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Dear Amy: I am 21 and in a committed relationship with the man of my dreams. Lately he is quite dependent on me. He has run into some financial trouble due to unstable employment. At first I started helping him out with small things, like picking up the check or giving him rides, even if it is extremely inconvenient.
Dear Carolyn: I occasionally resent my boyfriend because he doesn't take it well when I say no. He pouts when I tell him I want to do something other than what he wants -- like going to the grocery store instead of out to dinner.
Dear Amy: My 20-something daughter has a chronic illness that makes her feel miserable all day. Her dad and I recently bought a small house that we are renting to her (which she pays for out of her meager disability money) to allow her to be more independent.
Hi, Carolyn: In theory, I am completely behind the live and let live philosophy of parenting — my kids' lives are their own, not mine. But I love them deeply and cannot help feeling major concerns over huge, potentially life-ruining decisions they are making. I get not making a stink because, say, my kid chose to leave med school — it's not the only path to success — but what about leaving high school?
Dear Carolyn: I have come to realize I contribute too much to conversations, generally in a "one-upping" situation. This was recently confirmed by a friend. Besides just shutting up when I feel like speaking up, what are some other strategies I can use? -- One-Upper
Dear Carolyn: Lucky me, about half a dozen of my good friends are getting married in the next three months. I would love to be able to express my happiness for them through a lavish gift, but I'm in my mid-20s and have a limited budget. I have prepared for these costs by setting some money aside throughout the past year, but I'm worried I haven't saved enough....
Dear Amy: My cousin's son is getting married. There are two wedding ceremonies on the same day -- one is a Catholic mass at noon, followed by a Hindu ceremony at 4:30, with a reception afterward. I have heard that my cousin is hosting people for snacks at her house between weddings. There was nothing in our invitation that invited us to this gathering.
Everybody knows romantic partners who look as if they belong together. But just why people are sometimes drawn to look-alikes isn't necessarily coincidence.
A new dating website uses facial recognition to suggest pairings based on shared facial characteristics.
Dear Carolyn: No matter what my wife and I do, my in-laws can't manage to say one positive thing about it. I'm talking about big ticket, couple-y things. Our new-to-us car: too old, could break down. Our new house: weird floor plan, no room for multiple babies (we have no kids). Our new city: too expensive. I'm serious -- not. one. positive. comment.
Dear Amy: I have recently been spending more time with a new coworker. The more I get to know her, the more interested I become. We are both unattached and have made your column our morning routine when we work together. We both have had previous bad experiences in relationships. Now I'm having a hard time not asking her out for a date.
Dear Amy: My friend asked me to babysit for her 6-year-old. She is married and pregnant with her second child. She and her husband provided their phone numbers before they went to work -- I had never sat for them before. They have a little pool, so I was laying out in my bikini watching the boy play and her husband showed up and started talking to me.
Dear Carolyn: I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks last year and my husband took it very hard. He told me he didn't want to know if I got pregnant again until the second trimester.
Dear Amy: I have a sister-in-law who in many areas of her life is outstanding. One of her darker sides is in her choice of men. She was recently beaten up by her boyfriend, who broke her clavicle.
Your son's father is no longer in the picture. Where can you find good male role models for him?
Dear Amy: I am a 16-year-old girl with a 13-year-old biological brother, "Paul," and a 10-year-old adopted sister, "Natty." My parents have never told Natty she's adopted.
The playground taunt about "sittin' in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g" spells out the conventions of adulthood: "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage." That may be changing.
Dear Carolyn: I have been with my husband for 10 years; we are in our early 30s. I adore him. I am an introvert. My husband is a true extrovert. I knew that was his personality and was fine with his going out and attending parties whenever he wanted to and I would stay home on occasions when I wanted to.
Dear Carolyn: I feel like an inadequate girlfriend to this wonderful man I've been seeing for a few months, and am afraid I will lose him. He's on the fast track toward full-time coupledom, I'm on the slow track. He's not happy with this situation and neither am I.
Dear Amy: My wife had an emotional affair with a friend from childhood. We worked hard to put the affair behind us. She now wants to go to his high school reunion, a class that she was not even a member of. She says the invitation is open to other schoolmates and other family members.
Dear Carolyn: Sometimes I get frustrated by what seems the default solution to everything: therapy. This morning I realized that “therapy” is really just code for: changes take time and a different perspective. I suppose sort of like in AA, where your higher power doesn't necessarily have to be God. Anyway, thought I'd share....
Dear Amy: Recently, I spent a few nights at a friend's house with some other people who I barely knew. During my stay (out of extreme boredom), we played a sort of "truth or dare" game, where the loser would have to go through a pre-selected dare. Well, I lost, and I went through a sort of hazing that lasted for several hours.
Dear Amy: I live in a small town where I run into the same people all the time. A woman who was not my friend (but in my group of friends) has suddenly gone from being friendly toward me to being hostile and ignoring me. It is causing me distress because I often run into her and it's disrupting the harmony of group gatherings -- at least for me.
Dear Carolyn: When I'm unhappy, I tend to want to change everything -- job, relationships, etc. -- at once. It's hard for me to decipher what the best ways are to change things, rather than blow up my whole life. -- Time to Leave?
Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend helped me out financially last year. He said at the time not to worry about it, but I feel like I should pay him back now that I can. He barely makes enough to get by. However, part of me thinks I should put the money aside to help him in the future, or put it toward a mutual expense. -- Repayment?
Dear Amy: I am a stay-at-home mom of a 4-year-old and 10-month-old. We are busy with preschool and activities, but every two weeks or so I find time to take them to a coffeeshop for a treat. Invariably, while we are there, some guy wants to converse with me and ask about my kids. Today, it was an old veteran who had set up shop in this coffeeshop.
Dear Amy: As a young career woman, I formed close friendships with a group of women who became my bridesmaids, confidants and cheerleaders. We raised our young children together. We celebrated together -- a lot.
Dear Carolyn: How much privacy should a married couple, of 20-plus years, have from each other? Do you believe a spouse should have private passwords to computer, e-mail, phone, Facebook, etc., and private conversations on the phone?
Dear Amy: I am a professional woman in my early 30s. My parents seem to think they need to keep tabs on me as though I were 13. When they call me late at night and I don't answer, it leads to panicked voicemails and angry calls to my significant other.
Dear Carolyn: Every time we visit my in-laws, I end up snappish and short-tempered, which obviously isn't the side of me I want them to see. I'd really like some coping techniques or attitude adjustments to decrease my stress around them.
Dear Amy: I'm a 15-year-old Asian American. I live in a safe neighborhood where gangs are virtually nonexistent and kidnapping and crime are extremely rare. However, my mom feels the need to forbid me from walking outside at all times of the day.
Dear Carolyn: My wife and I have been together 38 years and we are, once again, going through a tough time. We have been seeing a marriage counselor and both respect the counselor's opinions. But we don't seem to be getting anywhere.
Dear Amy: I am an 18-year-old guy. I recently met a girl online through social networking. We started communicating a few weeks ago and have contacted each other every day since. We go to college, but in different states. Things are starting to get pretty serious, but other than video chatting we have never actually met.
Dear Amy: I'm 60 and consider myself computer-literate and socially mature, but I find myself stymied by a recent Facebook incident. I'm a mentor to group of twenty- and thirtysomethings at my church. We socialize several times a month. We are all on Facebook. Recently one member "unfriended" three of us.
Hi, Carolyn: One of my college-age brother's friends, “Joe,” has friended me on Facebook. Joe has had a rough time — many stepfathers, lots of moving around, and a mother with mental-health problems who died a couple of years ago. Joe is now a young father and has split from his son's mother. I don't think he has much of a support system....
Dear Carolyn: I am currently dating a great guy. We get along well, have fun and care about each other a lot. We've been together four months.
Dear Amy: I am in my 30s and have a 5-year-old child.
Hi, Carolyn: Whenever I make a minor driving mistake, like misread a sign, miss a turn, etc., my husband always asks, "Are you OK? Do you need to have your eyes checked?" Similarly if I mishear something, "Do you need to have your hearing checked?"
Dear Amy: I am a man who has just been invited to a bachelorette party. The bride-to-be is a close friend from graduate school. We've known each other for several years.
Dear Carolyn: My girlfriend of five years recently gave me the dreaded "I want to see other people" line. Talking to my friends, most agree that it means "I'm already seeing someone else, or have one in mind."
Dear Amy: What is the kindest way to let a person know that you are no longer interested in a friendship? A former friend (at least that's how I feel) continues to send e-mails and leave phone messages, which I haven't returned in the hopes that she gets the hint.
Dear Carolyn: Three months from now, I am slated to be in a good friend's wedding party a week before my wife is due to give birth to our first child. (It's a three-hour plane ride away). I committed to doing this before my wife got pregnant.
Dear Amy: I am a 21-year-old married woman, working at an internship and attending college full time to finish my associate's degree. My husband was laid off about eight months ago, and we had to move in with my parents.
Dear Amy: My husband and my father are both video gamers. A new version of their favorite game just came out, and I became aware that it is rated M (Mature) by the Entertainment Software Rating Board.
Dear Carolyn: I am 28 and have a little brother who is 16. He is smart, funny, kind and an all-around good kid. He is in a long-term relationship (well, for 16: six months).
Dear Carolyn: My parents and I are really close, but they don't like my boyfriend. They won't say why. I'm planning to spend the next several months living with him. How do I keep up a nice relationship with my parents? -- Moving In
Dear Amy: I've raised my kids for 13 years as a single mom because I want to put my focus on them. Now they're 21 and 13 and no longer want to do anything together as a family. I met a man 10 months ago, and we started dating. He spends one or two nights a week at my place.
Dear Carolyn: My husband and I are 27 and 28 and have been married for 2 1/2 wonderful years. We're financially stable, and we own a home. We are starting to feel real baby pangs.
Dear Amy: I am a 24-year-old single mom with a young son. I was dating a young military man and thought I was in love, so I moved with my son to the town where he was stationed. Things were great until he came back from deployment. Then things went downhill; he lost his temper with my son, and he would lose his temper with me daily.
Dear Amy: I have a very dear friend who has always wanted to be a mother. Unfortunately, she didn't find the right partner until recently. She is now over 40 and has undergone several fertility treatments. Although I am trying to be sympathetic and supportive regarding her situation, I am having a hard time.
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