools, over-emphasis on meaningless tests than actual education standards, and constant meddling by Evangelical leaders who fear education will turn their children away from Jesus might form some of the main problems, Mona Charen has her finger on the real problem.
That is, she’s frigging herself like a madwoman while she shits out the standard “teachers are evil” post that every wingnut is required to by law ever since Gov. Walker and the Koch-sucking Brigade declared war on teachers over in Wisconsin.
Allow her to explain:
The only way we’ll get good teachers in our schools is to make the job so unpleasant, abusive, and underpaid that the only people who’d take the job are child molesters.
And much like a colony of lemurs discovering an insterstellar spacecraft, find themselves unable to do anything with it other than sniff it suspiciously and occasionally urinate upon it.
But one brave lemur has decided to climb into the cockpit and take a turn at the controls. After all, what’s the worst that could happen?
Because I can imagine large numbers and have no understanding of how analogies work, people have no need to eat or procure shelter. Also, minimum wages are fascism
No, lemur! You’re tunneling into the center of the Earth! No, not that button! That’s the Positronic Overload Button, if you use that now, the entire planet will be…
Sigh, and Earth used to be such a nice planet to visit.
Now, you can rest easy trusting the Shorter or you can join us in the jungles of below the fold starting… Read the rest of this entry »
Monte Kuligowski, The Nice Folks at American Thinker: Birthermania!
Man, lately it has seemed that all my job is has been bouncing between outlandish conspiracy theories that want to claim that everyone and their mother is all in on the plot to keep an impossibility from being acknowledged as fact.
I guess it’s because the 2012 election season is looking to be little more than choosing a GOP goat for Obama to sacrifice on the altar for Soros (may He be praised always). So the conservatives are starting early on the whole “it was the schemes within schemes that stole this election from us” so as to try and obfuscate how deeply unpopular rooting for a return to 13th century values has been.
So, it’s nice. It really is a fucking refreshing breeze to see that while our good friends at the American Thinker have added full-on Birther lunatics to the blogroll, they’ve also pulled in a few saner voices to say, “no, that’s finally a bridge too far for us”.
Sure, it’s probably only for self-preservation and admittedly, I haven’t read anything but the title. But why should I? That title is a proud declaration that the Birthers are maniacs who no longer are in the good graces of the conservative movement.
It’s really the little victories. Now let’s dive in to what is surely a refreshing little jaunt. Read the rest of this entry »
Congratulations. Tha may very well be the crackiest title I’ve read yet for this site and I’ve read multiple articles about the Girl Scouts being sluts for Satan and a guy who feared an impending gynocracy because of a year-old report on a different subject.
You should be very proud of yourself Jack Cashill.
And then you should be restrained before you do harm to yourself or others.
Hey, remember back in the 2008 election season where we tried to tie Obama to the scariest liberal guy we could think of and created an elaborate conspiracy theory that was so insane and filled with racist baggage that it elicited little more than sad pity and occasional laughter? Yeah… We spent the last 4 years making it crazier and more convoluted than you can possibly imagine.
The shortage of toilet paper in city offices in Trenton is proof that Obama’s health care reform law will fail.
I have always had a soft spot for Jeannie DeAngelis’s unequaled wackiness. I delight in the way her equal mixture of deluded paranoia and Obama butthurt can take the simplest things, like you know, Michelle Obama eating a tamale, and turn it into proof of some grand uppity Negro conspiracy to force Jeannie and all other White conservative women to receive their medical care from turbaned, bearded and curry-scented Hindoo faqirs whose only medical education consist of mail order degrees in chiropractics and hepatoscopy.
But this time, I think Jeannie has lost her touch. Yes, the absence of toilet paper in Trenton public buildings and the certain failure of a plan to provide insurance for everyone is an enormous non-sequitur, equal to any that has ever served as a basis for a Jeannie column. But still it seems lazy and desperate. It’s sort of like the flame of her own inner demons of black persecution and victimization has lost its heat and she is now just grasping for connections. The spot on Joe Biden’s tie is proof that he’s in charge of the FEMA concentration camps. The tornado in Tennessee is proof of Obama’s plans to establish Sharia law and give our country away to the Iranians.
Right now in Trenton, it’s just toilet paper. What happens when a federally appointed healthcare panel spends precious time discussing whether a “cash-strapped” country can still afford chemotherapy, or long-term dialysis? It’s inconvenient when you can’t get any toilet paper, but it can be fatal when you run out of health care.
Yes, indeed, it can be fatal, Jeannie, which is why, of course, we passed the Affordable Care Act in the first place, you vile moron.
