Americans are so NOSY, you guys, what with their unrelenting interference in Vice Presidential matters and this bizarre obsession with “unsealing” classified documents to better understand the mistakes and triumphs of the past. Thomas Jefferson? Moron. James Madison? Hippie. And don’t even get me started on George Washington.
Via an Op-ed piece by CNN journalist typist LZ Granderson:
We are a nosy country. Though to be fair, it’s not entirely our fault. Between the 24/7 news cycle, social media and reality TV, we have been spoon fed other people’s private business for so long we now assume it’s a given to know everything. And if there are people who choose not to disclose, they must be hiding something. Being told that something’s “none of your business” is slowly being characterized as rude, and if such a statement is coming from the government, it seems incriminating.
Times have changed. Yet, not everything is our business. And in the political arena, there are things that should be and need to be kept quiet.
What is REAL AMERICA up to these days, hm? How are REAL AMERICAN HEROES, like police officers, for example, weathering the economic chaos of the past half decade or so? Turns out they are weathering it with lots of fun toys like tanks and machine guns, thanks to a “program” that allows them to acquire military surplus equipment for the cost of shipment and maintenance. And if that equipment somehow gets sold to interested parties, well, this is just the glorious machinations of the Free Market™.
In 2011 alone, more than 700,000 items were transferred to police departments for a total value of $500 million. This year, as of May 15, police departments already acquired almost $400 million worth of stuff. Last year’s record would have certainly been shattered if the Arizona Republic hadn’t revealed in early May that a local police department used the program to stockpile equipment – and then sold the gear to others, something that is strictly forbidden.…
You guys, the Iranian government is still super mad about Salman Rushdie bad-mouthing the Prophet Muhammed, 25 years ago! But since Ayatollah Khomeini’s death sentence against him continues to not be carried out, what can they do to get the kids interested in violent intimidation of literary blasphemy? Hmm, the kids love the video games, right? The thing you hook up to the TV and use to make the Crusader/Zionist plumbers jump on top of turtles or whatever? What if we turned this whole Salman Rushdie business into one of these video games, and gave it an awesome name like … “The Stressful Life of Salman Rushdie and Implementation of his Verdict”? That is an amazing title, but we’re afraid that it contains the making of what might be the dullest video game of all time.
As if schools weren’t already trying to indoctrinate people’s children with “critical thinking” skills and other grave threats to the Common Good, one brave New Hampshire lawmaker is risking the laughter of his state’s godless heathens by pointing to a previously unrealized societal ill: kindergarten creates crime.
Representative Bob Kingsbury said he’s been working on a theory since 1996, when he analyzed local crime rates and compared them to a list of communities that offered public kindergarten. Then, he told his colleagues, Laconia offered kindergarten and had the highest rates of crime. Meanwhile, surrounding towns, some of which didn’t offer kindergarten, had less crime.
Surely, Detroit could use some more firefighters? At the very least, the nearly bankrupt city could use some help making sure it keeps the fire department remains staffed at or near its present levels, right? Right?
No. That would be very wrong, Mr. MSNBC union thug.
Consider Detroit’s famous Packard Plant. This is a thing that used to be a thing because people made cars there. Then it became a thing because Eurotrash tourists like to visit and take Hipstamatic photographs inside the iconic urban ruin. But locally, the Packard Plant is mainly a thing because the bitch is always on fire. READ MORE »
These nice protesters went to Betty Crocker Drive in Golden Valley, Minnesota, to throw all their Wheaties and Cheerios and Bisquick and Gogurt and Hamburger Helper and Pillsbury Crescent Rolls and Gold Medal flour and La Saltena spaghetti right in the face of stupid old General Mills, by collecting all General Mills’ products from their own kitchens and donating them to a food bank. Why the unexpected outbreak of Christian charity? Because General Mills stomped its giant foot down and interfered against the heroic fight to save heterosexual marriage from icky gays who should be put to death, when the company said, “hey, we think it’s important that Minnesota be inclusive and welcoming.” Judging by that statement, General Mills probably doesn’t even think that we should put homosexuals to death! We bet we know one group that no longer thinks corporations are people! READ MORE »
Hooray! The Texas GOP has published its 2012 platform! It’s a bonanza for list-makers, from Think Progress to Comedy Central, because it’s just THAT FULL of crazy. It’s a veritable Boffo’s Joke Emporium Grab-Bag of lunacy: we’ve got pledges to repeal the 1965 Voter [sic] Rights Act, to stop the womenfolk from doing ungodly things with their sinful ladyparts, and to keep the UN from tainting the water supply with homosexual Kenyan-born Day-After Pills.
But the awesomest part of the platform is to be found in the section on Edumacation. No, it’s not the ringing endorsement of corporal punishment, nor is it the predictable support for promoting freedom by forcing children to pledge allegiance to both the US and Texas flags. Heck, it’s not even the subtle shift from an open “Cdesign proponentsist” agenda to a pseudo-neutral call for students to be able to answer “God Did It” on a biology test “without fear of retribution or discrimination,” or even the plan to base all US History lessons on the art of John McNaughton.
Nope, the real zinger of the 2012 GOP platform is what appears to be a declaration of war on rational thought itself:
We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS) (values clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs that are simply a relabeling of Outcome-Based Education (OBE) (mastery learning) which focus on behavior modification and have the purpose of challenging the student’s fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority.
Exodus International is one of those ministries that promise to help people who are gay but are raised in a belief system that tells them that their desire for emotional and sexual fulfillment with someone of the same gender is wrong by helping them come to terms with their true feelings curing them of gayness. Oh, whoops, did we say “cure”? Because it turns out that Exodus is now saying that they can’t cure your sweaty, unrepressible urges to have hot sexytimes with a dude (if you’re a dude) or a lady (if you’re a lady) and in fact it never could! This could explain a lot, like why two of the organization’s cofounders ran off with each other in the ’70s and got gay married. Find out after the jump if this epiphany has led them to have a more healthy and realistic attitude towards sexuality. (SPOILER: No.)
Bad news! A lady was raped. Good news! She went to the hospital, was cared for, and was given two birth control pills to prevent pregnancy. Bad news! The lady was arrested by the Tampa PD on a warrant when filing her police report. Good news! Er, hmmm. Bad news! Prison employee Michele Spinelli refused to give the lady her second pill, on “religious grounds.” Good news! The lady did not get pregnant anyway. Bad news! We will just repeat that again: Prison employee Michele Spinelli refused to give the lady her second pill, on “religious grounds.” READ MORE »
In a plain case of “Blessed are the poor for Bryan Fischer wants them dead,” the radio host and director of issues analysis at the American Family Association recently overshared some characteristically Deep Thoughts on fixing godless heathen Obamacare. The following Guide to A Good Christian’s Healthcare may prove helpful.
Hospitals should send the poor away: Since it’s plainly an insult to Christianity for hospitals to force care on indigents, Fischer reasons “People need medical care, you will say. Right. People need to eat, too. How long would a grocer stay in business if he was required to offer food to everyone who walked in the door regardless of their ability to pay?” See how much easier moral problems are for Christians once Jesus goes under the bus?
Allow low-premium, high-deductible insurance policies: This commonsense approach encourages the poor to set each other’s broken bones, pull their own teeth, cure Junior’s mumps through leeching and ritually slaughter oxen to ward off werewolves. READ MORE »
Good news everyone! Our benevolent corporate overlords are here to stay and it’s full steam ahead for the New American Plutocracy! USA! USA! USA!
The Supreme Court on Monday turned away a plea to revisit its 2-year-old campaign finance decision in the Citizens United case and instead struck down a Montana law limiting corporate campaign spending.
Rather than hearing the case to rethink Citizens United, as Justice Ginsburg had predicted, the court decided that our public discourse was enriched immeasurably from commentary from Foster Freiss and as a result, we will have to hear from people like him possibly forever. Since the court is not at all a partisan body, the decision was 5 -4:
Herman Cain and Ken Blackwell, the former Ohio secretary of state who STOLE THE 2004 ELECTION WITH MACHINES, have teamed up to produce this video about the Right to Vote. They do so by criticizing the Justice Department’s attempts to ensure black people can vote in the face of new laws that are clearly trying to suppress black turnout. And how could DoJ also refuse to pursue the New Black Panther Party scandal? Herman Cain and Ken Blackwell would have pursued it, for civil rights. READ MORE »
The Senate is trying to pass a flood insurance bill, and all Rand Paul wants to do is improve the quality of flood insurance that Americans nationwide will enjoy in the years ahead. Specifically, he wants to add a lil’ Life at Conception Act, which would “ensure equal protection for right to life of each born and preborn human person.” Why won’t Harry Reid bring this amendment to a vote on a flood insurance bill? READ MORE »
Who’s not going to the Democratic National Convention now? Why it’s Democratic Sen. Claire McCaskill, because she is going to lose her re-election bid. Her excuse: She wants to spend more time talking to voters! “Generally speaking, Claire has not gone to the national convention when she is on the ballot because she believes it’s important to spend as much time as possible in the state of Missouri and talking with voters,” says her spokesperson. What the spokesperson means is, she doesn’t want to be seen in the 10,000-person gay Mexican commie orgy that the Democratic National Convention devolves into by hour two, every time. READ MORE »
Well, over on whatever website or smelly airwave Glenn Beck currently resides, Beck and his friends/unpaid interns have decided to make some predictions about the 2012 presidential election upon which the fate of the universe rides. Here is Glenn’s measured and educated guess! Wow, good. READ MORE »
Americans are so NOSY, you guys, what with their unrelenting interference in Vice Presidential matters and this bizarre obsession with “unsealing” classified documents to better understand the mistakes and triumphs of the past. Thomas Jefferson? Moron. James Madison? Hippie. And don’t even get me started on George Washington.
Herman Cain and Ken Blackwell, the former Ohio secretary of state who STOLE THE 2004 ELECTION WITH MACHINES, have 
