"Who Do We Kill Next"

Michael Hirsh didn't think his life could get any better. With 13 kids, a shiny new conversion to the Catholic faith, and fame as the lawyer for Jesus' favorite assassin, Paul Hill, there was no room left to add even a smidgen of additional joy to his incredible existence.

Then, the Oklahoma gave him a gift he hadn't expected. It was an incredible gift. It was the gift of hope. Hope that someday soon, if a bill in the Oklahoma Legislature passes, godfearing men like him will have the legal right to shoot OB/GYNs who threaten womb-children-Americans.

So now, Michael Hirsh, the man who couldn't be happier, has a new reason to joyfully laugh:

Hmmm. Protecting an “unborn child against any attacker”? Does that mean that anyone can protect an unborn child from “any attacker”? Will Oklahoma womb-children can breathe a little easier? Will the new Oklahoma motto be, "We got your back, baby!"?

So I've been waiting twenty years to get a laugh. Some people worry that if this Oklahoma bill passes it will be open season on abortionists. But that's not going to happen. While it has been open season on unborn children in this country for nearly forty years . . .

For abortionists, there will be a bag limit.

Now that's funny!

The Violence of the Gams

Arete at The Thinking Housewife tells us that not-men are viciously beating men with there deadly cleavage:

Immodest dress is analogous to male violence. Men who flaunt their muscles and crush beer can’s with their fists (not that I have seen much of that lately) are telling the weaker world around them, “I could crush you. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.We’ll see. Depends how much you annoy me.” Women are stronger than men in this one way – the sight of their women’s bodies is overpowering to men. Immodest women are saying to men, “You could have sex with me, if I let you. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. It depends how much you annoy me.”

Both behaviors are flaunting the power that one has over another weaker being and both behaviors used to be considered uncouth.

But as the myth goes: only men have ever been violent towards women not the other way around (women have no power over men whatsoever – don’t you know!) and so now that we have entered the great age of woman – when she will get her revenge for all the injustices against her by men through the ages – both real and imagined — she has decided to take her “pound of flesh.” But instead of a swift cut right above the heart like Shylock she wants to get men where it really hurts– tease and taunt with the sight of her own body, forever reminding men of their weakness before female power.

Elsewhere at The Thinking Housewife, Aditya B alerts us to the possibility that France's new First Lady, Valérie Trierweiler, may ignite a race war if she continues to wear slit skirts:

I want to ask you whether you believe that women like Valérie Trierweiler, France’s First Girlfriend, have any sense of self-awareness.

Do these women realize that most non-whites regard all white women as nothing more than a piece of meat? And when confronted by one who looks like she can accessorize her dress with a lamp post and a public defender, most non-whites will not only not take her seriously, they will not take her husband, companion, escort, whatever they call ‘em nowadays seriously. In her case, her country will not be taken seriously as most non-whites are going to conclude that it is a land of prostitutes, and indeed, they even put one on the highest pedestal of power.

Do you think white women have any idea about these perceptions? Do you think they have the slightest concern, not only for their safety and dignity, but for the safety and dignity of their compatriots?

Has it occurred to half-naked TV hosts, drunk sorority girls and the like, that images of their behaviour cause non-white men worldwide to view all white women as whores? Consequently, no white girl is safe abroad.

Are white women just deluded? Or completely stupid? Or a bit of both? Or what? I simply do not understand this behaviour.

End Times Metal

When I first saw this sign, I thought that maybe the 'ol watering hole was suffering the same toilet seat-transmitted wart affliction that brought down our annual Spartanfest in '03, '04, '05, '06, '07, '08, '09, '10, and '11.



But after looking up "Anus Disease" up on the intertubes, I learned it just an intriguing name for one of Pastor Mark Driscol's end times praise bands.

A big tip of the 'ol helmet to IF for the photo.

Barack "Erik Gruber" Obama: Self-Hating Amish Guy

Four years ago, I used the latest in faith-based scientific technology to prove that the OBAMUNIST USURPER is actually an Amish man named Erik Gruber. Now, the rest of the patriotsphere is beginning to their own investigations into the 's secret Amish heritage.

It all began with a tongue-in-cheek declaration by ABC News that Gruber/Obama is America's first Amish President. Newsbusters was the first patrioblog to respond, noting that Obama isn't a very pious Amishman, because he uses electricity:

...the Amish generally prohibit power-line electricity -- all the time, not just on the weekends. Can you imagine Michelle Obama churning butter in a frock and a bonnet?

Then, Glenn Beck's The Blaze weighed in, reminding readers that the OBAMUNIST USURPER commanded his henchmen at the Graves County District Court to bring the full coercive socialist power of the county to bear against Amish who refused to mount reflective triangles on the backs of their buggies.

And commenters at the Free Republic expressed doubt that "Michelle sews their [the Obama Family's] clothes."

What's next? Will we learn that the Obamas don't build their own furniture or that the daughters play with dolls that have faces?

More importantly, do the Amish elders have the guts to shun the President of the United States?

Obama's Demon Dogs of Sodomy

Gordon James Klingenschmitt, Chaplain, USN (ret)
PrayinJesusname.org

Dear Chaplain Klingenschmitt,

Secularistoslamists, the gay, and other unwitting tools of the radical vegetarian movement are openly mocking your recent statement about homosexualist demonic possession of animals. This is the kind of ridicule that can destroy a man and a movement. You must rebut them quickly or you will soon become a laughingstock.

I think I can help you. For years, uh, a friend, yeah a friend, of mine and his dog, Butch, have played this game where my friend packs his cave of shame with chunky peanut butter and lets 'ol Butch dig at it with his long, warm dog tongue. There's nothing sexual about it. I mean, it's not like I'm a pervert. Rick Santorum seems to be OK with it--at least he didn't tell me to stop. It just feels so damned good, and man, Butch really likes rooting around in there--it's like he's tonguing the marrow out of a bone.

Anyway, our little peanut butter game turned ugly after the OBAMUNIST USURPER came out in favor of homosexualist marriage. Butch was sitting there in front of the teevee when the OBAMUNIST USURPER said it, and I fear his words prompted demons to seize my little doggy's will.

Now, the game doesn't end with a smoke and a cuddle after the last peanut fragment is excavated. Instead, Butch mounts me, I mean my friend, and goes to town with his newly acquired homosexual lifestyle. There's nothing I can do about it, because Butch's demon freezes the muscles of my body and makes me howl delightfully.

Please use this story as evidence that you're statement about homosexualist demonic possession of animals is true. Just leave the names out of it for Butch's and my friend's sake.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

The Beatitudes of Randian Jesus

Salige er de saksøkende, for de skal saksøke de jævlene

The unJesused are in an uproar because Pastor Chuck O’Neal is suing a former congregant for writing a bad review on Google. Currently there are 592 reviews,nearly all of which attack Pastor O'Neal for his litigiousness, at the Beaverton Grace Bible Church Google Maps page.

I felt someone should stand up for him, so I added my own, positive review:

None of these modern, liberal, effeminate churches teach the truth about Jesus. He loved to sue people. There was nothing our Lord and Savior would rather do than drag some spice trader into court and ream him a new one. Heck, he even loved it more than crafting a fine cabernet out of ditch water.

They won't tell you that at the hippy churches, because it ain't in their heretical NIV or KJV Bibles. You gotta to go to the the original scriptures to read what Jesus really said. And by that, I don't mean those written in Greek; you gotta read the originals, the ones written in Norwegian.

Take a look at Matthew 5:7. The KJV believers will tell you it says "Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." That's a lie. If you read that same scripture in Jesus' original Norwegian tongue, it says: "Salige er de saksøkende, for de skal saksøke de jævlene." Translated to American, that means "Blessed are the litigious, for they shall sue the bastards."

The rest of the KJV's translation of the Beatitudes is no better. It leaves out the parts about blessing the torturers, the credit default swap traders, and those who taunt the poor, and, worse yet, the part about how it's unmanly to have sex with women--only an effeminate man would find such a soft and girly body attractive. Real men have sex, very heterosexual sex, with men, only. It's why all the apostles hung around Jesus rather than the Marys.You have to go to the original Norwegian to read that.

I bet they teach the Norwegian Bible at Beaverton Grace Bible Church. Pastor Chuck O’Neal sure sues like Jesus, and he looks like a man who's manly enough to deny his essence to women.