What’s this, Sara Benincasa is joining us tonight, in our domicile? Does she have hair to braid? We will soon find out!
In the meantime, here is the first and last nice thing we will most likely say about Paul Ryan tonight: Paul Ryan sends copies of NOBUMMER’s birth certificate to any constituent who writes him all “WHAR KENYA WHAR,” and even before Obummer released his long-form certificate, Ryan’s office sent to those same “folks” a copy of the Hawaiian registrar’s statement about the Communist usurper’s live birth. And we think that is terrific, for reals! (GENTLEMANLY.) (We mean us.) (We’re done now though.) (Don’t worry.) (WARBLOG!!!!!)
Also too, before we start, here’s your damn drinking game:
If you are in California, Washington, DC, New York, or any of the other civilized states, smoke some legal marijuana before the debate commences.
As to the rest of you, we will occasionally yell at you DRINK for any or no reason at all. (But seriously, if Joey calls “Mr.” Ryan “junior” or “sonny” or “kiddo” or “boy,” you may do the Hokey Pokey and finish the bottle in feral joy.) And that’s it! We can’t say to drink if OHJB says “God love ya” or talks about Scranton or the Violence Against Women Act, or cries when telling the story of his family, or says “literally” about something figurative, or is magnificently romantic to Dr. Jill, because we will not be liable for your alcohol poisoning. So, you know, just use your worst judgment, and we’ll see you at nine. READ MORE »
Mitt Romney, in his relentless effort to win over the liberal media by telling them strings of words that make it sound like he’s thinking, talked to the Columbus Dispatch yesterday about healthcare. Perhaps the most controversial part of Romney’s healthcare plan (haha, we kid, Romney has no plan) is getting rid of Obamacare’s preexisting guarantee coverage. How, then, will Romney deal with that?
Romney, in a meeting with The Dispatch’s editorial board, said those who currently don’t carry insurance would have a chance to make a “choice” to be covered without fear of being denied. But he didn’t specify how long Americans would have to make that choice, or what would happen to those who chose not to be covered and later fell sick.
This is a rather smart way of dealing with people who have preexisting conditions on a particular date, then laughing at everyone else who didn’t discover their liver cancer until after Mitt Romney said it was okay. But what about everyone else? What if I decide to metastasize my tumor later on? Never fear, there’s a plan there, too!
Man, it is like you cannot even tenderly explain that “some girls, they rape so easy” without everyone making a FEDERAL CASE OUT OF IT. Paul Ryan is the latest fair-weather friend to drop an endorsement of poor misunderstood Wisconsin Rep. Roger Rivard, just for explaining his own father’s nuanced words of wisdom about how there may be hazy, ambiguous times when there is miscommunication about consent chicks will pretty much lie you to prison. We, as feminists in good standing, are happy to stipulate that in fact a girl lying about rape is possible, and in fact has happened at some points in history and in great literature! When we were explaining to our son about rape, though, we forgot to advise him to watch out lest bitchez accuse him of it some day, and just told him he was not to do it. So that is probably why it seems weird to us that by Rivard’s account his father didn’t seem too terribly concerned with making sure his son didn’t, say, actually rape people, but instead was being all like Kantian and/or postmodern about perception and stuff!
“What the whole genesis of it was, it was advice to me, telling me, ‘If you’re going to go down that road, you may have consensual sex that night and then the next morning it may be rape.’ So the way he said it was, ‘Just remember, Roger, some girls, they rape so easy. It may be rape the next morning,’” Rivard told the Journal Sentinel.
But let us get to the important question: Should you give an opinion on rape? Let’s explore the answer in a safe place, after the jump! READ MORE »
Don’t got an hour and a half to fart around watching the entire Biden/Palin flaying of 2008 in advance of the Biden/Ryan catfight to come tonight? Then fuck you, you’re banned! OKAY FINE, highlights after the jump. Dicks. READ MORE »
What is WRONG with your Wonkette? Why do we think it’s sort of hilarious that a Dem office in Warren County, Ohio, was manure-bombed with a truckload of horseshit? We guess it just seems sort of whimsical and “straight-talkin’” both at the same time? It’s certainly preferable to window-breakings and gunshots and firebombings and murder! We guess it’s because we love any sort of vandalism that just results in work for people instead of actual damage. (To this day we give it up to the neighbor who secretly affixed a coda to our John Kerry bumper sticker; in very neat, right-justified block lettering, it read “LOVE A GAY, ARE A GAY.” And they’d carefully affixed it with tape that would come off without scraping our paint!)
Probably the reason we find it hilarious is that we are a nine-year-old boy.
Jason Chaffetz, how is your MENSA membership? Still in good standing? Oh, good! Now, we know you and your brethren want to make some political hay out of the Libya fiasco. Who could blame you? Even we were like (secretly, in our brainpans), sup, did Hillz drop the ball? And if hacks like us are wondering that, then it is probably a potent issue indeed! But FIRST you admitted that actually, you and all your GOP buddies had voted specifically to cut funding for embassy security — “priorities,” you said, while accusing Chick Clinton of not having enough embassy security — and then you totally Valerie Plamed an entire CIA … platoon? Gaggle? Murder? Nipple? A nipple of CIA dudes? Well, whatever a bunch of CIA dudes would be. GOOD JOB IN YOUR PUBLIC TELEVISED HEARINGS ON MATTERS OF NATIONAL SECURITY, GENIUS. READ MORE »
First Tucker Carlson was all like “Hey join my Order of Christian White Knights” and Kilmeade was all like “nah mang, I’m cool” and now he is saying that the greatest scandal in the history of the LIEberal media is “not a big deal”? We are getting a terrible feeling that something is terribly, devastatingly wrong! READ MORE »
Clifford Russell, a nice man working in the Mitt Romney campaign office in Bedford, Virginia, has a plan to reduce this awful entitlement culture that we have here in US Amercia. During a visit from freelance writer Christopher D Cook., Mr. Russell expounded on a number of important issues, proclaiming that global warming is “a total fiction,” that the NAACP is “the most racist organization in America,” that “Everyone in Iraq under Hussein was a terrorist,” and of course that the best way to address poverty would be … well, let’s let Clifford Russell speak for himself, with Cook offering him chances to walk back or clarify his views:
I’ll tell you what really need to do with these illegitimate families on welfar — give all the kids up for adoption and execute the parents.” READ MORE »
Mitt Romney stated things during the debate last week that were often in direct contravention of both reality and things he had previously stated. If you’re wondering why I don’t use the L-word (“liar,” not “lesbian”), it’s because, as Daniel Henninger states at the Wall Street Journal today, “liar” is the linguistic harbinger of fascism.
“Liar” is a potent and ugly word with a sleazy political pedigree. But “liar” is not being deployed only by party attack dogs or the Daily Kos comment queue. Mitt Romney is being called a “liar” by officials at the top of the Obama re-election campaign.
That’s shameful! What are they doing?
Politics isn’t beanbag, but politicians past had all sorts of devices to say or suggest an opponent was playing fast and loose with the truth. This week’s Obama TV ad, “How Can We Trust Mitt Romney?” would have been perfectly legit absent the Plouffe “liar” prepping.
So, the problem isn’t saying that someone is an untruthful, anti-American piece of festering shit, just don’t call them a liar. But why?
Above, via LittleGreenFootballs, is a quite enjoyable 15 minutes of Australian Prime Minister Tilda Swinton smearing her menses all over the leader of the opposition, Richard from Downton Abbey, for being a total sexist lorry. It is because some other dude, this “Slipper” fellow (who serves with Tilda in the Labor Party, which is center-left) sent some nasty sext messages to this other dude, Ashby, and Ashby has charged him with sexual harrassment, and Richard from Downton Abbey (who is in the Liberal Party, which is like the conservatives there?) decided to lecture Tilda Swinton about misogyny. (But not about not sexually harrassing gay guys?) Do you think Tilda Swinton cared for being lectured by Richard from Downton Abbey after all he did to Lady Mary? SHE DID NOT! So you can watch that, it is fun how she reduces all the male members to big moaning babies because she is all like “hey, sexism exists.”
But more importantly, WHAT DID THE OFFENSIVE TEXTS SAY??? READ MORE »
Last week, we got a friendly reminder of the power of that special, enlightened voting bloc that likes to look at facts and say “no, thank you.” We got that reminder in the form of Georgia Rep. Paul Broun (R-Eden), who took the stage to make sure everybody knew that just because he went to college doesn’t mean he believes in crazy things like evolution and embryology, because they are “lies straight from the pit of hell.”
Science has tricked people, you know, in a clever ploy to make them think they don’t need Jesus.
We the pitiable, atheistic masses finally got a response yesterday from Meredith Griffanti, Broun’s no-doubt exasperated spokeswoman (who thinks LGBT folks look “interesting”).
No, the clarification does not make anything any better. READ MORE »
Oh look, a poorly produced video about some guy named “Jim,” a.k.a “our bitch who got us drunk.” (No, not Jim Newell, although we will make him our bitch and let him get us drunk if he asks nicely.) This video is about Jim Henderson, formerly a senior attorney at the American Center for Law and Justice (ACLJ), who was fired by Pat Robertson’s outfit last week for “maybe” being gay. READ MORE »
Want to catch up on Senator Staple-Crotch dealing a death-blow to his “nice guy” image? Previous debatings here and here. (That second link is if you want to relive Third Man David Gregory finally succeeding in breaking your Wonkette, reducing us to a puddle of Tea Partyish rage. Your Editrix’s mother thought it was great!) Now turn on your Span, let us blog like a wild thang! READ MORE »
It’s been nearly…oh, a few days, maybe, since there was an insane conspiracy theory about Barack Obama, so of course there’s another one!
Barack Obama has a wedding ring, and unlike a normal American male, it is slightly fancy with squiggles and shit. Dr. Jerome Corsi, Ph.D., has investigated the ring through blurry, pixelated pictures and also consulted noted Islamic ring expert Mark A. Gabriel (who has a doctorate in “Christian Education”) who says without a doubt that the pictures of the ring are almost entirely certainly Islamic.
Egyptian-born Islamic scholar Mark A. Gabriel, Ph.D., examined photographs of Obama’s ring at WND’s request and concluded that the first half of the Shahada is inscribed on it.
“There can be no doubt that someone wearing the inscription ‘There is no god except Allah’ has a very close connection to Islamic beliefs, the Islamic religion and Islamic society to which this statement is so strongly attached,” Gabriel told WND.
Below, the indisputable pictorial evidence that will convince you beyond a doubt that Obama’s ring…has squiggles on it?
What’s this, Sara Benincasa is joining us tonight, in our domicile? Does she have hair to braid? We will soon find out! 
