Dependable Renegade

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that is shaken and not stirred

Bryan Fischer doesn't understand why women will not stay in their place, the way his version of the Bible tells them to.

• Hey Guys, remember that time that the Zombie-eyed Granny-starver went to the soup kitchen late, to listen to people not there, and wash dishes that were already cleaned? Me Neither!, but anyway, the manager of the soup kitchen says that the Romney-Ryan campaign did not clear the visit with them first and should not have been allowed in as it breaks their non-political endorsement rules. (Raw Story)
• “We're praying for you hard.” - Famous ladyparts scholar Todd Akin has decided that his best chance of winning the election is Divine Intervention (not the sex toy company, though that would be more fun), and is now having prayer sessions at his campaign events. (BuzzFeed)
• Huckabee says... It's been a while since we've checked in on our old squirrel-frying pal Gomer to see what he's up to, and it turns out he's trying to tear down the wall between Church and State:

  Huckabee added that Christians should not blame "things that putrefy and get spoiled, because that's what things do when they're left alone and godless." If things are dark, it's the Christians who are going to turn the lights on, he said. "If politics is dirty in this country, it's dirty because not enough good, clean people get involved."

  Oy, gevalt! (Christian Post)

--Tengrain

Is anyone surprised?

Little Lord Lyinryan can't even tell the truth about his visit to a soup kitchen:

Brian J. Antal, the president of an Ohio charity for the homeless, is objecting to a photo op staged by the Romney campaign on Saturday that featured vice presidential running mate Paul Ryan washing pots and pans that had already appeared to be clean...

We’re a faith-based organization; we are apolitical because the majority of our funding is from private donations,” Antal said in a phone interview Monday afternoon. “It’s strictly in our bylaws not to do it. They showed up there and they did not have permission. They got one of the volunteers to open up the doors.”

He added: “The photo-op they did wasn’t even accurate. He did nothing. He just came in here to get his picture taken at the dining hall.”

click to embiggen

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

Jason, Tommy Thompson's (R-Pushup fiend), son goes birther: “We have the opportunity to send President Obama back to Chicago — or Kenya."

• Say Buh-bye - The student government at Elon University in North Carolina, has voted to ask diabets-and-hate vender Chick-fil-A to leave campus, and for it to be replaced with a different eatery. (Pink News)
• A Noun, a Verb, and 9-11 - Cousin-marrying serial adulterer Rudy Giuliani says that Republicans should politicize the killing of Ambassador Chris Stevens for political gain. (Think Progress)
• Get off the cross - Let's have a pity party for hate group American Family Association homophobic mouthpiece Bryan Fischer who says that today's "Mix-it-Up Day" (where kids are encouraged to sit with kids outside their cliques as a low-effort way to stop bullying) is "a mechanism for punishing Christian students who believe that homosexual behavior is not something that should be normalized." It's always all about them, the Xristian Xrazies. (Think Progress)

--Tengrain

PS - I forgot to mention it, but I'm doing Mike's Blog Round Up at Crooks and Liars this week. Stop by and say Hi! -- TG

Red Bull Stratos' second attempt.

That didn't take long.

[h/t twolf]

--WT

Is this too bro?

 

--twolf

You've been judged

"I'm disappointed in you." --Tengrain (via BuzzFeed)

Heh.

 

--WT

Saturday News Briefs

Not the Sunday Funnies

• Hey guys, remember that time when Rep. Scott DesJarlais, a freshman Republican who opposes abortion, was caught on tape urging his mistress to get an abortion? Me Neither!, but anyway he claims that she was never pregnant, so you know, it's cool. (Commercial Appeal)
• Noted ladyparts scholar and Merriam-Webster protégé Todd Akin, a man of science, says that there is no science behind evolution:

  I don’t see [evolution] as even a matter of science because I don’t know that you can prove one or the other.

  (Think Progress)

• At last! A contest that Chimpy can win.

--Tengrain

Dogs in Slow Motion

 

--twolf

Your typical Romney supporter.

Via @buzzfeedandrew

--WT

Happy Hour News Briefs

Make mine a double

And Wingnuttia's freak-out begins.

• Vile - Florida's chapter of the GOP's Uncle Tom's Log Cabin Club has an ad out that features the slain corpse of Ambassador Chris Stevens and the copy reads (in part) "If the Obama administration isn't going to protect Gay/Gay-friendly American citizens from the terror of Islamic radicalism, what makes you think they will protect us from Shariah Law... ANYWHERE?" and then the ad urges Florida LGBT voters to choose the Republican party to "support Israel." (Bilerico Project)
• How many demons can dance on a pinhead? - A former Navy chaplain offers 'free' ebook alleging that The Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby has been 'ruled by up to 50 different evil spirits.' So I guess 50 is the answer? Yes. (God Discussion)
• Endorsements! - Huzzah for The Willard Mechanism! It's true: His Willardness has earned the endorsement of serial car-crashing, drug-abusing drunken starlet and alleged jewelry thief Lindsay Lohan. It should also be noted that LiLoh is not registered to vote. (NYPost)

--Tengrain

News Briefs

News you can use all day

(Petunia and Pals) Petunia suggest Paul Ryan should have cold-stone decked Joe Biden.

• Petunia - "Reading The Transcript," Biden Likely Won The Debate, But Let's Focus On Biden's Demeanor" (Media Matters)
• About that Catholic faith thingy - A new poll out shows that despite the best efforts of the bishops, they are least concerned about abortion and gay marriage. Catholic voters are most concerned about jobs, public education and healthcare. (Catholics for Choice)
• 24 myths in 40 Minutes - Think Progress fact checks Paul Ryan. (Think Progress)
• Bonus News - Zombie-eyed Granny starver Paul Ryan has now un-endorsed WI State Rep. Roger "some girls rape so easy" Rivard (R - Dumbfuckistan) (Raw Story)

--Tengrain

This sums up the VP Debate.

--WT

Laffin'.

Via fuck yeah dementia!!1!

--WT

Wait for it....

Not that anyone outside a Fox newsroom cares, but everyone's favorite meth queen, Sarah Palin, has some suggestions for Ryan for tonight's debate:

"I think it’s going to be very, very important for Paul Ryan to do what I attempted to do," Palin advised on FOX News this afternoon. "At the end of the day, though, that VP debater has just got to be themselves, they’ve got to stand on their own record … and just tell the truth. And that’s what Americans are going to crave tonight."

O RLY?

 

--WT

Paul Ryan runs a new personal best

in his flight from his congressional record:

When Paul Ryan and Joe Biden face off at their debate tonight, "the form of address the vice president is supposed to use with his opponent is "mister" instead of "congressman," Politico reports.

"The form of address is part of the detailed memorandum of understanding between the two camps, according to the sources familiar with the document. Such MOUs detail specifics ranging from how footage of the debates can be used to podium placement, and so forth."

Somebody doesn't want to be held accountable for all his lies...

--WT

Perhaps we need a palate cleanser?

Everytime a kitteh sneezes, a unicorn is born. Or something. I read that online. -- Tengrain

Separated at birth?

[h/t JD]

--WT

As if we didn't already know

what a douchebag Ryan is.The backwards baseball cap confirms it.

More pics of Mr. P90X for Time Magazine here.

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

(Petunia and Pals) The Dumb One smacks down The Other Dumb One over the manufactured controversy of the VP Debate Moderator.

• 867-5309 - Well, well, well! Noted Batboy look alike Governor Rick Scott meant to direct people to the meningitis hotline, but instead gave them a phone number to a sex hotline with a greeting that begins, "Hello boys, thank you for calling me on my anniversary." Hubba-hubba! (Tampa Bay Times)
• Like a roller coaster ride - Travis Waldron over at Think Progress had the unenviable task of trying to make a timeline of all of The Stench's positions on his tax plan. It's kind of hysterical and kinda frightening. (Think Progress)
• Big Bird Has Two Dads.

--Tengrain

Happy Hour News Briefs

News on the rocks, with a twist

More, please.

The big news today is that Abortion is back in the campaign... and all of Wingnuttia has its panties in a bunch:

• Meet patient-banging, serial adulterer and family values hypocrite Tennessee Congressman and Doctor Scott DesJarlais, the pro-life congressman who urged his patient/mistress to have an abortion, rather than have his little squirt break up his marriage. (HuffPo)
• Bug, not a feature - And then Willard seemed to flip-flop on Abortion rights back to being a moderate: “There’s no legislation with regards to abortion that I’m familiar with that would become part of my agenda." -- which has the Xristian Xrazies doing backflips down the hallways of the various sanitariums and mental institutions that house them. (TPM)
• To the Rescue! - Dimwitted Secessionist Theocrat Rick Perry is telling anyone who will listen to him that His Willardness will appoint only strict constitutionalists to the Supreme Court, so not to worry about women ever having the right to choose once Willard is installed. When fetus-fondling moron Rick Perry has to come to your rescue, you should worry. (Politico)

--Tengrain

Call me a conspiracy nut,

but I don't think Ann Romney makes her own Welsh cakes (no, that's not code):

Wednesday morning in New York: outside it is drab and drizzly. Inside the Good Morning America studios at ABC it is brighter than ever-–Ann Romney is here! And not just for a quick interview, but to host the show! Well not the whole show, we are told at 7am – but she would be "coming in in our second hour!"

...

"After raising five boys, I'm ready for anything!" cried an enthusiastic Romney, catching a football and wearing a hot pink jacket as the camera announced her presence at 8am. But the best thing about live television is you can't always follow a script.

"They're burning," she muttered through clenched teeth to an unseen minion, seconds later, not realizing she was on camera. "You can turn the griddle down."

I'm sure that's what she does at home, too. Sweeps into the kitchen to survey the help, points out that the Welsh cakes are burning, and sweeps out again.

"I hold the spatula like this, right?"

--WT

 

R.I.P. Mongo.

Aww, damn. Alex Karras has passed away.

 

--WT

Whatta Dad.

In case you were on the fence about Romney's sociopathy, check this out:

The Republican presidential candidate dispatched his five adult sons onto a late night television show where they jokingly told stories of their father's pranks in an effort to humanise the former businessman who critics accuse of being boring.

...

Matt Romney, the former Massachusetts governor's second son, told how his father would present his children with a stick of butter, telling them "it's so rotten you have to smell it". When they leaned down he would gleefully shove their faces into the plate.

Mr Romney apparently repeated the trick recently with one of his grandsons, pushing the shocked child's head into a platter of whipped cream.

No, really, that's funny. Isn't it?

I have no words. The whole family is severely fucked up, if this is the story they tell to try to "humanize" him. W Redux.

[h/t Elliott]

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

Eric Bolling plays with dolls

• "Nice joint you got, shame if anything happened to it." - Meet billionaire David Siegel, who owns Florida-based Westgate Resorts. He sent a strange, threatening and self-aggrandizing email to his employees to let them know that if Obama wins, they're fired. (Think Progress)
• Making you an offer you cannot refuse - Provider of bad service and vertically integrated media company Comcast has been breaking and entering buildings to make sales. (Capitol Hill Seattle)
• Crime and no punishment - Hey guys, remember that time when money-laundering crook and GOP Majority Leader Tom Delay(R-Dancing Fool) was convicted of money laundering in 2010? Me Neither!, but anyway, The Bugman's case goes to an appeals court in Texas where his attorneys will make oral arguments. He was sentenced to three years in prison (where he would make a lovely bride), but has yet to go. (Chron)

--Tengrain

Puking with the Palins

Professional quitter, failed vice presidential candidate and Fox News blabber-mouth Sarah Palin told People magazine that her "family is writing a book on fitness and self-discipline focusing on where we get our energy and balance as we still eat our beloved homemade comfort foods!"

Since Sarah is so busy watching her daughter carry on the family tradition, she may not have the time to come up with a proper title.  Let's give her a hand.  Please leave your title suggestions for her in the comments.  I'm sure she'll stop by at some point to pick one out.

^{[h/t Elliott]}

--twolf

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that is shaken, not stirred

Chimpy's Barbie Doll says that Ryan is the smartest man in the room. Must be a very, very small room.

• Preach it, Brother! - Our good friends at Americans United tells us that more than 1,000 pastors nationwide took part in “Pulpit Freedom Sunday,” an annual event sponsored by the Alliance Defending Freedom (ADF) to encourage clergy to openly violate federal law by endorsing or opposing candidates. Says AU: “If we politicize from the pulpit, we’re turning our houses of worship into Super PACs.” Amen! (Americans United)
• More God-bothering - "Nearly 400 Missouri pastors gathered at the podium of a hotel ballroom recently to pray over the kneeling figure of Rep. Todd Akin, a Senate candidate [Ed. - and noted Lady Parts Scholar] whose campaign had been pronounced dead by national Republican leaders weeks before." Sweet Jeebus! If they laid hands on him, too... OK, I just barfed a little. (WaPo)
• Firings - Another day, another closeted Wingnut gets outed, but this time he loses his job:

  The American Center for Law & Justice (ACLJ) confirmed in a statement provided to Metro Weekly that James Henderson, a senior counsel with the group who focused on federal civil rights and constitutional law, had been fired from the group Sept. 25, one day after a report surfaced on a blog that he may be gay.

  ACLJ's confirmation comes after two blogs — Exposed Politics and The Patriot-Ombudsman — published troves of information about Henderson and his relationship with two younger men. Henderson is married and has eight children.

  ACJL is noted for fighting against ENDA, and now we know why. Wouldn't it be delicious if it turned out Henderson was fighting against ENDA and just got fired because the law wasn't in place? (Poliglot)

--Tengrain

I believe this is called a "smackdown."

Julia Gillard, PM of Australia, knocks out a few teeth:

It's a long speech, but damn, is it worth it. Would be nice to have a leader who would talk like this.

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

(Petunia and Pals) Petunia heaps praise on The Dumb One who then says something true (but dumb).

• Endorsements (maybe?) - Reports are ever-so-close that the GOP's Uncle Tom's Log Cabin Club is close to endorsing The Willard Mechanism. Well, of course they are, although they once decided not to endorse the GOP candidate: Chimpy McStagger. (Washington Blade)
• Hiring! - Michigan can expect to add about 2,000 more jobs thanks to General Motors. They are starting to hire tech workers in house rather than off-shore. (Detroit News)
• Ads! - Notable absent from the campaign have been funny ads, but no more! The Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby decided to unleash his hidden snarker with an ad that mocks His Willardness's jihad to Big Bird:

  It's actually a pretty effective ad and mentions some substantial stuff while mocking Willard.

--Tengrain

Patriot Street

 

--twolf

The empty beer can doesn't fall

far from the front porch:

Uh oh. Seems like things aren't going so well for all-star Bristol Palin during her second stint on "Dancing With the Stars." A new video on People.com of a recent rehearsal shows the reality TV personality really upset with pro partner Mark Ballas.

...

"You play this victim role," she accuses. "I know that I'm here, I'm on time, I'm ready to go. I wouldn't be on this show if I wasn't going to take it seriously." The reality personality also points out that he missed a recent rehearsal session.

After Mark tries some more to console Bristol, she says, "I'm just not doing this anymore" and walks out of practice.

Yeah, I know. Publicity stunt, but still. If it's one thing the Palins know how to do really well, it's quitting.

"ME AND MY FAKE FACE QUIT!"

--WT

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that is sipped neat

Pray that the Church will tell us who to vote for. Sweet Baby Jeebus, really? I pray for you Elmer Gantrys to lose your tax exempt status.

• Spare the rod - God-fearing fetus-fondler and fan of Family Values Republican legislator Charlie Fuqua (R -- Sister-fuck Arkansas) says that parent should be able to kill their unruly children, for Jeebus. American Taliban Fuqua doesn't think that it will need to be invoked often, but it is a nice-to-have tool in the ol' toolbox:

  The maintenance of civil order in society rests on the foundation of family discipline. Therefore, a child who disrespects his parents must be permanently removed from society in a way that gives an example to all other children of the importance of respect for parents. The death penalty for rebellioius [sic] children is not something to be taken lightly. The guidelines for administering the death penalty to rebellious children are given in Deut 21:18-21:

  [snip]

  This passage does not give parents blanket authority to kill their children. They must follow the proper procedure in order to have the death penalty executed against their children... Even though this procedure would rarely be used, if it were the law of land, it would give parents authority. Children would know that their parents had authority and it would be a tremendous incentive for children to give proper respect to their parents.

  (Arkansas Blog)

• Return to Sender - Former Chimpy Administration HHS Secretary and notable push-up fiend Tommy Thompson is playing the role of the befuddled Grandpa Walnuts of this campaign season: he has no idea how many homes he owns:

  Thompson responded to a question last week, saying he had three houses. Thompson acknowledged his old farm in his hometown of Elroy, and a house in Madison, plus a nearly 11,000 square foot home in Kissimmee, Florida, near Walt Disney World. When asked if there were any others, he said quickly and simply: "No." However, the campaign later responded with a correction, also recognizing his condo off Lake Wisconsin in Sauk County, currently valued at more than $1.3 million, for a total of four houses.

  In all fairness to Tommyboy, I forget that I paid off my little hut where I live, too. (TPM)

• Winners! - Noted volcano scholar and boy exorcist Governor Bobby "Bubba" Jindal and infamous helicopter enthusiast/Bob's Big Boy impersonator Gov. Chris Christie have decided that they will share leading the Wingnuttian Governors Association, so it should look like a low-budget Laurel and Hardy short film. (CNN)

--Tengrain