You know what we don’t have enough of in our great modern American U.S. society of today? FEAR. Not only is Sesame Street indoctrinating children with the dangerous notion that they shouldn’t fear monsters, the poor dears are also being told, over and over again, that they have to “get along” with “others.” Well by golly, Rev. Michael P. Orsi has had about as much of this nonsense as he can take (we think maybe he saw a white dude holding hands with an Ay-rab dude, or maybe it was a Messican, who can tell?), and he wants to set us straight (no pun intended) about a thing or three:
There are three dirty words that are being used to subvert traditional morality in Western society: tolerance, diversity and welcoming. READ MORE »
Oh my gosh, you guys, did you know that Barack Obama is “grooming” your innocent children to turn them into sex fiends? We’d have been unaware of this science fact were it not for totally credible (or is it “credulous”? We mix those up sometimes) wingnut freakout artist Matt Barber, the guy who angrily denounced the media for ignoring a photo of a “huge Romney rally” that was actually a huge Obama rally in 2008. He also predicted — accurately — that Obamacare would force everyone to get sex changes. In his latest opus for CNSnews, Barber makes the novel claim that all sex education is based on the research of “sexual psychopath” Alfred Kinsey, and therefore all sex ed is aimed at “grooming” children to become sex perverts.
He bases this groundbreaking assertion upon the work of his “dear friend and colleague” at Liberty University, Judith Reisman, a culture warrior who has only been making those exact claims against Kinsey, sex ed, and teh ghey since the 1980s. More recently, in 2007, she explained that the Virginia Tech shooter’s brain was poisoned by “erototoxins” generated by his pornography addiction. So you know that this is Real Science! READ MORE »
As Click & Clack will tell you, it’s the stingy man who ends up paying most, and apparently it’s as true of governing as car repairs! And apparently also, Mitt Romney, as governor of Massachusetts, was quite the Scrooge when it came to building levees and other flood control for his state! Here is a nice find from our friends at Slog:
In the spring of 2004, Peabody, Mass., got drenched with rain, which flooded the downtown area. After the storm, then-Gov. Mitt Romney asked President George W. Bush to declare Essex, Middlesex and Suffolk Counties federal disaster areas, according to the Boston Globe.
That fall, the state legislature proposed spending $5.7 million on a flood prevention project to protect against future floods. Those funds would be matched by $22 million in federal money.
Romney vetoed it.
Haha, you guys are never gonna guess what happened just two years later, in 1996 2006. Go ahead, try. You’ll never … oh. Yeah, that was it. READ MORE »
A harried-looking New Jersey Governor Chris Christie showed up on Fox & Friends this morning, and the concerned geniuses there immediately got to the important question, while he explained the massive destruction all around him: Would he be having a nice photo op of the devastation of his state with Republican standardbearer His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney? “Hmmm,” said Chris Christie, “no, I think I would prefer it if ol’ Mittens ate a dick instead!” (Direct quote.) Then he gay-married Barack Obama for being awesome at government! READ MORE »
Do you remember Justin Zatkoff? Well, why would you? The only reason we remember him is because he filed a DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Something) against us this weekend, making us remove the old picture (like 2006?) of his injuries after he’d been beaten up by people his asshole College Republican friends claimed far and wide were either “black Muslims” or “lesbians” or “feminists” or something but it turned out he just got his ass kicked by his high school buddies. Anyway, if he hadn’t reminded us, we never would have caught the obvious similarities between his story and this one, where a gay Republican (pictured above) told the police he had been choked and beaten up by liberals for being a gay Republican! But then, whoops, he had to recant on account of how he’d made it all up. Yeah, if Zatkoff hadn’t reminded us of his unfortunate past, we definitely would have gone with the far more memorable “Backwards B” girl in our lede instead.
Ann Romney, who campaign officials claim is the kinder, warmer, more approachable half of the nation’s premier battery-powered couple, recently revealed to Good Housekeeping magazine that the issue “closest to her heart” is “bringing real change to our educational system,” a system with which Ann first became familiar while serving as, in her words, “First Lady of a State” (sounds fancy) at the tender age of 52, after her children were safely out of reach of the evil public school teachers’ covens/unions. Long story short, guys, Ann is now basically a Ph.D. in “what happens to people’s lives if they don’t get a proper education” like she and everyone she marries, raises, or sponsors in the Olympics did! READ MORE »
Good morning, New Yorkers! We hope that you are reading these words right now, because that means you have power and Internet access and probably are in your own home, which we sincerely hope is not soggy and gross! Last night was pretty bad for New York, but we know that not everyone can be out protecting the public or repairing downed power lines or carrying sick babies to safety, so many were at a loss as to how to conduct themselves in this treacherous hour. Some read, or dicked around on the Internet, or Instagrammed pictures of destruction, while others, including an extremely minor GOP NYC luminary who went by ComfortablySmug on Twitter, just stone cold spread a bunch of fake rumors about storm damage, for kicks.
Wingnuts, led as usual by Fox News, are flogging a brand new alternate history of the Sept. 11 attack on the US Consulate in Benghazi, Libya, in which Barack Obama knew exactly what was going on, refused to launch a rescue mission, ordered the CIA to “stand down,” and maybe shot Ambassador Chris Stevens to death himself. Appearing on Fox News, retired Army officers David Hunt and Anthony Shaffer told Fox’s Jeanine Pirro that two drones were providing a “live feed” of the attack and said that his sources tell him that the President “was one of those in the White House Situation Room in real time watching this” and that he could have approved military action to save the embattled ambassador, but chose not to. And the example proving that a rescue could have worked? Ronald Reagan’s successful 1983 Grenada operation, in which Reagan used a military invasion of a Caribbean island to rescue the news cycle from coverage of the deadly bombing of the Marine barracks in Beirut. READ MORE »
Hai East Coast, what’s new? Sorry about your DEATH CRANE! We are just chilling here in sunny Californy watching old videos of Mitt Romney accepting his nomination. We were there! It was so great! We went from really really intensely disliking the man to a full-on hatred by the time he was done smirking, lying, mocking Jimmy Carter, smirking more, bearing false witness, making fun of Barack Obama for wanting to do something about global warming, and smirking. Oh wait, what was that second to last one? Yeah, making fun of Barack Obama for wanting to do something about global warming. READ MORE »
Jeb Bush, the former Florida governor and brother of greatest US American president in the history of the world, George W. “W.” Bush, thinks one certain current US American president Barack Q. Nobummer is a childish 10-year-old child — a “boy,” if you will — who uses barnyard words like “bullshitter” and thus has demeaned the presidency forever so why would you even tell your kids they could be president someday anymore, what do you want them to do, grow up to be black?!
[I]n an interview with Rolling Stone, Obama used a barnyard epithet to refer to Romney. “You know, kids have good instincts,” Obama said. “They look at the other guy and say, ‘Well, that’s a bull***tter, I can tell.’”
Asked if the president’s personal attacks demean the office of the presidency, [Jeb] Bush replied: “It does, but here’s the sad reality: We have a temporary time in American history where our culture has been coarsened, where people’s expectations are low. We’re living in a different time.
Guys, you will not believed this, but Joel Pollak, the genius non-email-reading editor in chief at Breitbart.com is very unhappy about the hypocrisy of the left! You see, Mr. Pollak has noticed that even though there were a number of jokes about Hurricane Isaac and the GOP Convention blowing into Tampa, Florida, at the same time, very few people are making political jokes about Hurricane Sandy. In a veritable storm surge of butthurt, he calls attention to this very revealing lack of dumb jokes:
In August, the left found it amusing to speculate about Divine judgment when Hurricane Isaac seemed to be approaching Tampa, FL as the Republican National Convention began… As Hurricane Sandy bears down on heavily Democratic mid-Atlantic and northeast states, no one, left or right, is joking.
Oh goody, more incriminating audio from a Mitt Romney fundraiser. This one is from a fundraiser he and his wife attended at the Irvine, California, home of David Horowitz (a different David Horowitz) back in March, and although Mittens didn’t insult half of the nation, he DID say that Obama considers businesspeople “a necessary evil” and his wife said that the president is not a “grown-up.” Also, did you know that China is a better place to do business than the U.S. (which surely has nothing to do with all those young women who are locked into Romney factories at night)? And that Obama wants half of the economy to be “controlled by government”? Well, now you do. READ MORE »
Hello to all of you in the Eastern third of this great country, currently hoarding boxes of wine and tarp and more boxes of wine in order to hopefully get through Frankenstorm without killing your loved ones in a fit of cabin fever. How is that going for you, gathering all those supplies and whatnot? Would it go EVEN BETTER if you knew that there was no FEMA? Or, what if you knew that FEMA had been turned into a profit-making machine for Job Creators? Would that make you work EVEN HARDER to prepare for the oncoming storm? Absolutely it would, says Mitt Romney, and also, do you think that FEMA will help you pick of the pieces of your ruined lives if the worst should occur? LOSERS. This is nothing short of immoral. READ MORE »
Thank goodness for the internet! Were it not for this near-instantaneous information-distribution medium, Pastor John McTernan would not be able to get international attention for being among the first wingnut preachers to proclaim that Hurricane Sandy is obviously God’s vengeance on America for some perceived sin. In this particular case, the Almighty is going to cause randomized death and destruction along the East Coast of the US to punish random people for a diplomatic conference attended by George HW Bush in 1991:
Hurricane Sandy is hitting 21 years to the day of the Perfect Storm of October 20, 1991. I write about this in my book as America Has Done to Israel. [sic] This was the day that President George Bush Sr. initiated the Madrid Peace Process to divide the land of Israel, including Jerusalem. America has been under God’s judgment since this event.
But wait! That’s not all! There is MATH!!!! And politics! And Teh Ghey, of course: READ MORE »
