As noted last night, Boy Genius Matthew Boyle has joined Andrew Breitbart’s Crypt O’ Cretins and now here is his initial offering: a Declaration of #War where he pledges to fight The War Of Ideas here in America rather than, you know, enlisting in the military because the real war is here in the homeland and not fighting with A BUNCH OF PUSSIES WHO ENLIST TO FIGHT IN SOME ARAB BACKWATER BECAUSE THEY CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

I’m enlisting to fight in Andrew Breitbart’s war.

The political class in Washington has degraded America. Republicans and Democrats blame each other, and nothing gets done. The media exacerbates the problem, fans the flames and encourages false notions of “civility” and “objectivity” while pushing “bipartisanship” that doesn’t actually solve problems.

While this charade perpetuates indefinitely, America grows weaker.

And if that last sentence didn’t make you LOL…

It reminds me of a conversation I had with Andrew right around the time the Occupy movement started. I had at first, like many others, wrongly brushed it off as nothing more than a moronic bunch of college kids crapping on police cars. Then, I saw it for it was. So even though it was late I called Andrew that night and told him I had figured out Occupy was just another front that the institutional left was using to push its agenda.

“I know, Matthew,” Andrew simply responded.

Then Andrew Breitbart went to a Brentwood bar, got drunk, and God killed him.

The End.

But wait… there’s more:

The mainstream media is supposed to shine that sunlight into those holes and under those rocks. But, by and large, the media has failed. So many times over the past several years, I’ve heard stories about how once-respected journalistic institutions – newspapers, wire services, television networks, even websites – refused to run articles because the reporters or editors were friends with the politicians they were going to write about. The establishment media has become a part of the establishment class. That means it’s against their best interests to do the right thing and expose the corruption that plagues Washington – if they did, they’d be fighting against themselves.

At Breitbart News, I plan to investigate these people. Together with Breitbart News, I’m going to expose corruption in Washington.

It’s going to be a long fight. It’ll probably take the rest of our lives – if not longer (and I’m young – I’m only 25. That’s a long, long time for me, hopefully).

I’m going to put it all on the line because we need to stop these people. And the way to do it is to expose them for what they really are – and catch them in the act. That’s why I’m enlisting in Andrew Breitbart’s army. I’m joining Breitbart News, effective immediately. I’m shipping out today. It’s time to go to war. Will you join us?

Haven’t I read something like this before? Why, yes, I have from Bill Kristol’s dumb chickenhawk son-in law:

The Washington Free Beacon is here to enter the arena of combat journalism. Our talented staff will add to the chorus of enterprising conservative reporters, publishing original stories, seeking out scoops, and focusing on the myriad connections between money and power in the progressive movement and Obama’s Washington. Our research and war room divisions will supplement that reporting with context, additional materials, and breaking video. At the Beacon, you will find the other half of the story, the half that the elite media have taken such pains to ignore: the inside deals, cronyism cloaked in the public interest, and far-out nostrums of contemporary progressivism and the Democratic Party. At the Beacon, all friends of freedom will find an alternative to the hackneyed spin, routine misstatements, paranoid hyperbole, and insipid folderol of Democratic officials and the liberal gasbags on MSNBC and talk radio. At the Beacon, we follow only one commandment: Do unto them.

Oh, my stars, they do so love to jaw-jaw about the war-war, don’t they…?

Uteri aficionado and all-around ladies man Ross Douthat is fretting once again about the fact that women still aren’t cranking out babies like runamuck Pez dispensers, a topic Ross previously addressed when it came to his attention that the poors were throwing away perfectly good white babies when children in China rich white ladies on the Upper East Side were starving for some sweet baby love. Now it is not only the poors who are not doing their baby-pooping part but also the browns; a fact that dismays Ross to the same degree that it provides a glimmer of hope to the RNC that the white man will rise once again … just like the South is supposed to.

The plunge might be temporary. American fertility plummeted during the Great Depression, and more recent downturns have produced modest dips as well. This time, the birthrate has fallen fastest among foreign-born Americans, and particularly among Hispanics, who saw huge amounts of wealth evaporate with the housing bust. Many people may simply be postponing childbearing until better times return, and a few years of swift growth could produce a miniature baby boom.

But deeper forces than the financial crisis may keep American fertility rates depressed. Foreign-born birthrates will probably gradually recover from their current nadir, but with fertility in decline across Mexico and Latin America, it isn’t clear that the United States can continue to rely heavily on immigrant birthrates to help drive population growth.

In other words, we finally found some jobs that the Mexicans no longer want to steal from Americans. ¡Ay dios mio!

Whatever will we do? And by ‘we’ I mean us married people and not the sluts who are slutting around with their slutty no-consequence slut parts which is a total bonerkiller. Well it is for some people, I guess.

I mean, we can’t all subcontract this out to the Duggars and, Jeebus knows, the Romney’s are calling dibs on all of the surrogates for the foreseeable future now that they are at loose ends. So it looks like all able-bodied married white Americans are going to have to roll up their sleeves, grit their teeth, drop their trou and take one for the team (doggy style, barking optional) starting with Ross Douthat and Mrs Ross Douthat who, although they have been married since 2007, have only managed to hatch one (1) child in five years. Since Ross is more Catholic than the Pope, and twice as sanctimonious, we’ll have to assume that birth control has not been put in play in the Douthat Sexy Boudoir Of Many Positions, Both Of Them Missionary, meaning that Ross Douthat is the Motherfucking Rhythm-method Master but now it is time for him to skip a beat [insert your own joke here] for America.

So hop on it, Ross Douthat! Just explain to your wife that the math and the internet demands it.

Also, the barking is still optional….

Tebow loves me, this I know.

The World’s Dumbest “Journalist” joins the World’s Dumbest “News” Site:

Matthew Boyle, the investigative journalist who has been lauded for his work on President Barack Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder’s Fast and Furious scandal, has joined Breitbart News.

He is seen a rising star among center-right journalists, and Michelle Malkin cited and praised his work on Fast and Furious during her speech at the 2012 “Right Online” conference.

Boyle has also held the Obama administration and the Treasury Department to account on the auto bailouts, exposing how they favored unions over non-union pensioners in the General Motors money pit.

Boyle, whose byline was formerly at The Daily Caller, is a graduate of Flagler College in Florida and has appeared on television outlets like FOX News to discuss Fast and Furious and the Obama administration’s green energy boondoggles.

Smooth move by Matt who is leaving Tucker Carlson’s Daily Racebaiter (which is supposedly flourishing) to go to work for a floundering website that puts the fun in dysfunction. According to gullible slut shamer Betsy Rothstein, Andrew Breitbart WANTED Matt to come to work for him but Jesus went and killed Andrew because there would have been TOO MUCH PERFECTION IN THIS WORLD and then nobody would ever want to leave earth and go to heaven ever ever again.

Also, too…. Matt Boyle’s Greatest Hit:

Last month, Daily Caller reporter Matthew Boyle published a story that was basically catnip for the anti-regulation crowd. Citing a court brief from the Environmental Protection Agency, Boyle wrote that the EPA was “asking for taxpayers to shoulder the burden of up to 230,000 new bureaucrats — at a cost of $21 billion — to attempt to implement” new climate change regulations. Boyle also took to Twitter to broadcast how EPA administrator “LISA JACKSON wants an ARMY OF 230k BUREAUCRATS.”

Predictably, the story got picked up by Fox News, the office of Sen. James Inhofe, and the usual climate-change-denial suspects. Unfortunately for them, Boyle’s story was 100% false. Boyle completely misread the court brief, which detailed how the EPA had avoided the scenario he described.

Yup. He’s a real catch…