Lil Luke Russert tonight:

It was back on 7/18 when the Republicans handed the keynote speaker gig at  the Republican National Convention to Jersey Shore shouty guy Chris Christie. What did Lil Luke have to say that day?

Meh. Didn’t mention it.

But he did twittertwat this late breaking development that day:

Whoa. Dude…

#DC #simplethings, indeed…

Taking time out from insulting the rest of humanity who are not named “Romney”, Mitt “Mitt” Romney was all, “No way, José ….and not the José I fired because I’m running for President, for Pete’s sake” about releasing any more of his tax returns that could possibly show investment income coming from, say, cat brothels or showing that maybe he has more secret overseas accounts with names like Stolen Nazi Gold LLC or Dancing Horse Sperm Futures OPEC. I mean, anything could be in those tax returns so you should feel free to speculate wildly.

I know I am.

But here is what Mitt’s people had to say today while all the time realizing that they will not hear the end of this from reporters who are going to annoy the shit out of them about this from now until like two days before election day when Mitt will say, “Well, we’ll see…” just like your parents used to tell you when you asked for a pony – that you still haven’t received – because your parents were just big fat liars who wouldn’t deal with you honestly and now when you visit them at their adult care facility and they ask if you’ll come again next week, you say “Well, we’ll see …” and then trail off because… revenge.

Oh yeah, here is Mitt saying “Bite me, poors and blahs. Ha Ha Ha. Money rulz!.”:

Mitt Romney’s campaign said Monday they would not release any more of the candidate’s personal income tax information, despite an acknowledgement from Romney that he had been audited in the past.

“Mitt Romney has paid his taxes in full compliance with U.S. Law, and he has paid 100 percent of what he has owed,” Romney spokesman Ryan Williams wrote.

He continued, “As has previously been reported, in 2011, the Romneys will pay more than $3.2 million in taxes on $20.9 million in mostly investment income and will have donated more than $4 million to charity. In 2010, The Romneys paid more than $3 million in taxes on $21.6 million in mostly investment income and donated nearly $3 million to charity.”

Romney has disclosed his income tax returns from 2010, and released an estimate of his 2011 tax information in April. He has vowed to release 2011′s full return one it’s completed by his accountant.

On an unrelated note, there are probably no exceedingly profitable white baby breeding farms hidden in South America that sell matched sets of blonde-haired blue-eyed children to future Supreme Court justices… so please forget I even mentioned it in conjunction with Mitt Romney’s Highly-Secretive No-Peeking, You Big Loser tax returns and his unexplained hundreds of millions of dollars hidden all over the world.

The end.

After failing in his attempt to make sweet missionary love with the Goode Gentiles in Merrye Olde, Mitt “Mitt” Romney took his Speed Dating the World 2012 tour to Israel where he spent yesterday pitching woo to his internet girlfriend Jennifer Rubin by whispering sweet Bibis into her ear.  But Mitt being Mitt, he couldn’t just grab his check from orange-haired grotesque Sheldon Adelson (the Jewish Trump) and skip town without stopping to point out that Jews are good with money while people held prisoner in enormous open air concentration camps are not. I mean, what’s up with that?

Mitt Romney told Jewish donors Monday that their culture is part of what has allowed them to be more economically successful than the Palestinians, outraging Palestinian leaders who suggested his comments were racist and out of touch with the realities of the Middle East. His campaign later said his remarks were mischaracterized

Yeah. That happens a lot every time he says words, so let’s see how every one else in the world is totally wrong AGAIN  about what he said THIS TIME:

“As you come here and you see the GDP per capita, for instance, in Israel which is about $21,000 dollars, and compare that with the GDP per capita just across the areas managed by the Palestinian Authority, which is more like $10,000 per capita, you notice such a dramatically stark difference in economic vitality,” the Republican presidential candidate told about 40 wealthy donors who ate breakfast at the luxurious King David Hotel.

[...]

Palestinian reaction to Romney was swift and pointed.

“It is a racist statement and this man doesn’t realize that the Palestinian economy cannot reach its potential because there is an Israeli occupation,” said Saeb Erekat, a senior aide to Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas.

“It seems to me this man lacks information, knowledge, vision and understanding of this region and its people,” Erekat added. “He also lacks knowledge about the Israelis themselves. I have not heard any Israeli official speak about cultural superiority.”

One imagines someone knocking on Romney spokesperson Andrea Saul’s hotel room door telling her she has yet another fire to put out only to hear her quiet sobbing as she sits on the bathroom floor amidst a scattering of empty mini-bar bottles.

As criticism mounted while Romney traveled to Poland, campaign spokeswoman Andrea Saul said: “His comments were grossly mischaracterized.” The Republican’s campaign contends Romney’s comparison of countries that are close to each other and have wide income disparities – the U.S. and Mexico, Chile and Ecuador – shows his comments were broader than just the comparison between Israel and Palestine.

But then….

His comparison of the two economies did not take into account the stifling effect the Israeli occupation has had on the Palestinian economy in the West Bank, Gaza Strip and east Jerusalem – areas Israel captured in 1967 where the Palestinians hope to establish a state.

In the West Bank, Palestinians have only limited self-rule. Israel controls all border crossings in and out of the territory, and continues to restrict Palestinian trade and movement. Israel annexed east Jerusalem in 1967, but has invested much less heavily there than in Jewish west Jerusalem.

And although Israel withdrew from the Gaza Strip in 2005, it continues to control access and has enforced a crippling border blockade since the Islamic militant Hamas seized the territory in 2007.

It’s true that Israel has logged tremendous achievements, said Abraham Diskin, a political science professor at the Inter-Disciplinary Center outside of Tel Aviv. But “you can understand this remark in several ways,” he added. “You can say it’s anti-Semitic. `Jews and money.’”

So, really, today’s comments are a two-fer.

Well played, Mitt Romney: equal opportunity offender…