Farewell after nine years with the Archdiocese of Canberra & Goulburn

  • Below is the speech I gave at my farewell reception on the 14 October 2015 following nine years as Archdiocesan Director of Pastoral Support with the Archdiocese of Canberra and Goulburn.

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Thank you for your kind words this evening, and thankyou Archbishop for hosting this Farwell. Thank you Moira and Matt especially for your kind words, friendship and support over the years.

I am so humbled by everyone being here tonight. Its wonderful to see so many here who have journeyed with us, past staff, volunteers and collaborators.

I can still vividly remember my interview for this position. Back in 2006 and I had been working less than 12 months as senior consultant to a national provider of workplace organisational and human development services.

Shawn van der Linden's Farewell Party at Rheinberger Centre, Canberra, 14 October 2015

Shawn van der Linden’s Farewell Party at Rheinberger Centre, Canberra, 14 October 2015

At the interview I remember one of the panel members doing the right thing and playing the devils advocate and interrogating me as to why I wanted to work for the church. The questioning went something like “why would you want to do this, the church has no extra money to do anything, our parishes are diminishing, and our credibility in the public square is not what it once used to be”.

I think at the time I responded with equal measure of naiveté about what I was about to get into and certain optimism about the future possibilities.

It’s true that I could never have anticipated how challenging the job would be, but at that the same time, just how much grace I would experience. It has been a deeply rewarding nine years, and I have received so much more in return than I was ever able to give.

As a way of giving thanks I would like to offer a couple of reflections about the last nine years.

Shawn van der Linden's Farewell Party at Rheinberger Centre, Canberra, 14 October 2015

One of the key foundations for the amazing experience we have had over these past nine years was I believe the Mandate we received at the beginning.

I don’t think I quite appreciated it at the time, but it was really quite prophetic. The Director of Pastoral Support role had not existed before, and we were moving into this refurbished building, and in that first year we received strong direction, which included:

  • Provide strategic management, plan ahead and avoid being reactive,
  • Build partnerships and align Archdiocesan teams and resources towards evangelisation, rather than towards the maintenance,
  • Be creative, take risks and don’t be afraid to make mistakes,
  • Strategically manage the Chancery pastoral support services budget, but…
  • Under no circumstances should we at any point ask for any more money from the Chancery! 🙂

In hindsight I can see now how this direction went beyond what had been the dominant framework for lay leadership in the Church since Vatican II, which described how the laity “collaborated” with the Church’s mission in the world.

Shawn van der Linden’s Farewell Party at Rheinberger Centre, Canberra, 14 October 2015

As a Mandate it somewhat boldly moved into what we now understand as the laity having co-responsibility within the internal life of the Church.

In 2009, Pope Benedict used this term ‘co-responsibility’, in a way that raised the profile of the concept for the Church’s self-understanding. When speaking to priest of the Diocese of Rome he said:

It is necessary to improve pastoral structures in such a way that the co-responsibility of all the members of the People of God in their entirety is gradually promoted, with respect for vocations and for the respective roles of the consecrated and of lay people.  This demands a change in mindset, particularly concerning lay people.  They must no longer be viewed as “collaborators” of the clergy but truly recognised as “co-responsible”, for the Church’s being and action, thereby fostering the consolidation of a mature and committed laity.  This common awareness of being Church of all the baptised in no way diminishes the responsibility of priests. 

I am so aware how so much of what has been achieved over the past nine years had so much to do with this opportunity for co-responsibility’ that Pope Benedict described in 2009.

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Our experience of the World Meeting of Families, Philadelphia September 2015

By Shawn and Branka van der Linden

Branka and I with Archbishop Charles J. Chaput, O.F.M. Cap., Archbishop of Philadelphia and host of the WMF 2015

Branka and I with Archbishop Charles J. Chaput, O.F.M. Cap., Archbishop of Philadelphia and host of the WMF 2015

While most Catholics know about International World Youth Days which involve millions of young people coming together to celebrate faith and hope in the future of the Church, not that many would be aware of the International World Meeting of Families.
It is another truly inspirational event that, like World Youth Day, stands as one the great legacies of Saint John Paul II.
It was in 1992 that Saint Pope John Paul II first articulated his vision for a World Meeting of Families. He conceived of the meeting as a pastoral initiative to strengthen the sacred bonds of the family across the globe. There have been seven previous events since then and they are sponsored by the Holy See’s Pontifical Council for the Family.

The theme for this year’s World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia was “Love is Our Mission: the Family Fully Alive”. In his homily at the opening mass of the congress, Archbishop Chaput, Archbishop of Philadelphia stated that “we really do hope to learn from one another… how we might love our families better”. The congress had 18,000 registered participants, and the Papal Mass at the end of the week was attended by almost one million people.

Large gathering of the World Meeting of Families Congress

Large gathering inside the World Meeting of Families Congress

We were blessed to travel to Philadelphia with a pilgrimage group of 44 Australians (21 adults and 23 children) who were representing other Dioceses from around Australia. The group was led by Bishop Delegate for Marriage and Family, Michael Kennedy (Bishop of Armidale), along with Dr Ron and Mrs Mavis Pirola, Co-Chair Couple of the Australian Catholic Marriage and Family Council (ACMFC). We were also fortunate to be joined in Philadelphia by the Archbishop of Sydney, Anthony Fisher and also Emeritus Archbishop of Perth, Barry Hickey. The group travelled first to Washington DC, and then on to Philadelphia for the remainder of the trip.

An encounter with the Universal Church

Gathering of all the Aussie pilgrims with Archbishop Anthony Fisher

Gathering of all the Aussie pilgrims with Archbishop Anthony Fisher

The World Meeting of Families provided a unique opportunity to experience the Universal church. Often our experience as Catholics does not extend much beyond the Parish or Diocesan level. Yet the reality of the universal character of our Church is so fundamental to our identity as Catholics. Being together with the “rest of the world” and with the Pope really highlighted to us the richness of our Catholic faith.

Chance encounter with local Canberra girl Sr Marie, now with the Dominican Sisters of St Cecilia

Chance encounter with local Canberra girl Sr Marie, now with the Dominican Sisters of St Cecilia

Despite being together with the rest of the world, we still managed an unplanned encounter with fellow Canberran Sister Marie Kesina who we by chance spotted in the crowd at the Congress. Sister Marie is in her second year with the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia in Nashville Tennessee. Prior to joining the Dominicans Sister Marie served our Archdiocese as a member of the Catholic Youth Ministry Team. The encounter with Sister Marie was a reminder about how despite the vast size of our Church, it is always a place of familiarity and connection.

Learning and faith formation
The World Meeting of Families Congress provides a wonderful opportunity for learning and formation. As well as attending mass each day, we were able to attend keynotes and workshops on different topics that explored the practical application of the Church’s teaching in different pastoral situations. The following provides an example of some of the workshops that we attended:

  • The other side of Mount Sinai – Growing in Virtue (Dr John S. Grabowski)
  • Building a Just Society – Catholic Social Teaching in your life (Dr Helen Alvare)
  • Family Ties: How meals, rituals, traditions, worship and prayer create strong, healthy and joy-filled Catholic homes (Mrs Lacey Rabideau)
  • Creating a flourishing marriage culture (Prof Robert P. George and Mr Sherif Girgis)
Branka with Helen M. Alvaré JD, Professor of Law, George Mason University (VA)

Branka with Helen M. Alvaré JD, Professor of Law, George Mason University (VA)

Many of the presentations from the Congress can be accessed via this link.

The new auxiliary Bishop of Los Angeles, Bishop Robert Barron, gave one of the standout keynotes addresses. Bishop Barron spoke about the biblical doctrine of ‘Imago Dei’ – that, as human beings, we are made in the image and likeness of God, and that we need to live that out that image in our own lives and bring that love to the world around us. He spoke about that fact that our faith is not meant to be a private thing, as is often encouraged in contemporary society; but rather, it is meant to be shared with the world around us.

Branka and I with Christopher West

Branka and Archbishop Anthony Fisher with Chrisopher West

We came away from the Congress encouraged in our own faith. We now have a stronger understanding of our family as a domestic church, and of the impact that passing on our faith to our children can have in strengthening the church and our broader community.

An experience of Pilgrimage
The most memorable part of the trip for us was the opportunity to share the journey with the pilgrims in our group. There was something very special about travelling together with other Australians to attend an event in another country.
We spent time getting to know members of the group as we explored the cities of Washington DC and Philadelphia; we prayed together and shared intimate masses at various shrines and churches in those cities, and we spent time together at dinner together each evening – regrouping and sharing the experiences we had had each day. We spent a total of eleven days travelling together, and in that time we learnt so much about how other families are living out their faith, how other parishes around the country support families and married couples, and how other couples experience the church in Australia. Because we had so many children on our pilgrimage, we were able to witness first hand the way that other families are concretely living out their faith in a day-to-day sense. The children added so much life and joy to the trip and it was a blessing to have them as part of the group.

Aussie pilgrims outside the White House

Aussie pilgrims outside the White House

Our time in Washington DC and in Philadelphia in the days leading up to the Congress were spent visiting the sacred places in those cities that Pope Francis himself would visit in the days after us, including the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception (where Pope Francis canonised Blessed Junipero Serra on 23 September 2015), St Patrick’s Church (the oldest parish in Washington DC where Pope Francis gave a blessing and spent some time with homeless gathered at lunchtime for the St Maria Meals Program) as well as the Shrine of Saint Rita of Cascia.

Encountering Pope Francis
The week in Philadelphia concluded with a celebration with Pope Francis on the weekend, which involved two main events – the Papal Festival of Families on the Saturday (a major music and entertainment festival), and the Papal Mass on the Sunday.

We found the reactions of ordinary Americans incredibly warm and enthusiastic whenever we mentioned that we had travelled to the United States to see Pope Francis. It was clear to us that he has touched the hearts of so many people, Catholic and non-Catholic alike, with his warmth, his genuine love for people and his message of mercy and forgiveness.

On the Saturday morning of the Festival of Families we came together along with other Australians who were not a part of the group for Mass with Archbishop Fisher at St John the Evangelist Church in Philadelphia. It was a special experience to be together as Australians whilst together for this international Catholic experience. In addition, we sat with our pilgrimage group for both the Festival of Families and the Papal Mass. So while we were part of a crowd of almost one million people, we felt a little at home as we shared it with our fellow Australians.

Our Marriage and Family
IMG_0621It was hard for us to be away from our children for what seemed like such a long time. But at the same time, it ended up being an incredibly blessed time for us as a married couple.

We had time to talk, to explore both cities in our free time, to pray and experience the talks and workshops at the Congress, and to take stock as a couple after many years of rearing small children and all the lack of sleep and lack of self-reflection that this usually entails.

We had some perspective away from our ordinary child-rearing responsibilities to reflect on our own marriage, parenting and family, and in particular, in the ways we could do all of them a little better.

We left Philadelphia with a renewed sense of the importance of prayer as a married couple and as a family; in particular the centrality of the Eucharist and of Sacred Scripture, and also of the importance of walking side by side with the poor and the lonely and marginalised in our community, and to share the gifts and the blessings that we experience as a family with others.

Getting ready to head home with Rom and Mavis Pirola

Getting ready to head home with Rom and Mavis Pirola

We were also encouraged and have great hope about what God is doing around the world in the quietness and ordinariness of family life everywhere. We saw it in the families in our pilgrimage group, as well as in the talks and workshops we attended – the wonderful fruit that is borne from the hard work of parenting children in the faith each day in a thousand different ways.

We are very grateful to Archbishop Christopher Prowse for providing us with this opportunity to represent the Archdiocese at this great event.

The next World Meeting of Families will take place in Dublin Ireland. This would represent a great opportunity for the Church in Australia to send families to experience such an incredible experience of the global church. As Archbishop Chaput stated after the Congress in Philadelphia, “if each person goes forth renewed in their commitment to the Faith and to interpersonal communion then the Congress will have done its job.”

The Family and the Church’s call to Mercy

At the end of June, the official English translation of the Instrumentum Laboris (working document) for the upcoming Ordinary Synod of Bishops on the Vocation and Mission of the Family in the Church and the Contemporary World was released.

If you are curious about the issues that are going to be discussed at the upcoming Synod then I would strongly encourage you to read this document, and not just rely upon main stream media reports about the Synod. The working document serves as a guide to what will be discussed at the Synod and can be downloaded from the Vatican website.

The document summarises the worldwide discernment process which has taken place since the 2014 Family Synod, including input from hundreds of people from our own Archdiocese via responses to the recent online survey (incorporated within a report from the Australian Catholic Bishops Conference).

The document is divided into three parts:

  1. Considering the challenges of the family – this requires us to listen so that we can understand the reality of the family today, in all its complexity;
  2. The discernment of the family vocation – this requires us to look to Christ and His revelation to us about the beauty, role and dignity of the family as communicated to us through His Church; and
  3. The mission of the family today – this requires us to confront the situations present to us today, discerning a way forward.

The theme of “Mercy” will no doubt be a big area of reflection at the Synod, and also throughout 2016 as we enter the Year of Mercy (Extraordinary Jubilee) announced by Pope Pope with familyFrancis in April. The document states that it is fundamental that as a Church that we take care of wounded families and allow them to experience the ‘infinite mercy of God” (107).  However, it also explains that people differ on the approach that should be used. It tells us that we need to begin from the concrete situation of today’s families and progress from there – noting that mercy does not detract from truth but rather is truth.

Despite our limitations, I am deeply aware of how our own Archdiocesan Church cares for wounded families, through our Parishes, School communities and through our social services agencies. The Synod process and Year of Mercy will challenge us to enter more deeply into this attitude and action of Mercy.

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Sexual Passion? The Church says YES!

“Parents, let your children see you kissing!” (Pope Francis, St. Peter’s Square 14 June 2015)

Pope Francis, as usual, got to the heart of the issue, when he addressed a group of parents in Rome. His words shine a light on the importance of the sexual passion of spouses in the sacrament of marriage, and the importance to the health and wellbeing of families that children witness this authentic affection and love between parents.

There is great excitement and expectation in the Catholic Church worldwide as the topic of marriage and family is given particular prominence at two Synods being held in Rome. The first (the Extraordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops) was held in October last year, and was convened to examine The Pastoral Challenges of the Family in the context of Evangelisation.

The Synod (following worldwide consultations with the faithful) involved a robust discussion amongst bishops and delegates about current issues facing families in the Church today.

A second synod (the Ordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops) is to be held in October this year in Rome. The Synod will debate “the vocation and mission of the family in the Church and in the contemporary world.” Archbishop Mark Coleridge and Bishop Eugene Hurley will represent the Church in Australia at this Synod. Proposals from this Synod will be forwarded to Pope Francis to assist him in finalising guidelines for the pastoral care of the family, which will be contained in an Apostolic Exhortation expected to be published in 2016.

The build up to the October Synod also includes the World Meeting of Families (WMOF), due to take place in Philadelphia, USA in September of this year. WMOF was conceived by Saint Pope John Paul II in 1992 and is now the world’s largest family gathering, bringing together families from all over the world in faith and celebration every three years. The theme of the meeting this year in Philadelphia is “Love is Our Mission: the Family fully alive.”

Our own Assembly held in here in the Archdiocese of Canberra and Goulburn in March 2015 focused on the topic of “Embrace: the Joy of the Gospel in marriage and family life.”  This engaging topic was definitely one of the factors that ensured this was our largest Assembly in history, with 730 participants.

In Australia, the Church’s focus on marriage and family has taken place against the backdrop of an intense national debate about changing the definition of marriage. Recently the Australian Catholic Bishops published a Pastoral Letter “Don’t Mess with Marriage”.   While the nature of the debate has been a negative one, with a focus on what marriage is not, as Catholics it’s also critical at this time that we focus on the affirmative! That is to say, surely the great challenge to Catholic married couples at this time is to radically shift to the offensive, and to boldly affirm the treasure that is the Catholic vision for marriage, sexual passion and family.

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The powerful impact of family of origin on marriage and family

Recently my kids were teasing me about my poor fashion sense.

I had just come home from a long day at work and changed before dinner. Glad to be out of my work suit I had transitioned into the “slippers, tracksuit pants and business shirt” combination!

My A grade daggy dad fashion sense was quickly noted by my kids, and in that moment I realised that I was doing exactly what I had seen my own dad do growing up.

I always swore I would never copy my dad’s after work slippers, trackies and business shirt combo, but here I was in my mid forties doing exactly the same thing!

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The gift of positive role models

My son will soon be turning 12! He has just celebrated his Confirmation and we are in the process of

Pier Giogio Frassati

Pier Giogio Frassati

enrolling him into high school. He is growing up way too fast!

In such an exciting way his life is opening up and his world is expanding.

As our children grow into the teenage years, our parental sphere of influence in their lives gets smaller. My deepest hope is that as his father, I will remain one of his most influential roles models. However, I am also aware that the position of “role model” in my son’s life is something that I will be sharing with more and more people as the years go by.

“Please dear God, place positive, healthy and inspiring role models in my son’s life”.

 Surely this must be one of the most fervent and regular prayers that parents of teenagers make? So much is at stake, as it’s so easy for role models to also have a destructive influence.

When our kids look for role models today they are spoiled for choice. They have peers, characters from the media – films, books, the music industry, sports… and all of these can become a big influence.

Recently we’ve had a new role model hanging around our house, and it’s given me a new appreciation of the value of our Catholic faith and culture. His name is Pier Giogio Frassati and he is the saint my son Jack chose as his Confirmation saint.

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“Motherhood” is so much more than “parenthood”

Mother’s day for me is always a mixed experience.

It’s a time of sadness as I reflect upon the loss of my own mother 23 years ago who died tragically in a car accident when I was 21 years of age. However, mother’s day is also always a time of joy as I remember how much I received from her, and celebrate the gift of motherhood in my wife, mother in-law and sisters.

There is certainly nothing quite like suddenly losing your mother to focus your attention on the incredible role and impact they play in our lives.

After losing mum the grief for my family was profound and devastating.

One of my more painful memories at that time was when I was embracing and comforting my youngest brother who was aged 8 at the time and he asked me the question: “So does this mean I have to live the rest of my life without a mummy”.

 His words have echoed back to me through the years since that tragic day, as a powerful reminder that our pain and grief was for the loss of a mother, not just the loss of a parent, and that there is a profound difference.

It’s distressing to me that the unique and profound value of motherhood (and fatherhood) is increasingly becoming lost in our current community debate.

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Rest, dreaming and protecting your family

It is February already, and our home is back to that familiar buzz of activity and chaos that always follows the quieter pace of school holiday time. It’s always a challenging transition. However, this year we were blessed to spend two weeks at the beach, which has made this transition so much easier.

In so many ways I can see how this summer family holiday, and more importantly, having quality family rest time, is such an amazingly precious thing for my family.

In previous years we haven’t always prioritised time away as a family. Other demands have so easily taken over, and it can be easy not to financially prioritise having a good family holiday! This year, we spent the two weeks swimming, reading, playing and catching up with good friends and family. Our family came home refreshed and a little more ready to face the year.

During his pastoral visit to the Philippines in January, Pope Francis offered some profound insights into just what is at stake when it comes to families having time to rest.

“The Scriptures seldom speak of Saint Joseph, but when they do, we often find him resting,… Joseph’s rest revealed God’s will to him… Rest is so necessary for the health of our minds and bodies, and often so difficult to achieve due to the many demands placed on us.”

Pope Francis reminds families that it was through “resting” that St Joseph was able to understand what was important for his family and what action he had to take next to protect them.

The Pope ups the ante even further by outlining how a lack of rest for families in today’s world has made them vulnerable to a new kind of modern threat:

 The angel of the Lord revealed to Joseph the dangers which threatened Jesus and Mary, forcing them to flee to Egypt and then to settle in Nazareth. So too, in our time, God calls upon us to recognize the dangers threatening our own families and to protect them from harm…Be attentive. There is a new ideological colonization that we have to be careful of, that tries to destroy families.

The new “ideological colonization” of family life could refer to so many things that are tearing apart family life today. But perhaps one of the most significant threats is the invasion of family rest time by other priorities and demands. I know how easily this happens in our family. When we don’t spend time relaxing together on the weekends or on holidays, our stress levels increase, and it’s our parenting that always suffers.

The Pope reminds us that through resting we learn to dream in the family.

 “All mothers and fathers dream of their sons and daughters in the womb for 9 months. They dream of how they will be. It isn’t possible to have a family without such dreams. When you lose this capacity to dream you lose the capacity to love, the capacity to love is lost.”

 The Pope is reminding families to rest, so that they can dream, hear God and be mindful of what is really important.

Time to start committing to that next family holiday! There is a great deal at stake, and not just for your family.

 “The future of humanity passes through the family” (St John Paul II).

Parenting as a Pilgrim

In so many ways the last ten years have been a blur of hectic family and work life. Our youngest is starting school next year, and at the same time, we are embarking upon the new world of parenting teenagers. So much has happened already in our family life, and so much as changed.

Reflecting over these years I find myself challenged by the question about how I have lived my life. Have I grown as a person, as a father and husband? Have I deepened in my awareness of the precious gift of life? Or have I checked out of life somewhat, avoided in some way the reality of my situation in life and taken shortcuts rather than going deeper into living my life more authentically?

The Catholic spiritual tradition provides us with the powerful analogy of pilgrimage for reflecting on these challenging questions, which I would like to suggest can be very helpful for thinking about our role as parents in the context of the challenges facing families in our contemporary society.. For me this is poignantly captured in the following:

“To journey without being changed is to be a nomad. To change without journeying is to be a chameleon. To journey and be transformed by the journey is to be a pilgrim.” ~Mark Nepo

I think there is value in asking ourselves this question as parents: In my life, do I want to be a nomad, a chameleon or a pilgrim? Or, put another way, how real or authentic do I want my life to be? I recently had an experience that helped focus my attention on this question. I took part in a community bike ride that takes place annually in the mountains just outside Canberra (Fitz’s Challenge). It’s a 10 hour 205 km ride, and in particular, it’s the hills in the course that are a real killer! My late preparation meant that completing the course was always going to be a major challenge.

At the halfway mark getting moral support from my family

At the halfway mark getting moral support from my family

It was at the 150 km mark, and heading up the Corin Forrest mountain climb, that I was forced to really face my demons. I had nothing left in my legs, my feet were cramping and I just could not imagine being able to continue. It was physically painful, but it was also the emotional and mental challenge that was most revealing to me. Everything in me was screaming out for an exit strategy, a short cut….some way to avoid the situation I was in. After having some serious arguments with these demons and then with the support of some other fellow riders, I was able to push through, and eventually found my second wind and the finish line.

Reflecting on this experience later I was struck by how so much of our lives can become consumed by pursuing the shortcuts rather than being real, honest and genuinely present to the actual circumstances of our lives.

We can so easily opt for the path of the nomad or the chameleon rather than the pilgrim, and the bike ride revealed to me my capacity to do this in my own life.

In terms of our role as fathers and mothers, as those responsible for raising the next generation, the stakes are incredibly high! More than ever before society is providing a smorgasbord of shortcuts for stressed, busy and tired parents. The impact of parents taking these shortcuts is devastating for family life, and our wider society.

It is in this context that the Christian tradition proposes something different to parents today. If we want to be the best fathers and mothers to our children, I think the key lies in embracing the identity of the pilgrim in our parenting role.

Either we allow the journey of parenthood to transform us, or we pass on something second rate to our children.

“If you do not transform your pain, you will surely transmit it to those around you and the next generation” (Richard Rohr OFM).

What are some of the nomad and chameleon pathways ways for parents today? A few that come to mind are working too many hours, consumerism, too much television, various addictions, not trying new things, avoiding resolving tensions or conflicts….and the list could go on.

It is only in taking the road less travelled, the more intentional path in life that we experience true growth and transformation.

(An edited version of this column was published in My Family, My Faith)

Choosing Stewardship rather than Control

My children are growing up too fast, and I am starting to prepare myself for that process of letting go, as they become more independent.

One of the most special things about my children still being young is that I still have a level of control over them! If we lose sleep at night, its because they are sick or are having bad dreams, rather than because they are out late and night and we do not know where they are. But as our family and friends with older children keep reminding us, those years of not knowing where your kids are, of not having control, are just around the corner.

Letting go! Recent family trip to the snow

Letting go! Recent family trip to the snow

Such a major part of parenting involves giving up the control we have over our children. The simple reality that parenting teaches us is that in life, control simply doesn’t work. We need to find another way.

How can I exercise my fatherhood role, and my authority as a parent, if I can’t control? What is the other way, where I can be a really good, loving and effective father without being reliant upon controlling?

I think that the answer lies in discovering how to exercise one’s parental authority through being a servant. It means embracing the “wise steward” role, rather than the “controlling manager” role.

What does it mean for parents to be “wise stewards?”

Stewards do not own what they care for; rather they are entrusted with caring for something that does not belong to them. Christian parents care for children on behalf of the children, placing the children’s interests above their own. This is a job that has been entrusted to parents by God. Parenthood is truly the ultimate stewardship, and to be faithful stewards requires a lot, including wisdom.

I think that this philosophical and spiritual approach to parenting has many practical implications. It drives us as parents to “be with” rather than, “do things to and for” our children as they get older. It challenges us to start our sentences with “What happened” rather than “Why did you do that?”.