Last week, the the euphoria of the Jet’s opening game blow-out over Buffalo plummeted to the ground with the wobbly explosiveness of a Tim Tebow outlet pass on third and long. Through the first two weeks of the season the NFL’s most expensive novelty player has exactly as many passing attempts and completions as my mom, although Timmy did have one carry for 22 yards against the Steelers which is one more yard than Chris Johnson has in 19 attempts over two games. Kudos, back-up fullback and special teams pawn.

In additional Tebow news, Timmy expressed an interest in politics following what is  sure to be a stellar football career which means that, if he is not the Second Coming of Jesus, he can at least be the Second Coming of Heath Shuler. Oh, also too, Timmy talks about what he’s looking for in one Special Lady when the day comes when he finally gets tired of taking showers with big sweaty guys:

Tebow again raised the possibility of a career in politics when he is through with football.

“There are a lot of goals and ambitions that I have in life, things I want to accomplish. Who knows? I mean-it could be politics one day,” Tebow said. “I want to have a life that can help people”.

[...]

He also discussed what he’s looking for in a future Mrs. Tebow.

“I definitely, definitely want a family,” Tebow said. “It’s about finding someone sweet and kind—and that has a servant’s heart. It’s about finding a girl who likes me for me, and not because of what I do or who I am or the name. Oh, also, she’s gotta have really big tits because I’m totally down for some motor-boating action, if you know what I mean…”

Yeah, I may have embellished that quote a little. I blame Obama Satan.

This week the Jets play Miami which is quarterbacked by that rookie guy with the smoking hot wife. The Chargers are blacked out locally because The Price of Tickets Is Too Damn High and there are also lots of other things to do in San Diego on a sunny Sunday afternoon besides sitting in a stadium with a bunch of screaming sweaty drunks.

Feel free to use the comments  talk shit about whomever is playing your NFL team this week. Particularly if they are the Raiders….

UPDATE: Courtesy of Deadspin, your moment of Tebow Zen

Future Nobel Prize Winner for Journalism and certified “genius” (according to one of the guys at Buzzfeed – probably the LOLcat Editor) Matthew Boyle has a lot of time on his hands after it turned out that Attorney General Eric Holder wasn’t the head of Mexico’s largest and most violent drug/gun/counterfeit plaster Hello Kitty piggy-bank cartel, so now Matt’s just kind of hanging around the office, checking out what everyone else is doing, sitting in his cubicle working on his paperclip chain-mail for this weekend’s Ye Olde Renaissance Faire & Car Swappe Meete, and seeing how many Rolos he can shove in his mouth at one time.

This is not helping the conservative cause despite the fact that this is also how Jonah Goldberg got started.

I mean, Matt could do some TV spots. Maybe something on Fox:

Okay. Maybe that’s not such a good idea even if we apply the Fox & Friends standard of competence.

So it is back to the old grind of ink-stained I-cover-the-waterfront investigative journalism and, OH BOY!, look what just dropped into his lap! SCOOP CITY, bitchez!

Vice President Joe Biden may have stuck his foot in his mouth again on Friday, using an awkward off-the-cuff phrase to compliment high school cheerleaders during a campaign stop.

According to a pool report from Biden’s stop at Newport High School in Newport, N.H., the vice president arrived to talk to “about 100 students in their sports uniforms waiting for him in a semi-circle.”

“He cradled a football under his arm as he spoke,” the pool report, written by The New York Times’ Trip Gabriel reads. “He began by asking which teams were represented — football, soccer, lacrosse and cross-country. Any others? He asked. ‘Cheerleaders,’ a group of girls shouted.”

“Guess what, the cheerleaders in college are the best athletes in college,” Biden said. “You think, I’m joking, they’re almost all gymnasts, the stuff they do on hard wood, it blows my mind.”

Remember when some of the banksters who destroyed the world wide financial system demanded to receive their bonuses or they would show regulators where the bodies were buried?

Welcome to failing industry, #Romneyshambles LLC:

Mitt Romney’s campaign handed out $112,500 in bonuses to four of its top staffers, according to new disclosure records filed Thursday.

Richard Beeson, Romney’s national political director, received a $37,500 payment on Aug. 31, in addition to his monthly salary of $13,750, according to records filed with the Federal Election Commission.

In addition, campaign manager Matt Rhoades, policy advisor Lanhee Chen and communications director Gail Gitcho each received $25,000 payments on the same date, filings show. The trio are also paid at the same rate as Beeson, which works out to an annual equivalent of $165,000.

A Romney spokeswoman did not immediately respond to requests for comment on the payments Thursday.

The bonuses came the day after Romney formally accepted the Republican presidential nomination at the party’s convention in Tampa. Despite strong fundraising since May, new records show that the campaign was struggling badly for money in August because it had run low on primary funds and was unable to tap into contributions collected for the general election until after the nomination. Instead, the campaign borrowed $20 million.

A business model where a failing business is loaded up with debt which is in turn doled out in fees to senior staff before the whole thing comes crashing down around their ears? This is unheard of.

On the other hand, I approve of the bang-up job they are doing….