What a Heights marg might look like if you were already wearing drunk goggles...

Graduation may be over for this year, but there are still some honors left to be given!

Our very own The Heights, home of the infamous $5 marg, earned a spot on Gothamist’s “7 Best Rooftop Bars in NYC.” While we’re not exactly sure how—other list-toppers (like Le Bain) are swankier—we’ll drink to it.

How it looks to Dine Above It All via Wikimedia Commons

Give us your tired, but not your poor...

Just in time for that part of the year during which we’ll all adamantly swear we’re going to leave 1020 and go downtown tonight, for real, the NYT is reporting that the Taxi and Limousine Commission is considering a proposal to raise taxi fares as much as 20 percent. To put this into perspective, if passed, they’re speculating that your once-$20 fare to the L.E.S. would become, like, $24 as soon as mid-July.

On when we’ll know whether or not this is a thing, says the NYT:

“The city has scheduled a public hearing on the matter for May 31, when the commission is expected to consider an increase of 16 percent to 20 percent. Such hearings are almost never arranged unless a fare increase is under serious consideration.”

Better not take any chances—see you guys tonight for darts?

 Excuse to hearken back to Lady Lib’ via Wikimedia Commons

Not these kind of records

Bad news, Phil Schaap enthusiasts: According to Media Decoder, the FCC fined our own WKCR $10,000 ”for failing to maintain a public inspection file, a collection of public correspondence and other records that all stations are required by federal law to keep current and make available to the public.” The FCC’s order judges the station’s lax record-keeping “a pattern of abuse.”

The FCC isn’t taking any chances—their order further stipulates that the “Trustees of Columbia University in New York SHALL PAY the full amount of the proposed forfeiture,” rather than the donation-driven radio station.

Easy photo opp via Wikimedia Commons

Actually, he didn’t—at least not on his first attempt. As a parting gift to all of you graduates who made your way across the metaphorical road yesterday—pause for dramatic effect—we wanted to share the following series of photos, sent to us by an anonymous tipster who spent Monday afternoon watching the Obama motorcade and its aftermath.

The PrezBo Parable: Because You’re Not All Alone Out There In The Real World

Trouble comes from the direction we least expect it.

The battle is not always won by the strong.

Necessity is our strongest weapon.

A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.

Name, Hometown, School: Sam Schube, Los Angeles, CC, studying English

Claim to Fame? The Blue and White, COÖP, and I probably spoke over you in that English seminar a bunch.

Where are you going? Staying in New York, looking for editorial work.

Three things you learned at Columbia?

1. 1020 is a better living room than anything housing has to offer.
2. Poetry just isn’t for me, but Victorian lit is.
3. I’m still not sure I ever learned how to use “dialectic” properly in class or in writing, but that didn’t stop me from doing it anyway.

“Back in my day…” they called it Shea.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: I’m equally interested in the death of the author and the plight of the point forward.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? As long as the university is run like a corporation, the war on fun will continue. We’re simply too big a liability to be allowed to wreak the good kinds of havoc. That’s cynical, though–you can always get away with having a good time. The terrace on the 5th floor of Kent is a fine place to start.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’ll defer to Keith Richards, who’s seen some things: “Cheese is a no-no for me. Everybody else, go eat it. Just take a look at yourself. Fermented milk is not the ideal choice for everyday eating, that’s all.”

Advice for the class of 2016?

You’re never too busy to have a few with some pals at 1020. Put away your phone, especially if it’s smart; you might see someone or something interesting. Ride a bike. Try to read the occasional extracurricular novel. Play hooky to go to a baseball game. Broadly, watch sports–it’ll only add to the things you learn in class about labor, race, and history in America. Study what you love–this place needs curious students in every field–and defend it, fiercely. And never stop questioning the administration, who, to these conspiracy-seeking eyes, are more interested in LeBron-style global brandhood than healthy (uninhibited, robust, and wide-open?) undergrad education.

Any regrets? 

Too many, most of which involve 1020.

Name, Hometown, School: Sean Zimmermann, New York, NY, SEAS, Electrical Engineering (EE)

Claim to fame: Bwog ESC Reporter for 4 years, IEEE President, SciFi Club Librarian

Where are you going? I’ve accepted an internship at Microsoft for the summer. After that, I’ll return to Columbia in the fall to get my Master’s Degree.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. The people are what make this school truly great.
2. Participate in things that make you happy.
3. If it doesn’t work, check that it’s plugged in.

“Back in my day…” Dorm internet bandwidth quotas were a serious annoyance.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: I knew I wanted to be an EE when I got enormous happiness from building a small green LED.

Is the War on Fun over? Though I’m not sure if it is over, there was once time I returned from a movie to a party in my suite with someone passed out in front of my door. While waiting for CAVA, I got to see a row of at least 5 public safety officers slowly approaching our townhouse.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cheese can provide happiness on demand, oral sex cannot.

Advice for the class of 2016: Ask for help! If you feel yourself falling behind, speak to the professor. Many will go above and beyond the call of duty to assist you. As a professor said to us during our first week in 2008 – “You already got in, you don’t have to prove anything.”

Regrets? Though I don’t have many, the greatest one was probably not learning MATLAB earlier – professors (in your more advanced classes) simply assume you know how to use it, and I could have saved myself many headaches in the long run.

Mark Hay

Claim to Fame?

Teller of too many odd stories. Hater of shoes; lover of religions. Old man trapped in twentysomething body and therefore sour grumbler of the first order. Show-er up-er in odd places.

On the laundry list side of things: Former Managing Editor of Bwog, Editor-in-Chief of Awaaz, The Blue & White, and the Columbia Political Review. Founder and Chair of the InterPublications Association. Writer for a number of other publications (and bridge between the Bwog-Spec divide).

In other words, I did all things good, inky, and nearly obsolete.

Co-Chair of the Student Wellness Project. Some involvement in South and Southeast Asian groups before I got sucked into publications. I will still answer to the name “gora ladka.”

Where are you going?

Reclusion and insanity. But before that, a grad program at Oxford. But before that, an aimless sojourn through Mongolia, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, and Uzbekistan.

Three things you learned at Columbia?

1. You can’t be too worried about fucking up. That’s not a license to slack or cut corners. But stressing about messing up (and not just making an honest best effort) is responsible for at least 25% of my collegiate hair loss. You’ll piss people off, make enemies, screw up, fail, and do it all on a regular basis. Embracing failure and enmity is a great form of learning, and one that college facilitates well, especially when stewed in ego and ambition. And if you feel like you can make it through without screwing up a bit, like you don’t have to embrace failure … well, I look forward to the publication of your self-help book.
2. Four years of dealing with Columbia bureaucracy have turned me into an immaculate sleuth. Seriously, if you go to this school and you can track down the person in charge of coordinating toilet paper deliveries to dorms without suffering at least one stress-induced wall-punching session, you will have achieved Zen. I think we ought to start putting “navigating Columbia bureaucracy” on our resumes. It’s an incredible practical skill that would probably help us all secure our dream jobs with half the effort.
3. Everything you know is wrong. Everything. For everyone. And no one’s doing it right.

“Back in my day…” it was actually pretty easy to get on tunnels and roofs. I get the security concerns, but I mourn the suppression of urban exploration and history.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: I’m a massive enabler. If I find out you’re into macramé, I’ll try to convince you to abandon Econ and join an arts commune I heard about in Vermont.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories?

Have you met me, Bwog? I’m a somber dude. I’m the friggin’ Switzerland of the War on Fun: I don’t participate, and whoever wins, ‘s cool with me.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese?

Oral sex. … I’m sorry, was that supposed to be a difficult question? I mean, it’s CHEESE for Wisconsin’s sake.

Advice for the class of 2016?

• “Hold fast to the spirit of youth, let the years that come do what they may.” But seriously.
• Make time for TV. Or whatever else gets you by. For me it was lots and lots of delicious TV (aka, my childhood babysitter). Just make sure that no matter how overcommitted you get, you still have time to chill and check that you’re okay as a human being.
• Stress is a useful fuel and often a necessary element of what we do, but it can’t, it shouldn’t be allowed to eat you up and define who you are… although, if you are going to use TV like I did, I highly recommend that you do not overdose on the Sorkin—that is not the stuff of chill introspection, my friends.
• College, in my really normative and preachy conception, should not be an affirmation of who you are when you come in, nor a dispassionate tool used to turn out degrees that greenlight us into prescribed and proscribed lives.
• This is a place to be uncomfortable—not by doing stupid things and winding up in bad situations, but by jarring yourself out of your comfort zone.
• I’m gonna go ahead and dare every student in 2016 to try to argue a counterintuitive point in their first paper, convincingly play devil’s advocate to themselves in class, and seriously question their involvements and friends. If you’re not uncomfortable and questioning yourself, then what’s the point of this four year daycare center for the shiftless and young?

Any regrets?

Innumerable. But few I’d ever admit to publicly. Most regrets are silly and/or pointless. Best to learn a lesson, internalize it truly, and move on if you can.

But I suppose … I could have been braver when I first came to Columbia. I was absolutely intimidated for about my first full year here. I felt really small. I let it stop me from branching out and digging in because, you know, who the hell was I? If I’d been braver back then, what might I have gained in that extra year?

Today was the first day of the rest of your lives, or so we hear. For your own records, enjoy this photographic evidence that you did in fact put on the robes and get the degrees. Also, you can watch all 167 minutes here.

Send your own photos to tips@bwog.com, and we will add them!

Choice Quotes from PrezBo and the Deans

• “It’s a well-known fact that the smarter you are, the more you procrastinate.” – PrezBo
• “Standing before you in sections eight and nine, which must be an indexing error because Columbia College students only sit in section one…” – Deantini
• “If you ask me what makes Columbia great, I have a very, very long list.” – PrezBo
• “Under the watchful eye of Nike, with the leadership of Athena, in the splendor of the Diana, and with the wisdom that comes from at least nine ways of knowing…” – DSpar
• “I’ll wait for another day to make the case that Columbia is now the greatest university in the world.” – PrezBo
• “[GS grads] are deeply indebted to the Columbia faculty, and to their banks, for this superb education.” – Dean Awn
• “You, the class of 2012, are the most intelligent and attractive graduation class we have ever seen. Definitely the most attractive, in any event.” – PrezBo

Name, Hometown, School, Major: John Sarlitto, Cross River, NY (Westchester is the Bestchester), CC, Classics & History

Claim to Fame? Bwog Sunday editor, dead languages evangelist (and discontent), former history journal chair, the only person to be both “that guy” and a narcoleptic in seminar.

Where are you going? On a long hike. Figuratively that is, unless I get over my coöp trauma. Then back here for the summer to live a block from campus, work, tutor, wonder why I didn’t apply to grad school, and probably end up applying to grad school.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1.  People here tend to constantly surprise, sometimes in ways more unfortunate than the you’re-so-talented-and-I-never-knew-it! admissions brochure sort of way. So, for better and worse, don’t underestimate anyone. That’s a life lesson, but I learned it at Columbia.
2. Someone could (and should) write a Greek tragedy about the practice schedule of the Columbia archery club. I’ve inexplicably been on their listserve for four years without unsubscribing, and in that time, I have borne voyeuristic witness to all of their bizarre mishaps. Carry on, friends!
3. There’s usually a good reason that no one ever goes to those Morningside Heights places no one ever goes to. The man in that chocolate store was really nasty to me (sorry to whoever said they like it), the guy at Village Copier was even worse (I don’t know if that place counts, but still), and while everyone at Camille’s was perfectly pleasant, there was still something fishy about it.

 ”Back in my day…” John Jay had that same weirdly unforgettable smell, but I lived there (juh-jayt!). Austin Quigley’s accent made this feel like a real Ivy League school.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: At sixteen, it took me three tries to pass the New York State road test. Last week, I passed the swim test on my first go. Constant improvement.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive.” –C.S. Lewis. If there is a war, Wallach->Wien->River means that I spent substantial time behind enemy lines. Even in those dark places, sedition goes mostly unpunished, so I’m optimistic.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Ancient historians have to think in terms of the longue durée, and while oral sex may be the hot startup, cheese is the blue (bleu) chip I want in my retirement portfolio.

Advice for the class of 2016: “Studying” is overrated; actually going to class and doing the reading is underrated. Streaming videos in your room is way overrated; impractically long dinners with friends are way underrated. If you enjoy writing, try taking a break from papers to write casually (preferably for Bwog, if only so that people in the comments can tell you to fuck yourself and go back to U Writing). And the piece of advice that first salvaged my time here and later made it so much fun: if you’re not satisfied, never feel too old, previously committed, or busy to do or join something new. Or meet someone new, but that much should be obvious. Trite but true.

Any regrets? So many: like the socially awkward penguin meme, I replay conversations from five years ago in my head, so don’t go by me. But I’ve never been happier or more satisfied than I was this year and this semester, which probably means it’s time to move on.

Something more in character and less sappy? I regret giving a good review to that TA who just backstabbed me with an unnecessarily bitchy grade. I take it all back, and, should we run into each other at 1020, will NOT buy you a drink.

Name, Hometown, School: Hans E Hyttinen, Earth, SEAS

Claim to fame: Helping create a tech community at Columbia with the Application Development Initiative. Some other stuff.

Where are you going? I’ll be working downtown at a startup called Turntable.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. No one is looking out for you all the time. Anticipate the best and the worst, so fewer things come as a surprise. But don’t pretend to know exactly all the things. (That said, there are many people on campus whose job, in some capacity, is to help you… if you ask them.)
2. It’s easier to ask forgiveness than get permission. Make great things and people will pretend it was their idea instead of blaming you for causing trouble. Generalizing this, every human system can be defeated. Don’t assume you can’t do something just because someone said “no” or “that’s how business is done” or “it’s always been that way”.
3. No one appreciates small caps. I took this to mean that anything can be misunderstood and that effective communication takes effort.

“Back in my day…” …you only had bwog.net and you liked it!

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer. I was once convinced I was Canadian. I had to be told, “You aren’t; sorry“. Sometimes, I remember my rhetorical devices; watch out for some litotes.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? Right now, Fun is losing—but the war isn’t over, and there actually haven’t been that many battles recently. No stories; I haven’t been on the front lines all that much.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’m inexperienced with cheese.

Advice for the class of 2016:

• Join a club or start one! For everyone’s sake, find one thing to do on the side that’s fun or meaningful (or both!) and do your best to ensure it’ll still be here after you leave.
• Go out there and do fun things with fun people… on campus and off. Go downtown (or even to Brooklyn!) and explore as often as you can.
• Be nice to people, especially in anonymous comments. When it comes to online bickering, remember: all this has happened before and will happen again.
• Take Fencing and learn to admire Columbia’s fencing team.
• Take a computer science class, no matter what school or major you’re in. At the very least, learn how to program!
• If you can’t change something, make something.
• Subscribe to the Columbia subreddit!

Any regrets? Joining too many clubs and doing too many Spec Photo assignments my freshman year. Not going to more student performances. Not TAing. Specific to CS: skipping 1004.

Name, Hometown, School: Eliza Shapiro, New York City, Columbia College

Claim to fame: Bwog Editor 2010 (Operation Ivy League, Boringside Heights, BwogWeather, posting the video for “Welcome Back” by Ma$e too much, the “Eliza” that asked you what exactly you were so upset about in the comments at 3 AM), “Morningside Shtetl Royalty”, fact brat extraordinaire, enthusiasm (!)

Where are you going? UWS → Newsweek/Daily Beast to report about criminal justice → Brooklyn.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. The upper middle class is amorphous
2. You might need to go all the way to Cape Town for a professor to call bullshit on your use of the term “agentive”
3. Not to leave New York City, probably ever

“Back in my day…” You don’t even know from the movie theater on 107th, Columbia Bagels, the actual West End, 40s in Riverside Park.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: Didn’t check my grades for four semesters; got broken up with (over the phone, don’t worry!) in the Butler 6 stairwell freshman year; had my bat mitzvah in Lerner 555.

Is the War on Fun over? To the delightful boys of EC H606: can you please turn the fucking subwoofer down?

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’ve read too many mediocre answers to this question over the last four years to answer it. I think it’s over, Bwog!

Advice for the class of 2016:

• In To the Lighthouse, the spectrum of human thought is described as a series of piano keys — Mr. Ramsay, a vaguely successful philosopher, realizes that he’s plunked down all the piano keys of thought from A to Q — an impressive feat! — but that he’ll never get past Q to R. That idea has stuck with me for a long time — be able to recognize and appreciate your limitations so you don’t go completely insane. Embrace the beauty of getting to Q — your brain just simply stopping somewhere is not a failure as much as it’s an opportunity. This happened to me with academia sophomore year and that’s when I actually started to figure things out.
• If you’re seriously competitive and ambitious (and I’ll just bet you are!) don’t make it a weird simmering WASPy secret like Harvard kids do. Be honest and elbows-out; it’s not gauche or embarrassing to tell your friends that you want to take over the world and/or make it a better place. Took me until like last week to realize that.
• You’re supposed to figure out a lot about who you are, what your values are, and what you like about other humans in college, and the best way to do these things and to handle the relentless emotional onslaught of growing up is to fall in love.
• Pre-emptive nostalgia is a waste of time.
• For your money’s worth: Delbanco, Katznelson, Anderer, Foner.
• Your friends are more important than anything; be nice to each other on the Internet and in real life.
• Borrowing a line from my high school graduation: remember that education is the quest for wonder.

Regrets? I should have been an American Studies major, but then again everyone probably should. I never got to use the outdoor shower on the roof of PrezBo’s mansion. And I shouldn’t have been such a reactionary against idealism for my first seven semesters of college. Otherwise, I did okay.

Columbia: in spite of so much, I’ll love you always.

Name, Hometown, School, Major:

In life: The Three Musketeers.

On our diplomas:

• Andrew Altamirano; Orlando, Florida; SEAS; Civil Engineering
• David Coplon; Mt. Desert, Maine; SEAS; Civil Engineering
• Jane Zellar; Helena, Montana; SEAS; Civil Engineering

Claim to Fame? Steel Bridge, Ski Team, Sailing Team, KDR, Tequila Tuesday™, Bottle Wednesday, Columbia Hostel, Sky Lounge on KDR 3.5, Sunrise Shenanigans, 5-pg bucket lists (single-spaced), perfect Senior Night attendance (since September!), winter 2010 igloo outside Hartley (which IS a valid pizza delivery address, coincidentally…)

Where are you going?

Immediately:

⅔ – Epic Roadtrip (Destination: Montana – 4000 miles, 6 national parks, 29 days) [DC & JZ]

⅓ – Key West (chillin’) [AA]

After that:

⅔ – Hanging out with Alma for round 2 [AA & DC]

⅓ – ?? [JZ]

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Your professors are actually pretty awesome people once you meet outside the context of class. Invite faculty to happy hour – they will come. It really does improve your relationship with them.
2. “Single” is a loosely defined term when it comes to housing. Maximum occupancy of a 145 sq ft “single” is 43 people. (Assembly of a full loft is recommended). Too bad housing doesn’t believe it.
3. It is possible to drink six nights a week and still make the Dean’s List. #seniorspring

“Back in my day…”

• Koronets slice: $2.75
• Metrocard swipe: $2.00
• MTA DAILY FUN PASSES STILL EXISTED.
• St. John the Divine was not finished.
• Benjammin’ was still old.
• Amy the HamDel lady said hello every Tuesday morning at 3:00am

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: All for one, one for all!

Read more…

Name, Hometown, School, Major: Jessica Blank, Livingston NJ, Barnard College, Political Science

Claim to fame? I know who Millie the Bear is, bwog named a tag after me and I currently serve as Barnard’s SGA President.

Where are you going? I want to roadtrip across America (or as of right now, just from Chicago to St. Louis) before coming back to the greatest city in the world to live in an apartment equidistant between Starbucks, Coffee Bean and Dunkin’ Donuts (the holy trinity) and work in media marketing .

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Most people in life are not genuinely funny but if you are lucky enough to find friends who are, hold on to them. They’ll come in handy when you need to write commencement speeches in front of the President of the United States (ILYFAE 2012).
2. The Hall of Ocean at the Museum of Natural History is a surprisingly soothing place to do work! (It also happens to be my current location as I try to write my final paper of college and this senior wisdom.)
3. Sometimes you get better life advice from your advisor’s assistant than your actual advisor.

“Back in my day…” subways were $2, java city made the best javalanches, and Barnard discovered the most popular giveaways, berets, at the opening of the Diana Center!

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: Speaking with Obama, Introduced Oprah and Gloria, Chatted with Martha, Congratulated by D.Spar on my engagement

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? I’m going to get all serious here and say that we as students sometimes create our own war on fun by constantly complaining about how stressed/busy we are. This year I battled my type A, crazy self, put down my papers and actually ventured out of Morningside heights in an attempt to become urban and cultured. What I learned was that you may not remember the names of the attendees of the Simla Conference in 1945 but you WILL remember the time you ditched class to see Mariano Rivera’s record breaking 602nd career save.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? In my high school yearbook I was runner up for the person most likely to live off of cheese. I was also voted most likely to be a weathergirl.

Advice to the class of 2016: You don’t stick out like a sore thumb as much as you think you do. On a campus as diverse as ours, each student has their own “shtick” so just embrace yours!

Also, If you join the right clubs, you can outfit yourself with a wardrobe of free apparel.

Any regrets? Not discovering that the library sends emails to you when your books are due until $175 in fines later, not going to holi and not getting to know more of the inspiring people on both sides of Broadway!

Although, I guess if I warranted a senior wisdom, I must have done something right over the past 4 years.

Name, Hometown, School, Major: Andrew Kisch, New York City, SEAS, Computer Science

Claim to Fame? I was on GSElevator Twitter , I’m the reason Rite Aid cards you, I’ve never had a housing lottery number over 500, and I was the guy in the Knicks jersey standing on the garbage can in all of your Snoop-Bacchanal pictures.

Where are you going? See the above Twitter.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Columbia housing is proof of Murphy’s Law. Given enough time, anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and Columbia will tell you “it’s not that serious” and they’ll “fix it over the summer”.
2. Nobody cares how smart you are if you have a bad work ethic. Learning how to work is more important than anything else you will learn in your time here.
3. If you go to M2M right at midnight and ask nicely for sushi, they’ll probably give it to you for free (they have to throw it out anyway).

“Back in my day…” I have to defer to the wise words of my father (CC ’52): [in response to whether beer pong had been invented yet when he was at Columbia] “Back in my day, we didn’t play with our beer. We just drank it.”

Justify your existence in 30 words or less: I have an app in the iPhone app store called Arrow’d.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? This question has always bothered me. Nothing is preventing you from day drinking with friends or even throwing keggers (tip: rent a blue bin from Hartley and cover it with towels). Some of the best “memories” you will make in college will be from when your brain has stopped making memories. Also, you live in arguably the most exciting city in the world with the greatest in culture, nightlife and entertainment. If you can’t find a way to have fun here, then you probably should have gone to a school with other not fun people (like UChicago, Yale or NYU).

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Westside only lets you sample the latter (although you used to be able to sample the former at Campo).

Advice for the class of 2016:

• All of your sexually repressed prayers will be answered during NSOP week.
• Surround yourself with people who are smarter, funnier, cooler or otherwise better than you. If you hang around them long enough, some of it is bound to rub off on you.
• Don’t get a crappy fake ID (or any fake ID at all because that’s illegal?) Nobody thinks you’re from Maine, and contrary to popular belief, no state ID has a hologram that says “Genuine Authentic Secure Valid”.
• Take classes from lots of different majors. As a computer science major, my two favorite classes and the two classes that pushed me more than any other were a music class and a dance class (seriously).
• If you’re too lazy to go to the package center, order things to your roommates’ mailboxes and don’t tell them (remember to thank them when they come back, confused, with your stuff).
• When your suite gets too messy, start your own fraternity, design awesome lacrosse pinnies, and convince freshmen that you’re cool enough to justify them cleaning up your mess.

Any regrets? Lots, although few still seem significant (like those three points my TA took off on an exam that I thought was going to ruin my life at the time). Regrets are awesome. You’ll never discover your potential until you are denied something you want. You got here because you are smart and capable (and bold and beautiful). Never let anybody stop you. I love you all. Thank you for a wonderful four years.