The Ballad of Yoko

I’m retiring from aikido.

This has been a very difficult decision to make, and even now, it pains me to write it.

It’s been over a year since I wrote this post, and over two years since I had first felt dissatisfaction with my practice. With the exception of last December, when I took a month off, I’ve been practicing regularly.

Going to practice 2-3 times a week has been my routine for so long. There were days I had to force myself to go, but I had always found it to be worthwhile in the end. There were days when aikido got me through some really difficult times off the mat. It has been a very important part of my life.

The community means so much to me, and if I weren’t moving, I would muddle through at least one more test to stay with them. But I would have left after that, anyway. And now, since I’m moving, it gives me a clean break to just leave.

This is not to say, of course, that I couldn’t have established a bond with another dojo. And it’s not to say that I couldn’t continue to have ties to my community through the seasonal camps that are offered for my style of aikido, for the dojos throughout the world. But it just wouldn’t be the same.
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Emily: Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it– every, every minute?
Stage Manager: (quietly) No– Saints and poets, maybe– they do some.

~Thornton Wilder, Our Town

I had my last aikido class at my dojo. Afterwards, Sensei had a party for me. I hugged a lot of people, promised I would keep in touch and visit– and I will.

It was in July of 2001 when I called Sensei and asked if I could observe a class. It was on Pepe’s insistence that I try aikido, after passing by the dojo one evening and remarking that he had a friend who studied that particular style.
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1. Going to aikido class, and seeing new white belt students. Hooray! I hope they stay.

Not new to me, but something that I had forgotten: more often than not, white belt students (often male, but not always), when first training with me, will be overly concerned with whether I’m all right after they throw me. It’s a little annoying, but kind of cute. I told one guy, “If I can get up, then I’m fine.” They’ll learn soon enough. I think another guy did when I gave him a little extra sankyo.

2. Seeing students who used to go to my class, after not seeing them in a while, and noticing marked improvement in their techniques. They look more comfortable moving. All right! I made sure to tell them how pleased I was with their progress.