Mitt Romney has a thing (one) he has stood firm on, and that is that he is against gay marriage. Sure, there was a time as governor of Massachusetts when he managed to be on both sides of the issue simultaneously, both directing his administration to comply with state judges’ “Goodridge” ruling allowing gays to marry while at the very same time working to get backing for an amendment to repeal it. (While he’d run for Senate saying he would be better for gay rights than Ted Kennedy, he also almost managed to abolish an anti-bullying commission for the state’s students, because he thought their pride parade was tacky. This excellent LA Times story has the head-scratching tick-tock.) But he has always said ick, nast to gay marriage while saying gays had a right to adopt. (So just not to have a legal, stable family framework for the children they raise.) That avowal, last espoused on Thursday, was operative for what might be a Romney Consistency Record: almost a full day! READ MORE »
North Carolina Governor Bev Perdue is extremely unhappy with the 61 percent of her tragically dumb constituents who voted to constitutionally ban gay marriage and gay civil unions in the state. How unhappy? Full nuclear insult unhappy: “People are saying what in the world is going on with North Carolina, we look like Mississippi.” OH SNAP. READ MORE »
As Rupert Murdochâs News International (UK subsidiary of American company News Corp) saga continues in Blimeyland, Americans may not give two faggots about it. But thereâs an eentsy beentsy spider of a chance that if Murdochâs media ship sinks, Fox News might eventually be the last ones on deck singing Nearer My God To Thee. So, listen up while we drop some knowledge.
A British parliamentary committee report released recently, based on the results of the ongoing Leveson inquiry, has already deemed Murdoch ânot a fit personâ to run an international company. These happen to be the exact words used in the British Broadcast Act as a reason for someone to be denied a broadcast TV license. While the report doesnât result in any jail time for Murdoch, it kills Murdochâs chances at grabbing full ownership of SkyTV (British cable news company) and/or he could lose all 39% of his existing shares. Couldn’t happen to a more horrible guy! READ MORE »
Sad Mitt Romney is so jealous of all the thank-you notes and the hot piles of gay dollar bills that President Popular has gotten ever since he belatedly admitted that he thinks gay people should be able to get married. Sad Mitt Romney is not as tragically lame as he appears to be on this issue, okay? Sad Mitt Romney responds that while he is not a fan of gay marriage, he – wait for it – sometimes talks to his gay friends, many of whom own children: âI know many gay couples that are able to adopt children. Thatâs fine.” This does not bother him, the gays living together and having kids like they are married as long as it is not called married. That is not trying to have it both ways! The only thing that really bothers him is that Barack Obama seems to be the kind of brazen asshole who just says, you know, whatever to win over certain groups. Mitt Romney does not do this, he then actually says. READ MORE »
It’s your weekly Wonkette Friday Who Fought On The Cable News Today post! Who fought on the cable news this Friday? Well there’s MSNBC’s Tamron Hall, the anchor, and then the Washington Examiner’s Tim Carney, a guy who used to be interesting but now just sort of whines about how the liberals suck too, as though we didn’t all know. He starts complaining about how “the media” always has dumb stories and then she gets upset and cuts off his mic. It’s funny. What were they even getting mad about? “META META META NARRATIVE.” “NO, WRONG.” “LET ME SPEAK ABOUT META.” “PFFT.” We have no idea who “wins.” READ MORE »
Yesterday we learned all about how young Willard “Mitt” Romney used to terrorize gay people with scissors during his time at the Cranbrook Boarding School For Youths Of A Certain Gentility. And then our own Kirsten Boyd Johnson was like, “Oh yeah I went to Cranbrook.” Jesus Kirsten, ABOUT TIME YOU SAID THAT much? Anyway, here is our revealing (-ish) interview with her about crashed Porsches and stuff.
Wonkette: Kirsten, you attended Cranbrook several decades after Mitt Romney did. What was he like?
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We wonder if there is anything the Catholic Church could be investigating besides the Girl Scouts of America? NO. There is NOT. Nothing at all, move along, move along! Yes, Mother Church is busy investigating whether it should … well, not sure. Thunder from the pulpit about their evil ways? Discourage parish-based troops? Tell the quarter of scouts who are Catholic to jump in a lake … of fire? All of those things, probably, and then some. But the US Conference of Catholic Bishops is very serious about this, like Joe McCarthy-heart-attack serious! Not just because they had that Planned Parenthood brochure that everybody fainted about, nope! Or because they let a little transgender girl join a troop because they are disgusting perverts! Sorry, but it is something WAY WORSE.
Critics contend that Girl Scouts materials shouldn’t contain links to groups such as Doctors without Borders, the Sierra Club and Oxfam because they support family planning or emergency contraception.
The House passed an amendment Wednesday night to get rid of the American Community Survey entirely, on Privacy Grounds. Oh, god, you can hear them through your windows probably, fapping about their privacy. The ACS is a mandatory survey with 48 questions that a few hundred thousand people are chosen to fill out each month. The numbers are used to determine federal spending allocations based on changing demographics and consumption trends and whatnot. It is Helpful. There’s a fine if you don’t fill it out, although the enforcement there is lenient. But since some of the questions ask you about what kind of toilet you have and stuff, this gives Republicans an excuse to say Democrats are watching you poop and so we need to destroy another program. They say it’s “Orwellian.” (Ha ha, that’s from the Weekly Standard, which exists mostly to push through privacy-crushing surveillance bills and make sure as many people as possible are killed and tortured for no reason.) READ MORE »
WELL! Thank you Wonkette operative “OkieDokieDog,” for passing along this film of great beauty and poetry. It is of a Nebraska lady getting all hot and nasty about Gay Sex Orgiers, with their P-E-N-I-S-es. They are Homiciders. And the UN/UNESCO, somehow. We do not know. But it should certainly have more than 313 views, so click where it says “READ MORE” and read more! READ MORE »
HELLO PERVERTS AND WEIRDOS, here are your pictures from the first in a series of Wonkette Drinky Things and Meetups, this one in Los Angeles. Bammerz did not drop in, my head hurts. There will be only light posting today, so all of you who complain about how there are too many posts waaah you can not read through every single comment on every single one, today you get a reprieve. Do not get used to it! Tomorrow there will be 37 posts! AND YOU WILL LIKE IT! Pictures of a lady’s breasts after the jump. READ MORE »
So, what’s today’s latest comically over-the-top story from a libertarian/Republican who pretends to care about TSA on righteous civil liberties grounds but mostly wants it privatized and deunionized? Oooh, Geraldo, on Fox & Friends. Well yeah? These always involve the grossest old men suggesting, oddly, that some employee who’s just trying to get through the day wanted to fuck them. Rivera actually helps us out, by saying, “I think there is a lot of merit in people who say it should be re-privatized.” Oh, do you? “I donât necessarily endorse that” — of course not! — “…but I tell you the last time I flew to Afghanistan I got manually raped by a guy who â the scanner wasnât working⦔ He means at the airport; but we can only hope that he got manually raped by a guy while in Afghanistan, too. READ MORE »
Real Americans everywhere are recoiling in disgust at Mitt Romney’s latest campaign move: He’s inviting the wealthiest plutocrats to dine with him on Star Island, a literally insular retreat of the rich and powerful near Miami. The fat cats will have to pony up $50,000 apiece just to bask in Mitt’s presence, with the campaign accountants using some kind of jiggery pokery to make a mockery of the legal limits on campaign contributions. Here, the 1 percent will eat gold-plated quail livers and plot their continuing class war against … haha, just kidding, nobody is at all angry about a standard fundraising tactic enjoyed by Democratic and Republican candidates alike! But there is a wee bit of outrage over the fact that the host of this event is the Chairman of the Board of the company that makes a popular emergency contraceptive, which means that this event is basically the equivalent of Mitt Romney sending nuns to Auschwitz.
Hi and welcome back to America’s 2012 race for student body president: Today we heard that we should not vote for school yacht club treasurer Mitt Romney, because he enjoys giving unsolicited haircuts to his fellow male students against their will, what a jerk. But please consider on the other hand for a moment whether or not you are a raging misogynist asshole, and if not then you may not wish to vote for Barack Obama, because he has admitted to beating defenseless little girl students on the playground. And what kind of crazed sociopath does that? READ MORE »
Isn’t it great how Election Season brings out the best in all of us, making us ever delight in doing more and better for our fellow man? (And womyn, ladies!) Also, isn’t it terrific how Election Season makes us all very very smart and intelligent? USA! Well, we have another winner in the newest let’s-all-murder-one-another-for-democracy sweepstakes, and that man is a prominent Ron Paul supporter, who was once endorsed by the good doctor for his own congressional bid, and he has a radio show too! (Your Wonkette needs a radio show right quick, as it will better enable us to be a batshit-insane total piece of shit.) So, Adam Kokesh, whom would you like to kill today?
“There is a way the nomination can be given to Ron Paul,” he read aloud [from an email from a young man whose name he did not give]. “There is a way to fix the situation we currently face with Obama versus Romney. Romney needs to die.”
That is against the Wonkette Rules for Commenting Radicals! STOP IT RIGHT NOW, JERKS!
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We’ve seen this ruse before, Bachmann. You think no one would suspect it, then you get caught, and now you’re all, “Oh, I’m done being Swiss.” She only loves “America” now. We’re not buying it, SPY. This continues to all be the Left’s fault.
Here’s her letter, which essentially says, “I FUCKING LOVE THE UNITED STATES, HAMBURGERS, PIE, AND WAR.” The Greatest. Nation. The World. Has. Ever. Known. Ever. Best. Winners. God. America: READ MORE »
