Comments(1)

|

E-mail

|

Print

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

SABRINA BRYAN FOR THE WIN.

I’m still dismayed when I think about the Cheetah Girl’s early exit during season 5. Every one of her dances was perfection. I still remember this:

FANTASTIC.

She’s got some stiff competition during “All Stars.” which kicks off tonight. Past winners. Past favorites. And Bristol Palin.

Here they come! I don’t need to see Tristan McManus shirtless, no. And Val Chimerkovsky needs to lay off the tanner. He looks like Mitt Romney. Kym Johnson is giving Mariah Carey realness.

Half-point scores are added in this season to make things more complicated. Let’s do it.

Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson (season 4): Cha-cha, 20.5. I just can’t take Joey Fatone seriously. He gets dorkier with age, I think. The dance isn’t particularly sexy or charming or smooth. It’s not bad. It’s just sort of there. And his makeup is bleeding into his facial hair.

Shawn Johnson and Derek Hough (season 8): Fox trot, 22. I totally skipped the season Shawn took the mirrorball. Or I don’t remember it. No matter. She and Derek seem to make a nice pair. Easy, light chemistry. It just doesn’t make much of an impact. Even the crowd response seems muted.

Sabrina Bryan and Louis Van Amstel (season 5): Cha-cha, 22.5. YES! Sabrina attacks the dance with force, aggression and power. I’m almost afraid she’s going to spin off the floor. Her approach is so strong that it’s almost scary. I think she’s trying to prove she deserves the second chance. She certainly does. I’m not sure how anyone is going to be better in the next few weeks. TEAM SABRINA!

And it’s nice to see some things never change. The “DWTS” singers are still absolutely horrible.

Helio Castroneves and Chelsie Hightower (season 5): Fox trot, 21.5. Is the Helio magic gone? Since he won season 5, he’s spent a lot of time in gossip rags. I think his appearance here might be more PR 101 than anything else. This time, his facial expressions and moves come off more hammy than dashing.

Pamela Anderson and Tristan McManus (season 10): Cha-cha, 17. Before dancing, she sizes up the competition.

“Bristol Palin – she’s got the whole tea party, right?”

Tristan, keep it buttoned. The chest hair is distracting. Pamela isn’t bad, really. She’s just … well … trashy. Everything about this dance reeks of last call. She also seems to lose steam by the end, which is sad since it’s only 90 seconds. Guess someone has to leave first.

Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani (season 8): Fox trot, 21. I don’t quite understand why she’s here. Is she famous? Do people care about her? How did she make it to third place? The dance is fine, fine. But there’s just no star power. No pop. She looks like an extra in one of those filler dance sequences.

I mean, I’d almost pay to see Tony do this again:

Apollo Anton Ohno and Karina Smirnoff (season 4): Cha-cha, 22. I KNEW from the costumes they were dancing to an LMFAO song. (RIP.)  I have to give it to Apollo. He’s still got it. And he’s seriously working that, ahem, backside. This is an exuberant, exciting introduction.

Gilles Marini and Peta Murgatroyd (season 8): Fox trot, 24. This is like a blend of several of the dances we’ve seen so far. Dashing, theatrical, fun and stylish. It’s not too over-the-top and just classy enough. Nice job.

Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas (season 11): Cha-cha, 19.5. And here we go. Love, hate, inconsequential. She’s trying so hard. I can almost see the counting in her head. The judges rave about the improvement, but it’s hard to get worse than she was during season 11. She looks better, though — which has also been a topic of discussion.

Drew Lachey and Anna Trebunskaya (season 2): Fox trot, 21.5. It’s going along nicely until the jump, when Drew has a slip-up. He catches himself, but it was noticeable, especially in such a lighthearted dance. Squarely in the middle.

Kelly Monaco and Val Chmerkovskiy (season 1): Cha-cha, 21.5. The inaugural season was only six weeks, which means Kelly only learned half the dances of recent stars. The cha-cha is new to her, then — which proves to be an advantage. She’s a bit of a revelation. Sexy and slick and smooth. Her chemistry with Val is indeed on point. I love this! I love her!

I would have scored them higher.

Kirstie Alley and Maks Chmerkovskiy (season 12): Fox trot, 19. There’s a loose, sexy vibe to Kirstie’s dancing that works for her. She still has nice chemistry with Maks, and the performance has an emotive, emotional quality. The judges, however, show no mercy.

Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke (season 3): Cha-cha, 24.5. The best was indeed saved for last. Emmitt manages a great balance of technique and entertainment. He’s perfectly paired with Cheryl, and the whole thing is a ton of fun.

Emmitt, of course, is on top. At the bottom is Pamela, whose time on the show might already be a bust.

“DWTS” airs at 7 p.m. Mondays and Tuesdays on AB C.

 Loading ...