un bébé

Roll On : From flaming night and soothing dark.

Feb 24, 2016

When I first get into UKM. I was scared. I got no one I actually knew here and I'm not good at making friends especially when i'm not in a good mood. I hated orientation week. I still don't understand the kind of benefit I've actually procured from it.

Not only that, peoples seems to know others. You know that feeling when you have your own group of peeps and were contented with it and then not really wanted to go about and get to know each other. Well. I tried. It is frustrating. However, I managed to actually found a friend of friend of mine during matriculation. She understand me well as she is also been in the same situation and we were with each other company then. Thank god.

My roommate was awesome but since she joined performance things she can't be with me much. But i got to spend a splendid year with her as my roommate.

During those times, i remember feeling scared when i saw the night sky was bright. It almost felt like KL was on fire and the flames has been illuminating the sky. Well, of course it is not. It was actually the lights of KL.

In Manjung, the night sky was soothingly dark with stars. Sometimes, we went to the beach in Teluk Rubiah. The stars were so bright that we did not need much of lamp to guide us. Kind to think of it, we didn't actually bring any torchlight or anything. Walid will go about throwing his fish net and I''ll walk through the beach and amazed how I managed to guide myself with light of stars and moon.

I love Manjung. It suited me. It's my peace and slumber.
I love KL. It challenge me. There is always some adventures to spend time with.

An enchanting Tioman.

I guess the point here is that, I've changed. These differences and experiences teaches me things. I am so not the way I used to be. I really like it too. Loved it. Things and tragedies have passed and I learned bits of me changes with each. I also feel contented. It was a really pleasant feeling. I am so grateful to be able to feel this feeling. c'est la vie.

Today is the third day of my last semester. I keen to make it the best one ever. Most importantly, I wanted to push myself in this last sprint.

Roll On : About losing someone

Feb 15, 2016

So, previously i have stated that i found an interesting writing challenge. I choose the one I felt interested of course. It's going to be about a character losing someone they love.

I chose Dean Winchester at losing his brother Sam Winchester.

Losing is hard. One thing that hurts is understanding the fact there is no tomorrow for us. A total deep black hole. People always say about having someone to fill those hole etc etc.

They are wrong. The idea is those hole were meant to be empty because it actually exist due to that one special person. We only move on. Leaving those holes at the very far back of our life whereby sometimes somehow something will draws us back for us to remember that memory.

Memories. I always amaze at those bad ones. They have the power to "erase" the good ones also. We would then be wondering about all those times which felt surreal. Cause everything only exist in our mind only.

Dean was miserable. He loved Sammy bit too much. Sammy was never actually gone, gone. They bring cheating death into another different level. How he has changed is the part of losing that of concern now.

In the series (up untill the fourth episodes of season 6), Dean lost Sam a few times. The first one of course when he left Dean to pursue his study. But that was totally understandable

The second one was when he kept secret from Dean about Ruby. It was hurting to see how Sam lies when they tell each other everything. Thats why i love the show. The simplicity of their trust is amazing. It is everything between them. It hurts even more when Dean still treating it like the good old days even though he realize Sam is keeping secrets from him.

Understanding the relationship, it is known that whatever the thing is, it is bad. Or else Sam wouldn't keep it a secret. Sam was everything to Dean. When his mom dies and his dad gone all soldier like, he knows that Sam needs him. Dean is always the big brother who need to care for Sam. His entire life was caring for Sam. It is not his fault to love Sam bit too much.

When Sam changed, practically the hole were big. When he chose Ruby over Dean there is no turning back. That hole is sealed now. The whole fourth and fifth season was sad.

Then when Sam dies in season five finale, Dean lived on that fact for a year. That is the third time he lost Sam. Not much cover on this lost but when Sam come back and goes like "hey, i actually dont die lets go hunt back", Dean realize he is losing Sam yet again.

I know there is 11 season altogether. I hope very much their relationship will be back like during season one to three.

I almost forgot. Sam die one time right in front of Dean. This is before Ruby. That episodes was beautiful. Jensen nailed it.

Roll On : Lets Write

Feb 14, 2016

i found this interesting writing challenge. not going to follow it like everyday. more like every time i got rajin lah.

it's from tumblr >> http://30daychallengearchive.tumblr.com/post/832610035/writing-prompt-30-day-challenge

lets have some fun writing then!

Day 1 —Select a book at random in the room. Find a novel or short story, copy down the last sentence and use this line as the first line of your new story.

Day 2 —Tell about a character who lost something important to him/her.

Day 3 —Write about the worst time you’ve ever put your foot in your mouth.

Day 4 —Write a story/excerpt to include the line, “Sorry, we can’t insure you for a journey like that.”

Day 5 —Pick a letter of the alphabet. Now imagine two aisles of your local supermarket. List everything found in those two aisles that begin with that letter of the alphabet.

Day 6 —Write about a person who would buy all of those items in Day 5.

Day 7 —What sets you apart from the crowd?

Day 8 —Tell your life story from someone else’s point of view.

Day 9 —What was your favorite childhood toy?

Day 10 —What do you want to be remembered for?

Day 11 —What was your first childhood pet? Describe it in detail.

Day 12 —What is your favorite day of the week?

Day 13 —Write about a random picture you would find in an envelope of finished prints at Costco.

Day 14 —Elvis still gets 100 Valentines each year. Tell about one of the people who sent one.

Day 15 — Create a character who is falsely accused of a crime.

Day 16 —If we assume ghosts are real, what type of ghost would you like to see?

Day 17 — Write a short scenario set in the kitchen of a fast-food restaurant.

Day 18 —Take a reader behind the wheel with the worst driver you’ve ever known.

Day 19 —Write a list of 25 (or just 5!) things you want to do in your life.

Day 20 —If you could go on only one more vacation in your lifetime, where would you go and why?

Day 21 —Find a job ad in the paper. Write about your life if you had that job.

Day 22 —You wake up with a key gripped tightly in your hand. How did you get this key? What does it lock or unlock?

Day 23 —Pretend you’re a cartoon character. What type of a character would you be? What would a day in your life be like?

Day 24 —Write about the longest amount of time you’ve ever gone without sleeping.

Day 25 —Write a story about ‘What the Neighbors Saw.’

Day 26 —Write about your worst habit.

Day 27 —Make up a near-death experience (unless you have a real one).

Day 28 —You read about yourself in your brother/sister, girlfriend/boyfriend’s diary. What did you read?

Day 29 —You are at a cemetery reading gravestones. Write about one of the people you find.

Day 30 —Write a short entry that ends with the line, “The silver dust of moonlight settled coldly on the night.”

a dose of those green eyes cutie patootie~

Roll On : Fangirling

Dean is beautiful.

I'm on Supernatural marathon. Not quite marathoning since I watch it every now and then. I'm on season six and it was just awesome!

Dean is beautiful. Jensen Ackles is hot and stuff but as Dean he is just beautiful.

He is loving, funny, brave, stupid and much annoying. Much human really.

I hate fangirling like this but I can't help it!!

Dean is a really amazing awesome bonus actually. The fact is, Supernatural is good. I watched several tv drama like Grey's Anatomy, Criminal Minds, Bones and of course NCIS. Yet here I am hooked up at a real supernaturally fictionally ones.

It has nice storyline.
Variable characters.
They died multiple times.
Most importanly they sometimes do this twist like this one episode they were stuck in tv shows! Funnily the shows were actually parody. They got Grey's Anatomy and Knight Rider.

Seems like I watched too many tv. But really, these were during my highschools. I don't watch much when I went for matriks and uni. This time I actually go one by one. Even my sisters got weird.

Coz we got this habit to get bored easily.

Roll On : Test bloggeroid apps

Feb 13, 2016

How about a little bloggeroid.

Wink Wink.

Roll On : Do you have friend?

Dec 30, 2015

i am a Stormer (read it as Bastille-fan-too-much)

and here i am,

i love to start out random. it just felt fun to do.

******

have you ever miss some one so much and it hurts a bit too much cause you know you are not going to see them again. such disappointment. the helpless feeling. it's bearable. but .

i am SO not good with people. i learn to do things by myself. it's kind of Encik Addnan children guide 101. i usually have my own stuff so usually i didn't really need to ask others. that is also because i have been thought to think further ahead. feeling like running a fever thus going to the clinic and get me some med. by myself. always skeptic to other. but i like to help others.

is it bad not too have someone i can rely on heavily? i don't have that person to suddenly do stuff because you are my best (?) friend so we should be doing everything together. even though it troubles them. i hate to trouble others for my very own benefit. though an ideal best (?) friend was not suppose to feel troubled.

i do don't care much when helping others. cause really, i do it cause Allah sees it and i couldn't bear the thought if my friend is in trouble yet i can of a help. na-ah. i bukan nak pewasan (a housemate of mine can't pronounce R , it sounded like W, having fun teasing her that it ended up i am using it all-the-time).

i'm not saying i'm a good person, i really am far beyond that.

i even "choose" to help. if you were taking advantage of me or if i see you are doing well even without my help, i am not helping you. and i USUALLY know if a person is using me.

-yeah, kind of pissed.

do we need such friend?

it felt good though.

i have two other sisters about the same age of me. and this folks are the best. i can run them done and still ask some more help. they will be there. always have. i thought, maybe i felt contented with them.

at junior school, our day school (normal math and science class), we went with our mom. my mom is a teacher. it's a bit far from our house. so basically, my friend at school was not staying near to our house.

we do went to evening school (religious based school) which is close to our house. yet most of our friend at school living at other housing area. long story short, i don't have much school friend near my home and living separate day and evening school kind of draws me back.

it's a big thing if you don't share that day school story at evening school and have friend near to play in the weekend. it create this gap. but i still playing with neighbours' kid. they were all gone now really. most were children of marines which means they move around.

at high school, i started to built this friend. but it was not much. i think it is because we have matured a little. catching a glimpse of what a friend really does mean. but we don't go and play like kids at this age of course. and walid is strict that we don't do hang out thing. back in the day, all the females students usually were that conservative. we don't go and hang out. just there. in the house.

by matriculation, the first time ever i have been away from house i learned that people have this friend to count on and it is really okay. you don't have your family now. it is these friend. i learned that thos staying a boarding school previously have understand this better and earlier. and now i am starting to learn it.

and i made myself some friend back then. such good and ideal friend whereby i do everything with them. it was a genuinely happy feeling.

it was awesome. it was bliss. it was happy.

WAS.

the next thing i learn about people is that, then can stabbed your back. cold heartedly. with no regret.

and with that my fellow reader, i learn about trust issue.

at matriculation, on making this good friend, i learn to give my heart all out. it's okay and the right thing to do. yet it crushed on me so hard.

pursuing degree, meeting more people, i learn that there is no perfect person that suit you. that wouldn't be stabbing hurting and stuff. at matriculation, when i give my heart out, i accept them for eveything. now, i can't seem to accept them if they were hurting me.

i choose to reject them.

reading "Looking for Alaska" I realized i was wrong. so i accept others back and make peace with myself. i learn the beauty o friendship lies in the gives and takes relationship and most of all to accept and be at best to make the most out of it. if the trait really a self destruct trait. a friend would try to mend it. or else accept it for it is them. accept it sincerely. but i still do keeping part of of myself to me. well, maybe quite a large part.

i made a balance. a live with and without good friend. maybe it's because we are selfish that we want others for ourselves. yet we empathized that we also give ourselves to them. i cant help shakes this feeling. this reasoning. i mean, do perfect and ideal friend exist?

it really does exist.

walid shows us it does.

when his friend's mom dying and he was travelling the country yet hop on right back to continue miles away journey just to be by his friend.

when his friend come right back at first eid to be with walid when we were at lost.

or that stupid time when walid lost his car keys that his friend travel back (across country) to give the duplicate.

and that time his friend when literally crazy and it was dead challenging yet walid was still by his side, until now.

these friend. were gems. diamonds. golds.

i can continue on living with these current good friend of mine, the ones i learn to accept their flaws, and still enjoying my life. will they go the length for me? i don't know. honestly i don't. i don't even know if i'll reach them for help or will i be quiet as i have always do. i don't know. there is nothing to expect.

i do know that i myself is not the best of person. i might not even be worth it for all the reason. i don't do this awesome friend thing. i might not even be able to be this friend.

but, how does it feel to have this friend?

i want to have that feeling.