Mock, Paper, Scissors

Santa Barbara is one of the most iconic cities on the west coast, the red tile roofs are everywhere. According to the local history it is here that they were invented. The Franciscan friars were tired of their thatch roofs burning in the night, so the story goes, and molded the red clay on ”the the thighs of native virgins.” And that was probably the last time a Franciscan Monk and virgin were ever in the same sentence, let alone the same room. At least for long.

The train rolled into Santa Barbara about 6 PM, and we rolled into a burger bar around 7:00. Pace is the kind of place that every city should have: the food is excellent, the service is attentive, the surroundings are chic. You can wear flips or Chanel and be at home here (I saw both). Pace is the kind of place where you could become a regular if you were lucky enough to live here. 

I’m not a red meat fan ever since I was in the UK when Mad Cow broke out; the stench from the charnel houses mixed with disinfectant was overwhelming and turned me off beef; that said I weakened at Pace and enjoyed a burger. Besides grinding the steak themselves, they also have a bakery program and make their own buns. One bite (caramelized onions, applewood bacon, lettuce, ripe avocado) and you won’t put it down. In fact you cannot, it would just dissolve in its own juices. Just soldier-on eating it, it’s what the Franciscans would do. I highly recommend tucking the cloth napkin into your shirt and embarrassing your friends and family.

Celebrity spotting: David Beckham, or a Brit look-alike, conspicuously mumbling to his Brit friend. No Posh, however.

News you can use all day

“I’m not saying Obama is a commie…”

• Newticles: still quitting - We cannot miss you if you never leave, Noot! Anyway Newticles said in an interview with USA TODAY that he will embrace Mitt Romney’s candidacy Wednesday and is ready to campaign for his former rival.
• Dickhead calls dick pill a miracle - The MN Senator who legislated the ban on RU-486 says that “Viagra is a wonderful medical advancement in that can help couples with sexual disfunction issues…it can even help in producing life.” (Think Progress)
• Sports! - The new rules for competitive cheerleading are out, and men, you are required to stop being so exaggerated and theatrical. Anyway, one of the participants has (theatrically?) taken the matter to the American Civil Liberties Union and the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.
  (Slate)

Today is a travel day, so light posting ahead.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Thank god that the best-named spox of all time, Hogan Gidley was not left behind as Frothy was raptured up into Obscurity!

Each time I read his name, I smile and each time I say it out loud, I giggle. Hogan Gidley!

Take your victory lap, Bryan. You earned it. Willard, nice show of some spine, pal.

(Yeah, I know that Richard Grenell is an asshole, a douche, a… but the craven cave-in was astonishing. The Willard Mechanism clearly has no fortitude and will be beholden to the Theocrats.)

I guess no one will complain when they find a hair in their cookie.

(H/T: Scissorhead Mr. C. Montgomery Burns)

I think that there is a lot of symbolism for this date.

News that will drive you to drink

American Family Association Bryan Fischer revives the Obama hates honkeys theme.

• You’re Hired/Fired - Today was supposed to be the first day of work for Willard’s openly gay spokesperson Richard Grenell, but the Xristian Xrazies did their hideous dance of Voodoo and he is now resigned. (People for the American Way)
• Change of Address - Hey guys, remember that time when ancient fart-bag congressman Dick Lugar was told by the courts that because he had not lived in his district since the 1970s, he was not allowed to vote there and so he claimed that a dairy pasture that his family owned was his home and it became a campaign issue? Me Neither!, anyway, it seems that even his PAC is giving up on him being re-elected. Stick a fork in him, he’s done. (Political Wire)
• Unsaddle that goat! - Staff-banging serial adulterer and self-proclaimed smartest man in the room Newticles is out of the 2012 Goat Rodeo race… or is he? (Yahoo News)

…for 32 seconds. That’s it. But, boy those grandparents towing the tots toys…

I think we need more dog stories.

Congressman Allen West (Tinfoil-FL), the teabaggiest of ‘em all, is very upset with President Carebear (nothing new here), and he wants the world to know it.

So West fired up the awesome power of the Facebook and blasted out this note of disapproval:

“While the President laughs and dines, our Constitutional Republic is eroding and my countrymen are suffering. In this election year, it is sad to think that some of those who were sitting in that [White House Correspondents Dinner] ballroom Saturday night laughing and living it up, are helping to perpetuate the manipulation and deception of our country.”

Of course he wrote it when he got home from whooping it up at the Nerd Prom himself (didn’t get lucky, I guess?), where he was the butt of one of Jimmy Kimmel’s jokes:

Kimmel set up the joke by noting that President Obama had called hip-hop star Kanye West a “jackass” in a recent interview.

“No offense sir, but I think you got the wrong West. I think you meant Allen,” said Kimmel.

West definitely didn’t get lucky.

(The Hill)

I’m guessing that if you are a certain Robotic preznint candidate for a certain party known for being Hawks (*cough*Willard*cough*cough) and you find yourself under attack for not being sufficiently hawkish from an allegedly leftist party lead by a certain Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby Marxist-Socialist-Commie (cough*Obama*cough*cough*) and you defend your position by saying that you and even Jimmy Carter would have made the same decision, well, it seems only reasonable that some of the dead-enders from the last junta would jump in to help:

“I think what offends people is that instead of recognizing it as a national triumph and having everybody share in it, that the Obama administration has tried to make it look like the president did everything, including fast-roping out of the helicopter and pulling the trigger.”

–John Bolton

And of course, the one-time most popular GOPer and “rock star” had to pipe in, too:

“The special operators who have every right to “spike the football” are too professional to do so. The White House might follow their lead.”

–Donald Rumsfeld

So while Willard 2.0 tries to tack to the center, it is really cool of these guys to remind us about what a clusterfuck they created while defending The Mechanism.

Keep f***ing that chicken, boys.

One can only wonder what notable mix of lube and fecal matter Rick Santorum did when he met Lindsey Lohan. Oh, wait.

The former GOP candidate approached Lohan and requested that she pose for a photo alongside Fox News host Greta Van Susteren. Once Santorum took the picture, he then asked Lohan if he could take another–of her by herself.

I guess he had to reload his spank bank.

(US)

News you can use all day

(Joe.My.God.) Idiot documents his own law-breaking. NOM must be so proud.

• I can hear you, cont. - UK Lawmakers have declared that senile billionaire media mogul and eaves-dropping aficionado Rupert Murdoch is unfit to lead his own company because “he turned a blind eye and exhibited willful blindness to what was going on in his companies,”, which means Rupie probably just lost his bid to own and operate British Sky satellite television. (NPR)
• Austerity - Bed-wetting fear-mongers (GOPers) are demanding that Chimpy’s Tax Cuts for Rich Dudes be extended but without any offset cuts. So much for the serious people in the room fighting the deficit. (The Hill)
• Pulling yourself up by your own Prada bootstraps - Hey guys, remember that time that the Willard Mechanism told college students to just borrow some money from Mom and Dad and start their own businesses? Me Neither!, but anyway, it seems he meant it! Willard and Ann loaned their Spawn Tagg $10 million to start his own hedge fund, and better yet, they gave him their list of donors from Willard’s doomed 2008 Goat Rodeo Run. Tagg now has $244 Million to play with. See kids, it works! Just ask Ma and Pops for a spare $10 million. (NYTimes)

…so help me, Jeebus, this is from the transcript of This Week with a Greek Dwarf:

WILL: But, look, it’s difficult to stop the American people from creating wealth. It’s hard to do that, such is the animal spirit that is natural to this country.

16:17:23

The question is surely how to get the animal spirits back. And that, it seems to me, requires certainty.

Animal spirits?

Did someone slip some peyote in Admiral Wiener’s Ovaltine?

News that will drive you to drink

Tebagging Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh explains to us that the only reason Obama is the president is because he is black and it makes us feel good to vote for black people. Which is why blacks in America are so lucky, I guess.

• Girl fight tonight! - Time to gather the troops around Miss Entitlement, our favorite GOPer Meghan McCain! Our own Soylent Blonde is under attack from harpy anchor baby Michelle Malkkkin because SoyBlo committed apostasy by defending Sandra Fluke from the ongoing sexist attacks from Wingnuttia. (Media Matters)
• Why is Driftglass smiling? - The WaPo must be reading him now. (WaPo)
• Wingnut Declares War - Here we go again. Keep f***ing that chicken, Spanky. (Fair Warning! The link goes to Shield of Faith, which is the Xristian Xrazie’s Area 51.)

Hey guys, remember that time when Martin McVeigh,a Catholic Priest, was presenting some slides to parents at a Catholic High School and–another miracle!–gay porn showed up? Me Neither!, but anyway, the priest is taking a little time off:

“After the images were inadvertently shown, I immediately removed the memory stick from the laptop,” McVeigh said. “In my shock and upset and in my concern to ensure that the images would never be shown again, I destroyed it later that evening.”

“In the hope of bringing resolution and healing to the division and pain within the parish, I have taken the decision to ask Cardinal Brady to allow me to leave the parish of Pomeroy and to take sabbatical leave. The memory of this awful episode will remain with me for the rest of my life.”

We hope that Father McVeigh is recovering well in Key West, or the Castro, or WeHo, or wherever it is that God sends these men to heal their wounds.

(Raw Story)

News you can use all day

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Wingnut claims that there is no pay gap between men and women.

• The Best Gubmint Money Can Buy - So who is greasing the pig, um, bribing the swine, er, lobbying Congress this week? Pharma, Utilities and Big Ag, that’s who! “The pharmaceutical industry as a whole spent $69.6 million on lobbying in the first three months alone, while electrical utilities spent $43.3 million. The agricultural services industry – which includes heavy hitters like Monsanto, the American Farm Bureau and Archer Daniels Midland – spent far less, only about $12.9 million.” (Open Secrets)
• Where’s Weirdo? - Much loathed middle-manager of Koch Industries, wall-eyed git Governor Scott Walker is keeping the location of his bunker recall campaign headquarters a secret. I’d say look for a bald guy stroking a white cat, but Walker is much too flat-footed and stupid to be a Bond villain. (Journal-Sentinel)
• No D’uh - Study finds that analytical thinking reduces religious belief. I gotta get in on this Study scam. (Raw Story)

The American people don’t want to vote for a loser. They don’t want to vote for someone that hasn’t been successful. I think Mitt Romney has an opportunity to show the American people that they, too, can succeed.

–Weepy McBoozey

Thanks for calling us all losers, Weepy.

Death of the Media

Sexism Edition!

Lord. The Ghost of Molly Ivins ought to slap those bitches silly tonight.

I cannot find a way to embed it without autoplay being on, so click the link, and sob. (BuzzFeed)

Now I understand why women don’t want men in their purses.

(H/T: Scissorhead Mr. C. Montgomery Burns)

Tomorrow the “new” World Trade Center will pass the Empire State Building as the tallest building in New York – based on “building” structure. The ESB was the first mega skyscraper and was completed in 1931 – soaring an unheard of 1,250′ high. It was the tallest building in the world until 1972, when the first World Trade Center passed it. In 1952, an antenna was added to the ESB making the building 1,454′.

Claiming the “official” building is like claiming Pluto is a planet or a planetoid. The new World Trade Center building will be 1,368′ high – the same height as the North Tower of the destroyed World Trade Center. The 408′ antenna will top the building off at the symbolic 1,776′. Based on “building” height the Willis Tower at 1,451′ can still claim tallest building in the US. The tallest free standing structure in the Western Hemisphere is the CN Tower in Toronto at 1,815′. The tallest manmade structure in the US is the 2,063-foot-tall KVLY-TV antenna in Blanchard, N.D.  The tallest building in the world (by far) is the Burj Khalifa in Dubai at 2,717′.

Based on some standard – the new WTC at 1,776′ will be the 7th tallest building in the world.

I took a ride on the Water Taxi to Ikea in Brooklyn today (which is a pretty amazing ride to a place that serves lousy meatballs) – and snapped a few shots of the WTC just before it passes the ESB.

Of course in New York Harbor one cannot NOT take a picture of the Statue of Liberty

(There will be a commercial at the beginning I have no control over.)

The local fishwrap used a 2012 Goat Rodeo campaign picure of One-L touring the beef packing plant for the mad cow story. I cannot stop laughing.

(Mercury News)

This video is not what I was expecting when I first heard the song. Way to go Iceland.

Death of the Media

Fair warning! More dissembling coming your way:

–NBC’s “Meet the Press”: Obama campaign senior adviser Robert “Hippie-Punching” Gibbs and Romney campaign senior adviser Ed “Show me the Money” Gillespie; roundtable with Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen, the highest ranking Republican woman in the Congress self-loathing Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-WA), MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow and Republican strategist Alex “I’m a Centrist, too” Castellanos will discuss how there is not a War on Women, N’uh-huh, No Way, and proceed to punch Hilary Rosen.

–ABC’s “This Week”: White House counterterrorism adviser John Brennan (who coincidentally runs a security consulting group on the side?); economic roundtable with former Hewlett-Packard CEO and Romney campaign California co-chair Carly “Fire ‘em all” Fiorina, Current TV host former Gov. Jennifer Granholm (D-MI) (who has the best line in her bio, maybe ever: “In September 2008, Gov. Granholm undertook the role of Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin in a series of practice debates with Democratic vice presidential nominee Joseph Biden.”), New York Times columnist Paul Krugman, Google executive chairman Eric “Be Evil” Schmidt, Comeback America Initiative founder and CEO and former Comptroller General and general Centrist Bullshit artist David Walker, ABC News’ Living Museum of Regan-era Bow Ties George Will

–CBS’s “Face the Nation”: Roundtable with American Crossroads advisor, former RNC Chairman and former MS. Gov. Boss Hogg (R-MS), 2012 Democratic National Convention Chairman and U.S. Conference of Mayors president Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (D-Los Angeles) and Gov. Jerry Brown (D-CA); national security roundtable with TIME Magazine contributor and Harvard University’s Graham Allison (who is gonna wonder what he is doing with all these hacks), TIME Magazine contributor and author Peter Bergen (“Manhunt: The Ten-Year Search for Bin Laden” – now in remainder bins everywhere), Washington Post columnist David Ignatius and CBS News senior correspondent and former ODNI Deputy Director of Analysis John “I interviewed Osama Bin Laden” Miller

–”Fox News Sunday”: White House counterterrorism adviser John Brennan; Joel and Victoria Osteen will pray for our salvation (for a fee); roundtable with Fox News’ living dead Brit Hume, the Christian Science Monitor’s And Howie’s heartthrob Liz Marlantes, the Wall Street Journal’s personal war-on-women Kim Strassel and the Washington Post’s Attention-to-Detail payer Charles Lane, who is notable for being serial liar and fabulist Stephan Glass’ editor.

–CNN’s “State of the Union” (SUN 9am ET / 12pm ET): White House counterterrorism adviser John Brennan; Speaker of the House Weepy McBoozey (R-OH); RGA Chairman Gov. Bob “Vaginal Probe” McDonnell (R-VA) and Gov. Brian Schweitzer (D-MT);

–CNN’s “Fareed Zakaria GPS Live”: (SUN 10am ET / 1pm ET): Former Ford and Bush 41 administration National Security Advisor and Kissinger Associates employee Brent Scowcroft; former Pakistani Ambassador to the U.S. Hussain Haqqani; the New Yorker’s China expert Evan Osnos; author Charles Duhigg (“The Power of Habit”)

–NBC’s “The Chris Matthews Show”: Roundtable with TIME Magazine’s Richard Stengel, the New York Times’ Helene Cooper, Washington Post columnist David Ignatius, BBC’s Katty Kay

–MSNBC’s “Up with Chris Hayes” (SUN 8-10am ET): Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D-NY); co-author and MIT professor Daron Acemoglu (“Why Nations Fail: The Origins of Power, Prosperity and Poverty”)

–MSNBC’s “Melissa Harris-Perry” (SUN 10am-12pm ET): Roundtable with Columbia University’s Dorian Warren, Innocence Project co-director Barry Scheck, Third Way Distinguished Senior Fellow and Resident Scholar and Centrist Bullshit Peddler Bill Schneider

–ABC7′s “Inside Washington”: (SAT 7pm ET on NewsChannel 8 / SUN 9am ET on ABC7 WJLA): Roundtable with syndicated columnist Mark Shields, NPR’s Nina Tottenberg, co-author of Politico e-book “Inside the Circus” and man who killed Newsweek Evan Thomas and syndicated columnist and Mein Kampf aficianado Charles Krauthammer

–PBS’s “To the Contrary”: Roundtable with conservative commentator Tara Setmayer, Huffington Post’s Amanda Terkel, Kellyanne Conway–Republican pollster and senior advisor to doomed 2012 Goat Rodeo contestant staff-banging serial-adulterer Newticles, Center for Immigration Studies’ Jessica Vaughan and political commentator Lara Brown

I gave up checking everyone’s bio and started wondering if I had enough sleeping pills to do myself in. Anyway, I tried to annotate everyone’s credentials.

That’s our free and unfettered press, fellow citizens. Cherish it.

Is defined thusly: When…

In front of thousands of service members, President Obama today signed an executive order aimed at protecting veterans from for-profit educational institutions trying to “swindle” and “hoodwink” them instead of providing the education they deserve.

…Leads to

Any questions?

Out of touch much? Anyway, the Willard Mechanism is winning back the youth vote by telling them to just borrow money from their parents and start their own businesses, and mentions his pal Jimmy John, who “accepted” a loan of $25,000 from his dad to start what is now a chain of sandwich shops.

Because, the old man has it and that’s why you are drowning in student loan debt.

(Think Progress)

News that will make you want to go mow the lawn

• Endorsements! - About -5psi intellect who is about 20 minutes into his 15 minutes of fame Joe-the-Plumber’s doomed Ohio campaign has received the much-coveted endorsement of The One True Wingnut Allen West. (HuffPo)
• Old Man Yells At Cloud - Poor old Grandpa Walnuts! He’s not resentful that President Carebear won the election, or that The Carebear was the one to bag OBL. Oops! Except he is:
  

  “Shame on Barack Obama for diminishing the memory of September 11th and the killing of Osama bin Laden by turning it into a cheap political attack ad. This is the same President who once criticized Hillary Clinton for invoking bin Laden ‘to score political points.’

  (TPM)

• The Homosexual Agenda, cont. - Hey guys, did you know that the Homersexuals wanna abolish gender and morality? It’s true! Well, anyway according to this Xristian Xrazy Mat Staver:
  

  “This proposed policy is absolute absurdity, but it really illustrates the ultimate end-goal of the homosexual and radical so-called LGBT agenda, and that is the abolition of gender and the abolition of morality,” Staver warns. “And they ultimately believe that their agenda should trump religious liberty.”

  (One News Now)

Sorry for the long absence. I had a play date with the financiers and lawyers in SF. –Tengrain

I will now always think of Conan as Callista. And I didn’t have to do the photoshop for this one!

(BuzzFeed)

Blue-eyed Snidely Whiplash Wannabe and Very Serious Person Paul Ryan is a long-noted Ayn Rand Fanboy, going so far as to make reading her terrible dirty books (and they are) a requirement to work in his office.

Fast forward to his current spitting match with the Jesuits at Georgetown (and good luck arguing with a Jesuit priest) who condemn Ryan’s “granny-starving budget” (thanks Charlie Pierce) on social justice grounds (ie, we should all help the poor), he is now claiming that he doesn’t like Ayn Rand because she was an atheist.

So, in short: the granny-starver (thanks Charlie!) must have realized that deifying an atheist wouldn’t help his Catholic “social justice” defenses of his budget.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to seeing a budget bill being discussed on theological grounds. (How many pinheads can dance on a budget, Ryan?) Our creeping Theocracy continues!

(Sarah Posner)